Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Suffering after a breakup

pain healing

Salam All,

I am suffering a lot after breaking up with a guy after being in an intense relationship. Before I met him, i was always the type of  a girl who was so much serious about her studies and career. I met him on a social networking site , he happened to be a very nice man so we became very good friends even though he was 7 years older than me. We exchanged phone numbers and were always talking to each other. He told me about his previous relationship with a girl and how it didn't work out because his parents were not agreeing to make her their daughter in law because the guy is from a SYED  caste and she was not. He told me that the girl wouldn't talk to him because she is upset about how he cant marry her. He told me there are arguments and fights between them for almost a year now. I gave him the suggestion to stay away from her if he can't convince his family and do not force her to talk to him if she doesn't wanna talk to him, little did i know that the same was going to happen to me.

After talking almost all the time , we fell in love with each other , he started telling that i wasn't single anymore and he didn't like me talking to other boys. He told me that his ex wasn't in his life anymore. She was completely gone because now she knows about me. I told him many times that if there is something still between them , i would back off . He assured me with swearing upon HOLY QURAN many times that she wasn't in his life anymore and he didn't have feelings for her anymore because its been long that they are not talking and their ways are separate now. At first i didn't really think about marriage because i was under this spell of love that i couldn't see anything , i could just see how much caring he was , how he was always there for me, how much he respected me. When the topic of marriage would come up , he would say that he would try to marry me and convince his family. I was only 19 and i thought something would just work out because this is what love is , if you love someone so much , how could you just leave them for someone else in the future. He started getting into a physical relationship with me, we met a few times. We did not have sex but we kissed , did some other things and  he would just make me do these things on skype. After being physical , i was like now i can't think about any other man.

Two months ago , he started mentioning that  his family wants him to get married now and they are looking for girls. I used to get really upset and start crying. He would stop me and tell me that he would try to say no to them. I decided to leave him many times but he would beg me to stay and tell me how much he loved me and how there is no one else in his life and if i don't believe it , he would bring Quran on skype and swear while placing his hand on it . One day he told me that his parents were now okay with him getting married to his ex but he doesn't want but they are forcing him. I was very shocked after hearing this, i started crying to him on phone and then he said that he was joking. I couldn't believe it and i decided i will talk to his ex and find out what is the matter. He had also given me her cell number because he said he trusted me so much.

I told him that I was going to text her but he stopped me, i did anyway and found out that it was true . The guy's mom had spoken to the girl and had told her that they were ready to make her their daughter in law now. They also told her that I was just the guy's  friend and there was nothing serious between us. The thing which shattered me the most was that the guy had never stopped texting his ex. She wouldn't respond but he would always  text her despite being in a relationship with me and swearing upon QURAN to me that he is not talking yo her. I told everything to his ex , about our physical relationship and his promises to me that he would never leave me. She was pretty devastated too. The guy's mom was blaming me for coming in between him and the other girl. I told her everything too because the guy had not even mentioned to his parents that he loved me and had told them that we were just friends.

Things got pretty messy and the other girl left him. I still cant completely stop myself from sending him hate texts and asking him why he did that to me. How could he have a physical relationship with me and not even think about our future together and how could he even talk to his ex after i did soo much for him like i stopped talking to other boys and did whatever he wanted. All he could say is that he is really sorry and i should start a new life without him.

I just cant get him out of my mind even though he cheated on me and lied so much. All i do is think about him and why he did that to me. What was wrong with me? I block him but then unblock him and send him all his previous text messages and pictures. He ignores me most of the time . I still fear that he will go back to his ex and she would forgive him and how he used me for his pleasure. Iam going crazy with all these thoughts . I pray ,read Quran but i am not at peace. I cry a lot and i want to tell my mom but i can't. I cry to him on phone and he doesn't give me a soothing response.

I am suffering a lot , i have talked to my friends but they tell me everything will be okay but i have lost all hope and i cant think about another man in the future.

Please give me your advices



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10 Responses »

  1. Asslamualikum.sis u r so strong. My sincere advice to u. Just leave internet and phone. Switched off ur computer and cell phone.
    Go on walk daily.
    Eat healthy
    Sleep on time.
    speak to yourself in mirror and tell urself u r so strong and u deserve a better man. U dnt deserve that cheater. Make Dua.
    Go for Outing.
    And spend time with family.
    This hard time will also fly and u will get ur soulmate soooooon. InshaaAllahh my beautiful sister.

  2. Trust me, sending hate text will not help.He will never be truly sorry for what he did to you. You must find any other activity.Do a job or get admission in university or do some sort of course..After sometime you won't even miss him or curse him you would get on with your life and you will definitly forget him.Thank Allah that HE saved you from that cheater and even if he marries his ex he will never truly be happy because the girl will never forget what he did to you...don't contact him..stay away from your computer as much as possible. Delete all chats and pictures and memories so you don't see them or read them again...Talk to your real life friends more, spend time with them. Pray daily and Allah will take away all your heartache...

    Do remember me in your prayers too

  3. Salam,

    What ever happened to us may looks like purely our skills and our own hand. However we need to believe that all those good and so called bad events are pre written and destiny. they all happened for a reason to turn ourself fully towards allah.

    So apart from following what sunflower and Ainex said;
    1. increase duaa aiming at what good do you really wants
    2. read quran or do rZikr-emembrance of allah wjen ever you feel bad
    3. create a good set of routine: reading, exercise/walking, meeting -dining or catching up with families and friends. This is a good opportunity for you to spend tiem with Parents and families.

    try these and see, you will be the living example

  4. Asalam o alaikum Sis,

    While reading your story i was like the same thing happened to me 3 months ago. I was like reading my own story except for few changes. Let me tell you one harsh thing that you have been played by him so no matter how much sincere or innocent he looks to you, HE'S NOT. Sending him hate texts will drag you in worse situation. It's starting so he is saying sorry and to move on but if you keep texting him or irritating him he'll abuse you and will hurt you very badly so stop (Not physically).

    Don't think of any other man right now. Just back off from men and relationship stuff. Give yourself some time and peace. This is gonna take some time. Your friends are not wrong, everything will be okay.

    First tell yourself to cease all the contacts, Block him from fb, skype, delete his number and pics. Remove him from your life no matter how hard it seems to you just do it. Trust me you have to do it. Don't text him, if he send any text don't reply. I know you love him, you know and ALLAH knows. That's it no body else should know even not him. Now it's just like one sided love or crush which you have to keep it to yourself.

    Whenever you miss him, cry and offer a nafal or namaz. Just tell ALLAH everything. Just sit on prayer mat and tell HIM everything. HE'll listen and help you. Instead of telling your friends family that guy tell ALLAH. You won't be disappointed. Write a diary. Write all your feelings. Whenever you feel like texting him or anyone else just text that in your diary.

    You are in early stage so you'll feel like losing hopes. But just try to put yourself together. Don't lose hope in ALLAH. There is some hope left that's why you asked us for help. So keep that hope high.

    Pray regularly five times, read Quran, Offer tahajud, nawafil etc. There are some apps which i use like QamarDeen, Daily Hadith, Daily Quran and eTasbih. Use them. Divert your mind towards ALLAH. There will be a time you'll feel like a loser that why should i do all this when all i wanted was a love? But this so-called love was your exam. This was a turning point to bring you back on deen. Believe in ALLAH, you loved this guy now you feel like you can't accept anyone else but on right time there will be a guy for you from ALLAH in a halal way that will make you forget this love and you'll be like this is so better than my bf.

    Read translation of Surah-e Baqra. There are alot of answers for you in your current situation. Whole Quran is a guidance so try to read translation of whole Quran. If you think like you are alone read Surah Ad-Duha's translation.

    Recite this dua. I personally like it. Or recite other duas on this page under heading "dua for stress and anxiety"
    Sa’d ibn Waqas reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “The supplication made by the Companion of the Fish (Prophet Yunus) in the belly of the fish was, ‘La ilaha illa anta, subhanaka, inni kuntu minadh-dhalimin (there is no god but You, You are far exalted and above all weaknesses, and I was indeed the wrongdoer)’. If any Muslim supplicates in these words, his supplication will be accepted.”

    Most important point is REPENT. Ask forgiveness for all your sins especially the zina you did with him. Whatever you did i know you were under spell of love but still you did a grave sin so repent and repent. Feel guilty, ask forgiveness and repent as much as you can. Don't go into another relationship to forget him or don't make friends with male. Hang around with your friends family. Busy your self with different things. Go back to hobbies you love, help your mom in kitchen, exercise, hang around with friends, study, watch tv, be a pious Muslim, build your career. Be Independent. Just love yourself. Do whatever that makes you happy. But don't indulge yourself into any wrong habit. Don't make any harmful decision for your temporary sadness. If you feel weak cry, tell ALLAH, write diary, take out your frustration by telling ALLAH that how you feel not by texting your bf. Trust me i am telling this with same experience. Make peace with your self. Be a girl that makes you happy. Don't cry or be sad among your friends. Fake it until you make it.

    ALLAH will accept your prayers and will give you peace and netter future. Don't ever think that accepting your prayers means giving him back because mind you he is not worthy and ALLAH will never give you something that is harmful for you.

    Taking revenge or why he did that, will he ever realize etc so tell me Do you trust ALLAH? Yes you do. Then just leave it to HIM. HE'll take of HIM and the punishment for breaking oaths, your heart etc will be now ALLAH's matter. Whatever HE did was wrong or right we can't say only ALLAH knows so HE is our creator our master HE'll take care of HIS slave. ALLAH will take care of him or his mom if they were wrong.

    First just build yourself as a good girl as a good muslim. Stay Blessed and remember us in prayers. Be happy.

  5. Look ur making ur slef look worse, he doesn't care at all so u need to get some self respect and move on. Find a good Man. Btw change all ur numbers emails etc to

  6. hira i want to talk to yu plx talk talk to me i am also sufering frm same prblm yr m much woried plx talk to me

  7. assalamuwalaicum

  8. Revenge Your Ex

    Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a
    variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on.
    Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to
    vent, and then escalates from there. Now sites like "Get Revenge On Your Ex"
    for a fee will help you get pay back or revenge.

    So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting
    nude photos of her and so on.

    The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
    life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers,
    past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and
    enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge
    that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send
    them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It's much
    better to show you are indifferent and don't care.

    According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes in
    helping men find young beautiful foreign women, "The best revenge is to date
    or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no
    end. No woman ever wants to be replaced with a younger, more attractive
    woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier
    or more successful.

    I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
    Russia." says Agee, "The client told me that two days on our tour was better
    than two years of therapy. Having hundreds of attractive women fighting over
    you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.

    I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But
    a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into
    that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not
    thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now
    with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100
    pounds. I don't look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person
    who saved me from my ex and years of suffering." This is the best a revenge
    when you win without lowering yourself.

    Other sites like "Get Over Her Now" give practical advice and tips for
    getting over a past relationship.

    Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:

    Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old,
    young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the
    game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
    opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
    environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.

    Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise.

    Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your

    Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don't let a break up effect
    your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off
    with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence
    and help attract better quality women.

    Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel
    depressed, don't sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do
    something that will make you feel like you've accomplished something. Take a
    class, go hiking, fix something you've been putting off.

    Don't start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your
    life. Don't drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some
    one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating
    something, don't drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to
    someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.

    Don't sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you
    can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting
    up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be

    Don't binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
    and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
    attracted to.

    Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she
    realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
    someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
    seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!

  9. Assalamu Alaikum warahamthullai Wabrakathu,
    I have read your story, after 4 years of the posting, at the moment am suffering the same, but we both were good friends recently she got married but she dint cheat on me. I was happy for her Marrige but it is hard and difficult to forget our hangout and all funny stuffs we have done . I want to know about your current situation, How life's going on, have you got married, Are you happy with your new family.
    Waiting for your response with details how you have over come all the situation

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