Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Divorced while pregnant and now a single Mum in depression


I'm alone with my baby and depressed

I'm a 23 year old female.

Can dua change what is written?

I had fight with my husband, and told him that I loved him so much but I take divorce so easy. I said I want divorce. At that time I didn't know that was pregnant so we were apart for 6 months, and then he  formally divorced  me while I was pregnant and married another girl.

Now I'm  facing great deal of depression and even attempted suicide. My heart is broken that no one can fix it. And my newborn baby is suffering with me I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm losing control.

- naima23

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11 Responses »

  1. Please Dont Quote Me On This, Buh Am Sure Your Not Allowed To Be Divorced While Your Pregnant,
    Please Correct Me If Am Wrong,


  2. Anyone* Please Correct Me If Am Wrong,


  3. Samira, you are wrong. There is no prohibition against divorcing a woman while she is pregnant. This is a common misconception. The only difference is that the 'iddah (divorce waiting period) of a pregnant woman ends when she delivers. This is mentioned in the Quran, in Surat At-Talaq. See also this article on

    Divorce While Pregnant

    To Sister Naima:

    You need to get a hold of yourself for the sake of your baby. Your child needs you and has no one else in the world. You have gone through your mourning period. Now it's time for your heart to begin healing.

    Accept what has happened. You are the one who asked for the divorce, and you got it. You learned a terribly painful lesson. You must face reality, and move on with your life.

    I don't know how long it has been since you had the baby, but you might be suffering form postpartum depression. You should see a doctor. It's possible that medication will help you temporarily, until your depression passes. Just be careful if you are breastfeeding, as you don't want any drugs to be passed to your baby.

    Take care of your baby. Turn to Allah. Forget about trying to change what has happened. Do your prayers, do a lot of dhikr every day. Ask Allah to guide you and make things easy for you. Give your love to your child.

    One day you will meet another good man Insha'Allah, someone who will accept you and your child. When that happens, remember this lesson you learned. Cherish the sanctity of marriage and beware of saying things you don't mean.

    Don't ever think of suicide. Please read my article on suicide here:

    Suicide in Islam.


    Wael Editor

  4. Salaam sister Naima,

    I cant begin to imagine what your going through however in this difficult time just turn to Allah and pray. Whats happened hads happened..... let it go and for your well being and the baby just move on. Try and keep yourself happy. Sucide is haram and remember hardships eventually pass & 1 set of circumstances never remain forever...ur a mother with responsibility and u never know inshallah Allah might make a better life partner come into ur life. Hes moved on and got married so likewise u should u pick urself up and move on...

  5. My dear Sister, Asalaamualaykum,

    May Allah replace your loss with something better, aameen. Sometimes we make choices in a haste and then regret them later. But sis, what has happened was supposed to happen and it was always going to happen. When we are faced with sorrow, we can either dig deep to find every bit of strength inside us to stand up and rise again, or we can let go and fall. If you give in to your despair and attempt suicide again, you may fall so deep to a point of no return. But sister, you are stronger than this, you just don't realise it. You are carrying a baby; this baby is feeding through you, breathing through you, taking warmth from your body; when you give birth to this baby, you will experience something so beautiful that nothing else can replace - and remember some women are deprived of this blessing.

    So, instead of focussing on your loss, I want you to focus on your beautiful 'gain'. Don't pray for things that have happened already to change, instead ask Allah for the now and the future to be better inshaAllah.

    I was watching a program by Yusuf Estes today, he said that the Prophet (saw) said the best dhikr is: 'La ilaaha ilAllah' and the best dua to say is: 'Astagfirullah'. So after performing Salaah, don't be hasty to leave your masullah (place of prayer), instead sit, do dhikr and ask Allah, for Allah will surely answer if we do what He(swt) wants us to.

    I know and understand that when one is suffering from depression, it is not easy to 'just pull yourself together'. You need help and inshaAllah there is help available for you.

    - You have made the first move in admitting you need help Alhumdulillah;
    - Now turn to Allah whole heartedly, do tawbah for any mistakes you made and ask Him to give you patience and a better future;
    - Remember that your child 'needs' you. You are in a position to give so much love. Your baby is not to blame for anything. That innocent beautiful being is looking to you for security and warmth. 'Giving that' will help you too, its unconditional love;
    - As Brother Wael said, you should also see a Doctor immediately.

    Remember, things will not always seem so bleak, this is just a phase of mourning you are experiencing. InshaAllah there is always light at the end of the tunnel, Alhumdulillah. Allah promises ease after every difficulty. Every trial we face is for a reason, it is there to help us become stronger, not to make us fall. But we have to make the conscious decision to want to rise and not fall. Finally, if your baby has already been born, then go over to him/her now, hold your baby against your chest and feel him/her breathing gently, see how your child stops crying when you give comfort, is satisfied when you have fed him from yourself, is at ease when you sing a sweet lullaby. And if he/she is not yet born, then put your hands over your stomach so you can feel the new life you are carrying inside you and ask Allah to make him/her a pious and healthy person. Your child needs you more than you need any man in your life right now. InshaAllah make this sacrifice, let your tears of grief/loss become a warm smile for the sake of your child and Allah will help you.

    The following is from a book called 'Don't be Sad by Al-Qarni', I hope you will find it useful inshAllah:

    Today is all that you have

    When you wake up in the morning, do not expect to see the evening live as though today is all that you have. Yesterday has passed with its good and evil, while tomorrow has not yet arrived. Your life's span is but one day, as if you were born in it and will die at the end of it. With this attitude, you will not be caught between an obsession over the past, with all its anxieties, and the hopes of the future, with all its uncertainty. Live for today: During this day you should pray with a wakeful heart, recite the Qur'an with understanding, and remember Allah with sincerity. In this day you should be balanced in your affairs, satisfied with your allotted portion, concerned with your appearance and health.

    Organize the hours of this day, so that you make years out of minutes and months out of seconds. Seek forgiveness from your Lord, remember Him, prepare for the final parting from this world, and live today happily and at peace. Be content with your sustenance, your wife, your children, your work, your house and your station in life.

    'So hold that which I have given you and be of the grateful'. (Qur'an 7: 144)

    You must engrave onto your heart one phrase: Today is my only day. If you have eaten warm, fresh bread today, then what do yesterday's dry, rotten bread and tomorrow's anticipated bread matter?

    If you are truthful with yourself and have a firm, solid resolve, you will undoubtedly convince yourself of the following: Today is my last day to live. When you achieve this attitude, you will profit from every moment of your day, by developing your personality, expanding your abilities, and purifying your deeds. Then you say to yourself:

    Today I shall be refined in my speech and will utter neither evil speech nor obscenity. Also, I shall not backbite.

    Today I shall organize my house and my office. They will not be disorderly and chaotic, but organized and neat.

    Today I will be particular about my bodily cleanliness and appearance. I will be meticulous in my neatness and balanced in my walk, talk, and actions.

    Today I will strive to be obedient to my Lord, pray in the best manner possible, do more voluntary acts of righteousness, recite the Qur'an, and read beneficial books. I will plant goodness into my heart and extract from it the roots of evil such as pride, jealousy, and hypocrisy.

    Today I will try to help others to visit the sick, to attend a funeral, to guide the one who is lost, and to feed the hungry. I will stand side by side with the oppressed and the weak. I will pay respect to the scholar, be merciful to the young, and reverent to the old.

    O' past that has departed and is gone, I will not cry over you. You will not see me remembering you, not even for a moment, because you have traveled away from me never to return.

    O' future, you are in the realm of the unseen, so I will not be obsessed by your dreams. I will not be preoccupied about what is to come because tomorrow is nothing and has not yet been created.

    `Today is my only day' is one of the most important statements in the dictionary of happiness, for those who desire to live life in its fullest splendor and brilliance.


    Chin up sis, inshAllah you will pull through,

    SisterZ Editor

  6. Dear Naima23

    Please do not get depressed my allah forgive you and you be strong. Think about your baby that child need’s you; there's people worse situations than you. You got your baby you are not alone you must get a grip and survive for your child. What has happen has happened you have to live with your mistake and for your baby and move on. I hope you get through this terrible time and live for your child as a mother and also allah shows a path to move on

  7. Assalaam Aleykum my sister in islam,

    I completely understand what you are going through because i watched my mother go through the exact same thing. The first thing you should do is figure out which type of depression you have, whether it be clinical depression that has lasted long due to a chemical imbalance in the brain which is uncontrollable, or due to grief over your situation which is normal in this case. I urge as my sister in islam to look to Allah swt as Allah do not burden ones soul with more than it can handle and allah washes away your your sin like leaves falling from a tree when you are afflicted with hurt.

    Every human goes through hardships, and hardships are a test of faith by Allah and if you manage to stay strong after all hardships, you will see the beautiful results. Allah swt says that 'There is ease after hardship, indeed there is ease after hardship' so I know that as a mu'min and muslimeen you should believe in the words of Allah, the most merciful and the beneficient, as he can never go against his word and indeed after this great hardship, will come earned ease, and it will feel worth it afterwards.
    I guarantee you are strong enough to endure this.

    "Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people."

    Wabillah Tawfiq

  8. My dear sister, Allah loves you. Allah loves to test those he loves. Your test is huge, now just imagine how much Allah loves you. There is a reason why Allah took him away from your life. I know it's hard , I feel your pain. But my sister you have to forget everything and start living for the blessing you have in your hands. Your baby is your biggest blessing , please take care of yourself for the baby. The baby needs to see a strong mother who will lead it through all ease and difficulties. I know your heart is in pain. Only Allah brought you to this situion and only allah can take you away from it. I was and might be in a very familiar situation as you. I know one thing that works for me is that after each prayer recite " astagfirullah" 100 times. It literally takes only one minute. Start doing this and you will see how your life changes. And always make so much dua to Allah. I will be making dua for you my dear.

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