Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Heart broken

True Love

Assalamu alaykum

im a 20 year old girl and I have known a guy for roughly 3 years, we spoke practically every day and every minute and I had feelings for him but he had just recently gotten out of a break up and I didn't want to express my feelings to him that soon, a couple of months after his break up he told me that he has deep feelings for me and wanted to take things further but I said I want to stay friends for now till I know me and him are definitely ready to be together, so he agreed and we stayed speaking normally like 2 friends.

around the time we agreed to that somebody had asked for my hand from my brother and this man was very genuine and came from a really good family but I had given no answer and didn't know if I wanted to see this man at all yet. one night I told him about this man that asked for my hand and he suddenly chucked a massive fit and became very nasty and told me to never speak to him again.

shocked and hurt, I did as he wished and went cold turkey, changed my number and deleted him off my social media and we stopped talking for almost 2 years.

one year ago I had opened an old app of mine that he was on and just had a look at it and closed it again, the very second day he managed to know i had the app again and started to message me non stop saying he misses me and wants me in his life again, I ignored and continued to ignore for 7 months till I finally gave in and spoke to him again.

I also found out he had gotten married and his wife had a baby on the way and yet he still insisted we talk, as wrong as it was and as bad as I was feeling, we kept talking and my feelings started to come back all over again.

I've been speaking to him for 3 months now and today out of the blue he decided to tell me that it's better if we don't talk anymore because he is going to hajj and feels bad about speaking to me after he finishes his hajj, shocked and hurt once again I said to him do what you like and we left it at that, he didn't even consider to apologise..

I know I'm wrong because I gave in but I really did have major feelings for this man, how could he be so sellfish and heartless? I'm left broken hearted now and have no clue how to get out of this ugly feeling.. I've made plenty of Duaa and lesson learnt that he will definitely never be in my life again because he's hurt me enough.. I just need some advice on how to move on from all of this 😔 Jazaakum Allah khayr.

esshaytch

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2 Responses »

  1. Wallaykumassalam esshaytch,

    As long as you truly mean it when you say that "lesson learnt that he will never be in [your] life again because he's hurt [you] enough," you will be fine...it may take some time...even up to a couple of years. You recognize you deserve better, and I encourage you to pray and wait on Allah to find you someone who you are compatible with. In the meantime, what better time to focus on yourself and your own life. Do you go to college or work? Do you have any hobbies? Do you exercise at all?

    Hugs

  2. I agree, it's easy to say get over him and you'll be better off losing contact. It is difficult but in this situation you really will be as he has moved on and married itch kids etc.
    He is going hajj and although he was the one who initiated the contact many times it may be better if you really do stop. If he contacts again just remind him that he has a wife and child and has done hajj and this is not acceptable from him and unfair on you. Keep reminding yourself this too as it may be that he contacts you when he gets bored etc and you deserve better than to be someone's pass-time fun. Or to be someone's side woman. Which is not accepted in Islam anyways.
    I agree with the advice above, use this time to stay positive, active and keep your mind busy. If you find yourself thinking of him tell yourself- no I deserve better and then force yourself to do something eg chores, reading, praying etc to help you take your mind off. Soon enough he will be the past again and inshallah you will find someone better.
    Allah knows best. Stay strong.

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