I am married but cannot forget my boyfriend
It started at school, all the girls having boyfriends and i wanted to be the same. I know its Haram but I thought if i didnt do anything wrong apart from talking then thats not bad.
However, from then i have had boyfriend. We split about a year later because I wasnt ready to marry him and I knew my family wont like him anyway.
5 months later i met a guy and I really like him he was a guy that my family would like, anyway in terms of culture. We got to stage were we did what we shouldnt have done and he promised me that he would marry me. I hated myself for what happened, anyway the thoughts of us getting married near future made me feel it was not as bad.
3months later he called me about 12 midnight to say that he has got some really important to say and it cant wait anylonger. He told me that he was married, at that time i have been with him for over a year. Anyway as he promised that he will still marry me i had to give him another chance .
Couple of weeks later my dad told me that i am going to get married to my first cousin from back home. I tried to refuse but there is no way that Dad would take no for an answer. I told this guy and he came to ask for my hand but my Dad never even asked me and if I say anything Dad will kill me that was it.
I have kept my relationship with this guy because i love him. Its been 4 years now.
I went back home in July, I got married to my cousin, but I don't like him and he loves me but I can't stop think about my boyfriend and i cant go to sleep if i dont talk to him.
I want to keep my boyfriend but it's unfair to my husband and i cant leave my husband because i don't want to hurt him. And what i do is Haram and i know that but i cant help it.
- just
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Dear Just
You are married and I know you said you love your boyfriend, but you must learn he lied to you as well. What you thinking is so wrong and haraam it isn’t fair to your good husband you may have married. I personally think you must forget about your boyfriend and work things out with your husband at least you have someone who will really love you for who you are rather than make you do things you shouldnt.
i wish you all the best for your future
Assalam-o-Alaikum,
I just want to say that you must realize how blessed you are. Do you know how many sisters are out there who are without husbands.? How many of them who have husbands but they are not loving to them? How many have loving husbands but have problems with their in-laws? If you are not sure then look on this forum. You have none of them.
You my sister are blessed by Allah (swt). In your past you made some mistakes but still Allah guided you and put you on the right path. And made it easier for you to follow the right path by providing you a Loving husband. So you can lead happy married life. After all these blessings you still are not thankful to Allah but instead want to throw away all what he has given to you and want to go back to some person which clearly has no respect for islam (since he is keeping an illicit relationship with a married woman).
I think its simple, there are two ways for you from here. Leave this haram relationship and return to the right path. Don't you think you have already wronged enough. Or the other way is to throw away whatever Allah gave you and go after someone who despite knowing you are married kept you away from the right path.
But please don't cheat your husband, he definitely deserves better than what you are doing with him behind his back.
May Allah guide us all.
regards,
read surah 2. al-baqara verse 216
Al-Baqarah 216 says, "Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not."
Nadheerah, I assume you are referring to the part that says, "perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you," and you are trying thereby to say that the sister's love for her boyfriend is bad for her, and will ruin her marriage and her life.
If so, I agree with you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
"just", what you are doing is a terrible sin and a crime against Allah, and against your husband, and against your own soul. You are betraying a husband who loves you and has been good to you. You are choosing a path based on dishonesty and haram desires.
When you say, "what i do is Haram and i know that but i cant help it," that's a weak excuse. You CAN help if you truly want to.
Life is about making choices. You make a choice to do what's right, or you choose what is wrong. You can pretend you have no choice, but Allah knows better.
If you don't end this situation and stop seeing and talking to your "boyfriend", it's going to end in disaster, I guarantee it.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I'm not a Muslim but trust my advice in this. Love ends when you resist it and forget about it. Don't worry about him and just find the good in your husband. Don't worry about movies, sons or novels. Don't see him and you will move on.
I have a question though to the admins. I wonder why my question has been pending forever. I'm sorry to say it here but couldn't figure my way around the site to ask this.
Habibatu Muslim, thanks for the good answer you gave the sister. As for your question, it depends on how you define "forever". The delay between submission of a question and publication is currently between one and two months.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu Aleikum Sister,
I don't know anything about your cultural background or your family situation. Of course you committing
fornication was not right from the beginning, especially because you didn't fight your nafs al amara, you
let it happen and develop. But it is still not justifiable to force somebody into a marriage. As long as marriages
are forced and women are urged to get married by their parents or communities, we Muslims don't have to
wonder about all those prejudices. It is good that your first-cousin loves you. But if you don't love him
back, if you don't share his feelings, you're going to be unhappy for the rest of your life. I think it would be
better to end both relationships. The first is haram, the second unwanted. To be frank, I don't know which is
worse. From what you've written, you didn't want to marry your cousin and this is no foundation. Even if he's
an angel who came down on earth, love is not a one-way road. And marriage is not a horse trade.
Jazakallah
s. everybody cannot help it! I am sure even thieves cannot help stealing; liars cannot help it .... who does bad when they can help it?
I think it is a feebly and hypocritical excuse that you make. I am sorry to be so blunt but i think you need to stop pretending that you really feel guilty. I think you mask your real self with guilt so that you are able to live with what you are doing.
The fact that he is married and still wants you when though you too are married is totally selfish of him. But i dont think you will ever get out of it as the tawfeek to act bravely and with full faith has to be earned. You are too weak to earn it . As per the Quran everytime you have been with him your are liable to punishment. My advise is that you save your soul immediately. Start by acknowledging that your guilt is only a surface to make you feel that you are a good person at heart. You are what you do and not what you mask.
God is guide to all!!!
dear siis i agree with every1 ,dat person doesnt luv u beacuse he wouldnt lie 2 u if he loved u ,i knw how u feeling but with a man lyk him doesnt knw how 2 luv treast me ,n really u dont knw how lucky ur r dat alah saved u from him , i knw somtymes in lyf we meat som1 who we really lyked but not him , ur husband luvs u n u should constrat in ur husband n ur future
first of all i am not sure your marriage is valid or not, if your husband is chaste
[Noor 24:3] The adulterer shall not marry except an adulteress or a polytheist woman, and none shall marry an adulteress except an adulterer or a polytheist; and this is forbidden for the believers.
second of all, get out of the sin.
i divorced a woman who had an affair before marriage and not chaste based on above and below ayah.
The Noble Qur'an 5:5
(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends.
rules are clear in Quran no matter what half learned scholars are try to say
this is what you need to do. go and find out about a good imam with good understanding of deen. and let him know what the problem is and inshallah he will tell you what you need to do. and what ever it is do it because this life is short and the real pain is in the next life. so i tell you fear Allah. and when you do somthing for Allahs sake Allah will give you somthing much better if not in this life the ETERNAL life inshallah. Allah be pleased with you
I have the same experience with you sister...I am married but I love anyone else, but honestly, our forbidden relation only on internet...and between him n me have committed not talking about sex matters, we avoid those, and never want to meet one another in real life for doing fornication, nauzubillahi min zalik...I m wondered with this such of relation, but we can not deny, that there s special feeling which we can not describe..But after reading some valuable advices above, I think it s better for us to end up this kind of relation...I do not want to accept the anger of Allah...may Allah forgive us...n guide us to the right path...ameen...
plz i dont know wt i can tell u sis,coz me iam marrieed but i love also one guy i meet him online he is gud in my case i love my husband but be honest after marreeid we every one wnt sex but me dont get that with my husbabd and i cant force him coz i dont want force for this things me and my boy freind we still never meet we only just chat still he dosnt know that iam marred women i really dont like to loz him so me also dont know wt i do 4 my case anyway i pray u to get gud life
hi i have samething happend to me i got pregant and had aboration than my parent sent me to india to get married and i got married. my ex he cheated on me hurt me and yes i paid his bills and rent got him food. so when i think abut he only wanted mefor money so he used me . my husband he loves and i feel like iam very luck i have men who loves me for me not for things i can get him or how he can used me. i believe in stay with person thats loves causes they will do anything for you to keep you happy. iam sorry to say this why did you even trying to call you boyfriend he isn't even worth it probably. if you stay with the men that loves you slowly your can fall for him and started loving him i know iam I love my husband. but i know it's hard to forget you first one but. like they say life is hard don't know how long you can live so trying find happiens what you have not what you had causes you can find if you just try. what our parents do for us somethimes it's rt yes it seems hard but they do for our happines. to be honest wth everyone it better to stay in your own clutre and guess what you can do anything you want. there alot cheaters out there if guy cheated on once there big chance he will do it again why be in relationship when there can be no trust causes if there no trust there no love. i know iam all over the place in my wrting whatever. so girl you need to be wth the men that loves you not that hurted you in past. there alot in life you can have wth your husband and love him you will be happy if you just try. and girl there hard to find good men in life if you have one don't let go you never be happy.