Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m in love, what should I do?

Fiqh of Love marriage in Islam by YASIR BIRJIS

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I have to say that I'm in a very difficult situation right now.And the biggest problem is that I'm only 17 years old and no one takes me seriously.

My father is in the army and the father of the girl that I'm in love with is in the air force. I saw her in the academy and since then I can't stop thinking about her.

I told everything to my friend and he thinks that its just a crush but I know that it's love! I can't sleep, I can't study!

I told my elder sister about it but she doesn't take me seriously! She too thinks that its just a crush but its not!

The main problem is that since both of our fathers are in the armed forces so any one of us may get posted to somewhere else and if that happens then it would be the end of the story! So,recently I've been thinking that I'll tell my parents; my mother is really frank with me so I was planning on telling her on the other hand since my father is a man so I thought he would understand me more properly. However I am very afraid of telling any of them because I don't know what their reaction will be because I'm only in 11 class and I'm very young for all of this.

My father is an officer and her father is not, also, I'm sunni and I think she's shia these factors are making a very big influence. Although my father thinks that there is no shia sunni we all are Muslims but my mother thinks the opposite. one more thing is that the father of the girl is not financially well off and I think my mother might a have an issue regarding this because she thinks that what will the people and the family members say? they will laugh behind our backs.

I really really love that girl, I even pray about it, I promised to myself that I would be the greatest husband to her if we get married.

Please tell me what am I supposed to do? Whom should I tell ? Mom or dad? How should I tell them? How should I convince them?

hassan ahmed

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5 Responses »

  1. Brother ,

    The age 17 is too early to get in to any such relationship .I think you need to forget her and concentrate more on studies .This is the time your career can go in any direction and if it you take it casually then will not be good for you .

    Marriage is a big commitment .Who is going to provide for you and your wife if you get married now ?
    If she gets pregnant immediately after marriage then who is going to take care of your family as at this stage you are not in a position to support the family .

    So build your career first .Try forgetting her by diverting your mind in other places.

  2. Dear Brother

    I agree 100% with illogical suggestion. But i suggest to share your experience it with your father(not mother)too. He must have passed through the same phase as you. He will help you go through resolving your emotions.
    This will help in developing a long term friendship with your parents.

    Your parents cannot help you marry that girl as you are financially incapable of supporting her and the girl's parent usually dislike longtime engagement and prefer short-time engagement followed by quick marriage.

    You will definitely get an opportunity of marriage with a lovely girl of your liking when you are financially capable of supporting her if Allah wills. But it requires a longtime patience.

  3. Dear Brother,

    I don't think you'll be able to convince your parents to let you marry a girl and for them to support you and her for the next 5+ years. But you never know so why don't you try. I guess you could say that if they marry you off to this girl, then it will prevent you from engaging in pre-marital sex and that they would support you regardless of whether you are married or not. This will help prevent you from sinning.

    But what if you change as a person in the next 5 - 10 years?

    • Sister ,

      Controlling sexual desires can be done by following Islamic guidelines like not looking at opposite sex , not interacting unnecessarily , Lowering your gaze , Avoid free mixing ,Avoid all the environments which increases your sexual desires like movie theaters ,and other gathering etc etc .

      On top of it Fasting if sexual desire is too high .

      I think this brother can do all these .He immediately needs to stop all contacts with the girl .

      After marriage things changes and if he is depending on parents for maintenance for him and his wife it will lead to lot of conflicts in future as we have seen in many cases . This doesn't look practical to me unless he belongs to very rich family .

      • I agree with the content of the with the first brothers comments and i think he has given you very good advice,

        i don't think 17 is too young to marry, but i think most 17 year olds are not in the position to marry or have not matured enough to be able to take on such a responsibility,

        i don't want to patronize you young brother but your sibling is right this is not love, its lust, love is not simply physical attraction, if you base a marriage on mere attraction, you are heading for disaster,

        I think the brother above has given you very good advice mashallah, i hope you take it.

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