Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is there hope for a marriage?

guilt regret female


im going to make my story as short as possible.

I met a non Muslim man that I allowed myself to be with in a non Islamic way. I always explained my intention to this person, which was to aim shortly for marriage and for him to take Islam as his faith. He was open to exploring this new religion and eventually converted within a year, elhamdoulilah, I am happy for him.

However, I feel like a hypocrite.

There has been legitimate cautiousness from his end to proceed to the marriage because of multiple issues: where to live, finances but also how to reconcile his new faith with my "more established one": he feels that he wants to take it easy with his 5 pillars and believes that he is not "good enough" for me.

I am realizing why God has forbidden unlawful relationships. And I am eaten by remorse.

I showed him a false image of Islam by not respecting divine rules for myself and allowing myself to be in an unlawful relationship.

Now that he is accepting to discuss marriage, he feels like he is not good enough for me but I'm afraid I'm the one that was at fault. He was going things slowly but I knew and now I know why I am feeling so bad. I deceived God.

I ended the relationship because I know I have to repent for what I have done.  I explained my intention to make things right with God and he understands and respects the decision to end it even if it saddens him. I told him that he was good enough and that I am no one to judge his faith.

I feel terrible and hope God will forgive me. I have turned my life around to focus on repentance. i am focusing on improving myself in the eyes of God.

what is the next step? I still hold feelings and much respect for this person. He shares these feelings too.

I am confused.

Is there anything I should be doing to make up for my mistakes? I don't want to harm année muslim. Is there hope for the 2 of us to ever know a fullfiling Marriage in the futur?

How do I make things right from now on?


i thank you for your feedback.




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3 Responses »

  1. Walaikumassalaam,

    You meeting with a nonmuslim man was a test from Allah as is everyone tested. It's like, this man came into your life and the test was would you sell your Emaan for the sake of this man? Mashallah, you didn't!

    Remember the test of Yusuf (AS). He made the dua "My Lord! Originator of the heavens and the earth! Thou art my guardian in this world and the hereafter; make me die a muslim and join me with the good."

    What kept you loving or attached to this man is the Shaytan inside you. So in order to see that what you have to do is increase your Emaan to a certain level and then see what Allah shows you and you'd believe then that it was indeed the Shaytan.

    Why God has forbidden unlawful relationships? Because, you see, the soul you have is not yours, it's Allah's property. The soul naturally submits to Allah and so requires the relationship to be hallal, and when you enter into an unlawful relationship or commit a sin, it damages the soul. But you could say "Why doesn't Allah allow us to do whatever we want and then just allow us into paradise?." Remember, when Allah creates something, he creates it for a purpose and he's very, very, very serious about it!

    Oh!, forgive me sister, I'm running late for something. I'll reply within 10 hours, I promise. Inshallah.

  2. Salaam, again.

    "where to live, finances, how to reconcile his new faith with my "more established one": he feels that he wants to take it easy with his 5 pillars and believes that he is not "good enough" for me"

    - You definitely don't wanna marry with these issues and you being not having a good relationship with Allah will break the marriage easily. The solution for this is being patient, continuing to repent, increasing your emaan to a certain level and improving your relationship with Allah and let the guy become a good muslim too, and then Allah will help you, Inshallah. However, the Shaytan won't leave you alone. He will sit in every path of your good deed and make you life miserable in this life and afterlife. So you have to learn how to increase your emaan and protect it. Do you want to learn how to do it, sister?

  3. Assalaamualaykum DesertRose2,

    I'm sorry you've been so stressed out about this!

    To be honest, I feel there is still hope for the two of you to be together. Why not just realize that everyone has a different test, and your test cannot compare with his? With this understanding, you can move forward in a halal way with him through marriage, because as you said, he is a muslim now. If he is not practicing as much as you are, he is still trying his own best based on his level of faith, having just converted. So all it will require is mutual understanding and compassion.

    You do not have to go overboard with repentance. While it is a postitive thing to repent, it can become detrimental if you obsess over it too much. That is not what Allah created the state of repentance for. Repentance is just the process of realizing where you could have done better and not repeating the same thing. Allah is all-Forgiving and the most Merciful.



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