She was forcefully married 5 years ago; Can she marry me without her family’s permission?
As salam wa alakom,
I am 25 years of age, i have met someone online who is 23 years old, we both are palestinian she is currently in America i am from England, I wish to get married to her. Her situation has made it difficult for us to do so. Whilst the age of 16 she was forced to marry a man who she didn`t want to, she told her farther and her ex husband that she did not wish to marry but they went ahead and forced her which caused many problems for her. 4 years onwards she got a divorce and ran away from home, as he used to beat her and force himself on her.
She also lost a child at the age of 1 and her maid which raised her, which then she decided she had enough and ran from home. As her parents really didn`t care. They are a family who drinks, her ex husband drank abused her in most cases and they are very loose with their islam.
As she ran away from home to live elsewhere, her family kept the ex husband at their house and refused the family to speak or to see her as she shamed the family by running. They have much pride, as well as they have made money and business from her ex husband.
She has been living without her family for 3y ears now and i have got her to go back and try work things with her family, her family are still calling her names and believe that she should have just listened and not ran off. They refuse any idea of her being any part of their family unless she gets back with her ex husband or marry someone they choose.
I managed then to invite her to England along with my family's permission, to have her here and we will support her. During this process i told her to ask her grand dad for permission as the idea of permission for marriage is needed. Her grand farther has just come back into her life upon hearing her plans to move countries and refused her to move out here to England. As much as we try to make their relationship right after 3 years of leaving her on her own, through the death of her child, of her maid which raised her up, they are still very proud people and which to keep her close by regardless.
She is a good person and still has some learning to do, i would love if her family supported her as this would be better for us, however this looks as an impossibility. Right now my hopes rest in her Grand farther, even though he barely knows her and has just come back into the picture. The reason why i am also waiting on his approval is that his heart is understanding the mistake him and the family has done to her.
My question is, can she come over and be apart of my family, be my wife and would this be valid, without their permission at all?
As i see their interests are based on family pride and her best interests are not kept at heart, even though right now within the last couple of months her grand farther is trying to correct certain issues.
She is ready to move on and settle down and she really wants marriage just as much as i do. I am confident permission will not be given as they really have no interest in me.
Please be careful in your answer as my actions will be on the basis of this answer.
~ khalida
8 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Salaam Brother,
First of all, to my knowledge, i am not sure wether the fisrt marriage is valid Islamically, beacouse there is none such as force marrige in Islam. Islam is a religion of peace and does not oppress others. families have no right to force their daughters into marriages without their approval. likewise, sisters can't marry without her families approval. sisters have choice in choosing their partners following the conditions and the rules that has been setforthe. I just don't understand families that carry this knd of mentalities. when will our people grow out of this ignorance???..... i am really not sure to my knowlegde if she's still married to this guy... i know that if couples are away for a period of time and the guy doesn't provide anything for the wife that she will be considered divorce....
Islam doesn't allow oppression. sisters have the right to marry a man of their choice. if this marriage was forced and the girl never approved of it, it's not considered legal marriage in islam. ( please correct me if i am wrong)
if she approved it at fisrt and hate it the guy afterwards for the way he treated her, she has the right to ask for divorce. if the family won't allow her to divorce while she has a legitimate reason, she can go to a local mosque or an Imam and seek divorce and she should be granted her wishes..
one advice brother, are u certain that everything she told you is all true, about her marriage? family? and all that she said she went through?
did you get to know her family in anyway or someone that knows her to figure out if she was telling you the truth or is she running away from her husband and family becaouse that's what she wants? have she really been abused by her husband and does her family know that and they still want her back with the husband?
Brother, before you agree to marry or not marry her, make sure the road your taking is a safe and clear path for your future and your children. make sure it's a hala way and a halal marriage your seeking. also, visit your local imams and figure out if she's still considered married. if she's, then stay away fom her and be out her life. let her deal wih that which she's been tested with. Allah is the protector and He does not forget His slave that's in need of him. Your only commiting sin by keeping contact with her if her previous marriage is still valid. Leave her to Her Lord and lead your life and find a suitable sister for your future. Insha'allaah you will find a compatible one if you leave this one for the sake of Allah while it burns deep inside.
Shaheedah........
Such a beautiful answer. You said it all, and very well.
I agree great answer!!! Yes true make sure she is tilling you the truth not just lying about her husband and family.
Salamualaikum,
I feel sad to hear about such stone hearted parents who give away their daughters without their consent and for business.
No marriage is valid without the permission of the girl, but if she agreed for some reason, the Nikah would be valid. But you said she is now divorced. If she is, then you may do Nikah with her, provided the man has really divorced her or the Nikah has been declared void. This is because a Muslim woman can not be married to 2 men at the same time.
And brother, don't let your sympathy overtake you, such that you cross the boundaries of relationships while you are not married. Be careful and act wisely.
May Allah Help you in this
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Regarding their permission, if they agree, it is great. Otherwise, the grandfather can act as her Wali. If he disagrees, too, then you can ask the Imaam or the Qaadhi to act as her Wali.
I am saying this because her parents wouldn't be having a valid reason for their disagreement. Otherwise, this road should not be taken.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
If u fnd her true help her in always u can . Pl do think about evry body involved
Salam sounds like shes lying.... be careful w ur actions
You can marry her in a civil ceremony in the UK. In fact one can even debate that her previous islamic marriage was not even valid if she did not consent to it.
I would not worry at all about her family permission after considering their character- it is deplorable.