Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Muslimah in pain and in general need of your help

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Salaam it took me a lot of courage to come and ask for help on this page.

I am 25 years old now however from the age of between 7 and 12 I was sexually abused i had my inocence taken away from me at a very young age. I have really struggled through life got through all the self harming and have managed to do masters.

The saddest thing is it was my own brother along with two other relatives who abused me and the older I am getting the worse seeing my brother makes me feel. He is an alcoholic now even after completing his hajj. I just cannot face him anymore and all the family do a lot with him so the minute I say something about abuse it just won't be believed or they won't want to believe it. Im so damaged inside I don't know what to do I feel like I need to start a fresh life get married to complete half of my deen and have my own children but there is no way I would ever trust my own children with anyone else.

Iv tried forgiving thinking maybe he was young but normal 14 15 year olds do not behave like that. I do care a lot about my mum but she would just disown me if I said anything against her son she sees his as a saint. I have fought so hard for an education and now I just think I need to start fresh living in this house is a constant reminder I can't cope I don't sleep or anything. Will it be wrong for me to just move out and still me a good Muslim I completed my umrah last year and have never felt closer to allah swt.

please help




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11 Responses »

  1. Subhanallah my Muslim sister I feel for you. It really hurt me to read your story. My Muslims sister Allah loves you. If Allah intends good for someone, then He afflicts him with trials. May Allah reward and bless you and your love ones and your future family a good life in this life and the next in jannah al firdous Ameen. It's and honor to speak to you my dear sister that Allah loves.

    • Thank you very much for your kind words feels so good to know there are people out there who understand.

  2. Asalaamu alaikum. Sister you sound like an amazing person im so sorry this happened to you. It was your test these people should have listened. You can live on your own of course and I think you should. Only get married if u feel ready and that you think you can cope with the responsibility of another person because yes marriage has a lot of nice things about it but its not a magical answer to problems. My advice would be to get counselling even online counselling although in person counselling is much better it helps to move on although these things are a part of your past it sounds like youre doing great alhamdullilah doing a masters dont look down on yourself youve come very far. I was you id Move out work on yourself, enjoy your independence a little and then look for marriage in sha Allah to a righteous man

  3. Muslimah: From the age of between 7 and 12 I was sexually abused i had my innocence taken away from me at a very young age.............The saddest thing is it was my own brother along with two other relatives who abused me and the older I am getting the worse seeing my brother makes me feel........ I have really struggled through life got through all the self harming and have managed to do masters.

    Your brother is an alcoholic....probably he is going thru some kind of problems/pain. Two other people who abused you could have abused your brother too. You stop self harming and learn to deal with your insecurities without having a open discussion on what your brother did. This kind of abuse by relatives (uncle, cousins, brothers etc) is very common. You did not mention much about 2 people who abused you.

    You have good education, get married to an educated man. Thinking about negative things will lead only to depression.

    • You cannot expect me to detail everything that happened to me in a comment for advice on here. I just want some advice about it. No my brother was not abused by relatives they were the same age as my brother and they did things to me together

      • As all have said prior I'm sorry to hear of your pain, tears come to my eyes. Most importantly ask God to help you forgive the abusers and ask God to bring total healing to your heart. No man can enter your heart only God can heal wounds of that magnitude. I've been abuse verbally one of the first things I had to do was accept it was not my fault what I went through or anything I did to deserve. I then forgave the people some were hard like my dad because he abandoned us. So I ask God to help me forgive my dad because I could not in my own strength. The situation help me be the person I am now, and I focus on what I am now. Forgiveness and forget is key for your future. Marriage is ideal but get hurt out of you first.
        You should also leave where you got hurt, stay away from them until you are complete. It's like getting hurt physically and continue to press on wound it will never heal.
        Hope this helps you .

  4. Asalam o alaikum sister,

    I am speechless what to say that can make you feel light... I am so sorry to hear whatever happened. You know now a days i am crying for my own problems but your life seems way more difficult to me. Be strong sister.
    Pray to ALLAH and hope for the best. ALLAH will not disappoint you. He is with you. I can understand the pain but not wholly as only the mirror knows where the shoe pinches. Dear please be strong. MASHAA ALLAH you are already doing good in life. INSHAA ALLAH you'll find a better spouse and will complete your deen. Stop thinking about negative things. They will only torture you.

    Honestly i don't know what to say. My heart really feels for you. Be patient and strong.

    Be happy and stay Blessed. Pray for us 🙂

  5. Dear sister, May Allah the almighty bless you with Khair. It's really hurting me knowing your situation, yet pray for your successful marital life in the near future. Ignore whatever happen in the past, start a new life, Allah promises the right path for those who follow the path of Allah the almighty.

  6. Dearest sister, you may not like my advice but I believe it is the best thing for you right now. You need to leave the house where you are living. You cannot live in the same house as your abusers. You will never heal. Your family is supposed to protect you and heal you, and they are not doing that. So, you need to do that for yourself.

    I don't know where you live. Obviously if you live in a conservative muslim country like Pakistan then this will be a difficult task - but you CAN do it. Are you able to move to another city to pursue another degree? Can you apply for a grant or scholarship?

    Once you are in another environment, you can seek professional counselling. At the moment, online counselling may be available to you. Can you go to a coffee shop or library and access the internet there?

    Do you have a close friend, or loving auntie, whom you can talk to about this in confidence? You must, somewhere. They will listen to you, wipe your tears and give you a hug. You need that right now. You are in survival mode and you need to be taken care of.

  7. I am truly sorry this happened to you, and I pray for Allah to fully heal you in every way. What your brother and the other two perpetrators did was completely wrong, they should never have done this to you and it was completely their wrong and fault. I'm reaffirming for you- You did nothing wrong and it was in no shape or form your fault. I know you mentioned you didn't want to tell your family, but I think it would be very helpful for you to confide in someone you trust in your family. You say your mum would not believe you, but you can never know that for certain, you might be surprised to find she will believe and support can only find this out for sure if you tell her. It was very brave of you to come to this website and share something you have kept hidden for so long, and I completely understand telling your mum feels impossible, but you have not done anything wrong, you are the victim here, you have nothing to feel guilty about or to hide. You have taken first step of healing by coming to this website and now I urge you to speak to your family and tell them of the wrong that was committed against you and expose the perpetrators of their evil. You deserve, and you are completely worthy of the love and support of your family. You've endured enough years of carrying this burden alone, and whatever your family's reaction to this, you should tell them for yourself, because you shouldn't have to carry the burden of the evil of the wrongdoers. Whatever their reaction, you need to feel relief from this and you need to find peace and you need to lay it to rest for yourself. So put yourself first.
    I apologise if I've said anything that has hurt or angered you. You're in my duas.

  8. Asalaamu alaikum,
    My dear sister in Islam. I can tell you are hurting. I pray that Allah SWT makes sadness and pain forget you. I pray Allah heals your hurting heart.

    I will keep you in my dua's

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