My kids abandoned me for their father
Assalamualaykom..
am a mother of a girl and a boy (9 and 8 ) and I got divorced from my husband about a year and a half ago.. Since then I haven't seen my kids, practically because he like hypnotized them as he was unemployed for about 4 years before I filed for divorce and I was considered the monster who works and cleans and responsible for studying and washing and and and ... (Practically he said it to my face that I was just a nanny) ... Additionally I was beaten in front of my kids many times, called the worst names all of the time... but he was the fun man to them, he was the TV man the candy man... the man who gets us the money every month in order to live!!!!!!!
I had nothing after those years (nearly 10 yrs) except to file for Divorce and I gave up all my financial rights and even I gave him the rest of my money in order to leave me and the kids...
And he took the money , but he was very sure that he left me all alone.. As my kids left me and they told me we don't want to live with you anymore.. we hate you... and since then I tried to see them , but no use.. I even went to their school as a surprising Birthday... But no use.....
Although I have all the right to take them in my custody.. But I don't want to hurt them..
I really don't know why am I writing to you... But I feel that I miss them soooo much and that am getting crazy for not seeing them for soooo long...
Am right now studying and doing all the educational stuff that I should have done 11 years ago, but he was standing in my way and forbidding me to go for it...
Only for their return am getting ready, so when they come back (IF AT ALL) they will find a strong mom who built herself by herself...
And Allah will help me and will support them..
Thanks for listening
abandoned
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Dear Sister,
As a mother myself, I cannot imagine your pain of not seeing your children. You have every right to see them but if they have been poisoned against you, I can imagine how difficult a position you are in.
As for their father, what a selfish man he is for not only removing them from the home but not allowing you to see them. No matter whether the two of you divorced, you still remain their mother. It is wrong on so many levels not to allow the children to know you and spend time with you irregardless of the fact that the two of you are divorced.
As the child of divorced parents myself, when I was young and I got mad...I wanted my father. He was the one with the money, the nice life, the nice clothes and the big house and new cars. My mother was left with nothing when he walked out. But the reality was, he didn't want us. He discarded his children like someone who discards trash. It was easier for him to pretend we didn't exist and go on with his life.
As me and my siblings matured, we could see beyond the nice things and the money. Our mother loved us and was there for us even when we had nothing. So...as your children mature and come into their own, they too will see beyond the money and the nice things too.
Continue to reach out to them and let them know you love them and care for them. Let them know the door is open for them if and when they are ready to see you and visit with you. For all you know, your ex husband has filled their heads with horrible things about you even if they are false. These are young impressionable children and as such, they are only going by what they have been told.
Continue to get your education and fulfill your dreams. May Allah instill compassion in the heart of your ex husband and may he find it within himself to share the two beautiful children you made together.
Sister, may I ask what is the logic of your ex in keeping the children from you? Why will he now allow you to see them? Even if the both of you had a nasty divorce, the children should not be put in the middle of it. It sounds like he is using them as pawns against you. So sad and even sadder for the children.
I will be praying for you sister. May Allah guide you and help you in your struggles.
Salam
Inshallah everythin will be fine.,..
Im not a mom, but I can certainly feel how bad u will be feeling, and how much pain u will be goin through sister. I will pray that they will soon understand and see ur love and patience. InshaaAllah everything will be fine. Btw isnt b'days bidah? Anyway, thats another topic. But sister whenever u feel hurt and want someone to listen to u, we will be here inshaaAllah. And Allah is witnessing everything, and Allah will surely help u, just keep on praying and doing ur best, and u will be rewarded.
I know how hard it must be for u, but since ur kids are quite small, of a young age, then arent mature enough to understand the difference between right and wrong, but inshaaAllah when they become a bit older, they will inshaaAllah understand ur love, and will return to u inshaaAllah. Its hard, but I will pray that Allah makes it easy for u sister
Best best wishes x
salaams
I don't understand has a mother how you managed to leave without your children. You gave birth to your children no mother would have left them with the kind of man you just described. If he was so violent and he didn't treat you right or beated you a mother would have taken the kids far away from such a vile man. Your children are angry with you for leaving them but you will have to explain maybe they don't understand the real reasons WHY. Your husband has turned the kids against you for sure and is also manipulating them in other words controlling them this concerns me that history may repeat itself. You has the mother you need to get both of your children and speak to the school principle and ask for a special meeting where it is just you and your kids and maybe then they listen, if you don't do enough you will lose them so you have to keep trying. I hope you never give up and stay in contact with them, i pray allah gets you through this pain and difficulty.
my dear sis,
keep in touch with kids. they are kids. their father is a nasty man. i really dont get it! how can people be so evil. USE YOUR LEGAL rights please. if you are in a western society , use your rights. dont give up ! kids will soon realise who is the evil. they are becoming of sensable age now. they will understand. dont loose contact with them.
my duas for you.
Salaams,
Help me understand your situation a little better. You said you have the right to have custody of them, but you are painting a picture where you don't even have visitation as the non-custodial parent? When you divorced, where were the children supposed to live? With which parent? If the courts decided they should live with their father, then they should have made a visitation schedule for you. If they did, and their father is infringing upon that, you can take him back of court for barring your access to your own children.
Personally, if my ex husband used to beat me, I wouldn't want my children with him except under supervised visitation. No way would they be living with him. You say you don't want to hurt them, but it sounds like they are more at risk of being harmed being with him (who you state has harmed you physically in the past) than with you. It may even be appropriate for there to be a restraining order keeping him from you and his children (who I feel should be in your care).
At their ages, they cannot make an informed decision on their own about which parent they should live with, especially if he is actively "coercing" them against you. No court would let them make that decision, but would make it for them.
It sounds like you have a lot of legal rights and recourses that you might not be taking advantage of. I can imagine that there may be some groups or legal aid for women like yourself that have been victims of physical abuse and are being barred from their children. Please look into some resources where you are, or tell us where you are located so we can help with that. You can take control of this situation and do what's best for you and your children.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salâmu'alaykum muslim sister.
It seems that the man is very treacherous for taking that money and then taking the children with him.
Ask him to fear the day when he will stand in front of his lord with that haram money.
According to most of Ahlil-Hadîth, the Scholars of Hadîth, when a man divorces a woman and they have children together, if they are under the age of 7, the mother keeps them untill they reach 7, but when that time comes, the child is placed in the middle of a room with his mother and father on each end of the room, then he is told to choose which one he wants to live with, and and the child will remain with whomever he/she chooses.
There's another view which says that the woman keeps the children untill she remarries in which case the children are referred to the father.
And many more opinions, but these two are the most famous.
Allâh knows.
May Allâh make your affairs easy.
And as a side note sister, i would advice you to cleanse your children's head from celebrating birthdays, a practise[ritual more like] which has it's origins in Germanic paganism