My Muslim friend is in a relationship with a Hindu guy; I feel guilty and want to end our friendship.
Not that I'm in the habit of taking advice from church billboards, but in this case they have a point. Secret relationships are always a mistake.
Assalam O Alaikum,
I have a Muslim girlfriend and we are really close to one another because we have been together for like a long time. During school she never wore scarf, nor prayed or anything but she was a respectful girl in many other ways. Now after school; she no longer studies because of her boyfriend she left everything. She says that she is confused and everything so, she doesn't know what she wants to do but will figure out soon.
The problem is that her boyfriend is Indian and he is not Muslim. She says that she is Muslim but doesn't want to pray, fast, wear hijab or do anything else. She also told me that she doesn't care about his religion. They have done everything; I mean in terms of touching and blah blah...... like everything that I would never think of doing without Nikah. Her parents do not know about her relationship. She said that once she joked around with my dad about marrying an indian non-Muslim guy; he got angry and said that he will never accept her as his daughter ever again; because guys have power and they will be able to make her convert into budhism or anything that he is. There is no way he would convert and become a good Muslim as he is not interested.
In general they fight a lot. When she tells me about it; I feel like she is forcing him to marry her. To be honest I really don't think that he is going to marry her. First of all she is not indian and his parents do not know about her and he is too scared to even talk to his parents about her because he says that she is Muslim. I tell her that get things right and talk to him he cant just use you. I swear I feel guilty about staying in this kind of a friendship; I no longer know what to do. I mean she is doing all the haram things, so disgusting and she doesn't even realise. She says its life why not enjoy it and things that don't make sense to me. To me that's like being so cheap; I don't know how to tell her all this; I don't have the guts to tell her because I think that its not even worth it because its too late. She will never turn back to Allah; she has done too much; I have tried before but no its like she has chosen this world and nothing else,no belief, reputation nothing.
They have done everything; I mean in terms of touching and blah blah...... like everything that I would never think of doing without Nikah. Her parents do not know about her relationship. she said that once she joked around with my dad about marrying an indian non-Muslim guy; he got angry and said that he will never accept her as his daughter ever again; because guys have power and they will be able to make her convert into budhism or anything that he is. There is no way he would convert and become a good Muslim as he is not interested..
I dont know how to end this friendship? How to tell her that I am not happy about everything that she does? What is she going to say if I tell her I no longer want to stay friends? What am I going to say? We have been friends for like a long time. She respects me and so do I but, I no longer want to mess around.
Help Please! Can you guys clear me on this? Thanks!
No Promises
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Assalamu alaykum Sister No Promises,
People will say: She is your friend, do not leave her, but you should leave her to deal on her own after "delivering " the Message of Allah to her.
I believe you know what the Qur'an contains on the subject of inviting someone to the Straight Path:
41. Lo! We have revealed unto thee (Muhammad) the Scripture for mankind with truth. Then whosoever goeth right it is for his soul, and whosoever strayeth, strayeth only to its hurt. And thou art not a warder over them. - Surah Az Zumar
Allah says in Surah Ash Shuura:
47. Answer the call of your Lord before there cometh unto you from Allah a Day which there is no averting. Ye have no refuge on that Day, nor have ye any (power of) refusal.
48. But if they are averse, We have not sent thee as a warder over them. Thine is only to convey (the message). And lo! when We cause man to taste of mercy from Us he exulteth therefor. And if some evil striketh them because of that which their own hands have sent before, then lo! man is an ingrate.
Sister No Promises, Allah says in Surah Ghaashiya:
21. Remind them, for thou art but a remembrancer,
22. Thou art not at all a warder over them.
23. But whoso is averse and disbelieveth,
24. Allah will punish him with direst punishment.
25. Lo! unto Us is their return
26. And Ours their reckoning.
And Allah says in Surah Al Jinn:
23. (Mine is) but conveyance (of the truth) from Allah, and His messages; and whoso disobeyeth Allah and His messenger, lo! his is fire of hell, wherein such dwell forever.
Sister No Promises, in one of the most tearful speeches we have known in history, the Last Sermon has something very emotional bringing the hard work of the Prophet (peace be upon him) to one point when he asked people repeatedly :
O my people ! Have I conveyed the Messages of your Lord to you?
And they said : Yes ! Indeed.
And he returned to Allah completeing his duty. The Messenger conveyed the Messages.
So your task is to convey the Message, if she is averse to it, leave her on her own and her case is with Allah.
Sister No Promises,
Allah says in Surah Mumtahana:
13. O ye who believe! Be not friendly with a folk with whom Allah is wroth, (a folk) who have despaired of the Hereafter as the disbelievers despair of those who are in the graves.
And Allah says in Surah Al Israa:
54. Your Lord is best aware of you. If He will, He will have mercy on you, or if He will, He will punish you. We have not sent thee (O Muhammad) as a warden over them.
I hope the Message of Allah is clear.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Salaams Sister
In my opinion if she really is your close friend, then she needs to hear you out! Let her know how you feel about her behaviour and this relationship she is in. Explain to her that as a friend you are truly concerned about her. She can turn back to Allah, it's never too late. Guide her back to the right path. Expalin to her islamically her behaviour is totally unacceptable. What she is doing is totally wrong.
You mentioned that she respects you so she should respect your opinion as well. If she does'nt listen to you then I would strongly advise you to end your friendship with her. Don't damage your reputation as people may judge you just the way you see your own friend.
Or just maybe her bad habits may have a bad effect on you. So save yourself and be with good companions. You need to be straight forward with her about this.
Goodluck
Rumaysa
Amen...could not have said it better myself!
Thank you sister Najah
Agreed.
If she does not pray, she is not muslim.
Scholarly consensus is that if you do not perfom salah for three consecutive days, you are among the disbelievers (ie. kaffir) and if you die in this state, you will be burried among them.
Nevertheless, don't judge her. Advise her. If not, then stay away from her (I'd rather not say "break"). If your paths do cross, remind her. This is dawah.
sister
i commend your efforts to help your friend and worry like this for. This is what real friends do. But sister you first need to think about yourself, your iman and stance in life. You may spend days, months, even years trying to rectify your friend but at the detriment of your own iman because you will not have catered for it, not have provided it with good sustence such as good pious company, knowledge etc.
There is a limit for how much you can say and do. Leave the rest to God. Pray for your friend in earnst, day and night ask God to guide her. He can do it. Don't ever believe that there is no way back for her, becasue whilst we're alive there is always a way back.
My simple advice to you is:
1. Open your heart out to her like you've done here. Tell her what you truly believe.
2. Leave her to mull over this for a few weeks.
3. Through email/tecs check up on her. Don't meet up and stay in touch or socialise.
4. Depending on what the outcome is, either walk away for good or help your friend to get back on track if she's willing.
Don't feel guilty if you must leave your friend sister, becasue maybe thats exactly what your friend needs.
hope this helps.
Salaams No Promises
I completely understand your situation I have too been in this situation so many, many times and it is unfortunate some people do not see this. It does show clearly to me this guy is using your friend and your friend is blind to see lets hope she learns and repents her mistakes. People like this are not actually thinking about anyone other themselves and living in a dream land and top of it all are very selfish when they do this sort of behavior. I am sorry I am being harsh with my words but sister I congratulate you for coming forward.
My advise to you is tell your friend how you feel, be open do not be scared and the rest is up to her at this way you have spoken about the issue face to face. Tell her what Islam tells us to do and the rest is up to her. I know haraam relationship like this do not give you anything apart from pain and lack of misunderstanding life is what you make it out to be and in this case to be even involved with an Indian person is just completely wrong. In your case your friend is desperate for the wrong intentions and my advise to you is keep your distance and lay the rules down with her if this doesn't work walk away she don't deserve you. Her problems are happening because she is a Muslim and the guy is Indian mix marriages or relationships like this don't work because the barrier is the religion and your identify which is serving only Allah and no one else. Allah is our creator and there is nothing else in between nor you or I can change this fear Allah we must. It is nice to know there are decent sisters still looking out to protect there family and parents honor shame that there others surround us to be one of them. It is good to know yourself what is best and ulhumduallah Allah has shown you. I hope you do find the encourage to communicate with your friend about this issue and sort it out before you get more attached to her problems inshallah you do it w/salaams.
Salaam,
I agree with the above advice. Try to kindly advise her about Islam and leave the rest to Allah. Also try to open her eyes to the fact she is being used in the nicest way you can - people listen more when its about themselves. If she doesnt listen, let her know you still care for her but cannot risk your iman by hanging around with her. If she needs to talk, you help her etc. But back off and do not accept the relationship. Pray for her. One day the relationship will most likely fall through and she may come running back. InshaAllah she will realise her mistakes. Try not to be harsh if she does come back afterwards - be forgiving and encourage her to repent to Allah swt
I pray that your friend opens her eyes to the path she is taking and comes back to the deen!
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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Sister no need to stress you seem to be a good friend but don't worry too much about other you comes first talk to her tell her how you feel. For sure she won't marry him she got the answer from her father but she is in love it's a phase and it will past still be her friend
Assalam O Alaikum sister "No Promises",
Sister, first of I really appreciate that you are such a good, rare friend who cares for her friend but on the other hand what I don't understand that why don't she understand your feelings and you are still trying to be a good friend. I am sure she admits that what she is doing is wrong but then what is she learning? I feel like sharing this with you sister that in my 29 years of life so far, there are only 2 friends I really relate myself with; we discuss problems that we face in each other's life. Then we do some brain-storming; ponder upon our options; try to look at the possibilities; weigh rights and wrongs morally, socially or religiously; then we decide what is best for that friend who is going through something bad. There is no such thing where one feels like his life is dictated or over-taken by other friend or he feels to oblige to his friends without any logic just to keep them happy as being friends. If you both had been together since school then I am sure you both have been friends for quite a few years right? So, what is stopping her from not following your advice when she knows that you think the best for him; especially when it makes sense as well.
Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is totally un-acceptable there is no question of them being Muslim or non-Muslim. It is so strange that she doesn't even care for her family's respect, honour and most importantly of her religion. We are not put on this earth to enjoy life; we believe in life after death; we believe that what ever we do in this world good or bad will have it's consequences; upon which our fate will be decided. Off course her parents won't accept the relationship but what I don't understand is that what else is so important in their life that they are turning a blind eye from what their daughter is doing; why have they given her so much freedom? I totally agree with you as no Muslim woman will do such cheap things which she SIMPLY SAYS ENJOYING LIFE. (Sorry, that's not the concept shared by Muslims) For us, this life is a test and that's why we always find ourselves going through different situations/challenges/tests. I appreciate that you think positively and keep yourself chaste for your husband Masha Allah sister.
WHAT TO DO NOW?
Sister, I would like to say that if you have tried everything and you see that their is no chance of her coming out of this haram relationship then please draw yourself slowly from her and make friends who will be a source of happiness, knowledge (deen and duniya) and peace of mind for you in this life Insha Allah. Sister, this is a very serious situation; I don't know if your friendship with her extends to the families but what will happen when her family will find out about her relationship? They are gonna blame you because you are her friend; they are going to blame you for not telling them. I hope that you take heed to advice everyone has given you here in your and your friend's best interest.
I pray to Allah (swt) to help you make the right decision in this situation and more importantly open the eyes and heart of your friend to break off this haram relationship and turn to Allah (swt) and repent for her sins. (Amin)
Waslam,
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com