I’m so ashamed of having relations with this man
Assalamu alaikum,
I hope everyone is good.
I don't know from where to start and how to start..I'm so guilty to even address it. Ok here it goes.. please don't be harsh on me. I know i just killed my emaan. Ok so I'm 28 years old unmarried woman. Let me tell you I don't get lots of rishta..I don't know why..I really, really want to get married. I always wish to have a halal relationship, but I just spoiled everything.
In Ramzan (Ramadan) I met this guy. We used to know little bit of each other before, but in Ramzan we started chatting. I used to have a crush on him because of his kindness. When we started chatting, I got to know that he is already married with two kids. He used to share his thoughts with me. He is a religious man with 5 times prayers and always read Quran. He told me before marriage he committed zina with many girls, and after marriage, he used to have an affair. After chatting daily he proposed me and I being naive said yes. Because I used to have a crush on him.
But he made it clear from the beginning that he can't marry me. But I thought maybe one day he will change his mind and will marry me. Within this period we met many times and committed haraam things..not sex..i always felt guilty while doing these things but as I don't wanted to lose him I used to do these. He used to say that he wanted to have a complete sex with me, but I always refused. One day he suddenly told me that he had a dream that he is in Makkah and was thanking Allah for this beautiful opportunity..then suddenly his gut feeling told him "but you are committing sinful things" and he remembered our relationship. He told me he is confused whether to continue this relationship or not.
I said let's break it off because we don't have future, and if something is bothering your soul, you should leave that. He was like "lets be friends" then. I was completely broken by his words, and told him "I can't be your friend," and deleted his contact info. I know I allowed myself to be used..I'm feeling sooo guilty. I keep myself busy, but whenever I get free time I start to miss him and have to keep repeating astagfirullah to calm myself. Now im feeling so paranoid about my sin that the thought of me marrying a guy disturbs me...I feel I don't deserve a husband or love because I just had a relationship with someone's man. The thought are disturbing me very much..I think Allah will never forgive me. These kinds of thoughts are killing me daily. I can't focus now..i'm so scared and paranoid. I just panic and start crying whenever I recall my sins. I'm having suicidal thoughts.
Please tell me what to do..I do miss him and it's so disgusting to even miss someone else's man. Please help me.
Anam
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Stay away from such man he used you and dump you he is an agent of shaytan just keep repenting God will forgive you.
Agree with this.
Ws
First of all the dream he was talking about is complete BS, its almost certainly made up and he used it as an excuse to break up the relationship as you would not have intercourse with him.
No need to beat yourself about the sins you have committed, the fact that you feel bad about it and are repentant means allah will forgive you inshallah. Allah is just waiting to forgive people like you!
Just learn from you mistake and move on. Don't let yourself be used again. Why not try an Islamic marriage website and see if that gets you somewhere. You're not going to many suitors just relying on your relatives.
OP: He is a religious man with 5 times prayers and always read Quran. He told me before marriage he committed zina with many girls,........ But he made it clear from the beginning that he can't marry me. But I thought maybe one day he will change his mind and will marry me. Within this period we met many times and committed haraam things..not sex..i always felt guilty while doing these things but as I don't wanted to lose him I used to do these. He used to say that he wanted to have a complete sex with me, but I always refused. One day he suddenly told me that he had a dream that he is in Makkah and was thanking Allah for this beautiful opportunity..then suddenly his gut feeling told him "but you are committing sinful things" and he remembered our relationship. He told me he is confused whether to continue this relationship or not.
Why you even think about marrying a man who committed zina with many girls? If you go back as a friend it may lead to COMPLETE SEX.
salaam sister,
sometimes its easy to be overcome by saddness that you cant see a clear picture.
i can understand you feel lonely, there are many in your sitations and i know its not easy having felt the way you do myself. however, you are 28, and if you feel you are ready/mature for marriage, then at this age you should be making good decsions that will impact your life in a positive manner.
you cannot go down a path due to loniless to fufil emotions in a harram way and expect a positive outcome.
rememebr everyhting in life has a consequence.
a few points:
"He is a religious man with 5 times prayers and always read Quran." - being religious isnt just about praying namaz and quran, this mans peity isnt refelected in his actions.
He told me before marriage he committed zina with many girls, and after marriage, he used to have an affair. - im sure you are aware, commiting zina is a grave sin.
1. he should not be disclosing his sins to anyone, let alone you.
2. this is not a man of good character, he openly admits to being this before/after/during marriage and cannot stay faithfill. would you want such a husband? you want to be with a man out of loniless to find out he is talking/seeing other girls cheating on you the way he did with his wife and the way he has has been with you behind his wifes back?
But he made it clear from the beginning that he can't marry me. . But I thought maybe one day he will change his mind and will marry me.- he openly asked for you be his gf with no intention of marriage,
said let's break it off because we don't have future, and if something is bothering your soul, you should leave that. He was like "lets be friends" then. I was completely broken by his words, - you gave him advise to leave you, maby u were expecting him to beg you to stay, but he will never leave his wife nor commit to you
take some time to relect on whats happened, realise this was not a good man nor a man you want to spend your life with.
you already feel remoarse, repent for ur sins, but from the heart,
make a promise to cut all contact from him, no matter how you feel
take time to heal from whats happened then pursue a halal relationship.
when you feel you "miss" him, think realistically,
would your family ever accept you being with a married man of two kids?
do you want to continue being this mans gf living in sin, or trust allah and find a good husnad of ur own?
he already said he is never going to marry you or leave his kids,
are you willing to be with this type of man being a secind wife, assuming he would ever marry you?
be strong and forget him