Looking for a muslimah for marriage to protect myself from fornication
Before I start my story, don't give me the b.s. of joining a muslim dating sites: muslima, singlemuslim, zawajdating. First none of these dating sites are free, and 2nd if you do join them, they are waste of cash because either they are scams or women only aim for the 10% alpha-male men, which makes average men lonely and desperate. And I even question how many of these unmarried single (not divorced or widowed or raped) women are virgins? They ask for high mahers, but not all but they are certain that aren't even virgins to begin with.
Yes, I'm an unexperienced man therefore deserve a virgin woman, not because I haven't had Non-muslim girls attracted to me sexually, but for the fear of committing the sin of fornication & it's possible if I do commit fornication 50%+ chances are that Allah Subhanawatallah may place me in the flames of eternal jahannam in akhira.
Fornication is not the only thing I worry about but uncontrollable chronic masturbation and viewing pornography is also para-normal threat to my thinking and losing my mind.
And trust me, for the fact that I've not fornicated like the people around, I've been taunted with remarks such as "Male-Virgin-Loser! Can't get Laid!" or "Faggot", which kind of reason why my self-esteem has gone downhill.
Most of the Non-Muslim girls out there are those one-night stand or friends-with-benefits time of misguided ahlul-kitab/mushrik/kafir girls that don't deserve to be the mother of my future kids and role model for them. Nor I want to end up possible facing the guys she slept around with if I married her, and paying future alimony to a woman who cheats on me and is big time sleep around.
I'm a university student in Windsor,Oontario, Canada, but would like to know muslimas for instant immediate marriage around this area, or muslimas for instant marriage around Detroit/Dearborn, Michigan, USA. There's alot of fitna in this city of Windsor that even seen many fasiqoon misguided brothers and hijab wearing hypocritical sisters dating and enjoying the haraam nightlife.
I want to save my self from fitna as much as possible. That's why I want to have an immediate marriage with an interested muslimah by signing marriage documents with her, later on in future I become more financially secure I'll pay her the maher and we'll have an actual wedding with alot of people.
Don't give me that crap that fasting puts down sexual lust. Fasting only puts down sexual lust during the days of the Prophet when being an inexperienced man before marriage was a normal thing, plus women were covered head to toe. Here even lowering your gaze doesn't help, because alot of women here wear shorts all the time, so you'll still end seeing their legs.
The imams are worthless when it comes to finding you a woman, and I don't know many people or friends around me that are helpful with this situation. My parents don't understand, esp. my father doesn't care about such issues because he himself in later years of my life never helped his two sons, me and my older brother, financially.
Making these topics taboo has created many sexually repressed individuals within our society. Even though my mother loves me to death, but when it comes to stuff like this she'll never understand. Plus, my mother got married when she was 19 years old, and she doesn't know what it's to be unmarried single sexually frustrated male at the age of 20+, plus us guys have way more testosterone than the amount of estrogen women have.
Lastly, when did the Prophet say in any hadith that you should get a degree or proper job to get married. The Prophet only said you should be over the age of puberty and be responsible enough, meaning helping each other with choirs and all that. I'm not just looking for woman to have sexual intimacy with, I won't deny it's part of it, but not just because of lust, but also I want to take care of her.
Like I said before I want to wake up every morning with a woman that's not only my halal intimate partner, but she's my best friend, a woman I can discuss my everyday problems and issues with, and hug her than tell her that she's mine, I would never let anyone lay a finger on her.
Unfortunatly Muslim women like this are rare or are mostly in Jannah, If I knew I was going to die tonight and be promised heaven Inshallah, I wouldn't worry about marrying. But since I don't know when I going to die or when I might be tempted to fall into sin of fornication, that's why marriage is my last resort.
- depressedfakir
(Editor's Note: this is not a matchmaking website, and we do not allow the exchange of personal contact information here. Brother "depressedfakir", I have allowed your post to be published so that others may advise you in general; however we will not allow any matchmaking here. - Wael, IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
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wow, you sound so angry 😮
Maybe Allah is just testing your patience.
Maybe you can start praying tahajjud and beg Allah to let you meet someone. I read this hadith once:
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “There are three who are entitled to Allah's assistance: the one fighting in Allah's cause, the slave seeking to earn his liberty, and a person getting married to preserve his chastity.” [ Sunan al-Tirmidhî (1655) with a sound line of transmission]
i think the last part applies to you??? So may if you start praying tahajjud Allah might help.
All unmarried people are in the same boat, so you just have to have some patience. Dont forget to pray istiqara when u do meet someone.
Salaams your post really brings out the frustrations i have been in and still feeling be patience and inshallah it will happen, you have to realise everything for better and a very good reason.
We have very knowledge people here who would answer your post.
You said during the time of prophet women were covered from head to toe. But shaykh Hamza was mentioning in his lecture, it has been recorded that some non believing women during Omar(ra)'s khilaafa has been noticed walking bare breasts in the streets. So what that means is women wearing short clothes is not something new for our age or era.
S,
You sound very very angry.Your post reminds me of my younger brother who will be marrying to my cousin after Eid inshallah.Even he was in desperate situation.You can control ur desires by fastin as to my knowledge whatever Prophet(s.w.s) said was not for that period of time but till the end of the world.Stop watching porn or anything similar.Have a talk with your parents peacefully.You can find an innocent virgin girl inshalllah in your family just get the paperwork.done means NIKAH legally ask for some time for bidai maybe a year or two what ever is comfortable.Thats what we are doing getting the nikah done now and bidai after two years so atleast you can talk on phone and chhat its not even.haram.But keep in mimd you have to marry her.
I will Pray to Allah that you get a girl of your dreams a muslimah soon Ameen
I agree with you, i so wish it was easy in my family considering everyone in my family have married each other. Our family is the only one who hasn't married in family so its kinda hard for us. To be honest i have given up on marriage and leave it to allah what will be will be. For this brother and many sisters who are single it is our every right to seek a good muslim but to be honest for me even that has faded there are so much hypocritical people out there its been a lesson learnt to me ulhumdiallah i am still single and rather die alone knowing it was not my parents or my fault except what was written for me by allah. My advise to this brother is dont give up hope its easy for you inshallah will make it easy for you.
Brother you would be lucky to find someone the way your attitude is towards marriage, maybe this is the reason why you are still single. Also you should repent for writing remarks such as ' don't give me that crap about fasting'. You should realise those words are the words of Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings upon him. Also what's the difference in you committing zina and watching porn. As zina is not just about sexual intercourse, its about zina of the eyes, ears and the whole body in general. Lastly you sound so pathetic and desperate, if you have all the answers to your questions, why ask for advice. Be thankful to Allah and stop acting like your the only virgin left on earth. There are many Muslims who are virgins, yet they have the right heart and attitude towards marriage. you need to get over yourself, as not many virgin Muslimas would want to marry a selfish and stuck up guy like you.
I agree with you sam on this one. Indeed brother needs to change his attitude toward this whole thing. Their are many brothers and sisters who are older than him, not married but they are patient and are striving to be best Muslims:). Living in a non-Muslim society is not an excuse to fall into sin, surely it would be ideal to get married but we should not rush into marriage besides if it is meant to be from Allah then it will happen if not then it may not happen.
It might be that this attitude is pushing potential sisters away; if this is your way of asking advice then I can see how you would write a profile or approach a sister for marriage. Please work on yourself bro, with this attitude I don't see you getting married at all until you change yourself.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
yea man sorry but u just sound like a lost cause like seriously life doesnt end. You want to get married well of course ur gna have to make an effort buddy.
Listen, Im divorced, a desi grl and Im 27 but Alhamdulillah I take one day at a time and think abt my family and parents. Yes, I agree somedays are hard, but if u truly believe that Allah has a plan for everyone than Im sure ur attitude wudnt be like this. Ur not the only one in the world, so stop acting like you are plus ur a GUY! how do you think us grls feel, cuz guys and ppl in society point fingers at every little detail frm age, marital status, skin color, family status, God the list goes on. Im not saying everyone but most desis unfrotuantley do judge.\
Im a grl and single and if u approached me with that attitude even if u had a good job and were educated but zero personality I wouldn't think twice to say bye. Personality, attitude, and just how u see things in life are just basic things.
If u want to get married, you have to make some effort too. Obviously things dont come to us while sitting rite?
good luck and I really hope u take advice here as positive criticism.
Very well said Sam
Sam, and M.1892,
Cmon guys, your being harsh. Yes, the man is obviously frustrated and angry, however, he has the right to be. Sex, and a need for a partner is human nature and our Forefather Adam proved this when he showed that even being placed in jannah alone did not make him happy. He needed some1 jus lyk how the brother needs some1 now. Sam, you said something about the Prophet's words, however, the way you just informed the man is not how the Prophet would have... Jus letting u know.
As for the brother that needs help, the best advise we can give is that of patience, and lots of dua, and worship bcoz our All-Wise creator has a plan for you and many others. The mere fact that you trying to keep chaste for marriage means that he favors you compared to many others who have fallen deep into zina. What you should realise is that we have to start living our lives for the akhirat and not the dunya. Focus on that, and youll see how much better you feel. The Creator will bless you in both this world and the next. Patience is one of Allah's most loved qualities in man. So u can imagine the rewards awaiting you. Live according to the sunnat in this corrupt world and you get the reward of a hundred martyrs... Isnt that worth striving for? Patience brother, your time will come.
Sirius,
Bro you have every right to your opinion but from my experience being in the same boat; I can tell you that women in general run away from such behavior as this reflects on so many things. Frustration, getting angry or rude/harsh language is not answer to any problem, in fact it creates problems or makes matters worst.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Oops, i meant M.1982... Lol.
AOA Brother,
I feel your frustration as I am on the same boat as you... but please don't give up.
Secondly, there is a free website called Shaadi.com where you can find suitable
matches in your area. Why don't you sign up and with our prayers and God's blessings
you will find your answer.....
Good luck.
Sirius, I agree with you, about my comment on fasting. So I apologies to the brother for the way I said it, not for what I said.But generally being Muslims, we should really think about the way we speak about the best of creation Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings on him. Don't you agree.
Oh you were very correct Sam, about the point you made of how the Prophet (SAW)'s advice should certainly not be ignored at any cost. What i was referring to though, was in relation to your advice to the brother, saying things like 'pathetic' and 'stuck-up' to an already demorilized individual can really hurt. We're all muslims here, and (like the Sahaba) we just have to let the man know that many of us are in the same situation(like u mentioned), and he's not alone.
lowering your gaze doesn't help, because alot of women here wear shorts all the time
Muslim women like this are rare or are mostly in Jannah
LOL 🙂
I'm a noob. What are alpha-men?
Though, your story is frustrating but it is true.
i understand this guy's condition he's angry cuz he wants to kick satan out of his life permanently as marriage saves one's Emaan. In today's extremely materialistic world priorities have changed from saving Emaan to having more savings in ur bank account. an understanding Muslima can surely help him out on this im praying he finds one n saves himself frm sinful stuff. i cud hav helped the guy personally but im way off limits as im from Pakistan.. anyway prayers for all who save themselves from sin n who r trying hard to b saved frm satan!
You sound very angry brother. That is my first thought. Calm down. Place your utmost faith in the hands of Allah SWT. InshaAllah all will be well.
But MashaAllah I have to applaud you for staying strong and not getting tempted to Zina. There are brothers out there who would not give a care about such shameful acts. Allah SWT will test all of us in someway. Sabr and Iman are your best elements. Make dua.