Does true love start after nikah?
I am 20yrs old and I am in love with a guy who also really loves me with all his heart. We were best friends for 3 years and fell in love... it's been more than a year we are in love. He is Arab and I am Asian.
I recently got a proposal from my first cousin who also likes me and my dad was super happy about it. He just gave me his opinion saying it's a good proposal and left it to me to decide. I did istikhara and I got a positive dream. So I said yes. My cousin mashaALLAH is religious and a nice person, I know he will keep me happy.
My father will not approve of the Arab guy. I guess because he doesn't have a good reputation in my fathers eyes. And the guy I love can't come to propose to me now because he has nothing. I mean he is not financially stable.
We had decided that we will get married after two years and had planned out our future, everything. But then my cousin's proposal came about. I have stopped talking to the guy I love... but we still love each other very much.
I don't know what to do. I want to get married to my cousin because mashaALLAH he is great and by saying no I do not want to regret in the future. So I said yes but the only thing holding me back now is my love and my dreams I had with the guy I love. Plus I always wanted a love marriage and now I'm getting an arranged marriage. Also I wanted to get married to someone outside the family, meet new people. Unfortunately where I live... finding someone good with a good family can be difficult.
I just wanted to know... will I ever fall in love again despite already being so madly in love? Does true love start after nikah? And are there any problems that can arrise to my offspring after marrying my double first cousin - by double first cousin I mean our fathers are brothers and our mothers are sisters. jazakAllah.
sara95
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Dear Sister
Love is an emotion generated by taking care of someone with sincerity. True love is generated by taking care of someone with sincerity, whether it results from an arranged or love marriage.
Sexual attraction that leads to love marriages involves sudden excitement, suspense and the drama that makes it an exciting one. Sexual attraction and love developed in an arranged marriage is gradual and a relatively boring process as it lacks the excitement and drama. But sincerity is the key of a successful marriage.
Now we come to your problem. From the analysis given above, you gave priority to your cousin because your inner self truly wants financial security and early marriage. Since the Arab guy cannot satisfy your requirement, your acceptance of proposal show the lack of sincerity in love for that Arab guy. That is why you stopped talking to him. Had you been sincere to that love you could have easily rejected the proposal and struggled with the Arab guy. Your so called positive istikhara only shows your non-sincerity with the Arab guy.
I believe that you should apologize that Arab guy for leaving him behind and breaking his dreams. If he forgives you than you will not have regrets in the future. Without such resolve you are bound to have regrets related to him in the future. This behavior of "stop talking to him" will left you with unresolved regrets and guilts in the future.
You should marry the guy with whom you are sincerely in love or expect to be sincere in the future otherwise your marriage life would be truly hell.
OP: I just wanted to know... will I ever fall in love again despite already being so madly in love? Does true love start after nikah? And are there any problems that can arise to my offspring after marrying my double first cousin - by double first cousin I mean our fathers are brothers and our mothers are sisters. jazakAllah.
You might have done certain things with your lover. You may not get that much excited when you do it with your husband. Some things like first kiss, first touch, first whatever is never the same as second time.
What does true love means to you?
Marrying relatives increases chances of kids getting diseases that are passed on from parents to offspring. Thalassemia is one such disease
Asalam o alaikum. Sister I read your problem and you are wise to take a good decision which your parents approve of. The blessings and duas of parents are a key to happy life. I know what love feels like and how memories haunt you and how difficult it is to stop thinking when that person’s face and voice is in your mind every sec. It wont be the same I know but there will be many firsts with the man(cousin) you are about to marry. Like kissing your husband will be the first kiss you have with him and it will definately be different, your first time touch will be the first with him, just imagine the security you will feel when the man who has vowed to protect you for the rest of your life is sleeping beside you and will wake up concern if you call him. Just imagine when you get the news that you are pregnant, just! Just imagine his happiness, when you give him the world. Prophet(pbuh) said" you will never witness such love as there is between two people who are bound in the bond of nikah" our Prophet (pbuh) never told a lie(nauzubillah) so you can believe that the arab guy was your first love but the person whome youve decided to marry will be your true love. They say " it doesnt matter if I am not your first, as long as I am your lastヅ"
Our sister feelix is right! You should apologize to the arab man and repent to Allah for premaritial contacts with a non mehram.
As far as the medical problems with the kids are concerned then I think it has a low chance if many generations arent married in cousins. I knew a family, they never married outside of their family since forever and their children were mashAllah all healthy.
Pray to Allah for peace and pray to Him to put your soon to be husband’s love in your heart. May Allah help you go through with this coz God know it is not even a bit easy.
Dear Arwa
It is brother feelix not sister one.
Um... lol. I am sorry, brother. Stay blessed wasalam.
Dear Arwa
I disagree that she should repent on premarital relations(she is not married yet). Liking someone and long term or short term planning to do marriage without any sinful activity(keeping safe distance) is in my opinion not a crime but a right for every Muslim man and woman.
But it is definitely sinful(cheating) to love and promise two persons simultaneously for lifelong partnership.
Yes, brother feelix what you say is correct aswell from where you are coming from. I hope our sister’s problem is solved by our advices. Ameen.
And cheating to love is a great deception. She should ask that person to forgive her, if she doesnt have the courage to marry him. May Allah guide her to stisfaction and peace of heart and mind and a secure future. Ameen.
P.s= if I were at her place I would go long lengths to get what I want.
Aoa!
Sarah, it's 2021. I read your query and honestly I felt every bit of it, marrying someone else, fear of not loving him enough, still stuck in love with someones else. Doing it for the sake of family, guy not being settled yet.
I just wanted to know how is this going for you so far? Did you fall in love?
Dear Arwa
if You were at my place, what would you have done? i did apologise to him and he forgave me, but he still loves me very very much:( and i sometimes feel i wont fall in love with my cousin. and like i said i said yes for my dads happiness. and my whole family is very happy and excited.
Asalam o alaikum. Sister I am very very sorry to make it more complicated for you. My initial reply was to soothe you but I think I shouldn’t have commented like I did. A friend of mine once said to me " you have a life, live it in the obedience of your parents". I am in tears right now because dying love is the most painful death but what can we do?? This world and its traditions and egos are far bigger and greater than love between two hearts. May Allah untangle you, me and everyone in problems. And give us all peace. I never knew in my 25 years of life that I would ask Allah nothing but peace enough to sleep 6 hours or eat a singal meal. Allah say"oh son of Adam! What harm comes to you, know its from yourself, and whatever good comes to you its from me" . Surely we humans are ignorant we hurt ourselves and hurt others with us... all we can say is,RABBANA ZALAMNA ANFUSANA, WA IN LAM TAGHFIR LANA WA TARHAMNA LA NAKOONA MIN AL KHASIREEN. Oh God we have done unjustice to ourselves, if you do not forgive us or have mercy on us, we will be one of the losers.
Please forgive me if my words have hurt you. I hope you get peace and clarity. Ameen.
waalaikum salaam,
it is alright, please sister dont be in tears, i did not get what this means.."dying love is the most painful death"
AMEEN! all Your and my duaas get accepted.
what problem do you have Arwa? please share. i wish You lots and lots of happiness. Ameen. Your words havent hurt me,dont worry please:)
It means when you can’t stop loving someone and you still have to move on and the love is killed in the process of doing so. I know I am a bit poeticヅ so don’t mind me.
I have problems, many of us have. like I said,what wrong comes to us is of our own doings. I will do my time, I accept it as my punishment and a way to absolve me of the sins. I am waiting for the light. I give advice to our muslim bros and sisters so that Allah may grant me with peace and light in my heart. No one is perfect but the best are those who repent and be patient. I pray Allah guides us all towards the right path. Ameen.
Dear Sister Arwa
True love is sincere love whether it lasts for a day or life-time. It never dies as long as you feel no malice towards your lost love and pray for his/her well being. It just stays dormant in the silent corner of heart.
Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, those who love each other will look at their rooms in Paradise as if they were brilliant stars in the east or west. It will be said: Who are these? They will reply: These people loved each other for the sake of Allah the Exalted.”
Source: Musnad Ahmad 11420
Dear Sister
You clearly stated in the beginning that you said yes for your happiness and free will not just for Dad's happiness. We advised you in the light of these assumptions. If you feel being pressured into marriage by dad and not by free will then such type of forced marriage is not allowed at all in Islam.
We need to know clearly was it forced upon you or not. No one in this forum will advice you to pursue a forced marriage at all.
Marriage love truly starts after these promises "I can take care of you financially. I can give you child and family and i can take care of the family".
Then if the husband fulfills all his duties after marriage satisfying all the needs of his wife. Then attachment and affection follows afterwards. These attachments and affections will be similar to the ones that you developed with the Arab guy, but will gradually deepen after lifetime and will become your final and last love. It is the last love that will matter in the eye of Allah as supported by some hadiths.
And what to do with the love of Arab guy. Now since he is not a potential candidate. He is now your religious brother only. The sexual love that developed during this time must be converted to brother-sister love. You must pray as long as you can for his well being in this world and hereafter and always send him condolences whenever you get a news of his some misfortune. But limit your physical meetings with him.
"You must keep loving that Arab guy not for marriage nor for sex but for the sake of Allah only". This will keep your heart free of any hurt and guilt.
Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “There are seven persons whom Allah will shade on a Day when there is no shade but His. They are a just ruler, a young person who grew up in the worship of Allah, a person whose heart is attached to the mosques, two persons who love each other who meet and depart from each other for the sake of Allah, a man whom a beautiful woman of high status seduces but he rejects her by saying I fear Allah, a person who spends in charity and conceals it such that his right hand does not know what his left hand has given, and a person who remembered Allah in private and he wept.”
Source: Sahih Bukhari 629, Sahih Muslim 1031
Thank you. Wasalam.
dear Feelix,
i said yes for my father's happiness and family,and also i do not want to regret in the future because the place i live, it could be difficult finding a religious good husband, which my cousin is mashaAllah. so yes i said yes for my free will. i cant say forced, i mean i was been given the decision to make, but everybody in my family and i mean everyone was telling me to say yes and not to miss this opportunity because they all know the kind of person my cousin is. his parents had an arranged marriage and mashaAllah are soo much in love and everyone says he will keep me as happy and that i should consider myself lucky because many marriages in our society arent successful.
i do love everyone for the sake of Allah.
yes
istikhara has nothing to do with dreams so your dream meant nothing. Women up and do the right thing
Dear sister Sara95,
Go ahead with what you and your parents are both agree and are happy on it. Always love comes with caring and considerations as well as valuing each other as spouse. NO MATTER TO WHOM YOU ARE GETTING A MARRIAGE as long as your heart and his heart, both are open on it-love will come by the blessing of ALLAH.
Remember that---Allah is always with the one who is/are with his/her/their parents-especially in good deeds -like nikkah and others.
Stay happy and get prepared with a new life---Dont even remember your previous relationship which was against ISLAM.
Wish you all the best in your way to happiness
SubhanAllah! I feel sad for the brother indeed. Faithfulness of the heart requires that when you are in love with someone, it makes the heart unable to say about another guy a "ma shaa Allah guy" nor would let it see another guy as great. Dear sister, I don't believe you had true love to that guy, rather it was teenagers feelings or something like affection, but certainly NOT love! When true love comes into the heart, it doesn't fade away with the first proposal. I highly urge you -If the Arab guy is good and God concious- to repent from being unfaithful to him, and for breaking your promises, and that go back to him and wait until those two years are done. And that you tell him the truth, to see if he wants you anymore, because he might and should Not still be interested after this. Then, if you come back to each other, and he couldn't do his part of the promise you might give up on him. But breaking promises and life plans, and apparently a great part of it is for money!? Idk dear sister, but that's a great risk to your soul in my opinion. Indeed our promises will all be questioned about.
Dear
I did not understand your post. Are you asking that girl to drop the cousin's proposal and return to Arab guy or do something else? It is vaguely written.
dear,
first, this is not my first proposal, second, as far as i know him, he will always be interested in me. i did what i had to, imagine Your whole family on one side and the person you love on the other, honestly i agreed for my fathers happiness. my cousin is loving and religious and many people told me not to turn down this proposal. lastly it was never for money, i have no interest at all in money, it was his idea of being financially stable and then coming to propose.
Alhamdulillah..
What I suggested is that you (dear sister sara95) to keep your promises and words with the arab guy, as long as he keep his promises. But, if this arab guy didn't do his part of the promises and plans you both agreed on before, then you are free of your promises to him, and you can marry anyone else. That's my opinion on the matter. Others have different opinions too, but I know that everyone agrees that a promise and a word given, shouldn't be violated.
People hearts are not a games we play with, for a change in mood or mind.
Peace be upon you sister and may Allah guide your steps to what He love and accept
Dear Praise
I respect your opinion but it was suitable only had she communicated us before accepting the proposal.
Accepting a proposal is a very strong promise. And she has already been forgiven by Arab guy for breaking promises with him.
We should not advise her to break the accepted proposal. This will be double cheating and the Arab guy may never accept him back in his life.
I believe that this case is closed for now.
Salam Sara95,
From what I read and I will conclude that:
1. You do not "love" the Arab guy as your action proof it. (You won't even think of accepting another proposal if you really love someone.)
2. You want to hold on everything good in your favor (your cousin for marriage, your Arab guy for love and comfort) and you do not want to bear or face any difficulty that you may go through if you choose the Arab guy.
3. Your last question is worrying about if your offsprings will be normal. Again, you want a 100% guarantee that your future is going to be perfect and not a single regret.
I would also ask you to apologize to the Arab guy and get on with your proposal if this is what you wish and be satisfied with it.
Sorry to be bold, your post reminded me those I read in this site about some muslim guys abandon their "girlfriend " and marry their cousins due to their family pressure or due to their sudden "religious changes"
Please go apologize to this poor guy and leave him alone and be happy with your proposal.
dear sister k,
i did that a few times, rejected proposals, but this time it was my whole family on one side and everyone wanted me to say yes and on the other side the person i love. and for as i know my father, he will not agree for me to marry an arab,he will refuse. noones life is perfect,everyone faces difficulty, whoever i marry, i will still have problems in my life. it is jus too much of worry sometimes that kills me. i have already apologized to him and he has forgiven me, and he still loves me so much.
Dear Sister
You really should have contacted us before saying yes to the proposal. Then we could have guided you how to courageously fight for the Arab guy. Now we all(everyone in the forum) are bound to advise you not to loose the proposal and let go of the Arab guy.
We cannot ask you to go back to the arab guy as it will ruin your reputation for in front of both cousin and the arab guy will assume you as a double player.
Let us assume that you are indeed pressured into marriage and you made a mistake not to ask us before the proposal. But you must not worry because of the following
Your love with the arab guy was a sincere and true one in the final analysis as you apologized him and closed the affair without any grudge or malice. I wish that you two meet again under the shade of Allah in hereafter.
You must make sure that you should be sincere with your future husband(who-ever) i.e.
1. Accept him as he is.
2. Focus all your efforts on taking care of him
3. Fight for him on each step of life
4. Be sincere with him
If you follow all these steps then i can assure that you will be able to earn a second true love in your life.
Stop worrying(You did not harm anyone's feeling ) and focus on preparing yourself as a good wife. Be happy with yourself as you did justice with both Arab guy by apologizing him and did not run away from him like a coward but moving ahead as a confident woman. This shows a woman with good character.
I do not know about the other guys in the forum but at the least i feel proud of how you bravely let go of the Arab guy.
The biggest Jihaad is Jihaad bil nifs. (Jihaad with one’s own self, with one’s own desires). I agree with you that keeping one’s calm and being patient in such situation is the biggest victory. Bow in front of Allah’s will. For He swt says"oh son of Adam, there is your will and then there is My will, My will is what is bound to happen so if you submitt yourself to My will then I will give you what is My will and what is your will". You wish for love, you have submitted to Allah’s will and your parent’s happiness, He will grant you love inshAllah coz your cousin likes you already so inshAllah all will be good and okay.
dear sister Arwa,
thank You for all the advice and helping me through, and for all Your sweet kindhearted words.
Jazakillah:)
Dear Arwa
I believe that this forum should be expanded like an extra space for discussion forums(for devising strategy) and also a section for Ayats and Hadiths saved for special cases. I really have to search hard to find special hadiths for each case. This will make us more efficient in dealing with complicated cases.
Dear Arwa
The administrator will not have free time reading each post. We have to approach him directly. I found the homepage of the founder of this site. We should be posting
our requests directly there.
http://www.zawaj.com/wael-abdelgawad-founder-of-zawaj-com/
I do read every comment here personally, and you are more likely to get a response here than on Zawaj.com.
Arwa, you had some good ideas. The only problems in making them reality are lack of manpower and time.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
See brother Feelix! I told you! I guessed it by a comment by a poster on some post a week or so back asking for someone’s contact and the reply from brother wael was that we don’t any personal contact sharing and I said to myself "oh! the boss is watching every move xD". I am so amused by this comment that I can’t stop myself from laughing.
Its okay. We will handle things as they are (where there is a will, there is a way). Thank you and May Allah bless you and help you in this great cause. Ameen.
dear Feelix,
even if i would have fought for the arab guy, my family would never had agreed, no girl in our family has married someone outside our community.
alhamdulillah i am trying to let go of him, but he will always be in my heart. had i known of this site i would have asked. i mean i dint know of it,till recently.
Ameen,inshaAllah we will. and thank You sooo much for all the advice You have given me and for all Your kind words,thanks:)
I personaly like you Sara. Atleast you have the decency to thank your advisorsヅ a hadith is " whoever did not thank the people, did not thank Allah"
May Allah keep you happy. Ameen
Yes. Brother. I thought so aswell. As you must have noticed my ahadith and ayat are not with proper references. I just type them with my memory. There should be seperate sections for duas for every problem and ayat and ahadith with references so we could just cope and paste the url to help the person in question and write what we can in our own words to moraly support our bro/sis.
You have no control on how the Arab's guy feel about you. He needs time to heal and so do you. The best thing is not to contact him or update your information to him anymore. It will only hurt him more. As far as marry your cousin, even though he has all the qualities that an ideal husband has, you should ask yourself if you are physical attracted by him and if you are OK just to go along with the proposal.
I am sorry for my harsh words, sometimes I cannot bring myself to fully understand the "arranged marriage" part in your culture. If he is a good muslim guy with good deen and background, I don't think your father should judge him only by the race. However, if your father sees something in him that he is not a good muslim, then it is another story. I know your family is excited and happy, how about you? You are the one will be with him for the rest of your life, not your father or your family member. May Allah ease your worries and pain.
dear sister K,
even tho he has all the qualities an ideal husband has, i am not physically attracted to him but they say attraction will grow, and also i cannot do anything now, everything is fixed.
about the arab guy,i cant say he is a bad muslim, but his reputation is not good, unfortunately:(
ameen,inshaAllah, jazakillah:)
Dear sister
Why do not you subscribe to this website and help other people solve problems similar to yours? I joined this site just to overcome my own guilt and regrets. I feel relieved each time after guiding some lost soul.
Majority of muslim youth is unaware of his/her rights during marriage. Even i got to know these things after my engagement(was with free will) and it completely shocked me.
Anyway good luck for your success in life. May Allah keep guiding you through your life towards the right path in life. Ameen.
dear Feelix,
i do not know how to subscribe, i mean i have made an account on this website.
inshaAllah Allah fill Your life with happiness. yess majority of muslims, especially the society i live in.
jazakallah, ameen inshaAllah. hope Your marriage life is filled with happiness and Allah's barakat,ameen.
Dear Sister
For subscription, check your email alerts relevant to your post. You will find subscription option at the bottom of email near "Comments See All Comments".
There is one more important thing to learn
As you know that a school student has to pass through different exams just to become a capable persons. But he has to forget the tension experienced in previous exams to get ready for another using his experience and knowledge. Life is just like that.
Every person in this world we encounter is not some property to be owned even your parents, blood relatives, friends and your family(Husband and children). They are in fact question papers given by Allah to test the capability of our soul. And one by one all of them will leave you(through broken relations or death) just like question papers are taken away from the student after allotted time.
In the end, the important thing is how did you treat each person(equivalent of solving question paper) during the allotted time. In the hereafter you will be given the final result(marks). Rest is unknown to us.
Here is an hadith, which throws some light
Narrated Anas:
A man asked the Prophet (ﷺ) about the Hour (i.e. Day of Judgment) saying, "When will the Hour be?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "What have you prepared for it?" The man said, "Nothing, except that I love Allah and His Apostle." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "You will be with those whom you love." We had never been so glad as we were on hearing that saying of the Prophet (i.e., "You will be with those whom you love.") Therefore, I love the Prophet, Abu Bakr and `Umar, and I hope that I will be with them because of my love for them though my deeds are not similar to theirs.
Reference : Sahih al-Bukhari 3688
In-book reference : Book 62, Hadith 38
USC-MSA web (English) reference : Vol. 5, Book 57, Hadith 37
So do not get too much attached to each person with such intensity that you are unable to let go as he or she is only a test paper from Allah.
I believe that you will be given an "A+" for handling the case of Arab guy. Good look and expect to see you in these forums helping lost souls in your free time.
Thank you brother for such a beautiful interpertation of life. It has helped me aswell. I have copied it to my notes to read it now and again in my time of darkness and sorrow. May Allah grant us the will to pass this test. Ameen.
Dear Arwa
You are always welcome.
We should contact the administrator of this site for making such sections. Any suggestions how to do that. We must not be lazy about this.
Dear brother Feelix,
can there be a way i could talk to You, i mean i would really like to tell You my whole story, very detailed, jazakAllah.
We do not allow private contact between members. Whatever needs to be said can be said here, in public.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Sister
I was hoping that we have helped you to move on but it seems that you are still stuck at some point and also hiding some crucial part of the story.
You must trust all of us and reveal the secret in public or directly contact "wael", the editor if you want some privacy. He is the founder and most experienced guy here.
I wonder if he agrees to talk privately with you.
Dear Sister
I have further suggestions that will help you to move on.
1. As i learned from sister "Arwa" case, reading other's misfortune stories will get you relive your own painful past, so do not subscribe to this forum at all not after you have a healthy family with cute kids and become a mature mother. Keep the subscription link saved in some bookmark
2. Stop reading romantic stories, dramas or movies for some time before marriage but restart watching them after marriage as they will motivate you to build a healthy relation with your husband.
3. Start outing with your friends and cousins excluding the Arab guy and have fun and parties with them.
Be Positive and your emotional burden will be over.
Sister ,
As now you are going to marry new person so forget about Arab guy completely and don't think about it ..
Same situation has happened with me and now much relieved. Expand such platforms
Thankyouu v much xx
I thought he was already watching our comments. Lol. I already see many duas and masalas at the end of each problem. When the page ends. So he can add them there. Can’t he?
There is a link where it says"guess who? ... staff" um.. I was thinking maybe you could request the things to them there. Because idk how to use the technical language. Please let me know of their reply, it would be real nice if our suggestions were thought upon.
I am really sorry brother. I joined this site to help people but now when I see everyone in pain and in problems, i know perfectly well how to answer them and how to get them out. But whenever I do that, their pain and anixiety somehow gets stuck in my mind and I cannot let go of it. I start to remember my own pain and guilt rather to feel satisfyed after helping them. I have minimized my replies. Hope you didn’t feel bad if I couldn’t help you with the suggestions. wasalam
Dear Arwa
I go through the same process as you do. But i have a sincere friend and wife who is cheerful and help me forget this pain. It is natural that when you rescue someone from the Love-pit, their pain will become yours briefly and will remind of your own time in the pit.
But do not give up. I suggest the following
1. Ignore the small cases, pick only the most important one in your opinion.
2. Take a long break. Unsubscribe for some time. Enjoy with your family and return after you are fresh
again to help these people.
Thank you brother. I am about to get married soon enough inshAllah(to the nicest person of my uncle and aunt’s finding) and I think I will have his support when I return with full energies. until then I will try to advise on some important ones. Thanks. May Allah bless your wife cause she is doing the God’s work by keeping you pious, happy and calm...
Dear Arwa
Congratulations on your marriage. May Allah bless you and your family with a happy life.
I advise you to forget about this site in the first important years of marriage. You should not share any one's pain other than your own family during these times. Your husband and children will need a happy mother focused on her own family and not some blogger stuck in any one's pain.
Return to this site only after establishing a happy family. There are many good people here who can handle in your absence.
I commented my suggetion to the link you gave me. Hope its answered positively. May Allah help you and us with this noble cause.
Thank you brother Feelix. I will follow your advice. InshAllah.
congratulations dear Arwa,
Allah bless Your marriage,give you lots and lots of happiness and barakat, inshaAllah it will be a successful one, ameen.
Thank you sister. I wish the same to you...
Dear Arwa
Here is a great link on hadith collection. Just search for your relevant topic and you got it with the exact reference.
http://dailyhadith.abuaminaelias.com/
http://sunnah.com/
For Duas, i found a versatile site
http://duas.com/
One can download a free translation of Holy Quran at
http://en.islamway.net/SF/quran/.
It is okay that there is a wisdom in denying private chat with the members. So a general discussion forum is out of question. But of course a "Favorite" section can be created for adding frequently used Ayats, hadihs and Duas by members.
Sorry but can we chat privately with the boss(Joking).
MashAllah! Brother this is amazing that you should put such an effort into it. May Allah bless you. I will save the links in my bookmarks. Thank you.
This site is a huge sadqa jariya... I hope it lasts till the end of time. Ameen
Dear Arwa
I have a theory about the soul punishment in grave. I am sorry to disturb you by a heavy philosophy(you should be focusing on your personal life right now) but it is very important.
When a person is alive and commits some-thing wrong by violating the rules of nature created by Allah, a part of his soul becomes angry over him and tries to correct him. Psychologist also recognize this as a voice of conscience.
Some people curbs this voice and continue with their life. Good people like attending this forum are paying attention to this voice. Undoing a wrong thing and convincing other guys to forgive you will satisfy your good part of soul but it is not always possible for each case.
That is why every religion has taught not to curb this voice but to pray for forgiveness from the creator of the universe till the end of one's life as at the least a regretting soul can convince himself that at the least he has tried his best.
So when people die, their souls are now free. The part of soul that is angry can no longer be curbed and will continue to taunt the soul known in psychology as "regret" forever. That is the punishment of soul in grave.
But those people who have seek forgiveness from God or either get succeeded in satisfying the soul by getting forgiveness from people(not possible in each case) may have a relaxed soul in grave.
I also believe that If a soul "A" is serving in hell because of some crimes on soul "B", than only the forgiveness of soul "B" combined by the will of Allah may free soul "A" from hell.
We should advise persons on forgiving others(as it frees someone from hell) and seek forgiveness themselves from Allah and His creation that was hurt from that person in order to escape from grave punishment and hell.
And Allah knows best.
Yes brother. I totaly agree with you on that theory and I myself keep thinking deep on such philosophies (which make me eccentric sometimes to other people. Lol), I believe that the concious is the voice of our soul and the soul as we muslims are taught is the blow of Allah swt. You see our body is full functional but why does the heart beats? Where are the batteries? For sure its something beyond us and is supernatural. So I think that the soul is eternal and originaly pure! A human is born on islam its the person’s parents who make him a non muslim or a muslim. The souls (all those where born are alive and will be born) made a vow to Allah’s swt obedience. So a soul never lets a person do wrong. Prophet (pbuh) said " when you want to differintiate the right from wrong, put your hand on your heart! And if you are comfortable then its right and the wrong is what doesn’t feel right in the heart". This heart, chest, consious is the soul.! and it always tells you to do right!
Now when we wrong others or disobey the creator, we get down and tortured. They say you are torturing yourself by thinking too much. No! No! No! Its the soul thats angry (as you say) on us and its torturing us because our deeds will eventualy make it torture in the grave. There is a hadith I read somwhere in bukhari that when we wake up in the morning and we are still in the last cycle of sleep before we wake up, our soul stands in front of us and beggs us not to disobey Allah this morning. The sleep is called the sister of death coz in it our soul gets out of our body. The torture and the grief and anixiety that we get after wronging others or disobeying Allah swt is for surë the soul punishing us. I myself pay close attention to what it says, therefore I always apologize to others and I refrain from eating haram. I get satisfied when someone finds peace because I helped them.
I want to look at it now from islamic ruling point of view. There are two haqouq(rights) these are of Allah and of people. now! When we disobey Allah and repent we know if our neeyyah is pure, we are forgiven. But if we wrong a person and they don’t forgive us, then we won’t be free until we get what we deserve(trial by fire). You see how big is the rank of a martyr?! But even he will be answerable in front of Allah swt for haqouq al ibaad. In Saudi Arabia , when a person says to some other person (after the first has wronged the second) "sa arah wajhak innd Allah!" (I will see your face in front of Allah) the second person (who did wrong) fall to the first person’s feet, asking to forgive him coz thats the biggest sentence anyone can ever give to the wrong doer.
Now as far as what I think about forgiving someone is that (many people including my father think that its very harsh) if anyone wrongs me and I get really hurt as to start crying and being depressed, I say the above to them and leave it there. What happens next (which totaly strengthens my belief in Allah) is that they get punished in front of my eyes by different calamities etc. If someone apologizes to me, I never hasitate even for a second before I say I dont blame you and I forget the past. Allah swt says in Quran that you can take revenge of the same amount that you where wronged but if you forgive, thats better for you. I forgive when it is asked and I wail in front of Allah when I am wronged. Surely my dua gets granted because I am wronged, otherwise Allah will never listen to it. That is my philosophy on forgiving others. I totaly agree with what you said above.
I am just focusing on the wait here lol. And am trying to pass these few months at home with my family and learning the household work. I am glad that you brought up that topic coz no one here wants to listen to me talking about so called "tangeling talk" lol. So I just try to connect the dots in my head when I am alone. May Allah bless us all with deeper knowledge of islam. Ameen. Wasalam.
Dear Arwa
What we have discussed here is definitely eccentric if normal people hear or read it. So there is no need to explain this to them. Just keep expressing in simple words
"In short one should keep forgiving and seek forgiveness as it releases a lot of souls from the punishment(regret)".
That is the deepest i have gone with you in this philosophy of mystery of regret and life after death. Now you should return to normal people and just remember the lesson learned from it and keep teaching it to others. Your loved one needs your attention not philosophy and you need to enjoy the world. There is absolutely no need for you to go much deeper in the secrets of self that will make you more eccentric. So enjoy your life.
It is just my job and training that involves deeper thinking. I can handle the stress of delving deeper in philosophy but you do not appear to handle the stress properly so avoid it.
Thank you brother for your advice and kind words. I cannot take the things because I feel too much and too deeply. These philosophies are what I love to think about but they do (as you say) make me very depressed and far from the reality. So I do try to avoid by keeping busy with my siblings and chores. May Allah bless you brother and keep you motivated to help other people. Wasalam
Dear Sister
Just take life lightly and may Allah helps find a way to keep balance in yourself.
You have a gift(to help people out ) just like other people of the forum. You just need to learn not to overwhelm yourself.
As-salamu alaykum sister. You brought up a critical issue in your last paragraph:
"And are there any problems that can arise to my offspring after marrying my double first cousin - by double first cousin I mean our fathers are brothers and our mothers are sisters."
The answer, quite simply, is yes, this can result in serious genetic defects in the offspring. The risk of genetic defects in the general population is about 3%. When first cousins marry, this doubles.
However! - When successive generations of first cousins marry, the risk leaps much higher. This is called genetic inbreeding, and what happens is that genetic defects that are normally recessive combine and come to the fore, resulting in problems such as mental retardation, diseases and physical deformities.
See this article for more information:
British Muslim Inbreeding Causing Genetic Disorders
Frankly, neither of these men are good matches for you. The "double first cousin," as I've explained, is a very poor choice from a health perspective. And the other guy is just a fantasy romance that is not going anywhere. The guy has no money, you've known him for three years and he has not come forward with a proposal - it's just time wasting and games.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
waalaikum salaam brother,
jazakallah for your response, but i do not know what to do now:(, everything is already being prepared for the wedding.
It is still your choice, and you still have the right to say no. I am not telling you to do one thing or the other. You asked about the health issue, and I gave you the reality.
Frankly I agree with your comment about marrying someone outside the family, meeting new people, getting a new perspective, having fresh blood in the family... that is a healthy perspective.
There's an old saying: if you don't make a choice, others will choose for you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Wael
I agree 100% with your concern against cousin marriage. And the general consensus about cousin marriage in my whole family tree(brothers and cousins of my parents ) is that we should avoid cousin marriage at all costs.
Here is my opinion
Print the article suggested by wael. Show it to your parents and then arrange a conversation directly with your cousin, with the help of parents, in private and first informs her that you want to marry him(creating confidence and that is a fact too). Then show him the article and then ask for his opinion..
Dear Sister
Let wael have a look on my opinion and since it is a very delicate matter discussing a topic like that near your marriage wait for his opinion too before taking a step.