Betrayed by my husband and my friend
We've been married for 21 yrs. Without telling me, my husband recently married his cousin who's been living with us for 3 yrs. She's now pregnant and went to her country to give birth there. He told me about everything after she left. I asked for a divorce but he said no. He also said he won't divorce his cousin. The days became unbearable because we always fought. Then, he finally said he'll divorce her. He admitted the reason for marrying her was he was afraid they might commit zina and he learned to care for her.
He is the type of a Muslim man who accepts that men can marry up to 4 wives so I know that this second marriage will not be the last.
How can a Muslim woman demand divorce from her husband if he doesn't want to divorce her? I can't live like this, knowing that at any moment he will again shatter my heart into a million pieces.
Please advise me.
Farida2015
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OP: He admitted the reason for marrying her was He admitted the reason for marrying her was he was afraid they might commit zina and he learned to care for her.......He is the type of a Muslim man who accepts that men can marry up to 4 wives so I know that this second marriage will not be the last.cepts that men can marry up to 4 wives so I know that this second marriage will not be the last.
Is polygamy allowed in the country you live in? His reason for marrying her was he was afraid they might commit zina is not a good reason at all. Any man can marry any woman with that reasoning. I am sure his cousin is a young woman and he married her for sex.
oh dear may Allah swt gives you patience and mercy. dont be upset , those who hurt other's feelings will never ever be happy in their life because those who build their house by breaking other's homes can never gain peace.
You basically have two options, one is that you can save your marriage and bear this injustice with patience and perseverance and earn your rightful reward from your Majestic Lord and Creator or you can proceed to take a divorce (khula) in which case there will be no sin upon you and you have every right to ask for khula.
May Allah swt guide you the best, ask his help and guidance.
you are in my prayers <3
Assalamo alaikum.
Thank you so much, Sister Samiya.
I really want to just accept it and let him have his second wife so I can earn my rightful place in Jannah, but I've asked myself many times if I can bear it and the honest answer is no.
So, I've decided to ask him to divorce me.
May Allah (swt) bless us all and guide us through this life.
Ameen.
I can't answer your question but can I ask on this subject my husband told me you are not allowed to marry another wife without the permission of your first wife is this correct?
The husband does not need his first wife's permission. But he should be considerate and honest, and should behave in a way that respects his first wife and assures the continued happiness of the marriage.
Marrying someone secretly, lying, and abandoning the first wife in favor of the second are all wrong behaviors. and against Islam.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamo alaikum.
Thank you so much for the advice.
I have decided to ask him to give me his Talaq three times.
May Allah (swt) guide and bless all of us. Ameen.
One time is sufficient and is the Islamic way. Three times talaq is a bid'ah and does not add anything.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I read that talaq has to be done three times. Thank you so much for this clarification.
I don't think the permission is required but the marriage cannot be a secret. Since it can't be a secret the first wife would find out and would be attending the wedding. If she's going to make a scene there or have issues, it would probably be best to discuss this with her beforehand.
If you're going to discuss the marriage with another woman while you're married to the first, she may then want to divorce you in which case, you would just be divorcing and marrying someone else instead of getting a second wife.
So overall, even though it's not required, go ahead and ask the first wife if it's ok before you just end up divorced and married to someone else instead of both.
You can get a divorce without this permission although it is unlikely that he is going to accumulate wives beyond you and her.
If you are planning on divorcing him please let him know now so that he can at least be a father to the child he has with his cousin. Since she's fine being a second wife, they can choose to get a second wife later without it affecting you since you will be divorced by then. Although again, I would say it will be very difficult for him to get a second wife with him taking care of a child.
I hope things work out for you, either with him or someone you like better. Salam.
You can divorce him khula. My wife is a sunni scholar. Women have more rights then men do?