Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Exposed by ex fiancé

muslim-woman
Assalamualaikum,
I was previously engaged about three years ago and at the time I was not a practicing Muslim. My engagement ended due to family misunderstandings however me and my ex fiance decided to still pursue a relationship without telling anyone. I thought eventually the elders would come around and he would marry me.
Our relationship went on for far too long. He told me would marry me and talk to his parents but then he would place so many conditions on me at the same time. I (loved) him with all my heart at the time and therefore we did sin a lot together. I thought everything would be okay as long as he married me. But then he would say/do things that would make me second guess his intentions. I never had the guts to leave him nor did I realize that a sin is a sin and he was not my mahram.
This past may I felt as if god put something in my heart towards him to make me realize that he is no good for me and that I only need Allah swt in my life. I had tried to end all contact with him but he simply could not accept that I could want to change or live a life without him. I tried everything, I even got my cousin to talk to him when I cut off all communication with him. But he wouldn't accept anything anyone told him. I sincerely feel like God has blessed me with helping me realize my mistakes now I feel like this is my only chance to become a better person and change my ways.
My ex fiance then went to my mother emailing her telling her how much he loves me and how he wants to marry me. My mother told him she needs to discuss this with the rest of my family and that she'll let him know. I did not say anything during this time and decided to leave things up to God.
My mother then emailed him telling him that my dad and brother did not agree and that we can't let his happen. The next day he emails my entire family inappropriate pictures of me. He wanted my parents to know that I wasn't a good girl and that they shouldnt have any pride in their daughter. He humiliated me in front of the people that I love the most. A few days went by, I was majorly depressed and could not face anyone, but my mother receives another email from him in which he tells my mother she's a bad parent and that she failed in life. He continued to send more emails to her harassing her and exposing all my sins and secrets. He tried to be God and punish me. I can't even explain how I feel. I feel as if my worst nightmare has come true.
A couple weeks went by and his anger went away and he emails my mother telling her he wants to marry me and that he's sorry. I do not want anything to do with him, I start to shiver when I even think of him. I am literally scared for my life as i feel he might do something again out of anger especially because he has something to use against me now. I'm so afraid I pray to god weeping in sajdah for tawbah I pray that he just makes everything better and makes this man leave me alone. What should I do? Should I take any sort of action or just be patient? I deleted all of my email accounts so he has no way to contact me but he won't leave my mother alone. Thats what stresses me out so much since i obviously can't delete my moms email account. I just don't know how someone could have the audacity to ask for marriage after all this. He's starting to use my moms email address as a source to vent but it's causing me so much pain and i get so depressed whenever i see that he sent my mom another email. I sometimes believe this man may actually be psychotic. I want to get married asap and leave all of this behind and forget this man for good but I fear that he may make things difficult for me.
Please make duaa that this man leaves me alone and that God accepts my tawbah and that He places a cover over all my sins. Ameen
Jazakallah khair.
LoveAllah
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8 Responses »

  1. AoA, may God alleviate your problems. Ameen.

    Allah says in Surah Muhammad, who believes and do righteous deeds and believe in what has been sent down upon Muhammad (s.a.w) that is the truth, Allah will erase their sins and amend their condition. Surah Muhammad v 2.

    You have two problems, deal with them separately.
    1. Your ex
    2. Concern for future

    The above verse is the answer to the 2nd one. You have combined them into one giant problem.

    Emailing your mother - you can talk to her and bring her on your side. So that will solve one of your problems.

    Generally, dividing problems into manageable parts and solving them separately, is the trick. May God solve your problem. Ameen.

    • Sister,

      Absolutely Agreed with Danish Suggestions,

      1) Block and forget him, The Reason why he is insisting again is just out of lust so he may use u again and then humiliate you again and ur family. May ALLAH help you in this matter

      you may read my comments in below post. (there is no other option whatsoever; RETURN TO ALLAH) He is always ready to listen his A'bd...

      Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “I swear by Him in whose hand is my soul, if you were a people who did not commit sin, Allah would take you away and replace you with a people who would sin and then seek Allah’s forgiveness so He could forgive them.” [Sahīh Muslim (2687)]

      How much Allah is willing to forgive us can be seen in the following hadith related in Sahīh al-Bukhārī and Sahīh Muslim:
      Someone committed a sin and then said: “O Allah! Forgive me my sin.”

      Allah said: “My servant committed a sin, but knew that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes sins.”

      Then he committed the sin again and said: “My Lord! Forgive me my sin.”

      Allah said: “My servant committed a sin, but knew that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes sins.”

      Then he committed the sin again and said: “My Lord! Forgive me my sin.”

      Allah said: “My servant committed a sin, but knew that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes sins. Do as you will, for I have forgiven you.” [Sahīh al-Bukhārī (7507) and Sahīh Muslim (2758)]

      http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/screaming-in-silence-as-guilt-kills-me-everyday/

  2. Ws. Your parents need to take proper legal action against him. I do not know what country you live in but this guy needs to be made to realise that he too was a consenting adult in the relationship and what he is doing now can have legal consequences for him. You also need to collect evidence against him. Then give him a proper answer and ask him to back off via your parents.
    I pray for your ease and relief from this hardship, Inshallah!

  3. Assalaamalykum warahmatullah wanarakatuh sister
    May Allah make it easy on you.
    You could take legal action actually if u want to.
    Or talk to ur parents n tell them u hv changed and wana b married inshaAllah.
    N tell them to stop connecting with that man.
    May Allah hv mercy on all of us ameen

  4. "I thought eventually the elders would come around and he would marry me." Our relationship went on for far too long. He told me would marry me and talk to his parents but then he would place so many conditions on me at the same time. I (loved) him with all my heart at the time and therefore we did sin a lot together. I thought everything would be okay as long as he married me."

    so basically you did all this to get married?. being a practicing Muslim has nothing to do with sex. which i mean here all societies disapprove illegal relations, as a human every single person knows that it is not right to have sex with a person who is not married to you. i have known many practicing Muslims have done wrong so wrong , a practicing Muslim is also a human being and human beings commit mistakes.
    what made you think that your elders would eventually come around seeing how far you both have crossed the limits?. and then for the sake of the honor and dignity of their families they will agree to get you married to him.

    i know you are not a bad person and so he is . you both have done a major sin. he is not only responsible for the crime. you are a criminal as well. zina is a crime and a major sin.

    i would like to clear something here. he sent the pictures to your mother what if he never sent those pictures to your mother then what everything would have been okay na? you would nt have asked this question. i would focus on telling him that it is a sin and he should also repent like you are repenting now . if you dont have any feelings for him to take him as a life partner kindly clear this to him with patience and good manners.

    always remember

    [Baqarah 2:286] Allah does not burden anyone, except with something within its capacity; beneficial for it is the virtue it earned, and harmful for it is the evil it earned.

    if you do good you will get good, if you do bad you will get bad. its very simple all the goodness is the result of your deeds and all the bad shall be the result of your own sins and deeds. Allah does nt punish a innocent person . he will only test you and give you according to your own deeds, behavior with others and what you do to yourself .

  5. Sister you can create a rule to delete this persons emails from your email or even completely block it. If you need help with that let me know

  6. this is a police matter if he dont stop, ask your mother to go to police and register f.i.r against him for harassing you and your family . full stop

    • Yeah, I agree Police should be involved, if this person can sent her inappropriate pictures to her family and get away with it, in the future he can also send them to others like her friends, future husband and his family.

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