Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Girlfriend (sihr-magic) and marriage

sihr, black magic

Hei !

2/2016 i started a relationship with a girl who is 19-years old and i’m 24, this girl had 5 months back moved from iran to this europe country where i live now(wont say name of country) with her sister, mom, brother. This girl became very good friend of my mother, like best friends.

I was that kind of guys who respect other women and girls and never had bad eye on some other women, her brother became my best friend.

Over the time when she came to our house with my mom, i started to like her, but never said anything because i thought her brother is my best friend he would think i used our friendship to get her sister.

This girl tried few times to speak with me and tell me that she is interested on me but i Knew how to change topic.

it was one day my sisters birthday and she was invited by my mom, 2/2016 during this birthday i was just thinking about this girl i couldnt think anything else, then i thought if her family likes me and her brother is my best friend it shouldnt be hard for them to accept me in future.

we somehow got each others numbers and our relationship started, we were just in love, before this my relationship i never believed on love stories which my friends usually told me about their life, i used to laugh on them and said these things are just on stories(movies).

So, me and this girl were complitely crazy about each other(in love) many nights we didnt sleep just texting whole night each other.

every day i text her , every hour, minute...

My parents are soo religious, they are respected among families here, i was afraid about the fact that someday i need to tell them about this relationship and for 100% they woudnt accept,

After being 8 months together with this girl, i thought now or never, i brought this topic one day with my mom, i first joke and then said i am serious.

After this revealing my life has been disaster, my life changed to nightmare.

Before revealing my relationship, my parents everyday used to tell all good things about this girl like she was an angel, but after revealing everyday they started to say bad things about her and her mom and brother, by the way i’m sunni and girl is shia( this was also big problem).  Another family in our city whose wife is my mothers friend came one day to our house and said new things about my girl friend, that she had in iran 3 boyfriends and was about to get married and left the guy( these stories i knew were lie girl told me parents tried to get her married to one guy by force in iran), specially their story about my girl friend affected my parents and they believed and said that i’m blind because of her love and cant see reality(funny), and my mother doesnt like her son marry shia. My second year of university was ruined coudnt study had to think solutions and solutions i was out of ideas, i ran away ( leave our house) for one week, i heard my mom is sick and came back home( maybe she was acting) one day on 1/2017 i was going to sleep and saw my pillow has hole in it, went ask my mom, saw her and my dad crying, and they showed me some pictures and video, of this same pillow taken few days back, insideit had some paper which had very strange writings(jins text?) on it and also a cloth which had skin of pig on it!?!

They told me this is SIHR, i didnt know what is sihr and went on google read about it, that its somekind of black magic done also to our prophet mohammad, they said they called to some guys in our country who can read this text( they speak with jins) and they said its sihr done by young girl who is my moms very good friend(mean my girl friend), and they told my parents thats if they hadnt found this sihr, it would have killed me...

so they told a way to cancel this sihrs power( put it on fire inside something with milk...)

after this my life has been miserable and going down, i told my girlfriend about this we got into problem she said she would put her hand on quran that she has nothind to do with this SIHR but my parents didnt accept.

i left the girl and my parents took me to my country where they started to look a girl for me, they found one, because i thought i had given my parents big problems because of my previous relationship i accepted to marry this new girl who was chosen by my parents, from the beginning of marriage first week, we were quite usually even if we talked we got usually into arguments, after three months it is still the same, i feel like i made my worst decision to marry her, i have different character and different humour different style of talking, everything is different, we usually get into many issues( parents doesnt know about our problems because didnt want to make them sad)  im now back to this european country and we are waiting that this country accepts her(i have applied for residence permission for my wife), my girl friend whom i loved before, she is now also married and even we are not speaking anymore, i know she is not happy with her life, please help me, first 4 month of marriage must be happiest moments but for me it was disaster(nightmare) , i have not any children with my wife, should i divorce her? I lived with her 3 months in my homeland after marriage with many problems, should i wait her to come first to this european country and try to live here for one year then decide, people dont blame me, wallah i didnt take that firt girl as girlfriend for nothing i promised myself to marry her, but sihr changed everything...

i’m starting to think this sihr was maybe done by my parents to lie to me leaving my girlfriend because they didnt have any other way, but they ruined my life.

I know you guys tell me that im doing wrong blaming parents about sihr, but you see they never liked girlfriend boyfriend system(hate it) and didnt want shia(even my girlfriend was ready to become sunni)

now after my marriage my second brother 20 years old has EUROPEAN(christian) girlfriend(they hided from me) and its suddently ok now, like what !?!

i have still picture of that sihr, please somebody if you know someone or you can read this sihr to check it whether its real or fake

please give me advices , please , sory english is not my mother language but if you write i understand it without problem.

Khaleed


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10 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu, brother Khaleed

    Mashallah, you listened to your parents, left the haram relationship and married the girl that your parents wanted. May Allah reward you abundantly for that.

    It is indeed not allowed in Islam to marry someone who is a Shia as the differences between the Ahl al-Sunnah (Sunnis) and the Raafidis are very great and are fundamental. For example, the Raafidis say that the Qur’aan was altered, and they condemn most of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) and think that they went astray; they exaggerate about their imaams and worship them, and give them precedence over the Prophets and angels; they go on pilgrimages to mashhads (shrines) and graves, where they do all kinds of actions of shirk, associating others in worship with Allaah. They also believe in hypocrisy (as a tenet of faith) and call it taqiyah (dissimulation), and they believe in al-badaa’(the notion that Allaah “changes His mind”), al-raj’ah (the Return, i.e., the raising of the dead to life again for some time in the same form as they were before) and absolute infallibility of their imaams, and in prostrating on a handful of clay…

    Also, it is not allowed in Islam to go against one's parents and get married except when parents put a condition that is out of shariah.

    Furthermore, we will not dwell into thinking that if the girl did not believe in things that shias believe or if you could've convinced her into believing that shias were wrong, as the person whom you are going to marry is written in Allah's qadr and nothing could've stopped you at that time from marrying your current wife.

    Regarding the black magic, you cannot doubt anybody at all in Islam unless you have some evidence. Sihr basically involves a contract between the person who wants to do the sihr and the bad jinns. That person does things which please the bad jinns and displease Allah, such as, in your case, the strange writings on paper which was actually distortion of the Quran, and the skin of pig which is obviously impure in Islam and as a reward the bad jinns do things the person asks them to do. As for the people in your country whom your parents called, the way they speak to jinns is by doing acts of kufr and your parents approaching these kind of people is a major form of kufr too and I highly doubt the information they gave about the sihr accusing your shia friend.

    As far as your problems in your marriage, maybe this is a test from Allah or maybe a difficulty which Allah has put you in to forgive you of your past sins. But if your wife is fulfilling all the major obligations as a wife in Islam, then you could consider not giving a divorce, and work on improving your relationship with Allah and your marriage will get better. But if your wife is not fulfilling the major obligations in Islam, then you need to advise her about the things she needs to do in Islam before she comes to live with you. And if she doesn't agree, then maybe you could consider approaching your shia friend through your aunt or a close relative and advice her about how her beliefs are wrong and If your shia friend agrees to follow the right path and is ready is to leave her husband, then you could go ahead and divorce your current wife and get married to your shia friend.

    Please do not feel shy to ask any further questions.

    Salaam.

    • Hi !

      Thank you for answering, i'm still waiting for this country's decision(process it takes to bring somebody to this country) it is now (14.02.2018), and those people whom my parent called( the ones which took sihr away) they say, that if we do good things, for example 'if somebody has done sihr to somebody, only people like us can take it away and help with the cure' so if we do it in the way of helping those people it is halal, that is what one of them said.

      Do you know any way to find out, who really did this sihr ? i can send u picture of the sihr also with writings...

      • Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu.

        The Standing Committee for Academic Research and Issuing Fatwas has issued a fatwa stating that:

        Seeking the help of the jinn and turning to them to meet one’s needs by harming someone or benefitting him is shirk, because it is a kind of worship directed to someone other than Allaah. It is a kind of benefitting from the jinn to fulfil one’s needs, in return for which the jinn benefits by having the human’s veneration and trust, and being called upon by him to fulfil his desires.

        Allaah says "And on the Day when He will gather them (all) together (and say): “O you assembly of jinn! Many did you mislead of men,” and their Awliyaa’ (friends and helpers) amongst men will say: “Our Lord! We benefited one from the other, but now we have reached our appointed term which You did appoint for us.” He will say: “The Fire be your dwelling place, you will dwell therein forever, except as Allaah may will. Certainly your Lord is All-Wise, All-Knowing. And thus We do make the Zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers) Awliyaa’ (supporters and helpers) of one another (in committing crimes), because of that which they used to earn" (Al-An’aam 6:128-129)

        And Allaah says "And verily, there were men among mankind who took shelter with the males among the jinn, but they (jinn) increased them (mankind) in sin and transgression" (Al-Jinn 72:6)

        When a human seeks the help of the jinn, to cause harm to another or to protect him from the evil of one whose evil he fears, all of this is shirk, and whoever is in this state, his prayer and fasting mean nothing.

        Allaah says “If you join others in worship with Allaah, (then) surely, (all) your deeds will be in vain, and you will certainly be among the losers” [al-Zumar 39:65]

        Whoever is known to do such things, cannot be prayed over if he dies, his funeral cannot be attended, and he cannot be buried in the Muslim graveyard.”

        (Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 1/407-408)

        Just think of this: how do you think those people talk to the Jinns? Do they ask Allah and instead Allah sends the Jinn? No!

        The jaahili (ignorant) nature of their seeking the help of the jinn and putting their trust in them is highlighted in the words of shirk that they utter, such as:

        “By the help of Allaah and you; I am under Allaah’s care and yours; I have no one except Allaah and you; I am Allaah’s slave and yours; I put my trust in Allaah and in you; this is from Allaah and from you; I have Allaah in heaven and you on earth,” etc.

        Undoubtedly these phrases are expressions of shirk, because they make a created being the rival of the Creator. Exalted be our Lord far above that.

        They even call upon Jibreel (peace be upon him) and Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) instead of Allaah, by uttering words of ignorance such as, “O Jibreel, help me,” and “O Muhammad, intercede for me.” And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek.

  2. Salam Khaleed,

    I'll try explaining a few things and hopefully it will help. To your parents, her being a shia, might mean that if you marry her you will go to hell. If that's true then saying anything to you or doing anything is justified as it takes you out of hell. Now, with this motivation to keep you out of hell, I wouldn't be surprised that they themselves planted the Sihr and claimed it was bad. I don't see how, between 2/2016 and 1/2017, this girl could've planted the Sihr without anyone noticing it. So I don't think she had anything to do with it.

    Past that point you decided to be the obedient son since you weren't going to get your love, and then married whomever. They also preferred you marry anyone that's not a shia so they're happy you accepted whomever they could find on short notice. Now the girl you married, feels that you don't have feelings for her. This, and possibly compatibility issues would prevent you from having a good relationship with her. I mean it's been a while and you're still thinking about your ex so it's unlikely you've been able to show much love to your current wife.

    In such a situation I recommend getting a divorce. It is unfair to your wife that you love someone else and unfair to your future children that the model of a good relationship they see is one where you act indifferent to their mother. Please do not bring children into this marriage and if you can get out of it then get out of it. Past that, if your ex divorced and you can confirm that she is a real muslim then I would say you can marry her. I don't know the shia beliefs much at all so I don't know what she believes in. If you can't marry your ex then you would need time to get over it and then marry someone else. Good luck. Salam.

    • Salam khaled,

      InshAllah this will help you:
      I think that if your parents found that sihr from your pillow that means it was gift from Allah. You should be grateful and happy. Thank god you left that relationship and married the girl that your parents wanted because parents always think childrens best.
      If your parents are religious that means your parents are telling you the truth and its not possible that your parents are lying to you about sihr. No parent will do sihr to own son, remember that.
      And IF your parents have done sihr to you, it would have been sihr that makes you hate that girl. So to me its clear that sihr was done by that shia girl.
      Also, it is not allowed in Islam to go against one’s parents and get married.
      If you have problems in your marriage, surely it is a test from Allah or maybe a difficulty which Allah has put you in to forgive you of your past sins.
      Its best to give a chance to your wife. As soon as she is in europe with you, she will get used to live in europe and inshAllah you will find happiness. Just pray, make dua and thank Allah that He made your parents find that sihr.
      And about your brother, i think that he followed your foot steps and got girlfriend. Dont think so much about your brother, he is still young and inshAllah its test from Allah.
      Im sorry about my english. Hope you understand it. May Allah protect you from bad.

      • Salam Muhammad,

        I think you haven't witnessed a large sample size of Muslim parents. I have witnessed Muslim parents lie to prevent a relationship from happening over minor issues like height or skin color. And it really depends on where you're from and what the culture is. In some cultures the kids are the parents retirement plan and it is necessary for them to find a wife that will stay in the same household as them. This isn't for the kids benefit or the daughter-in-law's benefit, it's primarily for the parents benefit. And those parents have sacrificed their retirement to give a good education to their kids so they do deserve to be taken care of. Unfortunately for the kids this also means they aren't really picking the best spouse for their kid but the best girl that can put up with the multi-family situation.

        So anyway, I do think his parents are lying. Laundry is done on a regular basis and to have a pig skin placed inside a pillow without him noticing it for months does not make sense. How did they discover it then? They just had the idea to cut a hole exactly in the center and check between the stuffing? Was that the only pillow they checked or were there other pillows with holes in them? Did they get lucky in the first pillow they tried? What about their pillows? They were the ones against this marriage wouldn't the girl have gone for them? Why were there no holes in their own pillows? I mean if it was magic the smart thing to do would be to check all the pillows. For only his pillow to have a hole in it means that they felt that only he was affected by magic. They felt his judgement was compromised and they didn't think there was any magic or they would've checked their own pillows. They wanted him to believe that she had done magic on him only so they cut his pillow and blamed it on the girl.

        If the girl knew magic then she wouldn't have gone for his pillow, he wasn't the problem, she would've gone for their pillows so that they would agree. Not that this how magic works in the first place. The Quran states:

        ****
        https://quran.com/2/102
        And they followed [instead] what the devils had recited during the reign of Solomon. It was not Solomon who disbelieved, but the devils disbelieved, teaching people magic and that which was revealed to the two angels at Babylon, Harut and Marut. But the two angels do not teach anyone unless they say, "We are a trial, so do not disbelieve [by practicing magic]." And [yet] they learn from them that by which they cause separation between a man and his wife. But they do not harm anyone through it except by permission of Allah . And the people learn what harms them and does not benefit them. But the Children of Israel certainly knew that whoever purchased the magic would not have in the Hereafter any share. And wretched is that for which they sold themselves, if they only knew.
        ****

        This magic destroys existing relationships, it doesn't help in creating new ones. If it did make people fall in love with each other there would be many men and women paying for this magic instead of seeing a marriage counselor. I mean if all it took was placing some skin under your pillow to make you love your wife more you would do that instead of posting your problems here and paying fees to marriage counselors. All of us would have this skin and it would be sold at retail stores. We'd have conversations like "Yeah, had a rough fight with the wife, I'm just not getting enough time for her with my career. I think my pig skin is wearing out because our love life has gone down. I'm going buy a new batch from the store and replace the ones in our pillows."

        Lastly, it is odd to me that the woman that didn't like the girl showed up after he told his parents that he wanted her. The entire time this girl was an angel and as soon as this guy says he likes her they flip and all sorts of evidence starts appearing as to how bad she is. How is this girl even married now? Isn't she the kind of girl that leaves before marriage? I still think they fed him a story because they didn't want a shia daughter in law.

  3. Hi Khleed.

    Im not good at english so hope u understand it.
    I have never wrote here but i have read here many times. This time i had to write to u because i had a similar story:

    Im from religious family and we have been here in europe about 16 years. Im the guy who doesnt like clubbing or drinking. I believe in Islam 100% but for some reason i dont pray. I like praying in masjid i go there twice a week. But at home i dont pray.
    I had never been in love before i met this shia girl from pakistan. At first i didnt even notice him. But after months passed i fell in love with her and it was just perfect. We met everyday and loved each other. I knew that this was haram so i told my parents about this girl.
    I knew that my parents wouldnt accept this because she is shia and shia is not muslim. I told this to my girl friend and she was ready to became sunni. I was suprised because why somebody will change from shia to sunni just because her boyfriend is sunni. At that time I didnt think that so much because i was blind from love. I told parents that she is ready to became sunni. My parents told me that she is accepting sunni not because she believe in sunni but because she is in love and will do it just because of love. I didnt know what to think.

    Here comes the real problem:
    After two weeks my brother found sihr under my carpet and gave it to my parents. Just like your parents my dad called to some man who knows about sihr. The man said that this is very powerfull sihr which made your son and that girl fell in love. He said that this was done by some one in europe but didnt mention any names. I talked to my girl friend and she was also in shock.
    After weeks sihr was taken out of both of us.
    I was just sad and knew that there is someone evil in our or in girls family who did this sihr to us.
    From one think i was sure: altough my parents hate shia people, they would never made this sihr to me because they are religious and sihr is work from evil. And like muhammad before me said to you: IF and IF parents was behind this they would have done sihr that makes us hate each other. But i know that my parents are religious and would never do such an evil thing to own son.
    So after weeks i knew that the love i had was a lie and its best to both of us to forget all of this. That time i felt also some love for her but i think that it was because it was my first ”girl friend” and never had expreciend that ”love” stuff or think.
    I got wife from homeland like u did and now i have two son and believe me or not im so much happier than i was with that shia girl. I have real love and Alhamdullilah im blessed.
    For your marriage problems: dont worry just let her come here in europe and live with him couple of years and you will see that you will inshAllah find happiness like i did. All this was test from Allah and inshAllah you will pass the test.
    Im 100% sure that also your brothers girl friend will say that she will became Muslim. I mean it can be that she really is intrested in Islam and wants to convert. But in the end its written in Allah’s qadr and its best for your brother. Surely Allah knows better than any of us.
    In the end i want to say that as the person who you Married was written in Allah’s qadr and its surely best for you. Just pray and make du’a.

    If you have questions just ask me. May Allah give you best love.

    • Salam Ismael,

      This is awesome, I've never had the chance to talk to someone that had sihr done to them. So here are some questions I have. Did this girl or any of her family members come to your house or your room? Who had access to the carpet from the girl's side of the family? Can you think of a reason why the girl's side of the family would want you, a man that is not shia and requires her to convert to a sunni, to marry their daughter and have you fall in love with her? Do you have enemies on your side of the family that would want you to fall in love with a girl that was shia? Lastly, why do you consider it evil when the girl was willing to convert to marry you? Isn't that a benefit that someone that already claims to believe in Allah and the Quran would then believe as you do, why would you then turn her away and call it evil?

      Oh, one other thing, what was the item discovered under the carpet? How was your brother able to identify it as Sihr to even call the person, why did he not think it was just a piece of garbage?

    • Thank you for response and motivation, i have something to add to the story, you know im from poor country where has been war for 30 years, in our country in the schools there is system of level for example there is 30 student in the class and mahmud is on level 1 and mohammad is on level 5 it means that mahmud is best student he has best grades out of this 30 students and mohammad is on fifth position, so when i went to my country to marry, there i asked my father that could you guys ask from my future wives family that what position she is in high school that was very important info for me actually one of the most important thing, so my father agreed and next day my father came back to me and my son i have very good news for you, i asked what kind? He said that the girl has position 1 in high school, i became happy and said this was my last thing to know now i accept the marriage, so we married and after 4 weeks i got to know from my wife that she is actually last in high school i mean if there is 30 student she is on level 30, its worst, and because she has never lived in capital she has lived in poor city, she has not even the knowledge of first grade student, she even didnt know what means ’-’ in mathematic ’substraction’ when i asked her question like how much is 10 + 10 she starts to count it with her fingers like littke children!!!!! I feel like im totally betrayed by parents, so called muslim parents who really always prays !! They told me that she is on level 1 , they knew that information was very important for me they lied to me that otherwise if i knew she was worst student, i mean high school student who counts 10+10 with fingers and doesnt know what is substraction i wouldnt have accepted this marriage, i mean why they did this to me ?? I am university student muslim in europe i wanted wife also who is studying in university i accepted that she is in high school because they told me she is level 1 in class......... she doesnt know anything about basic math, biologi, nothing basically ... even cant read quran... i feel betrayed i loved her a little bit when we got married but after i got know this, i dont love her, i dont love my parents, i just wish i could travel back to that time when i was with my girlfriend, please help me give some advice, i want to love my wife i try my best, but its fucking hard, because i feel betrayed i cannot continue, my wife loves me she is still waiting to come to europe, everytime i speak with her on phone, i understand why knowledge was important for me, she has knowledge of first grade student(primary school, elementary) and i am university student with good knowledge we have nothing in common, usually when we talk we have nothing to speak about.

  4. you can leave her and find another girl from the city.

    if it is difficult to forget her then keep yourself busy. like play video games and wash plentyyyyyyyyyy of clothes and utensils to keep you busy.

    or walk for 10 to 15 kilo meters without any purpose ....just to cut the time.

    or you can climb a tree .... climb and come down climb again come down ....climb again repeat it a hundred times .....like this you will cut 5 to 6 hours each day.

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