Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Homosexual love is torturing me to suicide

Confusion by Keenya Woods

Salam and peace be upon you from the almighty Allah

Hello I'm a 17year old boy who has only two days of finishing year 12.  3-4 times a day pray, I read the Quran  and always ask for Allah's forgiveness. I had always wanted to have kids and marry a girl and live happily. But 4 years ago my family moved from to another city and I started a new school in grade 9. I met a boy, who is a good Muslim and we became good friends. I only see this boy at school. But in that year I started to fall in love with him, of which I felt ashamed. During the end of that year when I was in grade 9 I had tried to keep these feelings to myself and that time I didn't pray and I thought if I don't see him then I'll forget about him.  During the 2 month school holidays when I was coming into grade 10 I had lost my feelings for him and thanked Allah for his mercy and thanked him for removing this curse off me.

When I started grade 10 as soon as I saw him I fell in love again which drove me to insanity. I started to pray and became very religious and prayed to Allah and made dua to Allah the great one to remove this love I have for him. But my dua never came true. I started to notice as the years went past that he started to have feelings for me as well and started to touch me and stare at me.  We have hurt each other a lot.  I tried to make him jealous by speaking to other girls and he did the same. We both like girls but this is the first time in my life I have fallen in love with a boy. I beg Allah to remove this love but it never goes away. I thought if I should not see him in the holidays again I will forget about him, but that lead me nearly to suicide, as I couldn't cope without him. Nothing makes me happy anymore, not even the things I enjoyed, everything reminds me of him. I only am happy when he is with me and when I pray to Allah.  I can't bear anymore pain and grief, I just want him so bad. I have suffered for him for 4 years now.

Yesterday and two days ago he hurt me and I hurt him and made him cry to seek my revenge since he has been hurting me. I thought hurting him would make me get over him but I actually cried for him cause of my guilt and felt like I had hurt myself. I've thought of suicide a couple of times and once I nearly went through with it but I found out it was haram in Islam and I never want to anger my lord.

I only see him at school and there is only 2 days left of school and then I'll never see him again and he is getting worried as well and we know we love each other but we can't say it to each other which makes me cry and make me go mental.  I feel like I cant' control my body anymore and that I may suicide. I want to remove him, I want to remove this love I have for him go away.  Is there a halal way of being with him? I know homosexuality is haram in Islam. I seek revenge in him now I  feel so bad he's so upset he looks like his going to suicide because I hurt him.

I'm going to say sorry to him and I feel so bad and cant see him like this. Is it halal for me to marry him secretly and don't commit sexual intercourse or if not a dua to remove him out of my life? or to remove this love and just us be friends?

- Afghani

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33 Responses »

  1. Assalmu alaikum brother.
    I understand what you're going through.I have such feelings towards fellow sisters.But I would deny that I m gay or whatever.Allah tests evrybody with something and this is one of our tests.This is our jihad and the enemy is our body and nafs.And I feel the boy seems to add more to the test so AVOID HIM,Though it might hurt,you must come to realization.The boy is your fitnah(trial/temptation)

    Remember the only way to win in the battle with your nafs is to be patient and seek Allah's help.Never lose hope.Never.Its your body,nafs and mind.Fight it.

    Thats what I m doing now.I have had serious relationship with a girl sometime ago.We never did any seriously haraam.But we were often physical .UNTIL we realized that it was haraam.It was a hard test.But we got out together.It took us lot of time.But even now we are best friends and emotionaly close like couples but NOT IN LOVE OR DOING HARAAM THINGS.Alhamdulillahi Rabbil aalamin who helped us through.

    http://www.gaymuslim.org
    These people guide and help others with Same sex Attraction(SSA) tenderly and Islamically.Please visit it

    May Allah help all our brothers and sisters suffering from SSA.

    • wow. I felt like reading exactly my own story. These kind of loves, normal people dont undrstand it but they are so powerful and passionate. But in the end when you make a choice in Allah's favor, you have to prove it to Him that you love Him more than anything. In sha Allah things will be good brother. Just trust in Allah. He will get u thru it.
      Regards,
      sis A.

  2. Afghani, Walaykumsalaam,

    I am sorry for the difficulties you are experiencing.

    - Marriage is something that is meant to be made public, not kept secret. If you are doing something in secret, it is usually because you know it is wrong and you are ashamed of others finding out. If you do something in secret, the people will not know, but Allah can still see you.

    - It is not permissible or possible for you as a Muslim man to marry another man. You can only marry a woman, a Christian or Jewish woman, but preferably a Muslim woman.

    - The only halaal relationship you can have with this man is one of Muslim brotherhood. But because your feelings for one another are not halaal, it is best for you to keep away from one another.

    What you are feeling is wrong and you know this. If you persist in spending time with him and thinking about him, this will only cause your feelings to become stronger. You must fight your nafs, of course this will be painful. But if you persist in trying to do the right thing, it will become easier for you.

    Suicide is not the answer to your issue. You are Muslim, so you know that suicide is haraam and will lead you to eternal misery and pain. The pain you feel now is nothing in comparison to that one will feel in the hereafter - may Allah save us all from all trials in this life and the next. This is test you are going through, shaytaan is on one side luring you and decieving you with something that will give you nothing but a very short lived pleasure. On the other side is Allah - who is promising you eternal bliss if you just fight against your nafs and your base desires.

    You are a young man, going through puberty and being exposed to haraam relationships at school, through the media etc is unhealthy. There is a way forward for you. I will post some duas here for you shortly.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. dear brother Afghani,

    asalamalaikum,

    i will keep it very short as there are similar questions on this webite with very useful replies for people who are in similar situation like you.

    keep one thing very clear in mind , there is no provision in islam for homosexuality. Why? because there is nothing like being born homosexual. same sex attraction is a feeling an emotion which needs to be curtailed, like many other negative emotions and thoughts in our Nafs like anger, hatered, jeolousy etc. we never question why has Allah given us feelings like hattered and then asked us not to hate or asks us to be content in what we have and not be jeolous of others and harm them ,similarly having same sex attraction is a negative emotion aand feeling which needs to be nipped in the bud .so my dear brother if this friend of yours is a temptation then run away as otherwise you can get engulfed by the temptation and you can loose your best friend i.e Allah that way. tell him why you want to stay away and this will make things clear between you two and no hurtful feelings.

    be strict with yourself. rememeber nobody is born gay,so there is no excuse to be gay. there are plenty of websites and psychologist available to help you deal with it ,if you are finding it difficult to do it on your own.

    May Allah guide you to right path and make it easy for you.

    one peace of advice ,dont let yourself have too much free time on your hand. keep yourself busy ,sleep early ,staying up late brings all sorts of negative thoughts in mind also. wake up early ,offer prayers. tahajud namaz helps in fighting with nafs.

    take care.

    your sister

    friend.

  4. thank you everyone for your wonderful comments. I'm not really gay because other men don't interest neither does anal sex. I honestly dont know why i am in love with this boy. i sometimes think its a curse. Other boys don't interest me at all. Before i met him i really didn't look at boys i loved girls and wanted a wife. I'm just in shock because how could i be in love with a boy so deeply that i cant control it. I want to see him as a friend but can't. When i avoid him he never leaves me. but i have finished grade 12 and missing him so much. Im trying to control myself my constantly praying. i havent seen him for 4 days which is killing me. I'm starting to get chest pain and heartache. and losing my vision and been having constant panic attacks, but i think this suffering is good for me since it is removing my sins. I cant love another person except him. watever i do such as studing it reminds me of him and im unable to study, watching tv and etc, he is still in my mind.
    Is there any supplication or dua that allah can remove him. reading your comments has made me a bit better, but this love has taken over my life. i dont want him to be hurt.
    is there any dua? thank you for your support

  5. He's just a friend - nothing more, nothing less. But because of your confusion, i would suggest you avoid him. Like the sister said earlier, this is your test bro. You will find other friends. And you will find other loves.

    this is Allah's test. And there's two ways you can approach it, but failure is not an option.

    I pray Allah makes it easy for you. And He will. Same goes to the first sister.

    ameen!

  6. Salaam my brother,

    I will not reiterate what others have said, I am here only to add my part which is to say that emotions are very powerful things. What you feel for this boy is love, and naturally when we love something - we want it all for ourselves and become jealous of sharing it, and tormented at the thought of losing it. Love is not something that drives us mad: it is an act of generosity - a desire to see the other person happy. The crazy feelings are coming from you - and your resistance to them. It could be that you fear love, or you fear closeness and this has thrown up a conflict inside of you as you repress your love, and yet feel it at the same time which is resulting in anxiety, stomach twangs, panic and stress. Therefore the solution to your problem is to allow yourself to love generously, and accept that you can and do love and that this is OK and it does not mean that there is something wrong with you.

    It's very easy to misinterpret these feelings as more than friendship: mother's are a good example of this. Mothers can love their children and in loving them, try to sabotage their marriage prospects! They can feel jealous, they act out, they do everything they can to prevent marriage. But we would never conclude that a mother is in love with her son or daughter. It is just that she feels a powerful sense of love and ownership over this person, and a tremendous fear of losing them.

    This powerful love can happen in friendship, it can happen cousin to cousin, sister to brother, brother to brother...it can happen anyhow, but it does not mean that you are "in love" - "in love" is simply the terminology or label that we attach to the situation in order to process and understand it and once we have labelled our feelings,our experience of them is affected by that label.

    I know from your post that you feel that your emotions are very intense for this boy, however the intensity is coming from you and the way you are managing your emotions and the labels you are attaching to your feelings, and the extreme way in which you seek to eliminate them. All of this is happening simultaneously and you are getting crazy feelings, you want to escape, you're desperate for it to stop...and of course, when it doesn't: you feel that you are suffering, But the suffering is coming from your aversion to these feelings. Don't fight it and go crazy with it, just allow yourself the space to love someone - let yourself feel these positive emotions, but feel them in a comfortable way which allows you to breathe and accept the love that you feel, and accept the jealousy that you feel. The more comfortable you get with loving someone, the less crazy it will make you and it will turn into something calm and comforting.

    And as for being jealous, that's normal. People feel jealous when they have to share - people get jealous when sharing friends, children, pets, everything - it is not unusual at all to want to keep what you have all to yourself. My husband gets jealous when I read the newspaper first. He wants to be the first to read it...but he is not in love with the newspaper.

    Be free, at ease and stop fighting your feelings. Just say out loud "I feel love for this person and I am happy with it, elhamdulilah - I have a big heart". The intensity should start to die down the minute you accept it and stop fighting it, and you will soon see that what you feel is natural between close friends.
    Peace,

    Leyla
    Editor, Islamic Answers

  7. Salam brother!
    as it stands Islam Does not like homosextuality,as it changes the nature of the normal human being circle and that why God has created woman for man to keep the balance,The love you have for this boy is just he is your brother as Muslim,Remember one thing that this world is just a plateform where everyone is doing there bits and pieces,God will never look at you as think we are talking about another boy who got nothing to offer where as woman are their to fulfill your all right halal desires just to make you man and happy.Don't break the circle of nature and be strong in life,If you commit suicide,you will be only reducing muslim numbers is qty and Allah will also not happy with your weak action.Practising muslim is not just offer your prayers and do fasting and other important things in Islam,Our religion is all about How can we be as a good person in this temp life and bring comfort to other human beings life.Be strong and next time you see this boy tell him how you feel about him and tell him its not the right thing to do as God will not Look at you both of you if you go against the nature.
    regards,Allah knows better and forgive us for our non-intention mistakes

  8. its haram to amrry him but u can be with ghim liek firend and brother but never touching etc and here is the way to get over that love it is this love allah truly and second love your wife third whenever he come in brain ignor it never think about him try liek this itsh ard but keep doing it u will become expert in this and u will overcome this feelings inshallah

  9. Salam everyone
    I'm absolutely losing it, I'm over it, im over this grief my head can't cope anymore, i'm starting to get insanity symptoms and crying daily as it as became a part of my life. Everyday it's the same. The one i love has confused, hurt, destoryed and angered me. I can't get anywhere advice except for this site.

    The one i loved, but honestly i don't really know what i feel for him anymore as he has angered me. 2 weeks ago i had ask my friend to avenge for me by verbally abusing the person i loved, my friend did abuse him but he didn't care and said to my friend that he "doesn't care what anyone says about him". So i decided to abuse him, in class when we were alone. After i had abused him he got really emotional and went to the other room and started to cry. I only did this because he hurt me really badly that week before it. His friend went to comfort him and asked me to come in that room where he was crying and talk to him, but I refused and told him to cry more and called him a sook. I pretended I didn't care about him and i was really happy as i was showing myself that when im around my friends that i was laughing and was happy. he really got angry because i think he thought i didnt care about him and that im happy and he isn't. Usually when we had fights i went up to him and said sorry, but this time i didn't.

    That next day we had same class, and we weren't friends. He just stared at me all the time and we didn't even talk. That was the last week of grade 12 and during the end of the class, when the bell rang everyone left the class except me and him he was infront of the door and wasn't allowing me to get out. He grabbed my arms and looked at me for a while. i said don't touch me and pushed him and said go cry more for me. when i pushed him away and left the close, i felt soooo upset on what i said. i felt like i hurt myself.

    The last day of our classes in year 12 i had the class with him and i went in that class smiling and happy, when he saw me happy he was so hurt and angry at me and stared at me really angry. when he walked passed me he kicked the chair. I said im leaving to the teacher he got really upset and said dont let him leave to the teacher. but i left anyway and didn't see him for 2 days, until the grade 12 party.

    We had a grade 12 party where we could invite our families at last day. At the party his friends and his family were looking at me as if they knew something about me. i had said sorry to him at the party on what i had said and shake his hand and he shake my hand and then when we were shaking hands he said don't touch i know you love me, and your gay and disgusting. I was shocked i never even showed any sign that i had feelings for him. I found out that he told his friends that i liked him. His friend didn't laugh at me they just stared at me.

    after the grade 12 party we have exams
    during exams i see him when we doing same exam we are in the same examination room and when we finish our exams we talk to our own friends on how we went on it and etc. He doesn't looked at me anymore only ignores me when i try to ask him why u said these thing about me but he avoids me or even when i speak to him and says i know your suffering for me and walks away and when i avoid him he comes to me and stirs me up. his friends look at me and his family look at me when he gets picked up from school as if they know something shocking. In my school gay is disgusting and people despise them and even i do. I dont even know his family though, but i heard he usually talks about me alot to his family.

    I'm REally angry im about to burst on what he has done as he has spread rumors about me. i'm confused and angry and all i can think of is him and at the same time i miss him but also want to destroy him. next Wednesday is the last time im going to see him ever if we don't talk to each other or arrange anything after exams are finished. I'm angry and upset and starting to lose my mind. I ask allah everyday to ease my task and help me with my issues in my life. I don't know if i love him or hate him, or find him just i as a friend. im confused and i don't know what he wants from me
    Am i allowed to seek revenge on him due to my situation? Does islam allow us to seek revenge so it can calm me down annd so i can control my anger and depression?
    thats my question and that if you brothers and sisters know wat he wants from me plz tell me but i know its unlikely for you guys to know

  10. Assalaamu alaikum brother

    I am so sorry for the difficulties that you are experiencing. May Allah Ta'ala make it easy for you inshaAllah.

    I cannot even imagine what you are going through. However, I just had the idea of getting advice from a Mufti. They are faced with dozens of these stories and I'm sure that from their experience with dealing with stories like this, they could help you. They are also knowledgeable of what duas should be read etc.

    Visit the site http://www.askimam.org and ask for advice

    There were also other similar stories with advice that could help you http://www.askimam.org/search/keywordSearch.php?keyw=homosexual&Submit=Search

    I wish you all the best and I will make dua for you inshaAllah

    Wassalaaam

  11. Assalamu alaikum brother.
    May Allah make it easy for you and guide you InshaAllah. I think its probably best to seek a muftis advice on this, as suggested above. Generally I would say seeking revenge is not good in Islam, but in some cases there is such thing as 'lawful revenge' - i dont know if this qualifies.

    Being mean or nasty to others is also not good in Islam but it may have been the best thing as it put barriers between you.

    Even though u say you are embarassed about him telling his friends about you, it could be Allah answering your dua (to remove your love for him), and removing this friend from your life. And InshaAllah through this distance you will be able to move on. I know that thought probably hurts you a lot... and I cannot begin to imagine how torn you must be feeling.

    Just remember with hardship there is ease... You will InshaAllah get through it even though you probably feel now like its taking over. You are very young now, and your feelings are naturally very strong so sometimes as youngsters we can get confused about them.

    I myself was in a similar situation a few years back, but with a member of the opposite gender, and for months I felt confusion, and grief. I felt like I was going crazy an i would die without him (we could never marry as he had long term illness) there was a lot of anger an pain an harsh words exchanged... But i got through it alhumdulilah.. and im very happy now. Feelings are very strong at that age. Im telling you this not to make yours feel unimportant but to remind you that things will get better for you InshaAllah, and that Allah knows everything you are feeling and thinking, He knows the pain you're in and He will help you through it. InshaAllah if you are strong and you dont act on your feelings, Allah will reward you.

    This should only make you stronger. Try to step back and you will see light at the end of the tunnel. Dont let your grief/anger/strong feelings destroy you. Keep busy. (with halal things). Avoid all that reminds you of this boy. Remember Allah. Seek His forgiveness.

    Control your feelings, and remember that with every hardship there is ease.

    What really helped for me was starting a new 'project.' I lstarted learning arabic. At the time I had a room which needed decorating so i took that up. But anything halal which wont remind u of him.

    Learn Allah's names and their meanings, or learn Qur'an explanation, gain knowledge. This helped for me. Maybe take up a sport (this could also help with the removing the anger InshaAllah) Whatever you do keep busy, and dont do anything which reminds you of him.

    If you are still at school, Ignore the rumours, try not to get to emotional about them. I dont think you should be mean to him, or be anything to him - my opinion is if you are not able to control your feelings (whether its anger or pain or anything) around him then avoid him. He was just a friend - so dont get emotional.

    The longer you can do this for, InshaAllah the more these feelings will fade until they are nothing!

    Its like a wound the more you see him or worry about him the more u will scrape it. Give yourself time to heal.
    If you are hurting pray to Allah. Confide in Allah, speak to Him, ask Him to help you. Pray Tahajjud - it strengthens Muslims.
    Also I repeated the first dua a lot on here. http://infoguide.wordpress.com/2008/02/07/duas-for-relive-from-distress/

    Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to help someone suffering based on own experience.
    Be positive, relax - YOUL get through it IA!
    May Allah make it easy for you, will be in my duas InshaAllah
    Wasalaam.

  12. THANK YOU EVERYONE
    I Dont love him at all, actually i hate him now. I had sent a sorry message to him and he replyed a swearing message that he hates me and was swearing at me i think his still angry over the comment i had hurt him. When i saw wat he said I LOST my feelings. I deverse better and Allah SHOWED THE TRUE COLOR OF HIM. HIS NOT RIGHT AND WE ARENT friends Anymore. He should get over wat i said and move on. YOUR COMMENTS HELPED ME THANK YOU FOR CURING ME. IM GETTING ENGAGE with A girl which i am HAPPY I HAD WAITED PATIENCE AND HAD HOPE AND NOW I AM CURED. I am kinda upset wat he replyed back to me, but it showed me wat type of person he is. im cutting all contacts and moving on I THANK YOU ALL AND WILL DUA FOR YOU ALL AND THANK ALLAH SO MUCH FOR SAVING ME FROM THE EVIL TEMPtATION OF SHATAN I LOVE ALLAH HE IS GREAT. I just need one more advice on should i reply back to him or not if so i should reply to his message wat should i say?

  13. i wrote the previous message before you had posted yours, but alhumdulilah Allah helped you through it!
    Wasalaam.

  14. Assalaamu alaikum.. Eid Mubarak

    Im sorry to hear your feeling sad again, life is ups and downs and InshaAllah things will get easier for you.

    I know its hard and you miss him but its part of the normal grieving process - you lost a friend. You WILL move on InshaAllah. DONT let youself think about him much - be positive. Hold good thoughts.

    Its up to you I know a muslim should never tell another what to make dua for but i strongly recommend NOT making dua to be friends with him again.

    Dont you see, Allah has answered your dua and given you a way out? You need to avoid him and accept you can't be friends with him because you CANT have a healthy normal relationship while you feel this way. And if you are around him you wont be able to move on. That is my opinion anyway, im sorry its so straight up but from experience that mindset you are currently holding is EXTREMELY destructive..

    Try to accept the Qadr of Allah.

    SubhanAllah be thankful that Allah has SAVED you from it.

    If you went back to being his friend - (especially while you still love him) it is likely you will hurt yourself/ be putting yourself in sin/ commit a worse sin!

    . Give yourself time
    . Be patient
    you WILL move on InshaAllah.

    "And come not near to Zina (fornication). Verily, it is a Fahisha (i.e. a great sin) and an evil way." [The Noble Qur'aan 17 : 32]

    It doesnt say dont do it, it says dont go near it. If you have feelings for him, being frends with him would be a sin, if you see what Im saying.

    BE STRONG! InshaAllah if you stay away, you will look back on this time and know you did the best thing! Ask Allah to help you move on. If your struggling - read previous post for advice(mine and others). Try to get closer to your deen, make dua, it is a shield for you InshaAllah.

    Wasalaam.

  15. salam everyone
    I posted that comment a bit soon. I'm sorry about me posting again, but our friendship is destoryed. i am still in love with him but i just want him as a friend again. i really would love to see him again really badly which i havent seen for week. I miss him and the time we spent with each other. i ask allah and dua for us to be friends again and see each other. Everything really reminds me of him and when i go out with other friends i always think of him and wish that allah will let me see him again. i have severe depression which has made me cry have terrible heartache. I just really dont want to lose contact with him and want to be apart of his life. Im waiting and being patience and keep praying and making dua for my problem to be solved and that there is no more suffering. when i remember my 4 yrs of suffering for him it kills me and i always wanted to spend every min with him happy as i was never going to see him again. I just want us to be friends again, but his really angry at me and i regret wat i did. i have become more religious and patience. my parents cancelled my engagement because the girl wasn't a good girl. i miss him terrible and only want to see him. please dua for me and i have been making dua for all of use. just really want or friendship back, my anger has destoryed our friendship. plz dua for me thank you everyone just hoping i find happiness at the end and you all find happiness as well. blessing of allah be upon use.

    • Afhgani,

      I really think you ought to distance yourself away from this male friend of yours. To love someone is good, it is a positive feeling, but your feelings for this man seem to be an unhealthy type of love. If our love for someone transgresses the limits set by Allah, it becomes wrong and unhealthy.

      This would be an appropriate time to make a sacrifice for the sake of Allah. Yesterday was the first day of Eid Adha. This Eid celebrates the sacrifice made by Ibrahim (as), his wife Hajar (ra) and their son Ismael (as).

      ***

      This hadith may not relate to your friendship with this man, but I love it because it is so true and so would like to share it here. InshaAllah it will encourage you to find love and friendship for the sake of Allah and Allah alone, its so much more satisfying:

      The Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam said: "Two persons who became friends for the sake of Allah do not separate except because of a sin committed by one of them." (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad).

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Dear Afghani,
      I have gone through all of your posts and people's responses. I understand what you are going through because I have been there a couple of times, being a muslim and then being in love with a guy. You can't have him in halaal way and neither you can shun the thoughts out of your minds. Most of the people neither have the ability or desire to understand what pain you must be in. The biggest problem is you cannot share it with your family or friends or anyone you know.

      Though I think you are too young to face this alone, I am a bit experienced and aged (29), if you like you can contact me on **************. I might be able to help you get over this.

      MAY ALLAH HELP US ALL

      Regards
      Zuber
      (Email address deleted by Editor)

      • Zuber, Asalaamualaykum,

        We do not allow the exchange of email addresses here. If you have any useful advice for the brother, please offer it here. This way you may help others in the same situation too.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  16. afghani
    distance yourself from this guy hes no good for you. You must learn what you going through is a test from Allah but mostly you must never think abut him either. Keep yourself busy as all times and be positive and hold on to doing good things

  17. Salaam... I agree Allah has taken you out of this and if you become friends again then it may all just start all over again... Accept Allah's decision and stay away from him... I know its easy for me to say but hard for you to do but trust me you wont regret it... Take care...

  18. Salam Brother...
    I hope u r fine...im 18 and
    im Passing through same stage. I love a guy, but Dont know why.. i dont want any sexual relation.. just want to be with him.I just want to talk to him, spend my time wit him... But but... aahh... i cant xplain ma feelings... its just that i dont know whats happening to me.... its so painful to love some one ,about whom u know, u cant get him ever.... any how, dont think u r alone. Can any body tell me why the hell i feel pain when i think about this in prespective of islam???

    • Salaam -
      Give it time and your pain will ease InshaAllah. Also may I add that feeling this way is not wrong - its your test - but you must not in any way act on it. Stay away from pornography an the likes, lower your gaze. I also want to add that some people may try to tell you practicing homosexuality is ok - its not - always remember that and fear Allah.

      im not exactly 100% sure about pain - but you are young - when you are young your feelings are very strong - we've all been there -burning anger, we become very passionate about things or people in a strange way. My intention is not to belittle your feelings brother but it most likely has arisen from a 'hormonal surge.' Which is completely normal at your age.. I want to give you an islamic perspective which I will but want u to understand your feelins

      Let me share my experience with you.. Throughout my school years I was always a loner - trying to fit in with everyone, moving on trying to fit in with another group etc. I was pretty depressed - used to get teased a lot.One day when I was 14, a new Muslim girl came to the school - now she was completely the opp of me - but from the first day we met we were inseperable. (I didnt love her romantically in anyway - just to clarify) We understood each other - same deen, both formal loners etc. Anyway although I never loved her at all in a romantic way - I would miss her if I dint see for a day, Id even feel a bit jealous of other people she made friends with - i wouldnt like them. She behaved the same way towards me. So we did have strong feelingsover the years.

      When we got older - our friendship just 'died' - she got new friends I became boring and then I was a bit jealous -i was hurt- I did chat to some guys for the purpose of 'friendship' astaghfiruallah - but they always ended up wanting more then just friends and confusing me. (I think for years I tried to fill gap of being lonely) 4 years later (now) me and this friend got back in touch - I no longer feel jealous - we see each other from time to time (mainly uni hols) but we are not inseperable anymore and wer both happy alhumdulilah

      Point of this - I have never felt confused about who i liked romantically alhumdulilah but she was my best friend - and i did at that age have feelins such as possessiveness, and pain etc. So i dont know if your friends (what im saying is very unlikely your feelins are romantic you likely to be confused)- maybe u admire him - so assess it rationally - is it admiration, do you aspire to be him - and if you find out (and if its a halal feeling) accept it for what it is - know that you feelings are out of control.

      If you continue to feel this way towards him, try to avoid him. Dont befriend him - dont be mean - and DONT act on your feelings.
      Either way whatever you feel move towards your deen. Try to build your relationship with Allah - ask Him to help you and guide u. Know that He understands you fully. Pray 5x if u dont already and learn the meaning of fatihah. Read qur'an in arabic and read translation. Do tahajjud. Dont change overnight but do a bit more each day.
      Also busy yourself with studies and halal hobbies - i translated all my insecurities into my deen and my studies - I realised friends are great and InshaAllah il find a nice 1 but Allah swt is always there why am I lonely - I took up science and arabic and did different courses - these things really helped.

      I pray Allah swt helps and guides you and us all and eases your pain and feelings
      Bro Wael will ask u in future to write your q as a sepereate post - sorry for answering here

    • salaam Brother ahmed I Also wanted to add that I am in no way promoting homosexuality behaviour - what im trying to say is it may just be confusing teenage feelings - i was confused about lots of things while growing up. But homosexuality itself is not something you are born with - its not our natural fitrah (instinct) its unatural - so something in a persons life may trigger it. So just remember that too. Allah has tested you with these feelings- and as long as you dont act on them, you are not under sin. Im sure its probably just those teenage hormone feelings- personally. May Allah make it easy for you and protect u.Ameen
      SRMuslimah

  19. Hey bro!

    I have read your story, and i think that you have mentally grew this friendship into something bigger if that makes any sense, you love him very much but as you say your not intrested in other men and nor are you intrested in doing anything sexually, so these are feelings that are out of control and you have mentally built it up to thinking that you are IN love with him and cannot live without him.

    I think you should keep on praying to Allah and asking for some guidence and in the meantime keep your distance from this friend because you may commit sin by being with each other, and most importantly you need to speak with your friend and confront each other about this and talk about it to be sure what you both are thinking and you may come out with a solution between yourselves. i really do hope Allah guides you and stay strong brother. x

  20. salam... i think u r right... we r all losers...@ srmuslimah

  21. please check out the following link;

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/63466375/A-Silent-Struggle-to-the-Straight-Path

    you can download it is as document, it contains a lot of advice and guidance, to show you a way out of this sickness.

    insha'allah it will be of benefit to you.

  22. listen i know i am answering too late and i think ur problem is solved in these 2 years , but guys i'm not facing this problem , but its related with this , a boy loves me a lot i just say tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much but i used to have feelings for him but i haven't now, but i have left him,, have i done right plzzzzzzzz answer me am i right at my place, that i left him , but he cries for me tOo much, but i have prayed to GOd to finish his love for me,, so leaving him is right or not???? plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz answer me, and Afghani YOu are So brave that u got that idea of being away from him, think that u hate for a temporary time, then u will be succeed in making him ur just friend , think that he is stupid or anything else , its the Great thing i have tried , but remeber for temporary time not forever...!! May Allah Bless YOu, i'm a boy just 15 years old, loved by a 22 years Old boy, so should i leave or talk to him as my parents forbidden me to talk with elders plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz guys help me

    • Salaams,

      You need to leave this person alone for several reasons. For one, homosexual relationships are haram. For two, Your parents have forbidden it and you need to respect their authority. For three, you are only 15 and this man is an adult (he is not a boy). In most places this is considered child abuse, and he would be considered a pedophile.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  23. hmm u r right, but problem is that when i used to love him too then One night i told him that we are doing wrong blah blah, but he didn't understand and he said u r bored of me, u r trying to find ways to leave me , i tried to told him but he didn't understand, and he smoked all the night , that i was cheating, but then at morning i told to him , u r not understanding me and then he cried, so i started to cry too, and in those emotions he said me to make promise and then in sad mode i made the promises to love him 4ever and to never leave him and to never look any other boy instead of him,, and now i've left him, so is this included in sin...!! plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me i'm so confused,

  24. Imran - both you and others will experience situations in life where the emotions are like a roller coaster when you get attached to someone. But it is unhealthy. It is an ADDICTION. There are even stories today of parents and adult children who meet and fall madly-obsessively "in love" with each other and even have sex together after a lifetime of never knowing each or never having been around each other. There are too many things with pheromones and hormones etc. that we don't understand in this life. But the poor people who fell into these attachments/addictions were not in love at all - something else on the biological/biochemical level was going on.

    Unfortunately we also have a worldwide society promoting celebrity worship and the exact same type of devastating obsession happens too frequently - with fans sending death threats to the partners of their favourite stars, astaghfirullah.

    Emotional addiction (whether heterosexual or homosexual) is very dangerous. Most of us have had at least one of these experiences of getting emotionally attached or addicted to someone and being driven almost insane by the roller coaster of out-of-control feelings washing through our bodies. Once you get stuck in this it can be painful and difficult to get out - but most of us get out eventually.

    Aside from that, this man you have involved with is practising homosexual activity with a 15 year old boy (yourself) and smoking and emotionally manipulating? Is this a good person? Is this the path you want to go down. If you do - it will be a dark path. This man sounds rather creepy to me and ask yourself why you are being with such a person. Is this who YOU are too? Who you wish to be? It doesn't matter what you promised him because he is doing wrong and illegal things. I would not condone a 22 year old man to come anywhere near a 15 year old girl either. But you are male and less vulnerable than a girl. If you want a good life pull yourself away from this dark emotional path before it's too late.

    Trust me I have known many homosexual people and couples through university and then workplaces. Many of them were very nice people and in committed relationships. But also in many of them I found a certain immaturity at times and other emotional problems. I have no problem with any homosexual person (Allah judges, not us) but I have a serious problem with the original poster getting literally addicted to his classmate and the suffering he endured and I have a problem with you having sexual relations (and using drugs?) with this older man.

    Often Imran, like the original poster at the top of page, and like yourself too - people will waffle and wallow back and forth many times with these addictions and the up and down emotions before they are able to get off the roller coaster. Just remember that when any of you get off that ride - your legs might be wobbly for a while so be easy on yourself towards recovery and stability.

    What I also notice is that the people (like your older friend and many "Muslim" males who destroy lives of girls) pushing these haram behaviours are NOT connected to the divine, to Allah at all. They are on some other path. You don't have to become an "ultra-orthodox" practising Muslim to bring your life in line with the Creator's love and mercy. When you connect to the divine you will have a compass in your heart, gut, and mind that will direct you away from people like this older man because you will FEEL that he is using you for sex and emotion and companionship and addiction but not for love in the way of Allah. This will help protect you against such predators. Additionally, just because you have "fallen down" and succumbed to this "relationship" or any other dark behaviour you can ALWAYS get back up again and walk the straight path. I do not wish to speak on behalf of Allah but I imagine the Creator will always accept you, love you, and help you in this....no matter how many times you have to fall down and get back up.

    I hope you can understand everything I have said and that it may help anyone else reading these posts.

    May Allah guide my words and all who come to this website and protect us all.

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