Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am not madly in love with my fiance. But there’s this other guy…

Depressed wife after finding out of husband's affair.

Assalamualaikum,

My question is regarding soulmates. Firstly, is there any significance of this idea in Islam? And if yes, is it true that spending life with them is more blissful because of better understanding and connection because they belong to the same soul family? I've heard we can also spend a good life with partners who are not our soulmates...that it all depends on our choices.

I have been in a relationship for 7 years now. We got engaged 2 years ago and the wedding was near. I convinced my parents for him after 2 years of togetherness though it was difficult because he was as young as me, not stable financially, different cast, parents thought it's a mismatch as he was a little immature kid, and they believed I could get a better partner ( in my heart I knew this too but I was just too attached). I knew that he is not my type but I was happy because he had no bad characteristics as a guy and I thought time will fix everything.

I made a decision/commitment based on our attachment and likeness in young age..I didn't notice that he doesn't match with the ideal I have in my mind.  He now is stable, loves me unconditionally, has great character, and is not like guys of this era. He is a religious, very down to earth person. He also got an idea about my interest towards another person and that I was talking to him, and still didn't get enraged and forgave me.

Now I met a friend whom I started to like because he's an Alpha Male and I also shared my problem with him and he was understanding and mature. So we now have some kind of connection which attracts us alot and I am now rethinking my decision to marry the first guy. Now I don't know what I want and I'm just unable to choose whether I should be with someone who loves me as I am, cares for me, and desperately wants to marry me but for whom I dont feel the same way OR shall I move on as this new person also likes me, is elder than me, willing to get serious too, but he's not as religious.

Moving on is very hard too as we've spend 7 years together so I miss him because he has been my only friend in need. I also feel extremely bad for him as he's still in shock to hear I'm rethinking this and don't feel the same way about him. He is extremely hurt.

Please help me, as I have been making Istikhara and I'm still unclear what to do. What shall I do, as I know my fiance is a perfect guy to marry, any girl would want all this, but I'm just not attracted. Plus, now that I've developed feelings for someone else, will I be able to be happy with my fiance? How do I make correct Istikhara for choosing between both??? Please help me...I need to answer my fiance soon!

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4 Responses »

  1. Don't betray the first guy because he trust in you and God will punish you for that,while what you felt on the other guy is"adventure of no return".so I prefer the first guy.

  2. It’s a classic work Shaista putting waswasa in your heart. Continue with Istikhara and stick with the one you are to be married.
    Do a lot of astaqfar. Consider it as Qader of Allah, so make it your destiny.do Nikah as soon as possible to avoid temptations.

    • I think the one who’s religious and loving you so much is suitable for you it is such a great blessing that in today’s world there’s a religious spouse...iam saying this for your betterment sister leave every kind of connection to that stranger As soon as possible because it may affect your relationship with that good guy and it is Haram repent to Allah.

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