Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Love marriage and pre-marital relationships in Islam

Love marriage and Pre-marital relationships, man with flowers

Assalam O Alaikum!

I am a young Muslim man and I am in a relationship with a Muslim girl. We love each other, respect each other, care for each other and are very much happy together. I am practising myself and offer my 5 times prayers and come from a noble family. She is also very nice girl, practising, prays 5 times a day and do extra prayers as well, recites Holy Quran regularly and attend Quran learning classes regularly. My mother knows her but she is not aware of our relationship. We have never had any kind of physical relationship; we never discussed this topic and may be she doesn’t know about these things yet. I love her because of her character, not because of her facial beauty or anything; she does hijab and do not interact with any men except me. When her parents found out about our relationship, they tortured her and they even treat her badly now. They are not allowing her to study. We both have no contact with each other and she is mad for me. We used to talk regularly before and she wants that same but she is not allowed to see me. When I told my mother about her; she told me to stop contacting her. When my parents went to ask her hand for me in marriage; her parents refused because we belong to a different cast. What can I do as I want her in my life? I can’t live without her and I am dying inside, please give me any advice. Also, is it allowed for us to keep in contact and meet each other?


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16 Responses »

  1. Hi...

    • mohammed, please register and submit your question as a separate post and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah. thanks.

      Wael Editor

  2. Death for love ==> very very small number. (N.B. The sucider will go to Jahannam/ fire)
    Death for Money==> medium ( the Robber, Decoit, Pirates.--> they injuired, caught by security forces, and go to jail/ or to death as court order/ judicial rule)
    Death for POWER==>. Very very high ( Many wars, World wars were happened)
    from Bangladesh

  3. Asssalaam
    Dear UM. Why You use UM not full name. If u marry her and she will die 2-3 years later and if you have long life -- will u not marry?

    • Because of the personal nature of the questions posted on this website, most people use pseudonyms or nicknames only.

      Wael Editor

  4. im sorry to post here but i im a very heartbreaking situation and i need some advice please!

    • kalsoom, I registered you and submitted your question as a post on your behalf. It will be published in turn, Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

  5. Salaams dearest brothers and sisters.

    I am sorry to be of trouble but I am in a difficult situation regards to marriage. Please could you suggest some duas or tasbeeh for me to recite.

    I am a pakistani Muslim girl who wishes to marry an Arab Muslim boy. I believe what ever Allah SWT does is for the best. I respect and love my family as well as the boy I wish to marry.
    I believe there was a reason behind the meeting of me and him.. I strongly believe my family would be against this marriage as its a cross cultural marriage

    • Zahra, let the boy's family come to your family with a formal proposal of marriage and see what happens. If you need further advice, please log in and write your question as a separate post. But I suggest you try this first, and see how it goes Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

  6. Tell your parents to convince you about their viewpoint by opening the Quran and finding the word caste.

    More importantly if you can have a relationship with this girl and love her, and the love is mutual, why continue a haram relationship? Ask for her hand in marriage formally and both of you should argue with both parents present. Tell them it is better to have a halal and healthy relationship rather than running the risk of an unsuccessful marriage or even worse, zina which they contributed to.

  7. There are several Ahadith that assert the fact that individuals, including women, have a right to choose their marriage partner. I am not saying in any way that you should make her disobey her parents, but instead, that you should soften their hearts to this issue. Try to be like our beloved prophet Muhammad (PBUH) by following every Sunnah and Ahadith that you are aware of. Believe me, if you do this, then, insha-Allah, they will, themselves, offer her hand in marriage to you. Also, perform Istikhara to know if she's the right one for you. And don't rebel. May Allah do what's best for you, best for her, best for your families, and best for the world. Ameen

  8. Quran: Marriages due to a couple falling in love with one another are acceptable but way of approach should be lawful. Meaning, that if you like a person and want to marry with her then you are right, you have to agree your parents and then her parents INSHA-ALLAH her parents will be agree if you are on right path, and the caste system is very bad. Her parents should try to understand the Islam, this is totally foolish reason that caste is not same.

  9. Assalaamu alaikum brother Um.
    I am sorry to hear the difficulties you are both going through. The caste system is not from islam at all, so its completely unfair of her parents to reject you on this basis. However, as its her parents rejecting you (and not vice versa) it is more of a tricky situation. Normally in this situation, I would advise involving an emaan to remind the family that caste system is not important in Islam. But I am not sure if it would work as the difficulty is on her side.

    In Islam - No person is superior over another, except with faith - regardless of caste, social status, wealth, race.

    Make sincere dua to Allah swt - Ask Him to soften your parents and her parents hearts towards each of you - if it is the best thing for you - and if its not to remove your attachment to each other. Maybe you could do istakhaarah dua.

    Brother you have strong feelings for her - but you both CAN live without each other, rest assured- it will be hard but its possible.

    "Also, is it allowed for us to keep in contact and meet each other?"
    In answer to your question, its not permitted to be in unecessary contact with a non mahram, so you cannot meet without a good reason (such as for marriage) and in these permitted cases the girls mahram must be present. Keeping in contact through talking on the phone is also a bad idea - islamically talking on the phone is like being 'alone' together. Remember that when you are alone, shaytaan is the 3rd. I understand that you have good intentions, but please remember this.

    "When her parents found out about our relationship, they tortured her and they even treat her badly now."
    I am also concerned for her safety

    Also by keeping in contact with her/meeting her secretly you:
    - are not abiding by islamic guidelines (are disobeying Allah swt)
    - are putting this girl at risk by going behind her parents back.
    - will have to lie (both of you) leading to more sins.
    - will only cause yourself more pain as meeting will lead to you both becoming more attached. If your parents never agree and you are one day forced to seperate it will be much much harder.

    Parents do not always see things the same way you do. They hear 'relationship' and assume the worst. When her parents found out, they must have felt so betrayed. It is not going to make them like the guy is it? I dont agree with them but I want you to understand this...

    From now on be responsible - it will hurt being away from her - but if Allah wills you both to marry, you will marry. If he doesnt then you won't. Don't meet her secretly. Let her be for now - at least for her own safety. Make tawbah for sins and ask Allah swt to help you. If you need to involve an Imaan or a religious fair person who is influential to try to convince your/her parents.

    Turn to Allah, pray 5x if you dont already. Remember Allah has the cure for everything, and remember your accountability to Allah. Try to improve your relationship with Him.

    I pray that Allah swt helps you through this situation and removes this ignorance which has come from culture.

    Sara Editor

  10. As salamu alaykum, Um,

    Thank you very much for sharing.

    It is so sad for me to listen to your words, as muslims you are not allowed to have a relationship in terms of boyfriend and girlfriend. Her parents has refused you and the only way, I see is to pray to Allah(swt) to guide you to the right spouse for you.

    You have in the main page of the site, all the post answered related to caste issues, you may find some answers in there, insha´Allah.

    I will have all of you in my duas, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Respect,

    María Editor

    • Please, forgive me, the link for caste issues is at the left on this page where your post is being commented.

      Or you can search using the word caste, this is other option.

      Thank you.

      María Editor

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