Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Rejected by fiance after zina

Interactions between the engaged couple

Salam alakium everyone!

I am 25, female. I lived in a boarding school mostly and at my home it was more like a neglected behaviour of parents among all we kids and they always had their issues that I personally feel I couldn't seek their love and have always been looking outside for it, as my dad never wanted a daughter.

Long story short, I fell in love with a boy (may Allah forgive me-astaghfirullah) who in fact approached me, I was being protective so didn't talk initially but later he kept approaching me and I started talking and later when we realized that we have mutual thoughts and life plans why not to get marry, he sent his parents. They came and went initially they said they don't want to marry, but things changed and he made them agree. My family went to their place after 6 months and things were wayyy smooth, we knew that we will be getting married shortly,started shopping in fact. Later suddenly he said his parents are not agreeing but before saying this about 10 days ago we met though we only met twice in this whole 1 year, but the last time we met we committed zina/sex as we never thought we will not be marrying, I know we committed a sin and since then I'm seeking forgivness from Allah ,may Allah swt forgive me aameen.

Now he says that his father is not agreeing and he is not willing to marry at any cost. I kept begging him that we have committed a sin and it shouldn't be like this, you should tell your parents... and he says his father has cardiac issues which he certainly has, and he says don't think it like this it wasn't zina and he didn't know at that time otherwise he would have not brought it up til here.

I kept telling him even Islam has given you the right to marry of your own choice and it wasnt halal and we wanted it halal. He says I'm of good character and like a diamond but I cant take this sin. I know Allah accept tawabah from heart but I feel I am not a good muslim. I am sick from the day he told me, I don't want to live a life with this burden on heart. I cant face my family, I attempted drug overdose and still in pain, he was equally in love with me and couldnt see a single tear in my eye.

Now in my opinion I have 2 options. One is that he is not having guts to talk to his family so why shouldn't I drop mails to his brothers who are practising muslims maa shaa Allah to tell them what happened between us and that they should ask for nikkah, as I think if we have made a sin and we have option of correcting it too but just for the society he is afraid then I should talk?

Or should I back off?

kindly reply me asap.

jazak Allah khairun.

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15 Responses »

  1. Don't reveal his sins, your sin to his family or to anyone for that matter. If Allah has hidden them..has kept a pardah on you...then you should keep it hidden. He will not trust you..if you go behind his back and tell his family what happened between the two of you.
    If you want him to drift further away from you...then do it...but I would advice you not to.

    Find another way to get what you want.


  2. Dear sister,

    I suggest u to go and talk to his parents......Because till now what ever u heard is from him only.... U didnt hear anything from his parents... I came upon this conclusion from ur passage because it isn't mentioned anywhere there , that his father had a talk wid anyone of urs family nor u..... So u shud better go and talk to his parents so as to know wat is the reason that he is rejecting ur proposal.... So plz go and talk to that boy's father directly.... Who knows wat is the real thing.....

  3. I feel really bad for you and all the sisters, that had this
    Happen to them, I would go talk to his parents or his brother
    And tell them what ya too did, because it takes two to do zina, do. It let him get away with this because he is a guy he can go find somebody else so quick to marry, in the other hand your a girl you will have a hard time finding a husband , he got what he wanted now he doesn't care if you marry him or not.

    Just be very smart next time don't ever be alone with a guy if your smart you will know all they do is use you for zina and say oh my parents won't allow me to marry you, there lying they choose not too..

  4. What your parents did was no excuse FOR YOU. You still had a path to choose.

    Its really SAD and common how a guy plays the girl after he gets what he wants, then can remarry without any difficulties whereas the girls are always having to prove themselves. Cut all contact with him leave him. Learn from your mistakes and leave it with the hands of Allah. DO NOT DISCLOSE THIS SIN TO ANYONE.

    • You are right that she had a choice in doing what she did, but parents' behaviour towards children hugely impacts their children. If it didn't then why would parents be guided to be kind and patient with their children? If parents nurture their children in a positive way, they are commended for their efforts, but if they don't, we shouldn't be so surprised on the outcome.

      • BUT my parents also never spended time with me and I never played the victim or indulged in haraam. I never blamed my parents for anything. I chose a protective path because I already knew what the world is coming too and I have seen the most disgusting things within people as well. BUT still women should use their head never to TRUST ANY GUY OR EVEN BE ALONE WITH A GUY SORRY VIRGINITY IS NOT WORTH LOSING BEFORE MARRIAGE.

        Also I honestly think she should tell both parents what happen and the boys family. Because it took 2 to commit such act.

        • SubhanAllah, sister you had the sense to not do any of that...Alhumdulillah.

          All I am saying is that everyone comes into this world with different personalities, different experiences and we all react differently--of course we should be accountable for our behaviour--but we also should empathize and understand that people do not all react in the same way.

    • perfect advice!

  5. Sister,

    This guy is a liar...nothing more, nothing less. He used you and now he wants to use the excuse that his father has cardiac issues and thats why he can't talk to him. Coward.

    If you are close with your parents and you feel that if you sat with them and told them what happened, I would recommend that route. Yes I know it won't be pretty, but your father is a man and he knows the game this guy is playing. Your father can go and speak to this guys father thus you are not in the middle of it.

    The reality's probably likely that this guy doesn't want to marry you and he is just making up a story for your benefit. I am certain if this guys father is informed of what his son did and then turned around and told you he can't marry you, AFTER he took you to bed, he himself will be somewhat shocked or...he may turn things around and make things ugly.

    Something else you need to be asking yourself is this: Do I want to be with a man who used me, then tossed me aside without any regard to my health and well being? Does this really sound like a man worth marrying? Not to me...and not to any sane woman reading this.

    You messed up big time but, the wonderful thing about Islam is that you can seek forgiveness for your sins, never to repeat them again. Think long and hard about what you want to do but if it were me...I wouldn't let this guy get off scott free like nothing ever happened. He took something very valuable from you and I certainly would not give him the satisfaction of going away all quiet like he wants.

    Good luck to you...Salam

  6. dear sister!
    u r already engaged, he z ur fiance, u must involve ur parents talk to them tell ur situation, plz let ur mother knw about ur physical relation with him. both of ur parents will sit together and find out some solution of this.

    1 more thing don't lose hope Allah is with u, he has a best plan for u.

  7. Awww habibti this guy sounds like he used you. I hope Allah swt accepts your tawbah inshaAllah and blesses you with an amazing husband who deserves you ameen. He does not sound like a good guy and you are better off without him.

  8. Asalaamualaykum,
    First you should not have committed this sin,Not doing Istikhara and not asking AllahSWT's guidance was a big mistake on your need to stop hearing music especially these ta*lor swift kind of songs.

    yours is a serious case,Just tell him i'll complain to AllahSWT and tell him to talk to his father.If he was not using you he will talk,if after talking to AllahSWT still his father gives non-sense and not seeing the gravity of the offence you both did,just do dua to AllahSWT complaining about him and his dad.If his dad is kind of satanic anti islamic man,he will be afflicted or he will die probably.

    if your boy was using you,he will never talk with his father about this and he will give all sorts of excuses.

    then do dua and complain about him to AllahSWT,and just relax.His bad time will soon start and you will see how he runs crying here and there.He may even come to ask for forgiveness and you may marry him then.

    if not interested to marry him,just complain about them and see a sign of 'AllahSWT's wrath.

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