Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Premarital sex, blackmail, marriage and relationships; it’s complicated.

blackmail, black mail

Assalamu Alaikum everyone...
I dont know how to start this..I am in a state of life that sometimes I wanna commit suicide but I cant because it is unforgivable..
this is a big story but please read ahead. In my past life,I had made many mistakes..I was in a relationship with one after one guys..I have kissed about 5 guys but never had premarital sex n never wanted to do that...3years ago,one guy once videotaped our kiss and some voice records..and blackmailed me to have sex with him for 5 times otherwise he will tell my family and show tgem the videotaped. I begged him, told him sorry but he didn't listen to me...I finally agreed to give up my virginity..because if my family came to know that..they will kill me..
then we went to have sex..he also videotaped that  as I was a virgin.
it was really difficult to have sex and we couldn't of his friends got the videotape and he also blackmailed me to have sex...and not to tell the other guy or he would kill I lost my virginity to him..even if I didnt want to..but I didnt have any choice...
the first guy came to know that and became very angry with me. he said now I have to have sex 15 times with him. I agreed to that also..I dont even love that guy at all..then we had sex 15times but still he doesnt leave me...he said he wants more and told me to get married so that we dont commit any sins..he will divorce me after three years..because we dont wanna live with eachother. as I didnt have any choice. I agreed...biggest mistake I ever he wants to have sex with me 2 times per week for 3 years and If I dont do that properly,he will make it more..
I am repenting all my sins now...I pray 5times and read Quran regularly etc..repenting really from heart..I really love another guy now..he loves me a lot and we plan to get married soon.but I can't tell him about my past life because its still haunting me..the blackmailer guy gives me a lot of pain. I dont know what to do..I dont wanna have sex with him anymore but I dont have any choice...I cant even share this with anyone. I'm afraid that even if we get divorced after 3years..and I get married to the guy Im in love with,he will definitely know that I have had sex many times...I'm stuck..I dont know what to do..I dont wanna live anymore..but I love that guy a lot and I wanna get married to him..what if the blackmailer guy doesnt divorce me???I cant live with that bad guy..
Also..I wanna know,If I had premarital sex with a guy and marry that guy,will my sins be forgiven? I am really repenting my past sins..but I can't live like that anymore..I know there's nothing to do..but at least suggest me something...I really love my boyfriend..I wanna get married to him and spend my life with him...but my condition is way too complicated.I know I shouldnt have listened to that blackmailer in the first place but I made so many mistakes...I wish I could die..please suggest me anything..

thank you,

Mania Ayesha.

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19 Responses »

  1. Sister Mania Ayesha,


    I feel so bad for you and what you have done to yourself.

    You should never listen to those who have no fear of Allah. This man deserves no respect, he does not deserve a good Muslim woman.

    He made sex equal to Tawbah. He asked you to repent by having sex with him 15 times for one time sex with his friend. Now that you have agreed to do such an evil act and commit the sin which is HUGE, in order to cover a minor sin, there insensible men will keep using you by showing threatening to expose you.

    Over all of this, contract marriage is not allowed in Islam. You being married for 3 years, then being divorced was a contract. It is not allowed. So, I doubt if your Nikah was and is valid.

    I want to ask you "in what medium does this man have your video?", does he have only one copy of it or does he have many? What about his friend, do you see him anytime; or did you see him after you did the sin with him?

    If this man has only one copy, then ask him to somehow acquire the copy that his friend has. After this, you'll have to destroy all the copies that this man has, if possible.

    You should not have anymore sex with him. What you see is a result of your own ignorance. But you are throwing yourself in the dungeons of darkness. If you don't take action now, you may die with this.

    If you were forced and raped, you are not to be blamed, because it is something done by force.

    What you should do now is involve your parents. Tell them that this man has videotaped your privacy and threatens to expose you if you don't agree to have sex with him twice a week for 3 years. And then he will divorce you. (And take my words, if he's not satisfied or does not find another girl, he will extend his contract.)

    You don't have to tell them that you have had sex so many times even before marriage and even with his friend.

    Hopefully, your father will take action, even if he has to report this evil man to the police.

    You should try and destroy those videotapes first. Otherwise, he may circulate them to other friends, too.

    Then your modesty and honor will be further be at stake.

    Your parents should then speak to the man you like, and tell him about the evil man who used you with the help of the videotapes. If he is understanding enough, insha Allah, he will marry you.

    Needless to say, sister, you have done HUGE sins and need to repent to Allah and Hope for His Forgiveness. If you commit suicide, you will further be throwing yourself into the Hell Fire.

    I Pray to Allah that He Helps you and Forgives your sins. I pray that Allah Will Erase this from your life and give you a peaceful life, until you die, and also High levels in the Jannah.



    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • Assalamu Alaikum,

      I agree that the situation is complicated. I feel sad that this sister did not know how to stop the harassment in the first place. She was ashamed of a kiss and as a remedy to that she went far and had sex with him. I am just restating the facts, I do not want to judge her because I am not a perfect person. But I do feel sad that we as humans can take advantage of the weak among ourselves.

      She said, she could be killed by her family for just kissing the guy. Brother Muhammad, do you think the parents will forgive her having sex with the guy and having it on video? Let's pray that the parents will be understanding. I just want to point out that fact. Please, if any one take into consideration when advising this sister.

      To this sister, please and please stop abusing yourself. SAY NO to the harassment. Love yourself. You put this skunk who is harassing you in control of your life. Do not let him do that. I am not a scholar in Islam, so I will not quote a hadith or an ayat, but common sense tells me that you can stop what is happening by saying no to having sex. Even if they have your video tape, do not let them blackmail you. Do not go near to them, ignore them, and let them take a hike. They will stop harassing you as soon as they realize you will not give them what they want. Even if you are afraid, do not show them that.
      Please, in the future, refrain from making those kind of movies, even with your husband. I am saying it again, even with your husband. Because a husband is a human being who can change on you one day. That is just life and people we love sometimes they change positively other times they change negatively.

      For your new boyfriend. Well, sorry to tell you that you need to fix the situation you are in before jumping into another situation. Right now you are hurt from all the people who abused you and you want to start a new relationship to heal. There is nothing wrong with that. But, you need to heal first. Give yourself time to discover who you are and what you want in life. From your post, it seems you have been involved with 5 to 6 guys. Sorry, it is too many guys for any girl/woman. Even though you are suffering for the situation, take it as a learning experience. Learn from it and help others with it. May be you can be a great mentor for other girls in your community by teaching them about how to avoid being abused.

      I really appreciate that you took the initiative to ask for guidance. I really admire that you started to pray and ask ALLAH for forgiveness. You entered the right path, do not fear the skunks who had your videotape, fear ALLAH. Call Him for help, He will hear you. Be sincere and never be involved again in illegitimate relationships.

      May Allah help you and keep you in His path. Best wishes to you.


      • Reader,

        I assumed that the marriage was with the permission of the father. In this way, there would be no reason for the parents to not "forgive her" for the sex. I mentioned that she need not tell the parents that this happened even before they were married.

        I could not see any other way she could handle this.

        Truly, Allah Is The Only One Who Can Save her. Lets pray that she succeeds in it all.

        Jazakallu Khair 🙂

        Muhammad Waseem Editor

  2. Salaam Sister,

    I feel for you.A marriage under force is not valid.Did he only marry you islamically?
    Get out of it.Can you not tell the police? I do not know in which country you are? its Harassment.
    Did you get married without wali witnesses?? I really dont think all is valid.
    I think you should tell a female scholar all this thats if ur in the uk.

    w salaam

  3. You've commited a grave sin and you need to repent sincerely.

    No you do not have to marry him your sins won't be washed away.automatically

    You can only marry someone with a similar past just like yourself

    If your underage then contact the police and then tell them that his blackmailing you.

  4. contact your local women's shelter.

  5. Assalamu Alaykum, Sister Mania Ayesha,

    Rest assured the evil nature of these men displeases Allah greatly. He will judge them harshly and fairly on the day of judgement. He will also judge you fairly, for he knows your heart, he knows your struggle, and he knows your pain. What you did was a great sin, but the mercy of Allah knows no bounds, if you repent.

    So, firstly, you must stop immediately, ask Allah for his mercy and forgiveness, and NEVER do this again. Your very very serious error will be forgiven, and you will be able to move on.

    However, although your sins will be forgiven, the effects of these sins may still remain in this world. Before you do anything else, please have yourself tested for STDs if this is possible. I know this is so embarrassing, so difficult, but is the most important thing you can do right now after you repent.

    Your family may be so upset by all of this that they do not think straight. If that is the case, you may have to find a way to get support elsewhere, as some of the other posters have mentioned. Please, get support, for this will be a difficult road to travel alone. Allah will guide you, but don't discount the idea that part of Allah's plan may be for trustworthy, compassionate sisters at the Masjid to help you as well. This is why Allah wants us to be part of a community of Muslims, so we can help each other.

    Too often in this world, Muslims judge other Muslims and condemn them. However, you will certainly find that there are many pious sisters who will not ask questions, who do not need know anything except that you need emotional support. They will be there for you in the way Allah intends, with love, acceptance, sensible guidance, and prayer.

    May Allah sustain you. Amin.

    AmericanMuslim Editor

  6. Contact the police and tell them this boy is blackmailing you to have sex with him-I'm sure they can prevent him from spreading the video-and it's a crime to harass you like this. You seem so lost I make dua to Allah swt to give you strength to overcome this. In terms of your marriage, I can't give you any advice based on what you have said as I don't know the circumstances of your marriage.

  7. Woe wow marsallah that's all I have to say!!!! I feel so bad for you sister please please pray to Allah 24/7 to forgive you for this sins because this is the biggest sun I have ever heard wow!!!!

    • I am very shocked for once i dont know what to say other than i feel sad for you and i hope you get through this difficult time may allah always be on your side.

    • asalamoalykum
      are you making fun of her? be greatfull to ALLAH that ALLAH didn't put such a test on you,because even you would have done the same thing! ALLAH knows who to test and how....theres a duaa to be read when you see some one going through a greatfull and ask ALLAH to forgive you and pray for her,maY ALLAH save us and our sisters from such tyrants,may ALLAH give him naik hidayath or halakath.AMEEN....

  8. Any young ladies that come to this web sit and read this please please think twice before you talk to any guys and please do not let any guy take advantage of you, be smart wait ontill marriage to do anything for the sake of Allah never be alone with a guy even if they sweet talk to you. There is always something underneath that sweetness. I would take a lesson from this topic if I were you.

  9. asalamoalykum sister,
    it's a late reply but i do hope ur checking this site,inshallah,sister i am living under tyranny myself, and i can tell you from personal experience that unless you take a stand and fight back its not going to go away,there are some ppl who are just devoid of mercy,he might feel mercy for others but not for you and reading about your situation i feel never, and ALLAH knows best. you must fight back,ask for a divorce and please please forget about this guy who you want to marry and consider yourself in love with, after inshallah you will be free from your husband,it will take you some time to heal mentally and physically,its not a proper time to get into a relationship,its a lot of responsibilty you have to take care of the husband and yourself and the children that you have with him,and you already have too much on your plate right now,if you are not able to forget this guy pray to ALLAH sincerely to make you forget him and to get you free from your husband,get up everyday for tahajjud and cry and cry and even do istikhara every single day ,pray to ALLAH to make way for you,i know you are scared about asking for a divorce but your married to him now ,what is he going to do?? yes i know ,he has your videos,and your afraid of society but i think its high time to ask yourself if society is more imp or the wrath of ALLAH ,remember ALLAH is the mercifullest of the mercifull and he dosn't like tyranny and the tyrants and the person who stays under zulm is also sinful as the person commiting it,find a way to get your videos,pray to ALLAH and fight fight,find every way to get your freedom concentrate on this, until INSHALLAH until ALLAH grants it to you and don't be afraid,remember everything happens becoz of ALLAH'S will,u can't afford to run and be scared now u have been scared enough and he has fed on your fear,that is how these ppl work,first talk to him and try to reason with him,if he dosn't listen,do everything in your power to free yourself from him,and educate yourself on islam and its rulings and keep praying and asking ALLAH for his help,ALLAH'S help is near,may ALLAH help and heal you all our prayers are with you.......

  10. I suggest you report this so called husband to the police immediately. Blackmailing you in this way is a criminal offence.
    I suggest you also ask for the investigation to take place discretely for your safety.
    Additionally get a good lawyer too involved.
    Ultimately he will back off.
    Then you can marry the person you really want to.
    Your past is your own and you are not required to share it with your next husband. ( as in the same way you dont expect to know every detail of his past life). You only need to get over what is happening to you and recover.

  11. salam alykom.omg .i feel for u .im being blackmailed by a pakistani national in the uae.he has taken over my life 100% .im divorced with 2 sons.i met him a year ago.and he ask to marry me n we planned a life in the future kids are 10 n 13 so when i went to court they told me if i remarried i would lose my kids to my ex,so i decided to stay with my he is blackmailing me ,telling me to give him money n sex or he will kill my kids n throw acid in my face .im living in hell .im afraid to go to the police because its aligel to have sex before marriage ,he took me to a hotel dragged me out of his car into a room n raped me several times.beat me until i was black n blue.he says if i close my mobile or dont answer his calls he will come to my home n cut my boys up.if he gets a call from police he will kill me n a muslim .yes i have sinned .and i am so ashamed of what i did .i prey n ask allah to forgive me n help me rid this terrible cancer which is eating away at my soul.any advice would be welcomed .but before u point ur finger at me make sure ur own hands are clean.salam .

    • Salaam sister,

      I have published your question as a post for you so InshaAllah you will recieve some good replies soon. I pray that Allah swt protects you and your sons from this evil man and removes him from your life.

      Sara Editor

      Please click this link for your post:

      • salam alykom sara.i prey 24 7 n ask allah to keep him far from me n my kids.thank you for ur help n concern ,may allah bless n protect you all ur life sara.xx

        • Hi every one . A man prays to Allah to give him wealth but doesn't go to work . Lives In benefit ? . You pray to all mighty to make your life easy show you the right path an to bless you . Fight for your right doesn't islam teach you this . If a rape takes place you should . stop it with your hand . If you Cannot do this . Then stop it with your mouth . If you cannot do this . Them curse in your heart . That is the least bit of Muslim faith....? WHAT people going to thing about you .Iet allah judge you. Are you going to displease ALLAH by not doing eventhing .pass your test by putting them little boy sorry girls in jail. Don't help evil take over . Lift your head up . (1) police
          (2) law
          (4) stop it for you an other

  12. Came across this when looking for solution to my own. If you are in the Usa, My suggestion is forget about sins, and focus on your RIGHTS. The videos were taken without your consent. Here in the US thats considered sexual abuse, among other things and obviously is putting you in danger. That means more than after death consequences. Speak out. Im sure celestial bodies know full well you are not in the wrong. Speak out.

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