Islamic marriage advice and family advice

female interested in male, instead of other way around

Worried young woman

I'm 16 and I'm interested in this man who is always in the masjid praying, reading Quran, etc. Other than that I don't know him, and only talk to him when I'm giving salaams etc. He seems like a really nice person, and I would like to know if he is interested in me, too. I don't know what to do, because typically the man asks the females family for her hand.

-laalaakid


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14 Responses »

  1. Salam sister if u like him then talk to you parents about him and tell them how serious you are and there is also a chance of both of you commiting a great sin ( shaytaan may attack you both and get you both in to talking which will lead to the anger of allah)
    Islamically both parties can approach and ask each others hand in marriage.
    You can continue with your studies even after marriage

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    Before thinking about this man in particular, think about yourself and your own situation. Are you at a stage in your life where you feel ready for marriage? If you haven't already, read up on what marriage is about, the roles of husbands and wives, and the challenges that can come with married life. There's no right or wrong answer to the question - some people are ready for marriage early in life, some people wait until later, and some people may never feel that marriage is for them. And ask Allah for guidance - maybe read this website's sections on istikhara and dua for advice about doing this.

    If you decide that you aren't quite ready for marriage yet - maybe you want to concentrate on your studies and getting started in a career... maybe you don't feel that the responsibilities of married life would be right for you at this time... maybe you need more time to figure out who you are and what you want... - that's OK. It's better to take big steps, such as getting married, when they feel right for you. There's no pressure to rush into these things. In that case, what you can do is make a note of the things that you like about this man (such as commitment to Islam, good manners, respect for Islamic boundaries...) - that way, you can start developing an idea of what you want in a future husband, which will inshaAllah make it easier in the future for you to discuss with your wali about what you want them to consider when helping you find a husband.

    If you feel that you are ready for marriage, and you want to learn more about this man as a potential husband, it's important to make sure you do so in a halal way. What you could do is talk with your parents about marriage, and mention that you are very keen that your husband be pious and of good character. You can then mention this man as someone you have noticed to attend masjid regularly and to show appropriate respect for Islamic limits, and ask if your wali could find out a bit more about him. At this stage, you know very little about him other than that he attends masjid and seems on his deen, so it's important to find out if this is a true reflection of him as a person.

    If your wali feels that this man is of good character and would be suitable for consideration, he could enquire whether this man is looking to get married, and if so, mention that he has a daughter who is pious and observes Islamic limits, so would the man like to consider meeting with you and the family to see if the two of you wish to marry each other?

    Your parents may feel that you are not yet ready for marriage, or advise that you wait until you have, for example, finished your school studies. Or, your wali might meet with this man and feel that he isn't a particularly suitable candidate for marriage. While these things might be disappointing, remember that your parents will inshaAllah have your best interests at heart and want to protect you from harm - even if it feels really unfair and annoying, try to respect your parents' views.

    There's actually no reason why a woman can't arrange the first move if she is interested in considering someone for marriage - so long as we follow appropriate guidance and observe Islamic limits. Remember that Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) raised the issue of marriage with The Prophet (peace be upon him), using appropriate channels of communication.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. OP: I'm interested in this man who is always in the masjid praying, reading Quran

    How old do you think this man is? Does he show some interest in you also? Being religious should be one of the criterion you can look for in your husband, not the only criterion. You should let you mom know about this man. Don't try to approach him. Don't talk to him on phone or thru email or in person.

  4. editors plz can u people publish my post soon? i am in some critical situation of family matters getting worse day by day and i have to decide about my divorce. i am facing depression and i am in severe need of advice that help me decide about my future as wel as my children's. please help me editors/moderators

    i will be grateful to u for your help

    mahrukh

    • Mahrukh,

      Do what is in the best interests of you and your children. Don't worry about what other people think. In the end...none of it matters if it means you and your children are okay.

      Salam

      • sister, i understand but i am depressed and confused. a person facing problems is always confused and needs good guidance.. so do i

        • Sister,

          So as not to take over this posters question, let the moderators post your question so that others can comment and help you.

          Salam

    • Assalaamualaikam

      We publish posts in the order they are submitted - although we make exceptions for cases where a life is at stake, in which case the post is published as soon as possible.

      Due to the high numbers of posts received, there is a waiting time between submission and publication. At the moment, I'd estimate that you'll have a couple of weeks to wait. If there is additional urgency to your situation (a life is at stake, or children are at risk), please update your post with this - and put in the title that you have added this.

      I apologise for the delay. We try to help as many people as quickly as possible. In the meantime, it might help to look through our archives to read about posters who have been in similar situations, as the advice given there may be helpful for you.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

  5. hi ya hope you're good. I think you are a bit too young to be thinking about marriage to be honest with you. Come on you have prom to look forward too and am sure this is just a phase that will pass.If he is older than you am assuming he might be already married or has a girlfriend or someone he is seeing already or planning to marry. hope this helps xx

    • You should tell a member in your family that way it wont be that much of embarrassment for you. I know when I was at your age I dare not to look at a guy let alone communicating with a guy.

      Also I agree you should get some sort of education and a job to stable a future for yourself. From my experience in life now yes 16 years old for some people is a very young for marriage BUT if that is your goal and aim and YOU know what you want in life go for it. But tell someone in your family there is no harm in being honest. I personally would not approach the guy until family involvement and that is always the best way especially these days anyway.

    • @shumirai takawira
      how do you know the guy may be married do not assume you know of someone without not knowing them this is wrong. Are you hating cos he might actually be pious whats wrong with people these days always looking at the negatives and making up stories to make themselves feel better.

      • That's a bit dramatic, how Is a comment such as " I'm assuming he might be married" lead you to assume that the poster is hating because of the brother's level of piety. There's nothing negative about that comment, in the end it's an opinion , something we all give on this site!

        You didn't like the poster assuming that the brother is married, yet you assumed he's pious... How are you so sure of that!!! Or is it not an assumption if it's nice!

  6. Sister,

    I may receive opposition here however, these are my own personal views. You are sixteen years old. Sixteen. Focus on furthering your education. You will be a stronger woman because of it. Marriage will come God willing but your education is now. Don't waste it.

    Salam

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