My father mocks Islam and it’s ruining my fast
Angry man.
Assalam Alaikum,
I have come on this forum because I am in desperate need of good islamic advice from my fellow muslim brothers and sisters.
Although I was raised in a Pakistani family my upbringing was not really an Islamic one, but that all changed about ten years ago when, Alhamdullillah, my elder brother, younger sister, my mum and I became practising.
My siblings and I taught ourselves how to pray Salah and read the Qur'an (by the Grace of Allah swt) and my mother and sister began to wear the hijab and jalbab.
My father found this change absolutely unacceptable and gave us all a lot of emotional grief because we had rediscovered our faith. He regards us as "Islamic fundamentalists" who are blindly following a religion which has been fabricated by some historical persona.
Now my father is no ordinary father... he is a huge proponent of Communism, believes in extra-marital sex and looks to science and ration/reason as his god (Astaghfirullah). I mean he could be regarded as an extreme case even by Western values/standards as there are some awful things he has done which I cannot bring myself to mention on here. I believe that my mother has stayed with him because she is too weak to walk away..which I find really sad.
My brother and sister are both happily married now so I am the only one who lives with my parents and I think that is essentially the problem.
My father frequently attacks islam, the Prophet pbuh, Allah swt, the Qur'an etc etc and I can't bring myself to just sit there and listen to his incoherent nonsense. But I feel that if I get up and leave the room then he perceives this as an intellectual victory of his value system over ours (even though the majority of his arguments are inconsistent and do not hold well together).
The problem is I get quite emotional and end up raising my tone of voice and then the discussion develops into a heated argument. I have often pointed to him that he has a very intolerant attitude toward Muslims but he just doesn't see it because he has an extremely skewed view on things. He is a bully who wants his own way and who is extremely miserable in life and lost on the inside.
Of course we have been giving him Dawa for the past ten years but that just makes him even more islamophobic. What upsets me most is the sudden nature of his attacks on Islam, which take me by complete surprise and hence my poor emotionally driven response to them. This happened today whilst I was fasting and I am pretty sure I ruined my fast (may Allah swt forgive me) because I was totally overcome by anger and shouted at my dad. I am well WELL aware of the respect we, as muslims, are supposed to show towards our parents and I feel absolutely terrible for sinning in this way, especially whilst fasting.
When I recounted this incident to my brother he just said he that I have made things worse for my mum (i.e my dad will give her a hard time about how insolent islam has made his children). My sister was also of the opinion that what I did was very wrong and I should have just left the room.
Brothers and sisters I feel totally helpless in this situation and even more sad that my fast was ruined today because of my father. I love Islam - its the biggest blessing of my entire life - and I can't bear hearing anyone saying anything bad about it.
Please could you advise me on how I ought to have dealt with this and more importantly how, going forward insh'Allah, I should handle the situation with my father. Do the rules regarding respect for parents hold although one's father is a kafir and degrading the Prophet pbuh, Allah swt, the Qur'an and Islam in general?
Jazak'Allah khairun for taking the time to respond.
- Muslims823
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Salamualaikum,
Sister, I am sorry for what you are having to face. But indeed, anger is leading you where you should not go.
Allah says in Surah aal Imran, Aayah 134:
...who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allah loves Al-Muhsinun (the good-doers).
And in Surah ash Shura, Aayah 37:
And those who avoid the greater sins, and Al-Fawahish (illegal sexual intercourse, etc.), and when they are angry, they forgive
Al-Bukhaari narrated in al-Saheeh
(6114) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The strong man is not the one who can wrestle (fight); the strong man is the one who controls himself at the time of anger.”
It was reported in Saheeh al-Bukhaari (6031) that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) was not a
person who insulted people or
used obscene language, and he
did not curse people. If he wanted to rebuke anyone, he would say, “What is wrong with him? – may his forehead be rubbed with dust.”
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Advise me.” He said: “Do not get angry.” He repeated his question several times and he said: “Do not get angry.”
‘Ikrimah said: i.e., when you get angry. And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And if an evil whisper comes to you from Shaytaan (Satan), then seek refuge with Allaah” [al-A’raaf 7:200]
i.e., if the Shaytaan makes you angry – then seek refuge with Allaah, for He is the All-Hearer, All-Knower – i.e., He hears the ignorance of the ignorant and He knows the things that take anger away from you.
You need to just ignore him and walk away. Whether he feels as if he has won, or the otherwise, remember that the ultimate success is only in the Hereafter.
I know it is difficult to deal with Kufr, but you need to have patience. Plus, your mother will surely suffer a lot, after you get married if would live with him alone.
I would suggest that she lives with her son, your brother, and leaves your father's home. He does not deserve her love.
May Allah Help you and your mother.
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
http://www.sunnahonline.com/ilm/quran/qms.pdf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwGwdV9cW4E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcfjHNPCOZI
These are some of the videos. There are hundreds of videos you watch some. And you you will find answers to your dads questions.As the science is progressing its going on proving words of Quran.Be it about Honey bee or water cycle or embryology .If you find the right sources(books and videos which are freely available on line) You can easily and logically answer your dads questions. Even after getting answers your dad does not change or tries to know the truth may be Allah has set seal up on his heart.
You should love Allah more than any one Your parents, Husband and even yourself . You should get angry when your dad insults Islam its not wrong it would be wrong if you take his insults for granted. You should leave the place when he abuses Islam you should not be there if you cant stop him.you know you are right
and ultimately it will be triumph of truth
I forgot to mention:
Never say " My fast is invalidated". Allah Is with His slaves, as they expect Him to be. So, if you expect that your fast will have invalidated, then there is a possibility that it happens so. Hence, expect from Allah that He Will accept it.
These Aayaat will insha Allah help you take control of yourself:
Surah al Qasas, Aayah 55:
And when they hear Al-Laghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk), they withdraw from it and say: "To us our deeds, and to you your deeds. Peace be to you. We seek not the ignorant."
Surah al Furqa, Aayah 63:
And the slaves of the Most Beneficent (Allah) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness.
Anger does not invalidate fasts, but it is Makrooh. This is based on the statement of the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam:
“If one of you is fasting then let him not utter obscenities that day, or raise his voice, and if anyone insult him or tries to fight him then let him say, verily I am a person who is fasting.” (Agreed upon)
(From Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah)
Allah Knows Best
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam Muslim823,
I've a slightly different opinion.
Surah Maidah , Verse 57 and Verse 58
"O ye believe! Take not for friends and protectors those who take your religion for a mockery or sport- whether among those who received the scripture before you or among those who reject faith: but fear ye Allah , if ye have faith indeed".
"When ye Proclaim your call to prayer, they take it (but) as a mockery and sport; that is because they are people without understanding".
Thus, by challenging your fathers opinion over Islam, I believe you did the right thing. You took up this fight for Allah. To safeguard Allah's honour. There is nobody who gives more protection and happiness but Allah.
In my humble opinion anger is justified as along as it is taken in the cause of Allah.
You are only ordained to obey and respect your parents when they do not disobey Allah.. If your father ask you to disobey Allah (or he has the attitude of disrespecting islam) , then he doesnt deserve your obedience and respect in this regard... So in my own opinion, nothing is wrong with your fasting...
And please use the opportunity of this month to ask Allah to guide your father to His straight path
please seek allaha guidance and forgiveness for ur father
please get marry soon
so that u may busy with ur husband
marry only good muslim boys and mans
salaamu alaykum
may allah swt bless you and your mother & siblings.
don't say your fast is invalid because of your anger for islam.
concentrate on your mother and siblings, your father is a kafir billaah, he is as far as possible from being a muslim.
inshallah, make dua that allaah makes a way out of this situationn for you.