Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Need guidance to take the right decision

Assalam o alaikum,

I am 28 years old and I am married.
I m in a very difficult situation of deciding what to do regarding my marriage and my family.
I am narrating the entire situation, if you have any questions please feel free to ask me.

Me and my husband used to study together, we met each other in 2010. We didn't date or anything because it was sinful to do like that. We used to like each other. He was having a very good stable financial background as well. He also knew that I will be moving to Canada in 2011 he asked me several times to stay in pakistan, but my family had made some plans for me to settle down in Canada. I moved to Canada and he sent a proposal to me. I was so scared to tell this to my family as my mom has been really strict about all this. I waited some more time to tell this to my family, and my mom was really serious about one of my proposals for marriage. Then I have to tell this to my family , but that year my husband's wasn't financially stable, his dad's business was sold out and his step mom have been creating so much problems for him that he had to leave the house! And he did!
I was scared to tell this to my mom because she wanted to marry me a financially stable guy.

Anyhow she agreed upon meeting him up! When he went there he asked my mom to marry me (her daughter). My mom wasn't ready for all this but they agreed upon if he pass all his exams and want to come here to Canada for a better future. They both were happily agreed.

Then we got engaged in October 2014, he got a job as well in renowned company as an assistant accounts manager and started earning a salary of 35000 rupees monthly.

His exams were not all cleared but still we got our nikkah done in dec 2015.

My husband kept requesting my family for a ruksati, that he want to live with me , he can do odd jobs here but please let us live together, but my mom n bro kept forcing on him that no it's not gonna happen until n unless u pass ur exams and stuff! I also kept requesting my family that we will manage somehow but they didn't agreed upon that!

Me and my husband kept arguing with each other and then I took a step to go see him without letting my family know. My intentions were to show him and realize him that I value our relationship and him upon everything. I went there we had a good time together and I told him that when my parents will come to pakistan they will talk to your family for finalizing the ruksati part.

They recently went to pakistan and wanted to see him but he kept ignoring them to meet up. And he also stopped talking to me without letting me know the reason why he is doing all this!

Somehow he agreed upon to see my family, when he went my bro asked him for the documents required for the final procedure of the immigration, he refused to talk about it saying that let's not talk about it because i can send all the docs later. And presented my family with two options let anam come here n stay with me forever or give me an indefinite time period to think if I wanna come to Canada.

My mom told him that this is not gonna happen because he agreed upon coming here! But he was rigid and the conversation became intense !

He asked to call me n confirm what anam wants , I didn't knew what was the situation and when he asked whether I wanna come to Pakistan. I said i can only come for a month or so but not permanently! He yelled at me and hung up the call!

After my call my mom n bro asked him for a divorce!

And he abused my bro and left the place that I m not gonna divorce! If u guys wanna sort this out talk to my family, or those people who were present on the time of nikkah, his maternal side ( his mom got a divorce from his dad and she lives with his grand dad ( nana and Nani)

Then his uncle called me in to ask what I want , I told them that I don't want a divorce but I don't wanna come to pakistan either!

After all that happened my family called me in and said that don't be in contact with anyone of them because if u do so or if u decide to stay with your husband, u have to cut all the ties from me!

After all that happened i still talked to my husband about all this matter! I asked him that I will come but then I will be having no contact with my family! He said thats totally fine with me ! I will do whatever it takes me to keep you happy.

After his call, I kept thinking about the entire situation, and ice to conclusion that I can't leave my family, or i can leave them only if he wants to come here! But he didn't want to solve this problem at all! I asked him for a divorce! He refused and asked me to reconsider my decision and come back to pakistan!

I have been trying to discuss and sort it out but he didn't want to talk or discuss this matter!afer few weeks I thought I should rather save my marriage I told him that I will come back to pakistan to stay with him forever. I thought his behaviour might change towards me but he is still the same not answering to my calls not responding, I m the one who has been in contact with his mom n family. But there is no progress from him or his family to resolve the matter.

My parents want me to get a divorce!

I am in a situation, I can't take any decision!

I have been thinking and depressing myself. I started istakhara and thought to discuss this with you so that you can guide me accordingly what should I do!

Can you please help me getting through this situation ? Do the divorce occurs automatically after a particular time frame? Or what does Islam or the Quran guide us to tackle this situation.

Thank you in advance, I look forward to your response.


Jazak Allah


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2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaykum sister fareeha,

    It sounds like you made a decision already but are now having the anxiety that comes along with uncertainty, as he is not responding your calls regarding your decision to move to Pakistan.

    Perhaps in this delay is the Wisdom of Allah. giving you further time to really think about whether this decision is in your best interests or not. I would recommend that you discuss the decision with your parents further if possible, asking them for their reasons and seeing how you feel about those. It's also important that, now that you've done the Istikhara prayer, you look into your heart sincerely, knowing you will find your answer there.

    Inshallah things will become clear.



  2. A divorce does not occur automatically.

    I find the fact that your husband is not willing to tell you the reasons he is acting this way most disturbing. It indicates a significant lack of trust, but without trust where is the foundation of your marriage? My guess is that something happened which he is ashamed to tell you and your family. Maybe he got into some kind of legal trouble making it for him impossible to leave Pakistan, either due to the authorities forbidding him to or by having his immigration request to Canada rejected. Or his family pressures him to stay, and he is ashamed to break a promise. But then , I am only guessing, and may well be completely wrong.

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