Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Where do I fit in this world?

upset lonely woman


I am a 17 year old girl who lives with her parents. Lately, I have been feeling lost and distant from Allah. I try to be a good Muslim and I really want Jannah.

I struggled with prayer most my life. I listen to music and I find it extremely difficult to memorize the Quran. Also, I found myself not doing so well in education and it saddens me. I lost hope of anything good. My relationship with my parents isn't so good. I spend most of the time ignoring them or bickering. I am clearly the least favorite child, but I don't mind.

All I want to do is get close to Allah, my sheen and do good. I know all I have to do is strive to be better, start praying properly, and stop listening to music but I tried and things stayed the same. It's easier said than done. It's hard to explain how I feel. I feel sad most of the time. What if Allah doesn't like me? Am I a bad person? How do I raise my iman? How do I become a better person?

My father and I hardly get along. I struggle with weight, and my parents won't let a chance go by without bringing it up. My mother has told me nobody will end up marrying me and I am scared now. I know that whatever Allah has written for me is gonna happen, but I really want to have a good life where I do good things in the name of Allah.

Further, I am lonely. I have friends, but at home I feel like nobody cares about me. I remain invisible and here to clean. I hardly get asked how I am or how my day was. I wonder what I did to make then have such low interest in me. I am jealous of my sister who gets all the attention and love. It's sad.

Lastly, I wanted to say that I have trouble with clothing. I wear hijaab and I am fully covered, but I am 17 and I want to wear fashionable clothes but still be modest. My mother doesn't see this. She hates it, and I have to live with constant nagging about how I want to walk around practically naked, or how I am such a wrong person.

I just want this world to end. I am sad and I want to leave this world. Suicide is not the answer I know, but even as a kid that was an option for me when my family drove me away. Please I would like some advice or guidance. I am so lost.


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4 Responses »

  1. OP: I struggled with prayer most my life. I listen to music and I find it extremely difficult to memorize the Quran. Also, I found myself not doing so well in education and it saddens me. ......... I feel sad most of the time. What if Allah doesn't like me? Am I a bad person? How do I raise my iman? How do I become a better person?...... My father and I hardly get along. I struggle with weight, and my parents won't let a chance go by without bringing it up. My mother has told me nobody will end up marrying me and I am scared now.

    No one is perfect. Most people have problems on concentrating during prayers.

    Get some help so that you can get better in your studies. Better education/grades will help you get a better job and better husband.

    You need to get some counselling about weight problem. You need to control your eating habit. If you give some details about what you eat, I could help you a bit with diet. I am sure there may be some readers who are dieticians or nutritionists and even give you better advice.

    I know few girls who did managed to loose substantial weight. I am sure with little support you will be able to do it too. Doing exrecise/jogging/playing sports will make you feel physical better and also help you lower your weight. Just walking can help you too.

  2. Salaam, their is a cure to nearly every problem out their alhamdulliah, so their is a cure to loosing weight, however you need 2 try very hard and sacrifice certain foods and habbits. I also fear I may not get married but we need 2 keep hope in Allah swt, he will help us in-sha-allah. Your not alone sister, I know life seems very difficult, however we have got Allah 2 help us, hope this helps x

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    As you've said, suicide is not an option. This life is a test, and we will face many challenges in it, but it is in these challenges that we find ways to come closer to Allah and to become better people.

    It's hard being a young adult - there are so many decisions to be made, and the consequences can seem so huge. Education, identity, career plans... it's all pretty stressful. And sadly, at the moment, there's a lot of prejudice in the world, which can make it even harder. But, you have the best guidance you could ever have, in the Quran and ahadith. Trust in Islam and make sure that you make your decisions based on Islamic values.

    With regards education, it's important to do your best, as knowledge opens many doors for us, and The Prophet (peace be upon him) said one of the duties of every Muslim is to learn. But don't focus too much on one particular aspect of learning - think about where your interests and skills are, and how you learn. Some people will have a natural leaning towards an area of study, and be less good at others - that's natural and absolutely fine. Some people will find that they do better in a setting that focuses on building skills over time, while some people struggle with that but can do well in courses where final exams make up a lot of the assessments. If you don't get the best grades in a course, that's ok - what matters is to get the best grades you can - if you can look in the mirror and say "I know I did my best", then count that as a win. If you're concerned you might need extra help with a subject, you could look into getting a tutor (make sure it's a female tutor, so you aren't having to spend time alone with a non-mahram guy) or working with some friends. You could also ask your teachers if they have any suggestions about how to improve your knowledge.

    A lot of women worry about their weight - if we compare ourselves to the overly photoshopped pictures in magazines and on TV, we could spend our lives looking in the mirror and worrying about whether we're too thin, too fat, not curvy enough, too curvy, too short, too tall, too blonde, too dark, too pale... There are a constant stream of messages of what we "should" look like, and they're completely contradictory. Ignore them. What matters is to be healthy and to be secure in your own identity. If your weight is in a healthy range (a rough guide would be a BMI of between 19 and 25), then stop worrying about being over/underweight. Think about what your body can do, and develop that - find a sport you enjoy, go climb a tall hill and look at the amazing view, get active and enjoy the freedom that your body gives you (Islamically!). If your weight isn't in a healthy range, don't rush into starving or over-eating. Instead, speak with your doctor and get some advice about a healthy diet and exercise programme.

    As for clothes... Well, women have been arguing with their mothers about what they wear pretty much since clothes were invented. Just remember to keep your choices within Islamic limits. You can always wear an abaya over your indoor clothes, so that when you're outside you're properly covered, and then wear your indoor clothes when you're with your immediate family and close female friends - although these clothes still need to cover you properly.

    Why not start going to Islamic study classes, or a sisters-only group, so you can learn more about Islam and make more friends who are practising? That will, inshaAllah, boost your self-esteem as well as helping strengthen your deen.

    Midnightmoon editor

  4. as salam o alaykum
    dear sister

    If you stop listening music then you will be able to memorize Quran. and if you stop thinking about what people think about you then you will do well in studies.
    I have been through this at your age.
    I was not guided by anyone which made me lose so much in my are lucky to be here seeking advise and to be in a more developed country.
    Please dont listen to your mother views about not having a husband etc.
    You will have insha Allah.
    I was almost 60 when i was in yours age and now i am 46 kg.
    You can control your weight.Just try to quit fatty things.Try eating more vegetables especially boiled.
    Dont eat fried things just for few months until you lose weight.once you lose weight then start eating all things but in a small quantity.
    Please dont look for attention outside home.If you did this you will ruin your life.
    Go and see a therapist, build your self esteem.
    learn to live without support of others.
    try to make your mother happy.try to establish good relation with your siblings.
    I would strongly advise to pay attention to your studies to have a better future.pray five times a day, recite Quran daily.
    Love yourself for what you are.Beauty of a person does not lie in his weight but in his inner self.Try to acquire that beauty.This is in our control to be a beautiful person not physically but spiritually.
    You will get what is destined for you but this does not mean that you will not strive for better.
    "And that there is not for man except that [good] for which he strives"(surah najm)
    About dressing, there are certain rules in islam.
    dress should be modest and not resembling non muslims.
    Also men are not allowed to wear women's dress and women's cannot wear men's.
    In your age it is natural to feel like this about dressing.
    but remember sister we are here to please Allah, to earn a better home in hereafter.we are not here to follow fashions.please make it clear what you want to ask.Does your mother want to put hijab and you dont want to?or it is the reverse case?I dont see any harm in wearing fashionable clothes unless they are unislamic.
    One more thing sister.Life is a test.We are tested with good and bad times.
    Bad times do not last forever.They are followed by good times.
    Sometimes problem is not that much bigger.if we change our perception things seem totally different.
    again i would say see a psychological therapist.get rid of this depression.don't ruin your future please.
    must see a therapist if these advices don't help. Don't waste your time my dear sister.

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