Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Desperate and abused… I might commit suicide

successful-Islamic-life

asslamoalaikum

is anybody going to post and reply to my previous thread? I have told my whole story in 'Muslima needs duas' where i told i am on verge of losing my mental balance.

**Editor's note: There is a queue for publication, as it says in the instructions for submitting a post. In view of the urgency of your situation, your pending post has been included in this post, so readers can inshaAllah get a better understanding of your situation.**

 

asslam o alaikum,

first of all let me introduce myself, I'm a 25 year old lady doctor, i am alhumdililah punctual in prayers and refrain from sins like backbiting etc and always in an effort to perfect my deen, May Allah accept them. I got married to this another doctor (arranged marriage) this January. Right after walima, my most of the jewelry was taken away from me by my husband's mother for 'safekeeping'. Just after a few days past my marriage, I found out my husband was addicted to a form of heroine - less potent in effects but highly addictive that could be even life threatening. His parents denied knowing anything about this addiction which i later found out that they knew everything and he injected 3-4 times a day. Whenever i felt he was high on it, being a doctor i caught him but he would abuse me so bad for accusing him and would hold Quran and lie swearing upon Allah that he didn't inject and I should not accuse him and 'tuhmat' is a sin. I'd feel bad sometimes that what if it is actually 'tuhmat', however i'd keep on finding blood swabs or syringe wrappers here and there in dustbin or under our bed and one day he lied upon Quran and Allah again and immediately i held his pocket and found used injections. His lies upon Allah made us argue, i felt disgusted with it but I kept trying to help him leave it, took him to a psychiatrist too, we planned a treatment course and I would make sure he takes his medicine but he didn't have any will power to leave it and he instead doubled the dose of the addictive injections to get the kick. Whenever i'd try to help him, he would abuse me and my parents, by now he also started beating me if i'd interfere in his activities, I have caught him red handed flirting with girls on phone and watching fahashia while high on the drug, I called him towards 'salah' or atleast go to Friday prayers but he would make fun of me and abuse 'islam' and 'islamic' people. He said he wanted a modern wife, although I would keep myself 'beautiful' infront of him all the time but he hated me praying and would mock my prayers and duas and would abuse me while I'm offering prayers. He has never given me a dime for household, and would ask me to use my own ATM if required. He would buy any grocery himself and use rest salary for his injections. Most people praise my cooking and he would say it is better to eat garbage then what you make while anyone who has eaten before from me would say i cook great. In other words, he justs hates my everything because i stop him from addiction and he feels extremely pleased hurting my emotions or seeing my eyes wet up.

In 6 months, he has beaten me almost every other day, sometimes with even rod or belts, many times he has dragged flame of 'lighter' across my skin, he would slap me 10 times in a row so forcefully that my face got bruised, at times he would drag me across the room with my hair. I would bend down in corner of room and he would kick like playing soccer and I was not be able to move for 2 weeks. He told me i have to live like a robot or slave and don't tell anyone about this maltreatment if I don't want a divorce. And so i did, I would cook, wash his blood stained clothes, squeeze his legs and give him child which I probably miscarried in the same torture. Once I sprained my ankle when he pushed me so badly. Once he twisted my wrists backwards upon my arms that my ligaments tore and my I couldn't use my hands for days. His parents wouldn't believe all this torture afflicted upon me because as always he would lie upon Quran while my Allah is witness of the oppression i tolerated. His mother abused me for these 'accusations'.

I have been crying and praying during sujood, supplicated during safar, rain, before opening fast in ramadan, tahajud, invoked Allah with isma ulhusna, ayat karima and tasbeehat. I think I did everything I know of. Finally I told the guy's father to put some sense into his son. But yet again he lied upon Allah that he didn't even touch me or touched me slightly. My mother in law then called me and started abusing me the dirtiest of words and asked me to give her the little gold i had, my used clothes, used makeup, shoes and other belongings whatever I received during 6 months so they can find a better daughter in law who would not 'accuse' her son or rather would not speak against the oppressor. And they also keep my all dowry given by my parents which is worth much more. I have no idea where did i commit a mistake? She is blind to her son's evil nature and supports his evilness, i gave him all the respect and love i could and he returned that with physical and mental torture even in my prayers and fasts. He would sing dirty abusive words while i offered salat. He would say i am worthless and Allah doesn't need my dramatized prayers while by Allah i used to pray alone in a separate room solely for Allah and he would just enter in there to mock my prayers.

She knows her son very well but she is supporting him in afflicting me pain. I have come to my parents now, i cry all the time, I don't want to live but I live for Allah's sake, i feel my heart would burst with pain some day. I don't want to live with this hateful man. The invocation against an oppressor is to be heard by Allah immediately. I have prayed day and night to Allah to give them hidayat. Sometimes supplications are not accepted by Allah because it is not good for us. I prayed for their hidayah, how can hidayah be bad?

My last day with him, he asked his mother to look for another girl for him or rather 'victim' I'd say and take me to her house where i can work as a maid for my in laws's sisters and he literally asked her to teach me 'how to bow' infront of her. I have had enough, i told him I can't bow infront of anyone except Allah alone and my obligation in islam is only with you, not to rot like a maid at his mother's while you enjoy ruining another girl's life. He grabbed my arm and pushed me out of house. (But this house was given to us by my father) so I came in and told him 'don't you push me out of my house', he then strangled me so hard that i lost my consciousness and then his mother told him that it is better to divorce her than to keep her who has accused of strangling and can't "bow" infront of us. After then my parents came to take me. Since then i and my parents have been receiving abusive and threatening messages so I can't be in peace even here.

One thing more i did istikhara before getting married, I didn't know then that dreams don't count for istikhara but i saw some mixed dream with white color but truth was i was not satisfied because of their lack of deen. As there is a hadees to give 'deen' primary importance when looking for a life partner. I got many proposals but i wanted a pious doctor match, but all the doctor proposals felt like 'not good in deen'. After seeing 40 proposals and rejecting them mostly for deen, i gave up thinking I would get old like this and agreed to marry him despite knowing their lack of interest in deen. I got impatient and I did wrong by saying yes to him. And now i am in a misery and such grief struck condition that my heart doesn't even wish to beat. I am abused by that family despite trying to save their son from addiction by all means, i am made fun of for offering prayers and calling him towards prayers, i am beaten for asking my 'huqooq' in islam. I'm lashed for speaking truth. I know Quran says 'Allah tests only those whom he loves' but When will Allah's help come? i am I need of a dua from Quran that it may be accepted immediately. Allah is greater than satan, he can stop satan's plans in every way at any time. I have realized by now that he never deserved me but I don't want them to ruin lives of more innocent girls. For 7 months i beared this torture for sake of my old parents. I have seen my mother's old cheeks wet with tears because of seeing me in pain, so I tried my best to make things work for their sake but i too have a limit of patience. Noone has the right to torture my body. I want khula but don't want to be called a divorcee because people see it as a stigma, and it would hurt my parents who mean the world to me. I just want Allah to listen to my prayers and to be happy. And i'd be happy if Allah removes this source of evil or give them a lesson and brings me joy with whatever He thinks is good for me. Please provide me a dua that Allah loves and readily accepts to turn the table in my favor against extreme oppression. I really can't bear more, my dark circles speak off my condition, Rabana wala tuhamilna mala taqata lna bihi. He doesn't test someone beyond their scope but i feel this test is beyond me that's why i feel suicidal but obviously I wouldn't do such a thing as it is haram so Why is Allah testing me so harshly. He knows I don't do biddah or grave worship, i am only solely his devotee, then why such a tough test? Why would He not feel that this pain is beyond me. I have noone but Allah Himself, please pray for me and tell me a dua that would be readily accepted and make me live a normal happy life. I have been reciting supplications of Musa as, Yunus as, Adam as and prophet muhammad sw from Quran

p.s I have not had a very pleasant childhood, I don't want to share details but i was molested at age of 5-6, it always makes me depressed and angry

I made alot of mistakes in life as a teenager and even later concerning deen despite my mother always teaching me about islam but back then it was me who made fun of islamic people. I sincerely repented to Allah and never went back to astray and every day i cry with my heart doing tauba and astaghfar for my sins. Are they coming back on me? Is this why they make fun of my islamic character? Allah is most forgiving and he promises mercy for repentful in Quran and I believe his promises are true then why is it happening? I feel so much guilt, I dont want to talk to anyone because I feel noone understands except Allah. And I have developed a social phobia.

in college life i was very hardworking and people used to tease me for that. It disturbed me a little. I always helped others in studies but they would ask help when required, at other times they would laugh at my hardworking nature, i had only 2 friends who knew me in person and they still love me while everyone else had tons of friends. It didn't bother me then but now it is adding to my social phobia.

2 years ago i lost someone very dear to me and i feel sad for that too.

I don't remember the last time i was happy. I think when i was 10 and my father brought me toys from u.a.e, that was the last time i was happy. All these reasons and especially what happened to me after marriage.

Some people have told me that what i am facing is due to black magic. I have seen some dreams like that too. Prophet sw said "a believer's dream are 1/40 part of prophethood" meaning they are true if you are a true believer. I hope I am. So i am listening to 'ruqya' daily which helps against magic as told by the Prophet sw but i am still being inflicted mental torture with their sick blames on messages like 'i stole (my own) clothes, makeup (from my own cupboard) to go live with my parents' and even more sick blames against my innocent parents that they incite me to accuse my husband of beating me. Astaghfirullah. Daily i am surprised and tortured by their new inventions and lies. Such a harsh test on me by Allah!

A test is called expiation of sins by prophet pbuh but now this test is beyond my bearing. Allah says he won't test someone beyond their capacity to bear, this torture might end up losing my mental balance, i feel it is so beyond me, I want to scream at the top of my voice so whole world knows how badly i was oppressed and give me justice. My question is When will Allah's help come? Will I ever get happiness in this dunya? Quran says 'this world is a prison for (true) believers and paradise for non believers'. All i wanted was a "loving pious husband (be it be anyone) who would be good for me in both worlds" what bad i asked for? If happiness is in akhirah only, why doesn't Allah hasten it for me since I have nothing to do in this world. I want the wrong doers to be punished. I'm constantly supplicating and i am literally dying for HIS Almighty's help. When will He listen and pour some mercy on my oppressed soul?

***

And I think I have reached the limit of what I can bear after the abusive speech my mother in law did yesterday on phone. I really cant bear this pain, i am being beaten n abused by my Opiate addict husband and inlaws on almost daily basis. It was not just beating but torturing me like stone age slaves were tortured. Now I'm not with him but still getting terrified. I know suicide is haram but what if I poisoned myself and did repented (of poisoning) before dying? Will my amaal if any good deeds count because of taubah or would i directly go to hell and die of poison because i did it intentionally? Please I have not even known what is happiness all my life, i was molested even as a child, i always hoped to seek happiness in married life but failed badly. I became a doctor, just to be enslaved and beaten terribly? I have pretended to be happy all my life while I'm dying inside. I think it's a calamity, not trial. Would there be misery for me in next world too?

He is saying he might not even divorce me but keep me to keep on inflicting me torture like he usually does - dragging flame of his cigarette lighter across my skin, abusing and slapping and even lashing me with belts. On the other hand deep inside I don't want to be called a divorcee but the torture he gives is beyond my capacity? I have given him everything as a dutiful wife, love, respect, care but i Got only insult in return. i just CANNOT bear it.

Please reply these questions.

  1. I think i try alot (although not perfectly) to attain Allah's affection by calling him with isma ul husna, in sujood, fasting, repentance. Will Allah ever make me happy in this world or is happiness a thing of jannah only? I see people happy but I don't know what is happiness.
  2. Is this calamity or trial because i am in pain since a very long time. Bad childhood, sinned alot as teenager, but i repented a thousand times with all my heart. Do i still get punishment after repenting?
  3. If I poisoned myself and repented before dying, will i go to hell? I read a fatwa somewhere that since Allah accepts any repentance before death so Allah might forgive suicide aswel
  4. what if i stayed at my parents forever without seeking khula (because I don't want to be called a divorcee), will Allah still ask me of my duties as a wife on qyamah (while i away and couldn't perform my duties and away to save my life)?
  5. i think i am pregnant because its 2 months past my dates although he is seriously opiate addict that made him impotent but sildenafil helps him so we rarely used to do it (although he was always lusting to do but his addiction restricted his capabilities) Quran tells 'not to hide what is inside their bellies' but if i told him/his mother about it, i am atleast 90% sure that he would kill me after delivering the child so he gets the baby. I am 90% sure because he threatened me with these words that IF you were pregnant, i will snatch the baby away from you. I told him that court would give me custody because mother has first right, he said then I will shoot you right away! And even if he doesn't shoot me, he would implement some plan B to just snatch the baby away from me forever. I know their plan B because that is what his mother did to her sister in law after her brother's death, she snatched her brother's little kids away from their mother proving her incapable of performing motherly duties and she never even lets them meet her. I'm so much disturbed, they are violent people, should i tell them in such scenario? I don't care about my life, they can kill me to their heart's content (it would be better than dying of their torture) but what of my child? Who will look for him/her after me? His father? An opiate drug and porn addict? Or my mother in law who thinks Islam is backward. Quran tells me to tell them but its a situation of life and death here, what should I do? Abortion is NOT even an option btw. They never asked me if i am preg so I never lied but I can hide.

HasbanuAllah

 

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35 Responses »

  1. Salam

    Right.

    Your a professional right? A doctor. You have the support of your family . Correct? So everything you've explained and what happened to you. Then why are you upset? Allah is always with you and with the people who are most loving.

    Divorce him and stop thinking that your weak!

    Ignore him and his family. If you want to carry on thinking and living this life and which u say will reach u yo commit suicide which by the way is the biggest sin then you carry on! But Allah has given you ways of escape so it will be your own downfall.

    Stop asking if or buts and just pick urself up. Because no one else can do that except you!

  2. Asalam o Alaikum. MashAllah! You are very strong! You are a rock! Who stood by all these storms and difficulties with patience. What you went through no doubt was brutal but Allah got you out! You just dont see it. You are free from them. Leave their tortures that they inflicted on you on Allah. He will punish them a million times more than they did to you so be happy about it. You are in what I like to call " a dark place". Its where you get stuck in your pain. Idk but it happens that you get addicted to pain. It happens to me too when I just cant see thats its all over! And I am out!
    I will suggest you some things. Please consider to follow them.

    1) go to a shrink and get yourself normal again. Make a diary and write why you are better than them and that you are stronger and that you dont need them.

    2) you already pray but as my friend told me when i was depressd is that"you pray but you are not willing to give yourself to Allah" I practiced it and I got it. You should too. Leave your worries and problems to Allah and be calm.

    3) you are independant! You dont need a man to live. You are not weak. You are stronger than him so take khulaa! Its no shame. why should you be his wife when he treated you like that. I know I dont understand and it will hurt but you will heal and get free.

    4) change your numbers and contacts. Leave that place if you can. Go far away from them! Survive! You are a hero. The battle is over now you just gotta heal the battle wounds.

    5) see the light my dear sweet sister! You dont see it! Get out of your head and the past. Young age, teens! Who hasnt committd sins unknowingly and in ignorance. You repented and God forgave you then who am I, anyone else or even you! To make you feel bad! A person who repents is like a child just born from his mother’s whomb. Leave the past or rather write all of it down and burn it! You are not you past! You are a mominah and clean!

    6) this is a trial and not punishment because you get close to Allah in your trial and far in a punishment. You just are very submisive. Dont be! You have a right to be upset! You are not a cow or animal. Vent your anger on something like punch a sand bag or cruch a rock or glass with hammer etc.

    7) Dying is very easy! Someone once said to me. You will not wish to die! Okay! Period! You dont see it but you are out! now you have to leave that mental state. They wont do anything to you if you fall off the grid.

    8) Dont self pitty. Allah is with you. Why dont you believe it! He has ended your trial, its you who has to leave the past and move forward.

    9) there are people like me who consider you a strong woman. Besides why do you need people to love you when Allah does. Why do you care what people think? Why? Ask yourself that!

    10) Get yourself up and recite taooz because despair is shaitan’s biggest wapon. the type of mental state you are in is a smoke screen put up by shaitan. Allah has ended it but shaitan wants you to see that it hasnt.

    11) I hope you are not pregnant but if you are! take this last pain aswell and give your child to his father. Let him be answerable to Allah. If Allah wills nothing will happen to your child.

    You can talk here. I would very much like to help you. It took me a long time to see that I was out! But I had to constantly talk to my friend to get better. feel free to comment I will reply asap inshAllah.

    • I'm trying to be strong. Allah's verses help me but as soon as i stop listening to them, the torture movie rewinds and plays back all the time in my head. Divorce is a stigma here in Pakistan especially for women but men always get the women of their choice. People resent divoced women. I know it's culture, not Islam but this is what i was told by my motherinlaw that we don't care what 'huqooq' islam gives you, you have to follow my family's culture no matter what or else. I don't know how will I escape from culture after taking khula. I hate these people following hindu traditions despite calling themselves muslims. Although rasool Allah sw's all wives were either divorced or widowed except Ayesha r.a but people resent divorcees.

      And no I can't separate my baby from me, how can a mother do that? It's not only my motherly instinct speaking but if I told them im pregnant, he will most likely shoot me right after birth as he threatened me in clear words that i will murder you and if he doesn't, he would just snatch my child away from me to inflict me more pain. And would not Allah ask me on day of qayamah about my motherly duties? Plus I don't want my child to become a psychopath addict like his father. I think Allah could forgive me for all these reasons to hide my pregnancy for sake of life and future of my child.

      • Thank you for considering me someone who can be of some help.
        First of all! You need to burn that tape or turn it in your strength. Dont think of that past or what that God forsaken, stamped heart woman said to you. Allah lengthens their rope so that they could do bad to their heart’s desire. But he gives pain to his momin people so that they are absolved of sins. Its a blessing. Be happy Allah gave you pain in this world and saved you from the tortures of the hell. Whenever you stop listening to Quran you get that pain back coz shaitan reminds you of that. So read auzo billah all the time and think that its shaitan who is doing this.
        You are above this rotten culture. The longer you will think of the people the sadder you will get. Dont think what they follow or think! Get out of that place where they can find you. Live your life free. I have that problem too where I blame myself for every wrong that other people do to me. Allah has saved you, now you have to see it. Just!!
        I am sorry if I have hurt your feelings coz I am not a mother and still unmarried. I only told you the ruling of Islam. That a child belongs to his father. So if he claims his offspring then you wont be asked on the day of judgement...
        Now that you have decided to hide your pregnancy, I suggest you change your location and disapear! Its the only way you can be happy. when the pains and abuse come to your mind, cry in front of Allah for He is the best avenger!!
        One thing I want you to know is that when I get extremely sad and depressed, I tend to skip my monthly date. Idk maybe lack of nutritions or crazy hormones. So if you havent tested positive for pregnancy then that might be the case with you too.
        p.s I am a Pakistani aswell.

      • Sister. I wanted to ask you, what are you afraid of if you take khula? What do you think will happen? Please tell me so we can find a way through this fear that you have.

        • Thank you sister for taking out time for this grief stricken lady, I literally don't have any one around here to talk to about my condition and this helps alot.

          Well as far as I know the right to custody belongs to woman in islam until the child reaches of age of puberty, then he can decide where to live. I have confirmed this from Islamic jurisprudence and a lawyer. In this case thankfully pakistani law follows islam unless the mother is not normal mentally. So if it had to be decided by court, I would never had any issues, but for them islam and even pakistani laws don't matter, they could manage to bribe a psychiatrist to make report against her sis in law to steal her kids. And he has already told me these possibilities for me, that he could kill me to snatch our child and make it look like suicide. This is where issue arises, I have discussed with my father that even if I go to police and register these threats, id have to make a medicolegal case and show my bruise marks but since i am at my father's place since one month now, those cuts and bruises have faded away.

          The issue with khula or divorce is low self esteem, I have seen divorced women, even if they are senior doctors and very successful in their careers, people resent them and backbite them without even knowing the cause of their divorce, years of hearing this and that make their personalities hard. Since i was molested and bullied as a kid, I already feel self esteem issues and being called a divorcee would most likely worsen it. Honestly speaking, I have no love left for this man only because of his extreme oppression so leaving him behind is not an issue. Self esteem would be the major issue and noone marries a divorced here.

          Secondly as prophet sw said there is no veil between oppressed and Allah so I wished punishment for them in both worlds but now i am afraid that i did a bad-dua and bad-duas come back on you. Or they don't come back when they are against a tyrant? I don't know the islamic ruling on bad-dua against a tyrant.

      • You know what i had tears in my eyes while reading ur story but sweetheart Let me say something although i knw saying is much easier than practically doing something but, n knw its 2018 n i don't knw whats ur condition now but lets talk about a few things firstly about how society see's the women who r divorced sweetheart u don't have to think about society if Allah has given u the right to get a divorce, surely some people will do lable u with differently things if u get a divorce but why u should pay a attention to them when what u did was right,n let me tell u ,u knw why mostly men or some of the men treat their wives this way in pakistan n why ur husband is blackmailing u because my dear he knws ur weakness he knows u would be hesitant to take a divorce n because most womem r the men in pakistani society take advantage of this,n secondly if u can leave pakistani n settoe down into some other country such as canada,turkey or englang etc,n don't evr give ur child to that sick psychopath,u knw my father is a abusive person both physically n mentally to us n to our mother n my mother didn't got a divorce cuz of this society thing but we all sometimes blame our mother for not having a divorce cuz the healthy atmosphere n abusive atmosphere i ve been in has given me mental illness n severe depression i used to cut my self because of depression n aloy of such things i used to take medicines in order to fall asleep for long periods of time when i eqs depressed cuz i became insomani i literally used to shout when i could cuz of the depression i ve trouble makig frndx n i ve no friends people don't like me cuz of my extremely shy nature i ve low self esteem becuz of all tht abuse would u allow ur child to live im such a abusive enviroment when its unhealthy for him just cuz of what the society would say

    • Excellent answer sister arwa... Masha Allah.... I will too take your advice...thank you.x

      • Thank you sister and you are always welcome. All the praise goes to Allah swt who lighten our hearts with knowledge and blesses our tongues with articulacy. May Allah keeps the waswaas al shaitan away from us and guides us all towards light and peace. Ameen. Wasalam

  3. إِنِّيْ أَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ
    وَأَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْعَجْزِ وَ الْكَسَلِ
    وَأَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْبُخْلِ وَالْجُبْنِ 
    وَأَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِن غَلَبَةِ الدَّيْنِ وَقَهْرِ الرِّجَالِ.

    La ilaha illa Allah Al-’Azim, Al-’Alim, la ilaha illa Allah, Rabbul ‘arshil ‘Azim, la ilaha illa Allahu, Rabbus-Samawati wa rabbul ardi wa rabbul ‘arshi karim

    Ya Hayyu, ya Qayyumu, bi-rahmatika astaghithu 

    ‘Allahumma rahmataka arju, fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata ‘ain, wa aslah li sha’ni kullahu, la ilaha illa anta

    ‘Allah, Allah, Rabbi la ushriku bihi shai’an 

    La ilaha illa anta, subhanaka, inni kuntu minadh-dhalimin

    للّهُـمَّ إِنِّي عَبْـدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْـدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِـكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَـدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُـكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّـيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أِوْ أَنْزَلْتَـهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْـتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِـكَ أَوِ اسْتَـأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الغَيْـبِ عِنْـدَكَ أَنْ تَجْـعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيـعَ قَلْبِـي، وَنورَ صَـدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُـزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّـي
    O Allah, I am Your servant, son of Your servant, son of your maidservant. My forehead is in Your hand. Your command conceming me prevails, and Your decision concerning me is just. I call upon You by every one of the beautiful names by which You have described Yourself, or which You have revealed in Your book, or have taught anyone of Your creatures, or which You have chosen to keep in the knowledge of the unseen with You, to make the Qur’an the delight of my heart, the light of my breast, and remover of my griefs, sorrows, and afflictions‘.”

    Allaahumma ikfiniy bi halaalika an haraamika, wa aghniniy bi fadhlika amman siwaaka

    “It is Allah’s promise that anyone who recites, after every Salah, the Surah al Fatihah, the aayatul Kursi, two verses of Aal Imran, that is shahidallaahu..(3:18) and the present verse: Qulil laahumma Maalikal Mulki upto Bi ghairi hisaab (3: 26, 27), He will make his abode in Paradise, and have him placed in the Sacred Enclosure, and bless with His mercy seventy times every day, and fulfill seventy of his needs, and protect him against every envier and enemy and make him prevail over them”.Read these. They help me alot on the day to day basis. Believe! You are not weak nor do you need anyone but Allah. Be happy as advised by um al momineen Ayesha r.a. and comment if you want to talk further. You will forget this pain one day believe me. its just a matter of time. Dont give any thought to what people think. They have hurt and called names to Prophets then who are we? Your husband is in punishment. The more he drowns deep in the sickness the further he goes from Allah. there is no veil between the wail of a tourtured and Allah. Ask Allah to punish who wronged you and watch them perish in this world and hereafter. Ameen.

  4. You dont have to confront anyone! Just leave that place asap. Dont live where they can find you. Allah will forgive you for not telling him.I believe. Take Khula! Dont be afraid. Why do you want to get married again.? You are strong. You dont need a man. Take khula from here and move to some other place. Dont tell anyone about your story and live confidently. I mean look at me! I never had any deep social interaction with people but still people talk! They will talk. Let them. As long as you listen to them you will get hurt. You will not even think of self harming! Okay!
    And as far as bad dua goes, then let me tell you. You said bad dua comes back to you. I dont know what to say but thats the hindu concept of karma! It has nothing to do with islam. You are anxious about everything. I get you really. It wont come back but Allah will destroy them. Believe me I have tested it. It always gets me self satisfaction when people who wronged me get what they deserve by Allah.
    You are in a mental trauma at the moment. These issues should be addressed by a phsyco therepist. Not a psychitrist. Coz they use drugs to sooth you and they are addictive.after awhile you cannot funtion without them. So go to a therapist or search someone online. Be strong! You have crossed a river of fire and now you tell me that you dont have the courage to live?ヅ
    You need to be in your full health before your baby comes, otherwise you wont be better then his father, wont you?
    And dont try to fit in this rotten culture! Take khula and if Allah send someone to marry you then he will marry you as you are. No lies, no pretending!
    Goli marain dunya ko! Isko bas muh mila hua hai baknay k lea. saray apna anjaam pa lain gay. jinho ne ambiya ko nai bakhsha wo humein kya khaak dain gay. Be happy! And say YES! THIS IS WHO I AM! YOU GOTTA PROBLEM WITH THAT? well if they do, then Allah will deal with them. You will see. Stop being afraid of these people, they mean nothing. Breath! And LIVE!
    Be happy. You are lovely+strong+smart you are the best. Believe me you are better than many people.

    • Thank you sister for your encouraging words. I tell myself why worrying because I don't have to live like this forever, this life is not forever. Sooner or later we shall meet Allah and get justice but then i feel anxious again. I don't know this is my nafs or satanic whispers saying to me, "what if Allah never forgave your sins, that is why you are punished and you are waiting for judgement, what if Allah punishes you there aswel for your sins of the past". I get confused. I have been a bad girl, although the sins I committed never pleased me, they disturbed me always, my parents were so religious and always offered prayers, they always taught me good and asked me to offer prayers but they never forced and so I never prayed or hardly ever did and I thought Allah is not going to forgive me anyways so why even try until i lost someone i loved very very dearly, it shook me inside out and I researched alot that Allah is oh so merciful and he continues to forgive as long as we repent and turn to Allah. I read the narration of prophet sw where he told Allah also forgave a person who used to steal kaffan from graves and one day he saw a gorgeous girl's deadbody and he raped that corpse in her grave and the girl's body cursed him, that shook him and he cried for 40 days and 40 nights, cried and cried begging for taubah and forgiveness from Allah and Allah told the prophet sw that give my glad tidings to the person who transgressed against himself, that Allah has accepted his repentance and Allah loved his repentance and gave him jannah. Reading this, That day on my life changed, i thought my sins are nowhere like this man's so if I asked His almighty's forgiveness with all my heart, he ar rehman ar raheem would definitely forgive me, I felt myself more near Allah, i prayed and prayed for repentance, and still beg his mercy. But since I got married and things got terribly wrong, something in my mind tells me no Allah didn't forgive you, he wants to punish you this way.

      I couldn't overcome this feeling despite knowing how raheem He is. Now I'm trying to convince myself that fine if Allah wants to punish me in this life then who can change what He wills, He is Allah almighty, i am just a slave so if He punishes me now, its His right and who am i to question him. Perhaps He wants to expatiate my sins by this wordly punishment in order to save me from hell fire as Allah knows better. And if this is not a punishment but a trial then fine, who can challenge Allah's decree, i accept what He wills for me. This is my one half saying but my other half will tell me no you are destroyed in both worlds so it doesn't matter, you can keep mourning or just get rid of this pain by killing yourself. I don't know if my second part is a satanic whisper or just my nafs. If it's satan whispering then Should i just accept What first half of my soul says to me?

  5. Aoa im sorry to hear your situation. Divorces are getting pretty common in Pakistan u have no reason to stay with such a horrible man. Yes there is a stigma attached to it but if our generation doesnt change it whoelse will? Get out of this marriage or u will lose ur sanity sister. Forget about what people will say or have to say. U need to take care of urself first. Ure mashaAllah a doctor u can earn why are u letting urself get abused? And what will ending ur life do to others? It will be only ur loss in the end. U sound like a very religiously sound person who has a bond with Allah swt. Why do u want to ruin ur aakhira because of this one useless man? Allah swt has a plan for you believe that. But first and foremost get out of this abusive relationship. Do you think staying in ur parents house without a reason will make ppl stop? Ppl will always talk do not care about them. I go around everyday telling ppl i am divorced they look at me with weird faces ask me weird questions but i deal with it only because i believe if we dont stop this noone will. Divorce is nothing to be ashamed of infact we should be telling women to get out of their horrible marriages and telling the ones who r married how blessed they r to have normal husbands and how they shudnt complain over everything. U r an educated woman why do u care about any stigma? I personally know a lot of girls who got divorced. Its more common than u think.

  6. It is hard to believe in 2015 a well educated woman is being treated as a slave in the name of culture and religion in a country that calls itself land of pure.

    You should leave this man who is a drug addict and impotent. Divorce him and remarry a non-Pakistani NRI. I am sure some one will accept you even when you are divorced

    Change your name and move to another country willing to accept you. Try Canada, UK, Australia, US. You may have to pass some exams before you can practice medicine.

    Your life will be much safer in a foreign country. Don't be scared, any where you go you will meet people who will help you settle down.

    Report your husband to authorities anonymously about his opiate drug addiction. Such a person should not be allowed to practice medicine.

  7. My dear sister I look at your comments and I smile to myself. Coz I see so much of myself in you. You get back and consider yourself as another person. Now imagine a bad person beating you and discouraging you. What do you see? Hmm? I see a bad spirit who wants to break you and then gets satisfatction in astrying a good muslim from their path. It has happened to me too. I have done bad in teens And even somewhere in adult life too and do you know what got me to repent and come back to Allah? He gave me so much that I felt ashamed of myself and I now pray and stay away from anything that is remotely considered bad. I will tell you a story.
    there was a man who had killed 98 people and than he feels that he is guilty so he wants to repent. So he goes to a christian priest and asks, is there forgivnes for me? He replies no! So he kills him in anger too. Than he goes to another priest of some religion and asks the same question with the same answer and kills that man too. In the end he goes to a muslim imam and asks. The imam replies positively and he repents and Allah forgives his all wrong doings.
    What are you asking yourself sister. It is a blasphemious thought! Dont you believe in Allah’s mercy? Dont He say "ask me, I will give you". Allah said" if all of the mankind stopped sining then I will create such people on earth who’d sin and then repent" He forgave you! He is the most merciful! There is an ayyat in surah Imran idk maybe ayyat number 185 or somthing. You should find it. But the tafseer said that a man became a murtad (kafir again after reverting to islam) so he came back to Prophet (pbuh) and asked "hal li min tauba" (is there tauba for me?) And Prophet (pbuh) got this vahi.Allah forgave a murtad before he died. A does of akbar al kabair! So what did you do so wrong that Allah’s mercy cant cover?
    Lets look at another scenario. You think Allah never forgave you and punished you. Right! So... I think the punishment is over. And now shaitan wants to use this dispair and pain to keep you in darkness and think of such blasphimious thoughts whch will eventualy lead to hell for sure. We will die no doubt but this world wasnt created to hurt us! It was created to test us! Dont fail the test and enjoy the world aswell. Shaitan! My sister shaitan is smothering you. Believe me I almost got anorexic thinking and crying. It happens to me every 2,3 years and I know that shaitan always uses dispair against me. And mayousi is a sin! Read bukhari hadith you will find many beautiful ahadith and stories from Prophet’s life. This world is vast and no one can stop you from living your life! You have to get out of that dark place my sis. See the light! Please! Dont think negative. Its over! Done! Past! Khatam! Bas! you are out! Allah saved you. Now just see that you are saved!

    • Arfa: . I will tell you a story. there was a man who had killed 98 people and than he feels that he is guilty so he wants to repent. So he goes to a christian priest and asks, is there forgiveness for me? He replies no! So he kills him in anger too. Than he goes to another priest of some religion and asks the same question with the same answer and kills that man too. In the end he goes to a Muslim imam and asks. The imam replies positively and he repents and Allah forgives his all wrong doings.

      Where did you get this story? There was a Pakistan man who killed over 100 boys. According to your story courts should have let this man to go free if he repented.............
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7IenJ3fF74

      • That's actually a true story svs. Allah is merciful, He likes to forgive no matter how big the sin as long as we repent with a sincere heart.

        • Its a true story, but the man never actually met the 'Muslim' and repented, that part is fabricated, he died on his journey to seek repentance,

          the angels of mercy and torment disputed as to which way he would go i.e hell or Jennah and the distance of which he had traveled ( to seek forgiveness) was measured, as the distance he had traveled towards repentance was greater Allah gave him Jennah,

          i think the moral of the story is about repentance and Allahs great mercy, and the sister was using the story to inspire the other sister, which is quite sweet really, may Allah bless her for trying to help this sister.

  8. Salaam sister,
    I'm really sorry to hear about the abuse you went through. I'm glad you don't love him and want nothing to do with him. I'm in a bit of a hurry so can't write much in detail. But there is really nothing to think about, there is no way in hell that your going back to this man or be a part of his family, so please seek khulla and break any connections or rights this man has over you, protect yourself. The rest, leave to Allah swt, He will definetly find a way out for you. If your meant to marry a second time, you will, whether your divorced or not. I personally know of two girls, who got divorced and are now happily married, and these were girls living in a village with very little eudcstion or independence. Never say never. Pls take the first step and end this marriage officially and then take small steps to rebuild your life and that of your child's if you are pregnant. May Allah swt ease your pain and suffering and bless you with tonnes of happiness, Ameen.

  9. Asalam o Alaikum brother SVS. first of all my name is not Arfa, its plain ARWA! (please dont start arguing why I have this name). Now for the "story" you read that I gave just a sketch is actualy an authentic hadith. The ruling on taubah is that, you can repent and be forgiven untill you are caught by authorities And if the sin is against haqouq al ibaad. Prophet(pbuh) even asked the people who went back to kufar after Islam, 3 times to repent and come back to islam before giving them the sentence. That Pakistani man who killed a hundred boys is non of my business and yes! I was maybe 9, or 10 when his case came up. People who do tawbah are cleansed by Allah.I personaly think if that man repented to Allah and got the death sentence then he will not burn in hell coz he got punished here. Will you question Allah’s mercy and justice?? No! We dont have that vast of a mind to do that.
    Dear brother. You should really make effort to learn and research fatawah and ahadith on islam and problems because I told you before and I will tell you again that I didnt join this forum to argue! I just want to help people and your comments further tangle the person whome we want to help. Wasalam.
    Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said:

    “There was a man from among a nation before you who killed ninety-nine people and then made an inquiry about the most learned person on the earth. He was directed to a monk. He came to him and told him that he had killed ninety-nine people and asked him if there was any chance for his repentance to be accepted. He replied in the negative and the man killed him also completing one hundred.

    He then asked about the most learned man in the earth. He was directed to a scholar. He told him that he had killed one hundred people and asked him if there was any chance for his repentance to be accepted. He replied in the affirmative and asked, `Who stands between you and repentance? Go to such andsuch land; there (you will find) people devoted to prayer and worship of Allah, join them in worship, and do not come back to your land because it is an evil place.’

    So he went away and hardly had he covered half the distance when death overtook him; and there was a dispute between the angels of mercy and the angels of torment. The angels of mercy pleaded, ‘This man has come with a repenting heart to Allah,’ and the angels of punishment argued, ‘He never did a virtuous deed in his life.’ Then there appeared another angel in the form of a human being and the contending angels agreed to make him arbiter between them. He said, `Measure the distance between the two lands. He will be considered belonging to the land to which he is nearer.’ They measured and found him closer to the land (land of piety) where he intended to go, and so the angels of mercy collected his soul”. [Al Bukhari and Muslim]

    https://shortislamicstories.wordpress.com/2010/03/10/the-man-who-committed-99-murders/

    • Arwa: Asalam o Alaikum brother SVS. first of all my name is not Arfa, its plain ARWA (please dont start arguing why I have this name).........

      Sorry for misspelling your name. Thanks to you and bucks for sharing more information behind the story.

      On Internet I found your name Arwa ..........means "gracefulness and beauty", "satisfied", and “fresh". Arwa: name means abundance and good appearance, even watering sufficiency, revealed smooth and lightness and agility and fullness as well as good looks and pomp, name indicating softness and lightness and agility and fullness and pomp. Nice name

      I don't see any one arguing on this forum, I just see people sharing different opinions

  10. As salaam u alaikum dear sister,

    I am really amazed at your patience. As per me, you are very strong because bearing such brutality whilst not giving up your eemaan and also trying to help him to come near to deen. I am proud of you , a muslimah, who stood up for her deen , her rights.

    I have gone through all your replies so far and I understand that it is social stigma that is stopping you from breaking away from this torture. Islam gives us strength in the form of khula to free ourselves from any kind of oppression in marriage. I am an Indian, divorced, single mother of a 3 yr old boy who is a carbon of his father in looks, the way he sleeps etc and I must tell you he is a reminder for me, I just cannot forget my ex husband because of my son. But he is my strength so if you are pregnant then accept this blessing of Allah (swt) and you as a mother is the protector of the child hence no need to convey them when you are so sure about safety.

    You utilized only one aspect of your strength - patience. Now you have to step up and take things in your hand. I think during pregnancy you cannot apply for khula or divorce. Just stop listening to their crap. You don't need to answer their calls.

    Take care of your health, that should be the priority. No matter what you have to have food as it is through you that your unborn child gets strength. You have let them abuse you as wife, do not let them abuse you as mother. Believe me I had put my foot down on the slightest idea of his parents inducing him to hurt me physically and told them that if your son hits me then he knows that I will get his hand out of his body either through authorities or by wrong means. Give respect to yourself , you don't need to do any sacrifice for the sake of society. Let people speak, give damn care about it.

    Just be at your parents place and divorce once you deliver. Take care dear , Allah (swt) gave us Rights so that we live happily without oppression.

  11. Dear Sister,

    I am really sorry to hear that you have suffered so much. But indeed you are a champ who has survived even after so much pain. Please take khula from that wretched and hateful person. These kind of persons can never change. Do you always want to be haunted by fear that this man would one day bang on your door and take you with him because you are his wife? If you want to live peacefully then you should cut all contacts with him and get out of this relationship. And if you are pregnant then may Allah give you a healthy child and you can raise the child on your own. You are a doctor Masha Allah and you can raise a kid independently and don't worry about his threats that he will kill you and take the child from you. Court will definitely grant you child's custody and you should move to some other place for more safety. I've seen women personally who also have suffered so much in a bad relationship and have raised the kids alone even though they had no skills to do job but still they did a tremendous job of raising kids. And I don't think Allah is punishing you for those sins its just a test of Allah. If something takes you closer to Allah it means that it is a test and if something takes you away from Allah it means it is a punishment. And you know yourself that all these have brought you closer to Allah so just smile and do not worry. Change your telephone numbers so he cant threaten you. And if he comes at your doorsteps don't hesitate to call police. You need not be afraid of this man.

    • Tundy-a-baad e mukhalif say na gabhra aey uqab
      Yeh to chalti hai tujhe ooncha uranay k liay

      May Allah give you more strength and will power to come out of this trauma. Ameen

  12. Sister ,

    Feel sorry to hear you are in such a abusive environment .Divorce is not wrong if it is done for genuine reasons .Here you have genuine reasons .You are abused ,tortured ,and your husband making fun of Islam will take him out of folder of Islam .If he is out of imaan then marriage also will be automatically nullified .

    Sister ,don't bother about divorcee tag .Divorces are becoming common nowadays .

    Just take a divorce and kick him out of your life .Don't entertain this torture for society related reasons .

    May Allah help you ..

  13. dear sister

    leave this man immediately, stop expecting him to be changed he will not change. Allah is not punishing him is the clear indication that he wants to increase his sins. he will be punished later, in this site we can only tell this and that but if you want practical help then go to the lawyer, he will tell you what to do to save yourself , you can get restraining orders so that he may not contact you. you will have to file for divorce, seek advice of the lawyer. we cant solve your problem.
    stop over thinking what your colleagues will say coz people have tongue they will speak bad about you , they want rumors and dirty politics its the part of professional life this is called leg pulling people go to the extent of character assassination as well .
    if you want to live a healthy peaceful life get divorce and about baby the lawyer will tell you you can file fir against him as well so the police will handle his craziness. the police make such people very normal they will beat him like hell. your mother in law can do nothing thats stupidity she cant snatch anyone's baby. he will fire you? go tell the police that he is threatening you. but first contact a lawyer and again stop thinking he will change he will never change.

  14. Salaam Sister,
    Don't ever think about taking your life or suicide.For this world,we are all in-transit and it's going to end - whether we are happy or sad.What matters is the future and Akhira.
    I suggest you:
    1) Seek a divorce from this man. I am not sure where you live at the moment, but don't let the "stigma" of being called divorcee hold you back.Divorce is something Allah permitted - no matter how painful it may become. It's a solution.Don't get back to that man.Your life is worth more than what people say behind your back
    2)You are educated, don't let this problem destroy you. You are only 25 years old and can still start your life all again.You have got the talent and skill to feed your child, Insha Allah. Look at the less privileged people around you.
    3) Keep your faith in Allah.People go through much more painful experience - some have their body chopped off, some don't have food or shelter, some are ill and terminally sick,some don't have family or friend to support the.So there are many more people in worse situation than you.Think about them.
    4) You will find a better husband.It's not in Islam that you will be seen as divorce and will not get married.You will get pious and respectful man.Stay away from that Shaytaan and his family, otherwise you will carry more children for him and become stuck for ever. Don't do that.

    You DESERVE good life and you will get it, Insha Allah.Don't give up.Move on.Stay in the right path and keep doing your dua's and prayers.
    Wa salaam

  15. Hello Salam sister.
    Please let me tell you something that I am also a persone with suicidal thoughts since I am a child. I did cut my hands to punish myself. But Allah save me both time. Do you want to know the reason why I don't kill myself??? The reason is Quran. I read the Ayats saying about how Allah forbide us to not kill ourselve. I listen to Allah and I am fear of him. So I don't think about killing myslef anymore.

    This is the ayat of Quan saying "Don't kill yourself. No doubt Allah (swt) is merciful and anyone who does so, will be pushed in fire. And it is easy for Allah (swt)." (Nisa: 4:29, 4:30)"

    This is one of the the Hadiths "Whoever kills himself with a weapon made of iron, he will keep on hurting himself in hell with the same weapon in hell. And whoever kills himself with poison, he will keep on eating poison in hell. And whoever commits suicide by falling from mountain, he will keep on falling in the fire of hell forever over and over again." (Muslim)

    This is link if you want to read morehttp://qurango.com/suicide.html

    DON'T EVER THINK OF KILLING YOURSELF. Please say Amin.

  16. Assalamu alaikum sis

    I'm here because I thought I was going through some tests but subhanAllah I didn't think I'd read such abuse and people taking it lying down! Listen sis its been 3 years and I'm not sure of your situation but Islamically you are NOT allowed to be oppressed if you can avoid it. Tie your camel by leaving this shaytaan.... and then put your trust in Allah. You can't sit on your hands and expect help from Allah. Hajar a.s. ran between Safa and Marwa 7 times before Allah's help came. Your marriage isn't even valid! Firstly he doesn't pray and secondly he's mocking Allah while beating you. Read your Quran sis, join a halaqa for tafseer because clearly you know nothing about Islam. Allah says in the Quran in surah An-Naml ' do not SIT with those who mock Allah and His deen' ! Sister, you let him abuse you mentally and physically in the same house. Its not your job to guide him... if its not the Prophet's s burden that the disbelievers didn't believe why did you make it yours?! Who cares if you get called a divorcee! Was it shameful for the Prophet s to marry Zainab, a divorcee?? Wallahi when people look for honour in things outside of Islam such as status and prestige and class that is when Allah dishonours them. When you made taubah Allah wiped your slate clean like a newborn baby but the moment you married this kafir out of fear and desperation instead of marrying a Muslim you allowed yourself to become dishonoured. Sister Im a divorcee, I would rather be divorced 10 times than to be truly dishonoured and humiliated AND become someone's punching bag >:[. Have some self-respect. Wear that divorcee badge with honour. It means you were strong enough to stand on your own 2 feet and tell some people where to go. People will prey on your weakness, so be a fighter, stand up and call the cops on the lot of them! We are not allowed to be meek, no. Allah hates oppression and injustice and if He has instructed you to get out of it and you refused to do so can you really ask why Allah's not helping you?? You dont need a magic pill dua sister you need a good understanding of Islam and some sensibility. You had to be out of that door in week 1! You have every right to talaq tafwid if your husband doesn't pray - that alone is enough.. you don't need any other reason. But He mocked Allah! And he abused you. And he didnt maintain you. He's not allowed to hit you or call you bad names, again its in the Qur'an. A sahaba slapped his female slave and the Prophet s ordered him to set her free... but you stayed with this shaytan when you're his free and independent wife with greater rights! Allahu Akbar. When will this backward thinking end Ya Rabb?!

    Equip yourself with the correct understanding of Islam. Make dua. Then help yourself. Then trust in Allah. I truly hope that you're safe and far away from these monsters, they are NOT Muslims, they're monsters. I hope you've regained control of your life, your body, your peace... all of this is an amanah from Allah, its a trust and a loan and we have to guard it vigilantly and nourish it until we meet Him again.

    My passion boils near the surface alhamdulillah but it doesn't mean I'm angry or blaming you for your suffering... just telling you to get off your hands and act. Respect yourself and others will respect you. You deserve better. Do something about it.

    Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh

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