Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t stop loving him

depressed woman lost love

Its started about 5 years ago when i was in school i was a very shy girl i never talked or been with any guy before that i was a complete nerd my mom changes my school where i fell in love for a guy who wasnt interested in me neither i confessed my feelings to him . Wallah my feelings were real i dont know where they came from but they just came into my way .

That guy started dating another girl i feel broken i use to cry whole nights keep reciting dua to Allah to reduce the pain i was so young at that time it was a duration of three years when both of them keep dating . But after two years allah talla grant mein sabar i wasnt that mad for him . I dont know what happen at that moment that guy came to me and confesses his love it was just like a miracle for me i was shocked that how allah talla fulfiled all my wishes it was like living a dream i accepted te propsal after sometime .  I starting having faith in allah tallah even more because he makes that guy to love me . That guy who wasnt interested in me at all once . I always keep doing shukar to Allah . I just forget his past and everything because none of them matters more for me .

I wont lie that guy respected and loves me in the way every girl wishes for he deals me so softly he keep telling me that how much i matters and how much he love me it was the most beautiful year of my whole life with him he means the whole world to me . I just keep telling my friends how lucky and blessed i am to have him . Then slowly we start heading towards fights we use to fight a lot every week almost but it was always our love which just takes all the problems away we were madly in love . I give him whatever i can i consider him as my husband . I always keep doing shukar to allah for giving me what i have .

I decided to take admission in the same university he is taking . He dont want to go to university it was me who insisted him because i wanted to be with him every time he want to study private but i just keep persuading him and finally we both came in the same university . I considered it as the biggest mistake of my life . We were having a good time though we fights alot but use to sort it out soon . We were happy .

One day while we were on call he told me he proposed his ex again the girl which he dated before me i was always insecure from her and finally something like this happened . Oh i cant elaborate the way i felt that moment i can describe i just cant believe that how he could do this he further said that i was thinking to propose her form a long time . I asked him if she'd accepted the proposal what you have said to me . He said that i would have the courage to face you ever again . I cut the call . I contacted to his ex she is a goid friend if mine too . She told me that he said to her that letting her go was the biggest mistake ever he still had feelings for her. Then his ex asked him what about your recent girlfriend he said that she is okay with it she always say me that whenever i want to correct my mistake i can . Which is actually true i said that many times that if you ever feel going back to her you can because i dont wanthim to live with me with his choice i never restricted him .

He did something which i can never believe that he could do . His girlfriend rejected the proposal because she was dating some else and happy . He told me that she didnt feel any thing for him sje regretted him in ever possible way he was just a mistake to him she said that he is a terrible person amd she cant think of dating him again .

I was in a shock in an unexplainable pain he cheats me for a girl who considered him as a mistake when i consider him as the best thing ever happened to me . After some time that guy appologized me and tell me how sorry he feels he said that he didnt love her he just do that because of some past mistakes he wanted to correct . I dont know what happened to me in that moment i forgave him and smiled like nothing happened i dont know why i love him that much why i cant resist him . And that day i realise even if he cheated me a thousand times i would have forgiven him tbat thousand times . Because thats how he matter for me thats how i much feel for him .

We were back together i was soo happy . I keep loving him . But the problems keep coming in our way we fight alot at every thing we brokeup many times but it was me who keep coming back and apologizing him who keep shedding tears i agree i also hurted him many time i be soo rude to him but he also does that he insulted me mamy times . Well it just start getting harder and harder everytime .

And now it is the time when he doesnt care at all i used to text him keep crying to come backbut he doesnt he is very happy in his life with his friends but i just cant think of amythi g but him i want him everytime i need him . He is very annoyed by my behaviour he wanted me to move on and i keeo texting him telling him that how much i need him i cant live without him . Sometimes i feel like ending my life he tells me one day that her mattered to him more than me . I keep crying and asking him to giving me one mire chance ge never wantedme back . He said that he will marry a girl if he finds him suitable for his faimly and himself . He behaves like a person who had no feelings . He said that i do drama to provoke him . He stopped loving me . I can never overcome him the things he said to me that he would never leave me we will marry and have children he will stand for me whatever the situation and now he doesnt feels the same for me he left me crying and broken waoting for him .

I cant overcome this feeling the pain and depression . I cant marry anyone i considered him as my husband and now even the feel of marrying any other guy feels like a knife in my chest . I keep praying allah to give him back to me i keep praying allah to end my life if i cant have him . Everyone says that i am beautiful i can get whomever i want  but trust me whenever i stands in front of mirror i keep realising that what is the use of this pretty looks for me if i cant have him if he cant love me . I dont know what to do i feel lime no one will ever understand what i am going thorough what i am facing my love for him is killing me inside the memory of both of us us taking my spul away from my body . My eyes are tired of shedding tears ..


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10 Responses »

  1. Assalamo walikum sister
    Its not easy to fall in love and get your heart broken. We all went through. I recently got my heart broken and I felt exactly the way you are feeling. Inshallah time will heal you. Don't bottle inside of you. talk to your friends and let them hear your pain. Pray to Allah to make you strong and find you a better guy that will treat you wonderfully this life as well as next time. don't ask Allah to return your boyfriend back to you and don't ask Allah a haram request like "killing you". That's the worst thing to ask him. I know you are saying these due to your pain. Always say "atagfurullah" when you are little bit calm later.This is how it is, the more you beg him the weaker he sees in you. The reason he keep hurting you because you forgive him too many times, which made him think he did not do any wrong. You love him, so you forgive him but why do you do this to yourself? Why do you want to be with someone who has no love or respect for you? When a person says "I love you" it mean crap, excuse my language. You should love someone by his action never by his word. I learn the hard way. These days ppl will make promise sooo easily and break it easily. Read the quran daily and if you can't cry that Moment, then hold the quran on your chest. And this tear will be matter to Allah and as for you too. When ever you feel like talking to this guy, don't do it. Instead make udo and make 2 rakat salaah and ask Allah to remove everything that is hurting you. Remember one thing there is no greater than Allah and he is the only can make your pain go away.

    Man says bad about women and vise versa. We are human there is good and bad inside us. Allah saw something in that guy that you can't seem to see it. If Allah doesn't grant your wish is because that wish is a bad ones and Allah will not cause his servant pain by fulfilling their desire.

    Time will heal you inshallah. We are here in this life to serve Allah and we need to continue to do so. Don't let saitan win your battle and send you to zahannam. No men is worth you suffering. Don't send yourself to zahannam because of a man. If you wish to make him pay for your pain then get stronger and develop yourself and find the best man. He will not care now but when you are strong he will say the same thing he said to his ex to come back. And then you can do that too by saying "Alhumduriallah Allah saved me from you".

    Stay strong!

    • Assalamu alaikum.. What a fake guy he is! Why do you wanna waste your time n thoughts for a man Who's not worthy of it at all.. N of course he wasn't loving u.. Infact trying to deceive u by saying love etc.. N that's quite easy to make a girl believe that one is real.. Open up your eyes before he could inflict further damage... Think sensibly, wisely n focus on your studies rather than these silly love stories..Inshallah you'll get a good person when you have reached the time for that n your parents might find a suitable match for you.. Right now focus on your studies n building a career..

  2. salam sister, wallah i understand what your going through i dont blame you for loving him this much because its so hard to let go of someone it takes alot alot alot alot of time. you try and hate him to forget him and its really hard and he worse part is that you see how bad he treats you and everyone says he doesnt deserve you but you still love him wallah sis i understand you. its so hard to find anyone that wilk understand you. same thing is happening to me right now and wallah everyone that i tell my problem to says get over him little do they know its not that easy. sister if you need anyone to speak to about your feelings please let me know and we can speak it will be very helpfull for both of us because we both understand each. wallahi sis me reading your story got tears in my eyes. if you need anyone to speak to let me know inshAllah ill try my best to help you. and remember im going through the same feelings x

    • You had got enough suggestions by the way Sarah. Still you're back to the starting n focus on your career rather than wasting time thinking for that 22 year old!

      • Salam,

        Love is like an addicting drug Adil. She has no choice, she's going to think about him every day, first thing every morning and last thing every night. He got to her before she even know what love was and he's been at it for three years. I gave advice but it's like giving advice to a smoker, "hey stop, it's bad for you". They're kinda addicted and it's going to take some time to process all of it.

        • Salam brother, a few nights ago i seen a dream that i was asking my mum if she can call the person and speak to him, she did it and when she called him she was speaking to him he was really upset and my mum asked him whats wrong he was telling her that he lost me and he feels so lost in life, my mum felt upset she asked him something and then he went silent for a few seconds then he shut the phone because he was buckling and was crying. then after he shut me and my mum started crying together. she called him back up and told him to come over and speak when he came over i was walking past and he seen me without the scarf. do you reckon this dream means anything ?

          • Salam,

            I can't say because I don't have the knowledge to interpret dreams. But regardless of dreams or what may happen, I recommend sticking to doing the right thing. There are women on here that have pursued their choice against their family and are asking what to do now that the marriage is awful. So there is really no way for you to know if it would've worked out. On the other hand, things may have worked out great between you two. If you think it's worth fighting over and that he didn't commit zina and he isn't forbidden to you, then go ahead. If he isn't worth it then you just have to pass these trials and then you can have whatever you ask for. Salam.

  3. Salam

    You two just had too many fights. Instead of it being a positive experience it was a negative experience. I think all the fighting just led to where you are now. He also didn't really process the loss of his relationship, so nothing against you, he wasn't quite over her and wanted another chance. The fighting just intensified him feeling her loss.

    • Please girls...try to be Normal.. It's really weird to think about what we saw in dreams n relating to our real lives.. be realistic.... These haven't got anything to do with real life.... I used to see lots of dreams in sleep.. Does that mean it's gonna happen or what

  4. Do not think suicidal thoughts, Allah will help through the hard times.
    You mentioned he was the first guy in your life, which is why you are so attached to him. You have been with him for many years. It is time to put an end to it. Stop fighting to make the relationship work, because you are the only one compromising. I feel you were his backup plan, and even if you weren't he is not interested in you anymore. If he is not interested in you, you should not be interested in him either. It will take some time and effort to make yourself forget him and capable of having some other relationships. The problem is that you have been with him for too long and have gotten addicted to him. You mentioned if he cheated on you, you would forgive him. I know you love him , but again the point is you are compromising. Think of it this way, God forbid if you cheated on him would he still stay with you. NO! He would leave you. You need to know life is not a dream, cope with the problems. Block his number and spend more time with friend and family so they help you to stop thinking about him. I personally do not have experience, but I know enough.

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