Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry my pregnant girlfriend, please help

mother and baby, family

Hi, I  am a 21 year old male and I met a girl 19 years old, she is palistinian and muslim. I originally was a christan and am now muslim.

She left her family to come to be with me. During the time she was with me, she got pregnant by me. We were not married and I was not muslim at the time.

I want to marry her and I'm in the process or I should say trying to begin the process because she went and visited her family. Her family will not let me speak to her and when they do it is very short.  Do they have to let me marry her if she wants to be married to me? Because she does and I´ve been going to the mosque and trying to do every thing properly.

I love her, she is my habibti and I am trying very hard and what makes the situation really bad is that our child is about to be born and the only way I can be there for our child´s birth is by marrying her so she can come back to me.  I love her dearly and  I am now muslim, does her family have to accept our marriage?

I know it is haram how things have happened and I have done my best to repent if any 1 could help me with this I´d be so thankful I will treat her the same as I have always, with love and respect wallah I just need a little bit of guidance on this mater if anyone could help... I´d  be so grateful thank you so much....

Please reply..

- convert

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14 Responses »

  1. As-salamualakum brother,

    With the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

    I'm studying Islam, I don't know that much but I know that Allah (swt) is Al-ghaffar the forgiver. He forgive all sins with sincere repentance.
    I learned that some christians became muslim only to married the girl they wanted. After the wedding the give up on the religion. But you said that you have repent, and Allah loves those who repent and forgive them. Allah has forbid (shirk) which means associating partner with Him even for one second because there is no Deity but Him, (La-ilaha Ila-lahou). He is the owner, and creator of everything. Before everything was, He was. Allah is Most Merciful to the sincere believers and very severe in punishment to the hypocrites, and pretender do you know that right?
    Allah forgive all sincere repentance. The girl's parents may know that, but may not know if you are sincere because only Allah knows the unseen, and no one perfect. It's impossible to me to judge you or judge the girl's parent because I only depend on Allah who is the Owner of you, and me. I' m just trying to advices you.
    The best advices I have for you is to put your entire trust on Allah, and Always pray to Allah by keeping in mind that everything depend on Him alone, He is the Most Merciful, and Loyal Who does everything for a good reason. Then wait for your result with conviction, and acceptance as Allah said in the Coran, whoever put His
    Him, He will suffice Him.
    I will ask a good teacher in Islam for you, but keep in mind that the advices I just gave you is the best because even the teacher I' m going to ask belong to Allah.

  2. Son,

    Your girlfriend has shamed her family by her actions and in a Muslim family, that is not to be taken lightly at all. You say she left her family to be with you but she knew full and well before she walked out of the house what she was doing. both are in a pickle and there are no easy answers for either of you.

    As a mother myself, I would tell you to go and talk to her father ...if he will speak to you. See, even if you didn't fully comprehend the gravity of the decision she made to come with you...she did. She knew that it was one of the worst things she could do. By her leaving to be with you, she has turned her family upside down. Disgrace and humiliation for her parents is not enough in terms of what she has done to them.

    Be a man...step up and at least try to talk to her father. Go and tell him that you would like to ask for his daughter in marriage. Explain if he will let you, that you know that you made mistakes and you are willing to work to earn his trust. You also need to go to your local mosque and speak to the Imam (religious leader) and ask for his guidance in this matter.

    Muslim or not...we are all human and as such, we make mistakes. This does not mean that we cannot turn things around and fix them so to speak. I will pray that her father will be willing to hear you out but you need to understand if he doesn't, it's not that he hates's that he hates what the both of you did. Be strong and ask Allah to guide you. Keep up your prayer and remember, actions speak louder than words. The best of luck to both of you.

    • Hi ,
      I think your , being to hash . Everyone makes mistakes .I think , now that they know that they have made a mistake , they can make a postive step in their life . And honestly who ar you to judge this boy .

      • Elif,

        I have read and re read my response to our friend here and I don't believe I am being harsh. Why...because I am honest with him? Would you rather I sugar coat the situation? This man needs realistic views and answers...he doesn't need us to say everything is okay because it isn't. That doesn't mean that he can't work towards making everything okay and working towards a brighter future for himself and this young girl.

        Furthermore, I would never, ever judge anyone because I know that I too will be judged. I'm keeping it real here plain and simple. My response is not to upset anyone but I believe it to be a realistic response for the question that was put forth.

        May converts road be paved with light and goodness and may Allah guide this family in their current struggle to a bright and happy future for all...amin.

        • Actually Najah I thought your reply was quite balanced. You did not pretend that the situation was easy or trivial, but you suggested a way forward.


  3. salam brother

    I agree with sister najah. The gravity of your mistake must be comprehened before either of you can move forward from this.
    Firstly, i think you should speak to a imam and with him visit the girls father. Explain everything, in detail, beg, weep, do whatever you have to do to gain his trust and forgivness. But get the imam on your side first and get him to do the talking for you, it may be easier to convince the father through the imam!

    But you must stay away from the girl whilst working on her parents- please don't do anything behind thier back again- theres no point hurting them any further. Tell them that would it not be better all round if the child was born in wedlock and the shame diminsh a little if you both were married.

    Be patient, even if the child is born before you guys get married, be persistant, but do it with love towards her parents, i don't think you can imagine even for a minute the pain they must be suffering right now. So be kind and gentle towards them. This is your chance to change things for the better- insha-allah her parents will relent if you are sincere in your actions.

    I hope it all works out for you.

  4. Hi,

    First of all, can I say congratulations on your baby, new life is always a good thing, even if it hasn't come about in the best of ways, so congratulations to both of you.

    Also, I'd like to say it is good to hear that you want to marry this girl and be a father to your child. All too often men impregnate girls and leave them to deal with the reality of their actions on their own. I am very pleased to see that you are not one of those young men.

    So you both know that this pregnancy has not come about in the best way however you do wish to make it right. I agree that you must be respectful of her parents and consult your religious leader. Ask for his help and advice but be patient, do not put up a front of bravado and make out that you are doing a favour to them in offering to marry her to hide the shame, let them know that you wish to marry her because you love her, respect her, and are very apologetic to them and that you can support both her and the child and bring their grandchild up in the right way.

    I wish you all the best of luck

  5. salam hi its me again yea the situation has gotten worse ive tried every thing spoke with a sheikh and every thing i dunno what to do my child was born on the 18th of feburary and i didnt even get a phone call her family makes it to where im like dirt i dont even know any more i send my daughter money i dont even know if its spent on her ive tried and the only time i can leave to go to canada is in august its a long story but yea so in august i am there with my daughter but i just dont know any more ive taken the teachings heavily and have tried every thing i just dont know any more....

    • Wasalam Zack,

      Congratulations for your baby girl, Alhamdulillah, a newborn is always a joy.

      The situation is not worse, your baby is born and you have tried to talk to them, then your situation has moved a step forward, Alhamdulillah.

      All the comments, you have received are very good, keep trying, everytime you loose hope think about them, be there for them, talk to the Iman and if it is necessary go as many times you need to go to let her parents know that you won´t give up until you marry her and take care of them, show them how repented you are for doing what you did, and how much you respect to them. Trust they are doing their best for both of them.

      Keep your Heart as soft as you can. Love them because they are teaching one of the hardest lessons of your Life, Alhamdulillah, you are a young healthy strong man, put yourself in Allah´s(swt) Hands.

      Do your salah on time, everyone will notice the change, you included, insha´Allah.

      Follow the rules as Hafsa said, ask Allah(swt) for Patience and Forgiveness, He is listening to your thoughts, Alhamdulillah.

      All my Unconditional Respect,

      María Editor

    • Zack, congrats on your baby girl. Don't give up, keep trying for the sake of the one you love and your daughter. May Allah open the ears and hearts of this young womans parents...amin.

  6. Does the lady in question wish to marry you also??
    If so then i think its her who now needs to do the insisting. Not enough time has passed yet, when the child was born I'm sure the parents felt the hurt and betrayal re-surface.

    You will need to be patient, brother. For the time being concentrate on making something of yourself, increase you worship, spend time doing good- learn the deen.
    Maybe when you visit your daughter in August you can have a shot at speaking to her parents again (maybe take somone older/wiser with you). But her parents must see that you are a responsbile, good Muslim man, they must feel that they can trust you and that is going to take time. Please be pateint.

    Act wisely, it will all fall into place insha-allah, but you will need to be sure that the young girl in question is in agreement and has not chnaged her mind about marrying you, otherwise your efforts are in vain and it might be best for you to move on.

  7. According to all of the fatawa I have read concerning a child conceived out of wedlock, this child will NOT be considered as your child. The child was a result of zina, therefore it must take its mother's family name or any other name deemed suitable, but not your name. The child will also not be entitled to any inheritance from you. Allah knows best.

    • Khadija1, your information is NOT correct. What you have said is true only if the father refuses to acknowledge the child as his. However, if the father acknowledges the child (as this brother clearly does) then there is no reason to doubt paternity, and the child is considered his father's son.

      Please be very careful when providing fiqh information, as the wrong information could seriously affect someone's life.

      Wael Editor

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