My ex-husband keeps my child away from me
I was married to a Muslim years ago; we had a child together who is now 14. I wasn't always the best example for my child and have apologized many times for that. Both of us are remarried with children from that marriage.
My child from my marriage with the Muslim lives with the dad, and I visit my child often. The problem is he doesn't nurture the relationship between the child & me. He wants to stick to our court order although I am unhappy with it. My other children wish to spend more time with my oldest child.
I don't receive phone calls or emails from my child unless they want something. I only have overnight visits twice a year. I used to be very close to my child, but since I see them less than I used to we are no longer close.
I allowed them to go to the Middle East on my ex-husbands promise that it would make a better relationship between me & everyone else. I do favours for them all the time including changing my visitation if they ask me to, but if I ask for a favour it is ignored. Although I am not Muslim, out of respect for my ex-husband's faith I don't cook pork when our child is with me, if the child wants to practice the Muslim faith I don't try to stop them and I have even fasted with the child.
All I want is to spend some time with my child before they reach adulthood and for the child to spend time with their siblings. I fear the child will be encouraged to have nothing to do with me once they are an adult. The child does everything the father tells them to even when they disagree with him.
I don't believe in suicide, but I can tell you without my child in my life I would not be the same. I have already slipped into depression and isolate myself alot when the child is not with me so sadly my other children may not get the attention they need from me. I can't lose my child as they mean the world to me.
I don't know if you can help me as I am not Muslim , but I ask for mercy as a mother who loves her child very deeply. My ex-husband doesn't listen even when his wife tells him he is unfair to me... What can I do?
Ineedhelp
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Salaams,
You mentioned already having a court order in place that I'm sure outlines your visitation and access to the child. If you are not satisfied with the court order, you can petition to have it modified so that you can have more visitation with your son, or whatever you had in mind.
If you feel the court order is not being followed properly -for instance it says the son should be able to phone you any time he wants and he's not being permitted to- you can take his father to court for contempt and have a new order written up that is more equitable in allowing sufficient parenting time for you both.
My suggestion is to talk to your son's father and see if he will agree to attend a mediation session with you to have whatever modifications needed written into a new order. If he refuses, you may need to retain an attorney to move forward.
By the way, what does your son want? As a 14 year old, most courts feel he is at an age to establish his own visitation schedule or choose which parent to reside with, assuming there's no threat of danger or abuse with the parent he prefers.
At any rate, I strongly advise you to stop being "flexible" and giving up your visitation days just because the father is asking you to. Those are yours by right, and if he's wanting to keep everything "according to the court order", so should you. Don't give up your rights hoping that it will inspire him to be more generous with you- if it hasn't happened in this many years it won't happen. By the way, only two overnight visits per year is insanely inadequate.
All advice given is based on the legal system for family court in the US, so if you do not live in the US I advise you to check into the local legal guidelines in your country and see what your options are. I am guessing since you already have a court order you will have options of some sort to have it changed as needed.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hi,
after reading your post I can tell you are in distress. How could someone do this. No one can ever replace
a mothers love for their child and vice versa. The child is probably being controlled by his father on what to say etc. I'm sure the child wants to be with his mother. Every child does.
I would like to say even when your child reaches his adulthood, its still possible to spend time with you and his other siblings. As a Muslim he has to respect his mother, be kind to her even if she isn't Muslim.
Talk with your ex or cour etc and see what you can do, also be patient, you dont know what the future holds, might turn out okay.
Hope things work out for you.
Peace.....
I agree this is not right what the ex husband is doing to you and he is probly controling your kids. As above mentioned you should definitely keep fighting to see your child any way possible through court and please do not think of suicide sister! Please note this is not a good Muslim man to take the child away from his mother. In Islam it says that Heaven is under the feet of the mother, so dont take away your childrens right to happiness.
Salam .
in need of help, no father is allowed to keep a child from her or his mother, and may i say no mother is allowed to keep a father from his child, unless they are violent and abusive. It is heinous and evil to do so, and it really shows the character of such people, as they are only trying to hurt and deprive not only the mother/father but also the child who is growing up without the moral love and support of both parents.
Can you not ask someone to intervene on your behalf? who can speak to the father and his family, forget about the law, approach this on a moral basis. Can you not speak to the Imam of the Mosque who you could plead with and tell your story who intern may help you.
Please don't give up there are many i know in this situation, please do not give up for the sake of the child. be strong and fight. explore all avenues you can in terms of speaking to someone you mutually know.
Prophet Muhammed PBUH, would side with the mother as she pains for 9 months and gives so much of her self to that child first in her womb and then recovering etc. no money or honor could ever equate to that bond and love. FIGHT.
Peace, i hope you find the help you need.
Dear sister,
You mentioned that due to a court order, that your husband is upholding, that is preventing you from seeing you son. From what you mentioned, it appears that according to the legal system, your ex-husband is abiding by the law. Other than making an appeal, I do not really see what else you can do legally to see your son more--unless of course he wants to see you, or you wait until he is 18 and can choose to see you.
Aside from the legal matters, I would say that your ex-husband is probably afraid that you may influence your son in an unIslamic way because of some things that have happened in the past and also because you are not Muslim.
I am going to make a suggestion--in sha Allah, it will work. Please study Islam. Think about your relationship with Allah. Read the Quran. We all have to meet our Creator one day and we hope that He will be pleased with us, but that can only happen with our efforts. If you become Muslim, strengthen your Imaan, and ask for a better relationship with your son from Allah, you may find that your prayers will be answered. Perhaps your connection and your son's connection with Allah can bring the both of you together. There may not be a lot of things you can do legally, but spiritually, you have many options.
May Allah guide you and give you peace, Ameen.
Salaams,
Every divorce decree is a court order. It doesn't mean a parent is barred from their children altogether unless that's what it specifically states. If a parent is barred from their children per the court, there's usually a good reason for it. All I can say is if that's truly the case here, then this sister is not telling everything. All we can do is go on the assumption that the court order she and her husband have provides for some type of visitation for her and her son, as is the case most often.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
That is true.
In most of the cases I have seen (though we don't know what country the OP is from) the mother is awarded custody and the father pays alimony and has visitation 2/3 days a week. The time per week varies, but sometimes is determined by working hours. I suppose I wondered why the mother wasn't awarded custody.
To the OP, I would stop giving any favors to your ex-husband if he is not fulfiling his promises, make use of the law. Wishing you the best.
Hi I know what your going through. same thing happened to my sister in law, she had three kids with this idiot man who she lived with for 10 years, he divorced her 2 years ago. and took her kids away, that time her eldest was 7 and girl was 2. it is sad that he took them away form her, and told the court that she is crazy and is on medicine and can't take care of the kids. he also thought those kids to lie in court on how she used to hit them and try to through them out of the window. and now she hasn't seen her kids. but she has recovered from her depression. and now she is going to be getting married to this man next month please pray that ALLAH will bless her with a new child and this husband will keep her happy. Ameen. Docs said that if she marries again and gets a child she will be 100 percent fine. alhamdulliah she is recovering but the rememberance of her kids eats her.
i really understand your pain as my sister in law has been through it. I can just pray for you. I don't have any advice, i just had this story. God \bless you. Ameen.
Anna