Lost
Asssalamualeikum brothers and sisters,
I have written on this site before and very grateful to the help I received from the members in this troubled time. I feel like my depression is getting worst and my motivation to ask Allah for help is not there anymore. At times I feel like I don't want to make dua anymore, and can't even expect anything from Allah. I am not trying at all to be disrespectful in anyway but due to my circumstances I am LOST.
I was working until January and I lost my job due to a minor mistake, I ended up applying for unemployment insurance and with hopes of receiving this I ended up getting denied this too, I have been applying for jobs but no clear answer from them either. It seems like people in my family as well seem to have an easier time getting things done, jobs, and progressing in life where as I am stuck. I have siblings that don't even care, whereas I have been there always for them. In my financial hardship I have no support other than from my parents which I am definitely grateful for.
I feel so hurt with all the disappintments in my life that I feel like I am better off dead. Its very hard thinking of all the bad ppl in the world getting married, meeting good guys and get interest from them whereas a person who is getting older, and doesnt come from a very upper class family background maybe is judged.
My fathers family has also hated us for as long as I can remember. They never got along and I think there is some bandish or something on my house where none of us can easily get married, nothing moving forward, there's constant disagreements in our family, us siblings DO NOT get along at all, there's arguments I have with my mother and I say the most ridiculous things that I feel so horrible about later. I also feel like my ex's family has done some sort of black magic or cursed me and my family (especially my parents) to never move forward, have successes, marriage, financial stability, and just happiness in my house. I feel the worst to see my mom cry and curse herself to not live God forbid. My mom is the most support I have gotten in this times of hardship and it kills me from inside when she says she doesnt want to live, or will OD. I can withstand any financial trouble or being sick but seeing your mother like this is probably the hardest.
I have come here once again for advice, help, or some good words. I don't have motivation to pray. My dad thinks I am possessed god forbid and will always threaten to throw me out of the house since I am living in his home. Unfortunately, my dad has sufferred from depression too from an early age and has been through a lot which is why he's like this but that doesnt give him an excuse to talk like this. They say love cures a lot most things. Unfortunately, I never got that from a real genuine person either where I would feel at least somewhat better. I am not saying you find happiness in another person, but that kind of moral support can help a lot too.
I do want to get better, I do want to be happy so my mother is happy and my father as well, I don't want to be a miserable person who is bitter, negative and depressed. I don't know what to ask Allah, I am lost and I feel like my heart is empty. I am getting treatment for depression and I have good support for that. I get scared becuz I don't want to end up being like this forever or lose my parents in this state.
noorkh786
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Please:
1. Do Astaghfar as much as you can during the day.
2. Read Darood Shareef as much as you can.
3. Tough to believe and hope but FACT there is no one in this world who will support you but ONLY ALLAH and he does. You do 99 Mistakes and make one good act, he becomes happy, and grants his forgiveness.
4. Do not loose hope.
5. Pray 5 times day.
6. Must fast.
Last but not least, remember God never puts weight on some one more than his power - and I can guarantee, that He the most merciful is very kind - though on times, we realize helpless, but loosing hope is denying God, Astaghfirullah.
I shall pray for you as well, but remember you have to help yourself with continuous seeking of help from the creator. You know God lives his creation 70 times more than a MOTHER.
I WISH YOU SOON RECOVERY FROM WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH, I CAN FEEL THE PAIN YOU HAVE.
Kind regards,
AR
@ Arshed:
Thank you for you're message and advice. I hope things get better too.
Thank you for youre suggestions. I wish I had more supportive friends, and its very difficult to find those these days. Can any one suggest where I can make more good muslim non judgemental friends.
Asalam alaikum,
In these tough times, these are the times we are being tested, and we have to step up to the challenges. Keep applying for jobs everywhere, do not rule out any location for being too slow or low class, as long as its not haram job. At this point it sounds like you just need a fresh start job. You havent told if you are talented or college educated or experienced in an area, but these are things to put on a successful resume, Alhamdulilah. Allah swt made everyone unique and beautifully gifted at something, whether it is caring for others, cleaning, serving, writing, or even ringing a register; just find what you are good at and play it up. (It also helps to have someone rehearse possible interview questions with you before you go to an actual interview.)
Secondly, there is no such thing as black magic, curses, and all these superstitions, so stop blaming your problems on it. Allah tests us, and thats the end of it; there are no curses on your family, ect. Some people were meant to have it easy so they could be tested other ways, and some people were meant to have it hard so they could be tested in this. A lot of the times we compare ourselves to others and think others have it easy when really other people struggle just as hard, if not harder, and we just cant feel how hard they keep smiling through it all.
So keep your head up! Being denied unemployment insurance means they believe you have a good chance to be employed again. Alhamdulilah you have working limbs and no health problems! You have your parents support, so use it, take good care of them, and remember how much they love you. You are a beautiful Muslimah and deserve to have success. Just remember there is nothing wrong with you, and all the problems standing in your way are tests.
Hope I could help,
Shereen
Salaam shereen,
I don't have time to write a detailed answer at the mo but you have given some good advice, BUT black magic and curses, evil eye do exist, We believe both of those things in Islam.
I think Shereen means that there is no real reason to believe that there is black magic or a curse against this girl in particular. She says things have been hard for her and fathers family doesn't like them- that proves nothing. The problem is that as long as she believes that there is some sort of curse on her and her family, she won't be able to proactively tackle her problems. For example, she hasn't been able to find a job. If she believes this is because of a curse, why should she go out and continue to look for work, take courses, volunteer and make connections? After all, the curse will ruin it all anyway.
To the OP, you should continue to work hard, pray and seek help with your depression. Inshallah things will get better for you; Allah says verily with hardship there is ease.
@ Shereen:
Thanks and yes it was helpful 🙂
I think you need intensive counselling to help manage your depression. The fact that your dad has it suggests that it may be hereditary. Mental health is just as important as physical health -- if you had a heart attack woukdnt you go to the doctor?
With therapy and possibly medication you may find your motivation for life involvement once again. That includes looking for a job, worship, exercise, and socializing. Actually, you should start exercising right away -- exercise releases positive chemicals in the brain that are akin to the effect of a mild anti-depressant. Your extended family and father sound very toxic so you should try to stay out of their grasp otherwise you will never get better.
I am getting counseling and help. I think the atmosphere in my household is very negative and has caused me to get worst. My sensitive personality and vulnerability has not helped either. Unfortunately, after loosing my job things fell apart even more. I am proud that at least im making an effort to go back to school and keep busy somehow. Thank you for ur suggestions.
Assalamo alaikum sis.
Judging from this, and your last couple of posts, it seems you are stuck in a vicious cycle of sorts, and have been for a long time.I would stress on a couple of things :
1) Wasting time thinking about people who you think have succeeded in getting married and getting good guys and getting value from them will do you no good.Like they say, 'The grass is always greener on the other side'.Every person goes through their share of life's problems, some worse than yours, even if they are not apparent to youI wouldnt discourage marriage if and when a good opportunity presents itself, but instead of looking to marriage to make your life better, I think your priority should be to make a good life for yourself, by making yourself financially independent.This doesn't happen overnight,,you could start low and gradually build yourself up.You could apply for a lot of jobs, even if they are not upto your level at first you could go for them, and maybe study for a degree side by side, and then by and by get a better job.This is the time to stop feeling low and start getting active.For this you need to be focused.Let your father say what he might and your siblings and extended family act as nasty as they like.don't let them detract you from bettering yourself other wise you will be stuck in a rut for the rest of your life.
2) Blaming other people for life's downs (ie your father's or ex's family) and wallowing in self pity for a long time is never a good idea.Your life will begin to move forward, only if you take responsibility for it. Remember,Allah helps those who help themselves.Pray to Allah to give you strength to face all your hardships and defeat them one by one.The magic wand that will make your troubles disappear lies in you yourself, if you would only start looking.
3)Your mother will insha Allah stop crying and feel happy and proud , and your father too, when they see their daughter as a strong independent woman who has carved a niche for herself against all odds.You just need to persevere, other wise you dont want to end up in your old age, with these same problems, and the regret of having done nothing about it.
4) You pray to Allah five times a day to give you strength, serenity and good fortune.
Hope this helps.Best of luck, sis.
@ Mystic:
Thank you for youre help and suggestions. I agree that this is definitely a cycle that has been going on for a while and I am sick and tired of it at times I feel embarassed by my problems. Some ppl are not only tested more but treated unfairly: home, work, relationships, as easy as it sounds you just have to pick youreself up and move.
My past does haunt me and I am sick and tired of it. Postiove encouragement would help in moving past that. I do wonder at times how other grls have gone through certain things and still get good partners that arent only motivating but encouraging as well, I guess theres a time for everything and I definitely think fate has some to do with it.
I will try my best to start praying as I feel empty as it is and no meds and counseling will really help without that.
@Mystic:
How should someone continue to try to feel better when they feel like they are stuck. When I say stuck I specifically mean that I will be heading towards my late 20's this month and I have this constant "guilt" or feel like Ive missed out on my 20's. I nvr thought I would still be single in this age despite my circumstances. Its very hard to accept that others have moved forward, progressed, and I am still stuck where I am. I know many ppl have advised dont compare youreself to other ppl, but we also live in the same world as those other ppl and its hard to dismiss that. I dont feel very excited for ramadan, and dnt even know if I want to do dua anymore. I feel a disapointment from Allah, and its hard to come out of this and start to be optimistic. I know this life is temporary but unfortunately Allah has made me sensitive and I am one that overthinks. It hurts, that I spent so much of my life alone, and will always regret that I never had anyone then. I sometimes feel like I was never god enough like others... I did complete my education in this time and going on for more, so thats one good thing. How can one get past this, and not feel so bad or be hard on themselves? Thank you.
Salaam Noor..Ramzan Mubarak.
Sister, you need to trust me on one thing : Every one is going through their share of trials and tribulations in life..everyone. From the catty girls who you think got good husbands, to the group of young girls you see chatting happily away in restuarants..every one thinks at some point in life..why me? Why indeed? Because they have all been, are or will be tested in a way unique to their nature, circumstances and fate..and each and everyone is thinking why me only?you might think you have it bad, and you might have it bad too, but look at it this way, you aren't bearing the scars of child sexual abuse, or enduring physical and verbal abuse in a marriage you are stuck in, or being two timed in a relationship by some one who's just stringing you along, or having some serious health issue, and etc etc..don't let people's appearances fool you into thinking their lives are perfect, because they are not, you just don't know their stories yet.People don't get good lives presented to them on a silver platter, they work hard, keep up their spirits, have patience and have faith in Allah at all times.
One of my dearest friends and I were studying for our post graduation medical exams together.This friend has gone through an exceedingly tough life all her life, with no support from any quarter and was going through a particularly bad phase at that time..she used to cry every day for hours and hours for weeks on end and was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.Yet through all that turmoil, when it was difficult for her to barely function..she cleared her exams in the first attempt in a very difficult subject..started her training, and now Alhumdullilah has embarked on a successful career and has blithely announced to her family and friends that she doesn't intend to marry at all.She's pretty much become the kind of person she wanted to marry.And now Alhumdullilah I see a peace in her eyes that I never saw before.
Sis, if you are sensitive and overthink, then try overthinking on this..YOU DO NOT NEED TO MARRY IN ORDER TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE.It's natural for you to feel bad and stuck, but do not make this thought the foremost one in your mind.Prioritize your thoughts in such a way that the productive ones come foremost in your mind.And I have found that if you just devote 10-15 min of your day to prayers at proper time, you feel more energized and positive constantly.
Sis you are just in your late twenties.Insha Allah you have a long life span ahead of you, and you don't want to waste it in this kind of mindset, do you?The first step is always the hardest.Find the courage to take it, and insha Allah only good will come your way.
Ws,
Ramadan Mubarak!
I do trust u on what youre saying some less some more.
I dnt know what others are going through, but I do know my life has had many dysfunctional situations and still does. We dnt even hve family that invites us to iftars and supposedly its ramadan. At keast during xmas everyone includes one another So yea, my life has been very rocky. Ive had my fair share of abuse when I was younger, and until I was married. Now frm siblings...
I have accepted that I dnt care abt getting married, it doesnt bother me. What bothers me is lonliness. I think friendship is necessary, but that isnt gna last always either. I am constantly looking to make new friends.
My mother still thinks things will change for me and I have left that to her thinking and God.
Other than tha most things remain a mystery.... I am getting help that is extensive and hopefully will help me get out of this serious illness.