We text and call each other; I just want to know if it’s right or wrong to do so before marriage?
Asalaamu'caleykum warahmatullah wabarakaat,
"A man slips more by his tongue than by his foot."
I'm a young 20 years old born Muslim. I have lived half of my life just as a typical Muslim teenager. I was somewhat whom they refer to be a part-time Muslim. All of a sudden Alhamdulillah am doing well after my graduation for high school and taking my life and my religion more seriously than ever before. Prior to my graduation; I met a Muslim girl 3 years ago who is born and raised Muslim, from the same ethnicity/background as mine. Long story short; we both exchanged text massages, calls and even met a couple times (public/private) Istaqfurullah. Its something I regret now.
I have decided to marry this girl but I am financially not ready. I am aware of the talks and text we are doing is haram so in that case I would like to do at least a nikah but at this point what I am thinking is that we are in Ramadan. Should I keep talking to her or exchange text massages or wait till nikkah and cut contact with her.
I am comfused. Please advice me with this situation. Jazakallahu kheyr. wasalaamu caleykum warahmatullah.
Nouman.
Leyla's Answer:
Salaam Nouman,
I am happy that you are taking your religion seriously and contemplating your actions carefully. I think you know what needs to be done here.
My advice is that you contact the girl's parents and alert them to your intention. In the meantime, send her a message that you do not wish to pollute your relationship or your religion any longer, and so you will not be contacting her again - instead you will be approaching her parents with your case.
After Ramadan, if it is still your intention to marry - then approach her family in the prescribed manner, and lead a happy and pious life inshaAllah.
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
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Salam Brother,
It is wonderful that your faith has become stronger and you have moved from becoming a "part-time" Muslim to a true "full-time" Muslim if you like to refer to it that way, may Allah give you strength to stay on this right path and not stray away from it.
Now as for your issue, I will give you my personal opinion, and it is just that, an opinion.
If you truly love this girl and your intentions are pure and you intend to marry her, I don't see anything wrong in contacting her and staying in touch until the month of Ramadan is over. However, the context of your messages, emails, calls etc. is what matters. If you are contacting her to stay in touch, make sure she's ok, wish her a Ramadan Mubarak then why not?
And I also agree with Sister Leyla, her parent's knowledge of your intentions to make nikah after Ramadan will surely make you feel better and make her feel better about the whole thing.
May Allah bless your relationship and make it pure, and may Allah bless you.
Good luck brother
I dont agree with sister9,
You cant stay in touch with the girl even if you wish to marry her.
Brother you know. Just cut off the relations for allah's sake and then do nikah as soon as possible and then Njoy!!!
Ditto,
You don't want to invest time in a maybe as nothing is guarenteed. Also above that, it is improper to communicate with the opposite gender in a manner leasing upto desire of that person.
IF you are commited to each other already then there should be no problem in both of you abandoning all forms of direct communication until marriage.
Bear in mind the relationship you have already developed is nothing like in marriage. Many marriages borne from 'love' often end in disaster as it's all an illusion to living a life together,. Being together includes compromising and dealing with ups and downs which can only be done in a halal union- marriage. In courtships, it's all romantic and full of pie in the sky promises. It's not reality.
You know what is right even though you still asked, which is a good thing.
Allah knows best
R