Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is a shia…

bohra shia


I got married to a sunni converted shia man 7 years ago with the consent of my family which is not very conservative.  At the time, I was not aware of certain beliefs of my husband such as cursing the sahaba or accusing Hazrat Ayesha (ra) and Hazrat Hafza (ra) of poisoning the Prophet (God forbid) or writing letters to Imam Mehdi and floating them in rivers in hopes of getting what they asked for or considering imams to be more important than prophets with the exception of the last Prophet (saw).

My husband is a generally decent guy, doesn't drink, eat haram, have interest in other women, etc although his ikhlaq is not so great. Also, he suffers from PE, so our marital relation has never been satisfactory on my end. I would be willing to overlook this problem in order to save my marriage but we now have two daughters and I'm worried about their faith. What should I do?


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6 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaikum sister,

    It is very important you highlight and determines his aqeedah and whether he is fully convicted in that belief system and is aware of what he is saying, meaning he is just not an ignorant layman. This is vital because it will dictate whether your marriage is valid in Sunni Islam with this individual, you seriously need to clarify it as soon as possible, as there is a chance that you may be living in zina, please refer to a local sunni scholar.

    Cursing the Sahaabah is straight away a red flag for you, if he is of good character then try get him to accept sunni Islam if he is not on that, and then you have to possibly do your nikah, a scholar will clarify all the intricacies. If he refuses to accept, then i guess your marriage may be invalid with this individual anyway, based on whether his belief system judges him as a muslim or kaafir, so then regardless if he is of good character etc. its vital you protect your religion and that of your daughters otherwise you will be answerable to Allah.

    I have tried to be as holistic as possible, but please clarify the matter asap as you may actually be living in zina, presuming that you are married, and the guy may not actually be classed as a muslim, please ask a local scholar asap.

    • Great response, mashaAllah! Though, I see shia 'aqeedah as a gate of no return, so I wouldn't advise the sister to wait, expecting that this man might change someday, and Allah knows best.

  2. Let your daughters decide what belief they want.
    Did you husband see a doctor for his PE thing? Go see a ST to see if your marital relation can become satisfactory on your end.

  3. Cursing the sahaba and the mother of the believers ashia and associating partners to allah would put your husband out of the fold of islam and are way worse than drinking alchohol. Disbelievers are not lawful for believers if you explain to him correct faith and he accepts it before you iddah ( waiting period after divorce, three menstrual cycles) he can go back. If he accepts it after he will have to propose again and you can choose to except or not. I urge you to protect your chidren from disbelief and not let your love for your husband blind you from the truth. You will be in my prayers. Thank you.

  4. Walikumsalam,
    He is very firmly convicted in shia islam, I often tell him he is more shia than shias themselves (since he is a convert). He doesn't commit shirk as far as I'm aware but he does disrespect the ashaba and ummhat ul momineen (RA).
    Does anyone know of an alim I can discuss my problem with in the New York City area?
    Also, my parents are in Pakistan and if I were to separate from him, I would have to move back because I don't have alternative accommodation or a job, wouldn't it be unfair to him to not be able to see his daughters? Would New York State law even allow me to do that?
    About the sex therapist, of course I asked him to see one but he refuses and wants to fix on it on his own.

  5. Asalaam alaikum,

    Al Azhar University had consistently stated, published and advocated that the 12'er Shias are legitimate and believing Muslims. It should never come to the point that Sunnis or Shias are calling each other disbelievers or slandering each other on the basis that they both proclaim as Allah (swt) being One and Muhammad (saw) is His Messenger.

    Knowing that, there are people that the Shia ask for Allah's (swt) mercy to be lifted from: namely Abu Sufyan, Mowayyiah and Yazid who laid the grounds and/or oversaw the murders of Ali ibn Abu Talib, Hassan ibn Ali and Hussain ibn Ali. The progeny of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw), may God grant them the highest status as is stated as members of Alhul Bayt in the Quran and is mentioned in many of the hadiths of both Bukhari and Muslim, are quite revered by Shias and so, their enemies are reviled. However, it has been stated by numerous Shia Ayatollahs and most of their scholars that outright cursing of the companions revered in Sunni Islam is not allowed. It is on this ground that if your husband does taqleed of a recognized Ayatollah of the Shias, he would find among their jurisprudence that is not recommended to do so. He must look into the published risalah of his marjae to find those decisions.

    Divorce should not be on the table for you to consider. Instead, you both should exercise patience and find a resolution to your problems. If the children are American born, you would find it extremely difficult to remove them from the States. If it was done in a rash and ill advised manner, you would probably be charged with kidnapping, so you can see that this decision is not a light one. A compromise can be found and your relations with your husband should be solidified rather than broken. Please work on your marriage and find a middle ground.

    Advise him that according to Ali ibn Abu Talib (May Allah be pleased with him) the sirratul mustaqeen is neither extreme in one way or another. Instead, it is the middle ground, as he so rightly stated. Therefore your husband'a actions and comments with you should bear that in mind. You are both intimate companions of each other and you must always take care not to hurt or insult what the other believes and adheres to within the limits of Islam.

    Regarding his sexual problems, please suggest that he look into visiting a doctor outside the city limits if he is embarrassed that it would somehow come back to him.

    If you live in NY City, the Al Khoei Center is well known among Shias, and their resident scholars can probably advise him and you in the best way, since I'm assuming he would not seek the counsel of a Sunni imam.

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