Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband’s family have taken my baby away

Salaam,

I really need advice as I don't know what to do from here. I know iv wrote a lot but please can you take the time out and read it , i really don't know what to do, so much has happened i havent even wrote half of it here.

I converted and got married at 16 I am now 18 years old with a 1-year-old, the first year before moving in with my in laws they was really nice and easy to get on with so as my husband requested me to live with him and his family after marriage i agreed. i then got married to him the wedding didn't go as well as my family and his family don't get along.

the evening after the wedding i was in my room and my husband took all the money off me that people have given to me at my wedding which i wanted to save in a bank account, my father in law then barged into my room and had a go at me because of what happened at the wedding(my family and his family argued). he then threaten me saying he stayed quiet before but watch now. from that day on i felt like iv been lied to. ....

I then had it rough since that day. i fell pregnant a month after i got married. My sister-in-law always tried to boss me about & mother in law would let her & if i spoke up with my sister-in-law ,mother in law would get involved and they would gang up on me. i tried telling my husband but he didn't care. i was having bad sickness and they was giving me stress after stress. i couldn't handle it and me being only 16.

i left my husband and in-laws and moved back to my family house. my husband threatened my family , my sisters car got smashed. my husband disrespected my mum and dad and also tried ramming into my sisters car whilst she was out driving one day. My sister called the police as she was so scared.

As i got further on into my pregnancy i decided to go back to my husband because i didn't want to be divorced and i didn't want my baby with no dad. everything was fine untill my baby was born.

my husband and his family would not let my sisters see the baby as my sisters called the police on their son when hs rammed her car. they took my baby off me wouldn't let me hold her for longer than 5 mins the only time i saw my baby was when i was breast-feeding. it was really and truly heartbreaking all i wanted was time with my new-born baby and they wouldn't let me. they would also take the baby out the cot when she was sleeping and take her downstairs once my sister-in-law took the baby out whilst she was sleeping and i spoke up and said no leave her shes sleeping and tried to get my baby but she wouldn't pass me my own baby and my husband would still not care .i started getting depressed.

Anyways long story short I left and went back to my moms again . I was 17 at the time and decided to come back to my in laws as my husband would not move out. I'm back now but I cant cope anymore. my mother in law puts me through so much stress she puts me down as a mother as a wife as a daughter in law she lies to my husband and now has got my father in law against me my father in law swore at me the other day i walked off crying and he threatened to send me back to my moms.

My mother in law demands for my daughter to call her "mum". All iv been doing is staying quiet for my husband's sake but i cant do this anymore its made me depressed iv got anxiety I cant do it anymore. I read my namaz and make due and have sabr. please someone please give me advice i do not want to be divorced i want my marriage to work iv been with my husband since i was 15 we have grown up together we had such a good friendship and bond until my in laws got him against me.

Sanah1

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10 Responses »

  1. Aselam u alaikum,

    May Allah make everything easy for you.

    It was very sad reading your story, may Allah grant you ease.

    I admire you for keeping connected to your deen and to Allah in such a hard time!

    Firstly, they should not be treating you like that. Please, please, please do not let anyone treat you like that! Every human is beautiful and worthy of respect.
    You are his wife- he should be protecting you and treating you well. Please give him examples of how the beloved prophet peace be upon him treated his wives.

    You are young, my dear sister. But you have obtained the sweet status of motherhood, alhamdulilah. Your in-laws should not be taking it away from you.

    Please be respectful and firm with your in-laws.

    If they are preventing you from seeing/ even holding your child, this will effect you mentally which will not be good for your health.

    In this case, I would advise taking your child to your parents' house. Then Explain to your husband how this is all making you feel.

    Continue doing dua to Allah. Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear. Allah always helps and main thing to remember: After hardship comes ease.
    Reading your post, I can see that it is a difficult and testing time for you.
    But there is always light after darkness.

    Your Sister in Islam x

  2. TELL YOUR HUSBAND

    CHILD NEEDS BOTH DAD AND MOM TO GROW UP TO BE STRONG AND SUCCESSFUL AND HEALTHY.

    INSHALLAH YOUR HUSBAND WILL LISTEN

  3. Why do people never disclose where in the world they live? Your location actually makes a huge difference in how people can / will advice you.

    There's a lot of wrongs in this situation. You married too young, married into an abusive family, you had a child too young, you did wrong in going back to your abusive situation, and...worse yet, your mentality is wrong. It's NOT better for a child to grow up in a dysfunctional and abusive family than it is for a child to grow up in a single parent household. I don't believe for a second you went back to your husband and his family for the sake of your child, you did it purely for YOURSELF. And that's really selfish. You're a mother, you have to think of your child before you think of yourself. It sounds to me like you can't be on your own, so you conveniently use your child as an excuse to go back to a man and a family you KNOW you need to get away from.

    You need to drop the idea of reconciling with your husband. Put your energy into taking legal action and make a plan for how much your daughter gets to see you and her father. Again, I don't know where you live so I don't know what the customs and laws in your country are.

    • "I don't believe for a second you went back to your husband and his family for the sake of your child, you did it purely for YOURSELF. And that's really selfish. You're a mother, you have to think of your child before you think of yourself. It sounds to me like you can't be on your own, so you conveniently use your child as an excuse to go back to a man and a family you KNOW you need to get away from."

      You know, I've seen some of your other posts that come across as unnecessarily blunt and harsh and I'm getting sick of it. Yes, she made a bad choice but we all make choices that we wouldn't normally make if our mental peace is disturbed. You come across like you've never made a bad choice or judgement in your life. The OP is, from what she has stated, already in a terrible situation and your cold-hearted bitter response is uncalled for and unnecessary.

      How do you know what goes on through her head? How do you know she did it for herself? There are many mothers who stay or return in abusive relationships simply for the kids - is it right? Of course not but when someone is depressed or mentally unhappy they do things they wouldn't normally do.

      Have some compassion you vile human being. I wonder who did you wrong in life to make you so bitter and rude.

  4. Put some clothes on. Put some baby clothes on the baby. Leave.

    Isn't there some way for your parents to show up and insist on seeing you and the baby, taking you shopping and leaving? Do these people ever go to sleep? Does the baby sleep with them? Tell your family what is going on. Tell the police. Also it is a good idea if you tell readers where you live. If this is taking place in the US or UK, you have certain advantages. Call the police and tell them you are being abused and need them to come to where you live so you and your baby can leave unharmed.

    It is important for Believers to know that Allah will provide for us. However, it is also important for Believers to take responsibility for their conditions and circumstances. If I leave my car in a no parking zone, no prayers are going to stop the meter maid from giving me a ticket or the car being towed. If you are in a bad living condition, leave. Do something about it. People, regardless of their familial status, who abuse you do not deserve or are entitled to respect, courtesy or kindness. If a stranger abuses you, you would call the police and press charges. The same rule applies to in-laws, parents, siblings or spouses. ..

  5. Salam,

    First, congratulations on becoming Muslim! Second, please file for divorce and gain custody of your child. There are good muslims out there but your husband and his family seem to be too into their culture. It sounds like you're in Britain and you married a Indian/Pakistani husband. I'm guessing that based on how you write and also because that part of the world has parents relying on their kids as their retirement plan. The parents invest everything into their kids education and then hope to live with them in their old age.

    Your horrible treatment seems to be in line with this desire to retire. If they treat you like a slave and you get used to it then it's easier for them to trust that you will take care of them in their old age and not put up a fight. Their behavior is not in line with Islam. You husband is supposed to be your protector. Your sister has no right to take your child from you without your permission. Your parents in law in a joint family system are supposed to treat you like their own daughter but at the same time consider that they've taken someone else's daughter and prevent harm from coming to you. Seeing how they're not treating you Islamically at all I worry that you may think this is Islam and they may steer you from the right path.

    I'm recommending divorce followed by a custody battle and your husband paying his fair share for the child. I also recommend calling the police at any time they are involved and there's a problem. Good luck I hope things work out for you. Salam.

  6. seems much mature and patient than I could ever be regardless the fact of my age being higher than hers. My advise is to take your child go to your parents where you both are safe. Tell your husband to separate you or else you will leave him and take the kid with you. If he doesn’t listen then go back and whatever you do make sure you get the husband on your side. If all fails It’s best to seek divorce and forget about being tied down by realms of culture and tes Tradition. I too don’t believe in divorce but when it’s needed then it’s necessity not an option.

  7. Assalamualiakum
    Call the police. Go to court. Do anything to make sure you get your child. Children are a gift from God and they are preventing you from having this child. It's not your fault but your in laws. They are evil. Keep safe. May Allah grant you your child and keep your safe.

  8. I advice you to take your daughter one day and just leave that abusive family. Once you have dome that then apply for custody. Don't be scared of this family they won't actually do anything. And if they do then be ready to be hurt stop being scared it doesn't help at all. And file custody and divorce

  9. Salaam. Sorry to hear this, must be so painful. I would advise for you to make a plan first. Get some money together, move your clothes out slowly and leave with your baby. This will just affect your mental health. Leave and don’t look back. Ever.

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