Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What should I do to make my parents proud?

help me please

Dear All


I wanted to tell my story and hoping that I will get good advice..
I wanted to tell you that I am not a good girl. Most friends and friends thinks I am really good girl who is good at everything. I got straight As, got a high score at exams, doing good things around them, and much more that most people admired me. Honestly, this is not me. My parents are only one who knew the real me. I always lie, yelling at my parents, being heartless, don't listen, don't pray... My parents always warning me that if I kept doing like this, Allah will punish me.My mom wanted me to wash dishes. I yelled at her that I don't want to do it without thinking.

Last two months, I tried to change myself. I tried to sleep early, pray on time, obey my parents but my bad habits always follow me. My parents hate me praying on and off like I prayed all week and stop and start praying again. They were furious with me. Every night, I cried secretly and scared. I don't know what to do. I wanted to change myself. I wanted to make Allah and my parents proud.

Today, my dad yelled at me. He said, "You will never be a good girl" and my mom agreed. I cried and cried, begging Allah to help me. I honestly felt that Allah is mad at me. I am scared. I don't know why I kept doing like this to hurt me and my parents. I need help. Can everyone give me some advice?


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5 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    firstly if you want to change, you need your parents as a pillar of support and encouragement, not yell at you for trying kicking you down. some parents don't realize words can really hurt a child.

    also you cant tackle all the problems at once. how about tackling them one by one? you could start off by praying, even if you tend to miss few of them still be consistent. once you get regular, then you can move on to the next.

    one lie leads to another lie, soon enough you gonna be branded as a liar. is that what you want? next time you lie, remember soon they'll find out so why go through all that? be straight up, its not like they gonna beat you down or anything, are they?

    in Islam a mother has more right over the child than the father. prophet Muhammad(pbuh) said, "Do good to and serve your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then the near relatives and then those who come after them(bukhari&muslim)

    "Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them,but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, "my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood." (17: 23,24)

    also please think before you respond to your parents. and listen to what they say. i.e help with the dishes etc.. you have grown up, take a bit of responsibility ease your mother's work load. pray to Allah(swt) to help you and be consistent.

    ma salama..

  2. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    I heard someone say once that, "when the inspiration has reached you to seek the help of Allah, Allah's help has reached you."

    There are people who go through life doing the same things you do ...and worse, without ever giving their actions a second thought. You are good because you want to be good. The struggle to control your impulses is a never ending battle. We all struggle with this. The first thing you will want to do change is your internal dialogue. Tell yourself you are good, and that is why you will never stop trying to make good decisions and do the right thing. Even when you fail somtimes- bounce back and keep trying to do good.

    Also, somtimes, in order to "be good" we make ourselves feel guilty. Try feeling happy instead of guilty. The way to happiness is to reflect on all the good things in your life- not the things you should be happy about, but the things that truly bring you pleasure. Those things that make you smile, are from Allah. Connect the good things in your life to Allah's mercy and care for you, and you will feel grateful and humbled. Those are the feelings that will help you to alter your actions day to day.

    Don't forget to ask Allah's forgiveness when you do wrong things and also apologize to the people you hurt when you hurt them. Apologize, even when it is humiliating and you don't want to. It is humbling to apologize sincerely, and humility is the path to peace.

    with love and salaam


  3. Assalaamualaikam

    The first step to making a change is having the intention. Alhamdulillah you have been able to identify areas in your life that you want to change - many people wander through life without stopping to consider if they should change the way they act - Allah has made it possible for you to see what needs to change.

    Change takes time, and isn't always straightforward, so don't get disheartened. Try to make small, sustainable changes first and inshaAllah your confidence in yourself with improve as you see these changes becoming comfortable parts of your lifestyle.

    Maybe start with prayers. If you have a smartphone you can probably find an app that can alert you to prayer times and show you which way is Qibla. It's important to get into good practice, so try to find a prayer guide that can help you learn and practise praying correctly. These guides aren't just for when you first start learning to pray - over time the human body can "learn" bad habits (eg. Incorrect posture, abbreviated pronunciation) so it can be helpful to regularly remind yourself of the correct ways to pray.

    It's very important for us as Muslims to treat our parents with love and kindness. Unfortunately, it's also very common for people to argue a lot with their parents during their teenage years. Try to avoid arguments, apologise if you upset them, and work to establish a more mature relationship with them over time. You could maybe decide that you will try to do one nice thing for your parents every day (washing up, putting things away, picking up shopping, spending some quality time together...).

    While you're making changes, don't lose sight of the positive attributes Allah has given you - your intelligence, ability to reflect on your own actions, ability to make friends... Your parents are almost certainly very proud of you; don't mistake frustration for lack of love.

    Remember to speak with your parents about how you are feeling, and pray for guidance from Allah.

    Midnightmoon editor

  4. hey darksaddesteyes,

    i have a similar problem, i am not a good girl in the least. but i try everyday, every moment, many times i fail and give in to anger and rudeness, but most of the time i control myself..
    my sisters are worse than me, they never control themselves (or maybe they try too and fail) but they say much worse things.
    the problem is my mother always clubs me with them and says i say those things too, when i never do, i never say things like that to my mother. anyways, i get her anger while my sisters don't even care and go on with their lives, im the one who cries and worries that it will effect me. every time she gets angry at me, something or the other goes wrong in my life, but nothing like that happens to anyone else in my family.

    so see, i dunno what to say, except if you wanna talk or neeed help, we can help eachother. reply if you see this.

  5. My sister do not be discouraged by the words of your parents and always make dua and cry onto Allah for a sincere repentance and in Shaa Allah you will be a good girl your parents were doubting of.and you should make an effort to remould your attitude and character ,then Allah will also help in shaa Allah.

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