Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Betrayed by the husband – now he won’t sign khula papers either!

Physical, Verbal, Emotional, Financial... Domestic Abuse is WRONG!

Physical, Verbal, Emotional, Financial... Domestic Abuse is WRONG!


im so much confused! I think this is the only reliable site where i can seek some help.

I got married some months ago with my parents agreement and i moved to pakistan where my husband was living ! but few days after our marriage i started having issues with my husband.

He slapped me on my left cheek but very next day everything went good but few days after things started to go wrong again. My husband used to beat me up whenever i said no to sex. He was sex addicted - So much sex addicted that he used to watch porn at nights and he wanted me to do some forbidden things like anal sex and oral sex .

He used to insult and degrade me in front of his family.  I tried my best to be a good and loyal wife but because i was an europe-born-pakistani he used to point finger at me. He used to throw my phone and my things around the house and he even tore my clothes of me when he didnt like them. Sometimes he made stupid jokes about leaving me . He had so many girlfriends on facebook,  he used to chat with them at nights telling them our bedroom stories and he even did sex talk with them and i was not allowed to have a facebook  profile or on any social media sites! I lost 20 kgs in 5 months!! i started to have medical issues like low bp, dehydrated, low hemoglobin level.

The day came where i was going outside pakistan to visit my parents and the same day i found out that i was expecting! The same day he slapped me again in front of his nephews and nieces, only because his parents told me to wake him up! He got angry and slapped me on my face while the kids were looking.

 When i came to my parents place he wanted me to come back already after 3 weeks. I couldnt travel back as i was very weak and i had gynae problems and i was scared !!! My husband told me to get an abort so i could travel. I didnt want an abort, i wanted to keep the baby! he started threaten me!!! He said if i dont come back he will upload some of my inappropriate pictures on facebook (God knows when he tooks them)!!!!!!! He gave me one talaaq during my pregnancy, he cursed my parents just because my parents were worried for my health and wanted me to stay with them during the pregnancy as i was getting proper medical health at my parents place! My inlawas werent that wealthy people so my parents knew i wouldnt get proper medical treatment in pakistan as i could at my parents place. my husband said he will NOT accept the baby or me if i go back to pakistan after the delivery!!!

I decided to get an abort but the day i went to the hospital to get the abort.. a voice in my head stopped me!!! it was not fair for the baby.. what did my baby do?? i decided to keep the baby no matter what!! the baby had become a part of my life !

He used to call me at nights and told me to come on skype and if i refused he would threaten me to upload my pictures on facebook. With my big growing tummy and so much pain i skyped with him. He would say like "show me this and show me that" when i said NO he started threaten me with my pictures.. so i was forced to show him whatever he wanted me to do on skype! I cried and not a single time he had mercy on me or my baby. he said he will kill me if i ever leave him

after few months stay at my parents place he made a fake facebook profile on my name and sent random people degrading messages about me!!! he wrote the baby wasnt his and i was a characterless girl etc etc.. He sent my female a cousin .. he wrote that i was having a lesbian sexual relationship with her that was the reason for me not to go back to pakistan again and so many other disgusting things that i cant write here!! he contacted my friends and cursed them too... my relatives... etc etc!!! Later on he uploaed my inappropriate pictures on facebook WHILE  I WAS STILL IN HIS NIKKAH!!! he sent my younger bro a pic too of  me!!!Every single day he texted me and calling me by names and my family too!!!! he texted my uncle and writtng him our personal bedroom stuff!!! I was BROKEN and cried every single night. My husband contacted my female friends husbands and accused them for having affairs with me too.

i went to a depression and due to the depression the doctors diagnosed a liver disease during my pregnancy!! the baby could die and so could i!! But Alhamduillah i survived and finally the day came where i went into the labour... Alhamduillah I had such a beautiful baby MashaAllah..

after the delivery... he texted my bro that he wanted to see the baby but i refused as he had NO RIGHT to see my baby!!! Few weeks later... I filed for khula!!! In meanwhile he got fired from a very respectable job due to his own wrong-doings and YES him and his family are blaming me !!! Telling me that he got fired as he married ME and i was a non- pakistani-citizen...

i got to know by someone he hads been with a lot of women in pakistan before marriage and after marriage- sexual relationships.

Now he wants me to take the case back and start a new life with him in Pakistan with our baby as he still loves me he says...  The decision will be taken on the end of next month by an islamic judge!! He has mentally, emtionally, physically and verbally tortured me and he has my expensive belongings and he is not returning them or his parents!!!

so my question is.. are we divorced even if he doesnt sign the khulah papers ?



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13 Responses »

  1. Ya Allah sometimes it's hard to believe the atrocities of these stories. Where are all these monstrous men hiding in the world, they surely hide these behaviours in public! And what mothers and fathers are raising them! Unbelievable and tragic. I have no advice pertaining to your question. All I can say is go to Europe where you were born, and file for divorce if your marriage is registered in the court system and move on with your life. He cheated on you with girls on the internet and took lucid photos of you to post online which is a clear violation of your moral obligation to modesty and a threat to your current life and your future. You have the right to divorce islamicaly whether he signs the papers or not. Forget about love, men don't digest "love" the same way women do. Women centre on emotional love, men centre on the proclamation of love through acts.

  2. Salaam sister.
    You have had a difficult time with your husband from the start. He has no respect for you or your family. If you go Pakistan then he will use your child against you and threaten you more. Men like him will always stay abusive. It is unlikely he will change.

    It is best for you to leave him and start a new life with your child in whichever European country you are. What will you do if he doesn't change and wants to keep the child in Pakistan? What if he does not change and you become pregnant again?

    Make dua to Allah. Maybe do istikarah? May Allah guide us all. I pray that your suffering is eased In sha allah.


  3. As an abused wife and going thru the options of khulla. Men like him neva change...
    My husband chased me for 18years as a cousin and eventually when i fell in love wid him n married him
    He made my life hell, he had no status no money , i was british born
    Home owner and single parent....
    He emotionally abused me and left me over n over again
    We have been separated for nearly a year. Hes imature, heartless, arogant and a shameful version
    Of a man....
    These monsters do exist and they turn a womans life and emotions onto turmoil...
    U need to look after ur baby n urself and that is all. No one else will..
    Be strong...! From one abused sister to another x

    • i m sorry for what you had to go through. I think a lot of times our parents think that finding a guy from back home would be the best option for a girl, who is raised in the west. They think that he would be god fearing etc. On the contrary it is actually counter productive, I've seen many such stories where the guy is marrying the girl for just the green card and starts to show his true colors, abuse or divorce the girls afterwards. These type of mans are very cunning!

  4. Assalam alaikum,

    May Allah ease your sorrows and turn your pain into a shield for you on the Day of Judgement. I am very sorry for what you went through.

    As mentioned already, I would speak to the authorities/lawyers in the country that you are in and follow the guidelines there with respect to your divorce process.

    May Allah ease your problems and make your child the coolness of your eyes, Ameen.

  5. Salam, I did not know people could stoop this low, sad people, sorry sister May Allah bless you and help you, and save us all from backward people!

  6. Salam sister I am so sorry to hear about your situation, I feel sick reading the abuse your so called husband put your through! It's so cruel and disgusting! Alhamdulillah your out of that hell hole, time to focus on yourself and your baby. Normally I don't advocate divorce but im glad you have asked for khula. I think if your living in the U.K. You don't need your husband To sign the papers, if you have a valid reason for divorce the shariah council can make a decision on your behalf even if your husband doesn't agree. I'm not 100% sure but that's what I know to the best of my knowledge. Go and see a reliable imam and discuss the matter with him. The sooner you get rid of this crazy man the better for you. May Allah SWT help you through each step of the way and make things easy for you, ameen.

  7. Ameen

  8. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. How did yo file for khula, what is through your local shariah council? Perhaps the best person to answer your question would be a learned imam or the local shariah council.

  9. Kakaye, please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.

    Wael Editor

  10. Salam to all i will advise all of you ppls never get married from sm1 who s frm other country.yes there is big diffrence between ppls if ur british and going to get married from pakistan or any other country you have to think again. Cs when ur in relation u cant mess up .i knw many girls frm uk thay have bfs and when thay get married and thay dnt get freedom and thay start complaning .u have to me mentally ready if ur going to get married dnt mess ur and other s life .look at ur self first and what ppls telling story of their bad past wiv partners thay should tell smting abt thamselves as thay r not angles

  11. My sister.when I read your story I could control my I am writing you.Actully your husband behaviour is not different of mine one.otwo year back I came to England from pskistan get Asulum.when I get married he had same voilent behavior with me.please my dear dont go back.i waste my six year with I have two children.but his nature did not change. he threatnd me many times n stoll.dont go

  12. Good for you for leaving, but you also need to sever ties to this man completely. A hypocrite of Islam is never in good standing with Allah (swt). An abusive man never changes his ways unless he experiences the wrath of Allah (swt) and is shaken to the core of his soul with the experience of Jannaham and eternal punishment. This is obviously a very toxic relationship and a very harmful one for you and your child. Abuse that you suffered means that love is dead. There is no man who loves their wife who could ever bear the thought of harming her. A man who truly from the pit of his heart loves his wife would never lay a hand on her. He could torture himself, but never hurt his spouse physically, emotionally, or otherwise. A real man who fears Allah (swt) treats his wife with respect and kindness. He treats her with the fear of Allah in his heart and does everything possible to care for her, even if she is annoyed with him. I'm sorry, but truly this marriage has no love in it. It is about possession and selfishness. If he is viewing porn, he is engaging in self-centered behaviors. It is all about himself. You are better off divorced and he is a DEFECTIVE spouse as well as a DEFECTIVE man.

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