Islamic marriage advice and family advice

His parents won’t let him marry me

Salaam all

When I was 17 and at college I got to know a guy that was 22 . now I am 20 he is 25 we have known each other for 3 years. I am Pakistani Punjabi he is pathan, I have been telling him please please tell your perants he would not tell his perants because he said his dad will kill him and his mum won't agree as he has to get married from Pakistan from his mums choice, later on my perants found out and they have accepted it and now my father waits for him to come with his family for my proposal

few months after all this his mother seen me getting in the car with him and she went crazy ringing him up saying I am a prostitute I am ugly out of all them girls he found me he can't bring a girl like me home it will bring shame to the family they will kill him and disown him, I have been so stressed out and depressed what am I supposed to say to my father I love my father If I get hurt it will hurt him too! I have told my perants briefly about his perants not accepting and I have also explained to them we must be patient.

The guy I met at college says he loves me and he can't imagine life without me and can't leave me obviously I can't imagine loosing him I would go crazy knowing he has to marry someone else, he keeps saying to me I am not ready for marriage and neither are you my perants won't accept you I don't know what to do we both have been extremely depressed in the past half a year.

He said to me he can't marry me unless he Marrys who his perants want and then marries me I told him it does not work like that! And I can't accept that and neither can my family! I am so upset he means the world to me! Ya allah please help me and show me a way for me and him! Ameen! Never been so upset in my life !

Neena

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2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualykum Neena,

    You write:

    "He keeps saying to me I am not ready for marriage..."

    and

    "I am so upset he means the world to me! Ya allah please help me and show me a way for me and him! Ameen!"

    Dear sister, I am sorry to hear that his family is not accepting of you, but if he is blatantly stating that he is not ready for marriage and furthermore, is close enough to his parents that their acceptance weighs heavy on his mind, then I believe parting ways with him gives you the best chance of being with him. Cutting off relations with him will give him time to try to convince his parents if he is truly interested in you for marriage in the future. If after some time, his parents are convinced and you both are ready, then Inshallah you can get married.

    I hope this helps and may Allah light your way.

    Hugs,

    Nor

    • Totally agree with this comment. Walk away from him and let him decide if he is serious enough to fight for you. He has stated bluntly that his family will not accept you but you are refusing to listen to him. Open your eyes and stop having dreams that he will magically change their mind. He may but it's a very low chance by what he is saying. He will strinf you along and waste your time and you will be left even more hurt then now.

      Turn to Allah and ask for him to either: A) make things easier with this guy and make his parents change their mind IF he will be a good husband to you, your life will be good together and it will be the best thing for you in this life and the next AND
      B) that he allah will protect you if this guy will only harm you and give someone you a guy who will respect you and give you the best in this life and the next. Then walk away and leave it up to Allah and have trust in him.

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