Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want ask a question about my secret nikkah

Secret relationships are a bad idea

Not that I'm in the habit of taking advice from church billboards, but in this case they have a point. Secret relationships are always a mistake.

Salam.,
Please help me out. I did a nikkah with my boyfriend secretly, there were two witnesses from my boyfriend's side and a imam . As both of our parents are not agreeing to the marriage and I only have a single mother and a younger brother as my father passed away. But they don't know about my nikkah. My nikkah was verbal only and I didn't sign any document and my boyfriend didnt give me any maher.

Now I am really confused - is my nikkah valid and genuine? As my mother wants me to get married with someone else. And my boyfriend did nikkah with me just to get rid of the sins and now he is not doing nikkah with me legally and he didn't tell his parents about me. I told my mother that I love him but my mother is not agreeing. That's why we decided to do a secret nikkah.

But now my mom is forcing me to get married. I am so worried. What should I do? Plz help me plz

honey18


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34 Responses »

  1. Honey18: Now I am really confused - is my nikkah valid and genuine? As my mother wants me to get married with someone else. And my boyfriend did nikkah with me just to get rid of the sins and now he is not doing nikkah with me legally and he didn't tell his parents about me. I told my mother that I love him but my mother is not agreeing. That's why we decided to do a secret nikkah.

    Your b/f did nikah to get rid of sins or commit sins. Do you know if the imam who married you was a real imam?

    Ask your b/f if he can get a proof of Nikah that you want to show to your mom.

    If your mom can find a nice guy with good job and good education for you get married. You should be helping your mom and not creating problems for her.

    • salaam sister,

      you dont need documents to be married, in eyes of allah swt your married, and i believe no one should advice anyone divorce as its a big sin.
      if your mum is asking you to get married elsewhere, tell her the truth, coz one lie leads to another, its not worth it, hes your husband. if hes treating you right and still gives you butterflies in your belly when your with him, makes you happy then alhumduallah be with him and tell everyone the truth.
      nikha should be with between 2 people and allah, and i believe your hubby should tell his parents as kids would wanna know there gran parents down the line oneday all this will be a shock. best to let it out now, coz they will find out oneday.

      • A legal marriage in Islam has certain conditions that must be met. It's not just, "Oh, we feel like we're married, and we got together in private and said a few words, so we are married."

        In fact, not only Islam but every society and religion in the world has requirements for marriage, because the fulfillment of these requirements is what distinguishes marriage from secret and illicit affairs, and ensures that the rights of both parties (especially the woman) are fulfilled.

        Islam is not a game where you just do whatever you feel like doing, or make up your own rules. Be conscious of Allah and follow the light and guidance given to us by Allah and His Messenger (sws).

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    There can be legal consequences from getting married when you have already married someone else, so it's important to make sure about the status of whatever ceremony you had performed with your boyfriend. I'd advise speaking with the imam who conducted the ceremony and asking him to confirm for you whether this was in fact a valid nikah. You could also get a second opinion from an independent scholar.

    If you find that this nikah ceremony was valid, then it would not be permissible to marry another person while still married. You would need to either tell your parents you are already married and intending to stay married to that person, or tell them that you are married and wish to get a divorce. In both of these situations, I would imagine they will be less than thrilled, but inshaAllah they will support you to find a way to deal with this issue.

    If there was no wali and no mehr, then two of the key requirements for a nikah seem to have been missing. However, in a matter with such potentially serious consequences, it's important to get clarification from an expert - namely, an imam or scholar.

    Remember that boyfriend-girlfriend relationships aren't acceptable in Islam. If a boy isn't prepared to respect you and your family by approaching things in a halal way, I'd have concerns about whether he is a) committed to the relationship, and b) suitable husband material (how can he be the head of a Muslim family if he isn't living by Islamic values?).

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. Salam

    It's better to consult to some scholar whom you trust.

    Nikah without Guardian is invalid according to majority of jurists. A girl cannot give herself in marriage without his guardian will.

    Such a Nikah should be invalidated. However to invalidate such nikah some jurists say it should be done through uttering divorce. Tell your husband to divorce you if he doesn't then you can consult court for Khula.

    If you have consummated the marriage with him or stayed in Khawla (seclusion) you have to observe iddah of three months. After that you can marry anyone.

    If you want to marry him again after a proper nikah there is no iddah required. Still my best advice is to consult a scholar whom you trust and act on his verdict

    Regards

  4. Dear!
    he is deceiving you, no documentation or legal evidence is the prove of his game, avoid him and tell your mother every thing, honestly, get rid of that guy.
    he and his friend combined by imam is playing with you, do you know that imam so force him to give you nikkah nama copy
    other wise you know better
    rgd

  5. Salam. my friend now pregnant and with pakistani man.sHe want to go pakistan for marriage. The girl now is in bahrain. If she will go pakistan is there no problem in immigration in bahrain. ..and she's not reported by the hospital....

    • She is pregnant without marriage, she has to be very careful. Why can't your friend get married in Bahrain? Is she sure that guy will marry her in Pakistan?

      • yah he will marry the girl.the man will marry her.what is the best the girl who is filipina will go pakistan. or the man will go bahrain.is there any problem in immigration because she just check up in one private hospital in bahrain.

        • The man willing to marry her.pls.give them advise to solve their problem. They really love each other.

        • yah he will marry the girl.the man will marry her.what is the best the girl who is filipina will go pakistan. or the man will go bahrain.is there any problem in immigration because she just check up in one private hospital in bahrain.

          Seems like they don't live togather? When did they live togather, where? I am sure Baharain will need name of the father. If hospital needs a marriage certificate as a proof of father, you better get one from Pakistan (backdated). Your friend has to be careful so that your friend does not get into trouble for having a kid without marriage.

          • He just go pakistan for about 15 days. Then apply for new visa.where they can go for marriage. requirement needed for islam.what is the most fast decision u can give That is easily for them.they didn't live together . unexpected pregnancy. they need your good advice.

  6. Salam to all....any fast solution u can give for my friend.pls.help her.they want to get marriage as soon as possible when the man will came .any contact number ...requirement..

    .

  7. Salam to all....any fast solution u can give for my friend.pls.help her.they want to get marriage as soon as possible when the man will came .any contact number ...requirement..she can go pakistan without any problem in immigration.because she just go for one private hospital.did hospital report for her.immigration or in police.

    .

  8. Salam,

    I have a similar question. Someone I know got married secretly on the phone to a person she was involved with romantically, without any witness or wali. The guy use to live abroad so they did "nikkah" on phone.

    The guy actually arranged four witnesses which my friend had never seen, talked or met in her life. She even doesn't know who those were or what their names were or how many were there.

    There was no imaam or wali from the boy's side as well, just his friends and it was not documented on paper. Now She regrets doing something like this and is troubled whether this nikkah is valid or not.

    The guy says that he accepted her as his wife and ALLAH is watching and knows what's in his heart and he accepts her as his wife in front of ALLAH.

    The nikkah was done by one of the four witness. He Just asked my friend that whether she accept that guy as her husband three times and then he asked the same question from the guy whether he accept r my friend as his wife three times without any bismallah or in the name of ALLAH, and them pronounced them husband and wife.

    Bear in mind that those witnesses were non muslim I guess one of them was muslim but others were non muslims. And the witness who also did their nikkah was a non muslim.

    The question is whether this way of doing nikkah is it valid? I would really appriciate it if anyone can tell or give an authentic refrence to hadith or quranic verse. Because this is a really grim situation.

    • Bobb, your friend's nikah is invalid and she is not married. A proper nikah requires that the bride's wali be present, there must be Muslim witnesses, the groom must pay the mahr, and the marriage should be publicized or made known to people.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Is mahr obligatary, or can the husband refuse to give it? And does it need to be given on the first day of the marriage or at any time ?

        • Mahr is one of the conditions of marriage. There is no nikah without it. It is not recommended to delay it but it can be delayed if the bride agrees. Nevertheless, the time and amount of payment should be stipulated.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Plz help me i am in big tension.i HV a secret nikkah with my boy fend in 2011..but my family didn't knw abt this,,BT his family knws,they agree us by heart,,but in 2015august,mh parents forced me get marriage with another guy,BT when i rejects,my parents torched me,,even they locked me in a room for 2months,and my father quarrelled with my mom DAT itz I'll ur fault,,i my self tried lot but no result,,then i compromise,,,and got engaged in October,even i don't him WD whom i got engaged,,BT i compromised,,,,now i am in confusion,,,wtz better for me,,,mh nikkah was valid which i have do secretly,,,or invalid

    • Shazia, there is no secret nikah in Islam. Marriage must be open and above suspicion, and the bride should have her father or other male relative present as a wali. Based on these facts, it sounds like your nikah was invalid. Allah knows best.

      Why doesn't this young man (with whom you did your nikah) approach your parents and make a proper proposal?

      WAel
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Salam

        It seems that you really dont know the culture in places like Pakistan.
        Marriages is arranged and forced sometimes using violence.
        Why the guy dont go...
        who want to be killed?
        If a guy approach to my family and they prefer some familiar member to marry me, the male members can kill the guy. and I AM NOT IN PAKISTAN NEITHER PAKISTANI I am Rromani, kalderasha tribe. But Rromani people has old roots in Pakistani-Indian lands. So we carry a number of similarities in traditions regards rules of family.
        The way you are questioning the people with problems..seems that you are living out of reality about some cultures...
        In Islam... a number of things must be done..and a number of things regards NIKKAH ALSO CANNOT BE DONE LIKE FORCE.
        But who cares?
        In Pakistan nobody cares.. muslims only at the moment of pray and fasting. Out of this.. we dont see islam.

        • They would kill someone for proposing marriage? That's insane.

          • she is right. I am in love with a boy when my father came to know about us he threatened to kill me and him. the boy wanted to send his parents for my proposal but my father refused he also abused verbally his family. there is no shari reason for the refusal he is just against love marriage and that if his daughter gets married according to her will his ego and pride will get damage. I want to do a secret nikkah because our natural sexual desires are getting out of our hand but I heard that it is not valid. I cant leave him and accept what my father is trying to do. please tell me what to is there any valid nikkah where the consent of my father is not mandatory ??

    • This person clearly needs assistance and protection.
      Been manipulated to get her first marriage and now tortured by her evil family for another.

      W.h.o could offer protection. This is horrible treatment of a fellow human being

    • So am I considered to be married if we only had our imam nikah so that we could both be Halal to each other when we hang out ?

  10. is this nikah ? highly invalid.

    even a birthday celebration like this is not valid how cme a nikah.

    he is joking please don't believe him.

  11. I know this is old but a nikah without payment of mehr is invalid as that is a right decreed by ALLAH swt to make a marriage fair and vaild. You must meet all requirements to make an Islamic marriage vaild: proposal and acceptance of marriage to the bride. A presence of a wali or other conditions met ( its different for divorced or widowed women), a "dowry" mehr at least in the sum of the worth of an ounce of gold (about 50 USD), agreement by both bride and groom, plus two witnesses. Also ALLAH commanded we respect and honor our parents, which you have not done. You should consider reasons why your mother doesnt find this match suitable.. She probably just wants to ensure the best for your future.

  12. Hi. I have a question. My boyfriend and I want to get married with a nikah without needing marriage licenses. we are planning to get married first officially in Egypt but now we both live in New york and we want to be together in the right approved way. Does anyone know an imam that would be willing to marry us without the license?
    Thank you very much

  13. Salam

    Nikah without Guardian and Maher is invalid according to majority of jurists. A girl cannot give herself in marriage without his Wali will.

    Further, it is better to inform your mother.

    Such a Nikah should be invalidated. However to invalidate such nikah some jurists say it should be done through uttering divorce. Tell your husband to divorce you if he doesn't then you can consult court for Khula.

    If you have consummated the marriage with him or stayed in Khawla (seclusion) you have to observe iddah of three months. After that you can marry anyone.

    If the person is not agreeing for documented Nikah, then its better to avoid him and give khula.

  14. Salamalaikum,
    I am revert. I informed my aunt and uncle (my closest family because my mom died and father was against) My aunt approved via phone. They are not muslims. I got married in a restaurant . With Imam and 2 muslim witness. He gave me my mahr. but he didnt tell his parents. is that valid? we didnt sign a contract .that was 1 year ago..

    Now, i want to get a contract.is it still okay even if my husband is working in another country? His parents know that he is talking to me but they dont know that we are married. Everyone in my side knows that we are married. He said "i will tell when the right time comes". Please let me know your thoughts about this. May Allah Lead us to the right path.

  15. Assalamu Alaikum,

    Always make nikah in halal way only.

  16. muhcocohc: I got married in a restaurant . With Imam and 2 muslim witness. He gave me my mahr. but he didnt tell his parents. is that valid? we didnt sign a contract .that was 1 year ago......Now, i want to get a contract.is it still okay even if my husband is working in another country? His parents know that he is talking to me but they dont know that we are married

    Did he tell his parents about you? I have a feeling you got used.

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