Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Separated but might go back to husband?

age difference

Aslaamualykum,

i don't know where else to turn and really don't know what else I can do.

I'm a very young girl and got married to someone who's 5 years older than me. So surely, I thought he must be more mature. However, we married each other and lived with each other for a few months until it all turned nasty. In other words for the 7-8 months we were living with each other we were always arguing. I would argue back and would say nasty things as would he. I fell pregnant and we had a really big argument one night which resulted in hitting each other. I said to him I was pregnant and he said to me so what kill it - children come and go. I was very upset and eventually left. My family were very upset and angry to hear this and they instructed me to go to the police and tell them what happened. So I did, in the state I was in I thought it was the right thing to do.

My family were very adamant that I should not go back to him and I should abort the child. But I had a miscarriage. My husband has said to me a couple of times (more than three times ) that he doesn't want to be with me, that I should leave, and Its over. I know he's never meant it but I don't know if it's classed as a divorce or not. But now, we have started talking and decided we want to give it another shot. But he is very temperamental and say things that really really hurt me. I am already depressed and feel very suicidal but he gets angry and small things will say awful things to me and ignore me for a few days. We have been seperated for three months now and I don't know if he does it because I'm away from him or he geniuenly doesn't want to try.

every little argument and he tells me to leave and he doesn't want to try anymore.

Please help me and give me advice. Please.

Jazakallah

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5 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    Honestly...from reading your post, I would not advise you to go back to him. You deserve better.

    Salam

  2. OP: other words for the 7-8 months we were living with each other we were always arguing. I would argue back and would say nasty things as would he........ But he is very temperamental and say things that really really hurt me. I am already depressed and feel very suicidal but he gets angry and small things will say awful things to me and ignore me for a few days.

    No one wins an argument. Problems an argument can create is not worth any argument. Let your husband "win" all the arguments.

    You both have psychological problems that can be easily solved. Try to help each other with problems.
    You need to get involved in activities that bring you joy and make you feel relaxed

  3. Get away from that man, he does not have respect, love, or feelings for you, it was God's work that you lost the baby, because if he is not a good husband, what kind of father would he be to your child?, if I were you I would get as far away from him as possible, leave that loser and get on with your life, you will never be happy with him ,he is like the one I am married to, I have been married to a man, (similar to the one you described) for 18 years, I have now come to the realization that I have been living a lie all these years, so my girl take my advice and run for your dear life!!!

    • We cannot say why she lost the child. That is part of Allah's Qadar. However, I agree that she should not go back gto this violent and cruel man.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. I think you guys should try, but perhaps work on your relationship whilst your still living apart. Go for counselling and be frank about what you like about each other as well as the things you don't and find solutions to overcoming these obstacles.

    With re: to physical aggression, it seems you were both hitting each other so it's not just him hitting you and your both saying nasty things to each other. I think you should both change your attitudes and work on your marriage.

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