Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Unmarried sisters making our lives difficult

Angry girl off the track

Hello brothers and sisters, hope you all are doing very well in terms of studies, deen and relationship with Allah swt. I pray to God to make things easier for all of us in duniya and akhirah as well.

Currently, I am facing countless troubles coming from my sisters acts in my life. I am a youngest brother of two elder, modern sisters. I am 23, middle one is 26 and the eldest one is about to get 30 this September. I need serious advice from you guys. My both sisters are very out-going, puts a lot of makeup, don't wear dupatta at all when going out and both of them are very bad mouthed. Most importantly, the eldest sister is out of control in all aspects like my parents can't stop her from going anywhere whether for picnic, shopping alone for hours, smoking too I believe because I have seen cigarette packet in her bag.

They don't give respect to parents and always do whatever they like to doing and if mother or my father even asks when are you returning if they went to any friends marriage they create drama after reaching at home, yell at us brutally, start crying, break household things, verbally abuse my parents.

Since they are very modern so whichever proposal came to our house said one thing on the first meeting, girls are very modern since she doesn't like to take dupatta on head like our old school tradition that usually happens in our society since I live in Pakistan, Karachi so anyone who belongs to this country would know what I am talking about. No boy or boy's family like them for marriage purpose because of their looks.

Even in the neighborhood, due to their continuous quarrels and yelling, people don't give respect (that's my perspective). I fear of my future because of these situations in my life. Right now, I am pursuing my MBA from university so I get very upset, depressed and at times want to run away from this abusive home but again I stop just for the sake of my innocent parents. Sometimes, I just want to buy a new flat where I can move there with my parents with peace. If they didn't get married till death so how long I will be living like this? How long we will have to suffer like this. My cousin also behaves like this with his parents, he is now in media and married too but unfortunately, he didn't change a bit after marriage.

Please, please help me with your positive comments in the light of quran and sunnah. I pray regularly (4 times a day not lying), give sadkah khairat and always try to be a good and obedient son.  Kindly, advise me for the next steps that I should take.

Allah Hafiz beautiful brothers and sisters.


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3 Responses »

  1. Sounds like you in the right path brother. Continue what you do and make dua for your sisters. Clearly something is troubling them maybe bf issues.

    Also defend your parents when your sister talk bad to them. Be there and talk back to your sisters so they understand that they crossed the line.

    Regards to about your image being tarnished because of them. Don't worry about this. Because the last thing you want is to marry into a family that be little people and care so much about image. Your image can not be ruined as long as you do good and stay true to yourself. Good will always outshine the bad.

    Right now keep your head down focus on your studies and achieve the best you can and make your parents proud. Do your salah etc. And inshallah everything will fall into place. When you grab hold of your life and take control everything else will fix itself.

  2. Please accept my salaams brother. While you probably have the best intentions and concern, there may be the possibility you could be exaggerating. Most of us know it is often best to have both sides of a story and that one person's view of a problem may not be totally factual or could be missing important details.

    Of course, Muslim women are obligated to cover their hair, but many do not. At age 25 or 30 telling an adult woman what to do may be a waste of time, especially if you already have done so. The important issue is unlike men, Muslim women who do or don't cover are obvious. And we all know there are men of questionable reputation, who do not observe the sunnah. But unless you see that brother in a bar or at a party with his arms around a woman's waist and a margharita in his hand, there is no way to know. You may not be aware of other details of your sisters' lives with regard to possible marriage partners, so do not be so quick to judge them and being self-righteous. Marriage for women has said to often subject women to difficult circumstances. Many of the inquiries at this site attest to that. So a woman who is reluctant to "obey" another human being may have high standards or just want a man who recognizes that they are adults with their own preferences and opinions, not help mates or servant girls. If your sisters lived in England or the US, they may be more dutiful in Islam and to your parents, simply because the pressure to behave a certain way would be non-existent.

    You are considerably younger than your older sister. Is it possible you do not treat her with the regard she deserves. Is it possible your are being judgmental and somehow feel you may be a bit superior to her simply because you are male? If your sister were a male, would you be as concerned about her smoking cigarettes, etc.

    Make dua for your entire family, including yourself.

  3. Assalaamualaikum

    To say the truth, your parents are not innocent. They left their daughters to grow like that until now. Where is the tarbiyah when they're growing up? Where is the discipline when they do something wrong? Any if your sisters don't want to be respectful and kind to your parents, why don't they tell them to live on their own?

    As long as your father is still alive, he's the one who's responsible for them and their behaviours. Although at 26 and 30, I would say it's a bit too late to start being strict towards them.

    Maybe they can be sent to a madrasah to learn about Islam?

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