How do I make my Muslim ex-boyfriend to come back to us and be there for our child?
Dear all,
I had a relationship with a Muslim man which I really loved and was happy with. We were planning but we couldn't get married cause I was waiting my divorce papers from a previous destroyed marriage. We were studying together in an E.U country and we were living in the same house too hiding this from our families who were living in other countries. I learned praying with him and I wanted to live with him in his country and having Muslim religion (becoming Muslim).
In the mean time I got pregnant accidentally and he was pressing me to abort the child. However, I did not and he acquitted me when he realized that his child would be born in few months healthy. Many mistakes and lies we told each other the period of six months pregnacy and finally he sent me back to my country to my family house. I told my family everything. In the mean time my divorce was finalized. My parents contacted his family in his Islamic country (we are Christians) but we did not get any replay from them. He stopped talking/contacting me altogether.
2 months ago, I gave birth to a beautiful child and I kept trying contacting to inform him how much I need him and I love him, forgiving him for all. Asking for forgiveness and also to take our child and go to find him and discuss what we should do for the best for our child. I also sent many photos of our child begging him to think of it. I could do whatever he wants in order to protect our child and to heal the pain we caused to each other.
Finally the answer I got was "I don't love you anymore, and I will never be with you no matter whatever happens".
I am deeply hurt and desperate and I am struggling to hide this from our newborn child. Please help me if you have any idea what I should do to get him back to us or to get over him. Every minute, I think of him. I am praying to God for forgiveness and help but pain still remains and the father of my child is away.
Thank you,
Luci.
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Sister first of all get away from this man do not contact him even think about that you love him he dose not deserve love neither respect.
Firstly he trapped you to commit sexual relation without marrying you, second he tried to kill your baby in Islam it's (forbidden) then he avoids to marry you and making all this nonsense excuses.
Stay away from this man sister, try to calm down and get married. Tell your parents to look for a partner. There are tons of good man who will marry you with your loving child and your child will have a father to love. Just because your boyfriend is child father dosent mean he is the father,who take responsibility and take care of family that man called father ,not a man who avoid and dosent respect his child nor willing to marry to stay happy.
Do not worry he is now having fun with others like he played with you he will continue this for long time do not waste your and your child future depending or wish to get such a disgusting man like that sister.
May Allah bless you and your child.
Dear Luci,
We had a very similar question posted 2 days ago. Please have a look. The replies on that could help you:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/born-out-of-wedlock-and-ignored/
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Luci,
Im glad you and the baby are doing well! Honestly, situations like this make me so mad! Some men just think they can play around with women and then when it's time for them to step up to the plate they just walk away!!! Honey, I'm sure you are feeling HORRIBLE! It must be hard looking at your baby and thinking about this " man" all the time. Some people say time will heal everything, unfortunately in a moment like this you dont want to hear that because you feel destroyed. Continue to pray! Mashallah! There are no "magic" words that will help you get over him. All I can say is continue with your life, dont contact him anymore, dont beg him to be with you! Lift you head up high and move on. Inshallah this experience has thought you something and you will not fall again. I wish nothing but the best for you and the baby. Just stay busy, which im sure you are :). Go places, take the baby on long walks, get involve in activities so on and so forth. This will keep your mind off this person and inshallah you will get over him soon!!
Amira
Luci, good for you for not aborting your baby even when this man pressured you; and congratulations on the birth of your child.
There is nothing you can do or say to make this man return. He will have to answer to Allah for his failings and sins.
If you live in the USA, you can force him legally to pay child support (I don't know what the laws are in other countries). But that's it.
Others have given you good advice already. Move on with your life and take good care of your child.
Aside from everything else, I recommend that you look into the Islamic religion, as it provides good guidance and direction for our lives. There are certainly Muslims who do not follow their religion properly. But don't let this dissuade you from looking into Islam itself, which is a beautiful way of life.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Luci
I was born a Christian but reverted to Islam. I must amplify what Brother Wael has said. Please consider Islam.
As a Christian, you have been praying to Allah all of your life, but His message is diluted by the mistakes of men in translating and falsifying the message from Allah. He is with you! Open the Qur'an. He will speak to you, just allow Him to guide you. I pray you will find the missing puzzle pieces through His guidance. I did, and it has made all the difference in my life.
As Brother Wael said, it is a beautiful way of life.
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualikum sister
I dnt know if i can comment on it or nt i maybe too young for it..
Just wanted to say that evryone is right u haveto moveon..i know the word moveon is easy to say but hard to do..
Pray to Allah(Subhana wa'atala) InshaAllah he would heal all your pain..An i would just say..give ur maximum love to your child..make him/her a good humanbeing.. A good Muslimah..give all the knowledge abut Islam less more dosent matter but all that you know and have..
I will surely pray for you that you get your best man soon..InshaAllah..
This hard time is just a test from Allah(Subhana wa'atala) he is just testing your paitience..an yoyr strength.. So that u stay strong and dont give up on him..and insted try to be a better muslim..
InshaAllah oneday Allah (Subhana wa'atala) would accept your forgivness and your prayers.:.and would give u the best u desirve..InshaAllah
My dua is with u..and you baby.. May Allah (Subhana wa ' atala) bless both of u with strength..and paitience..Aameen :))
Thank you all very much for your answers and mostly for your prayers and for giving me courage and power to continue...
Dear Luci ,
I am very sorry for your story ! I am a american revert who had a mirror story to yours 30 years ago . That story did not have a happy ever after . As most cases like our end up as .
I atleast was given Merci from Allah in way of receiving the faith of Islam . Because of that I raised my daughter as a muslum and she is now raising her son as one too , Al-Humde'Allah ( thanks be to Allah ). But the sad truth is her father never relented on his choice to reject my daughter . My point is move on and try to give your baby a good life . Its your baies birth right to be a muslum , no matter what ! So I invite you to learn about Islam and perhaps the light of Islam will save you .
I ask Allah to help you ,to guide you and protect you and your baby .
Best Wishes
just don't look back. my friend has a same problem
that child is very lucky to have a mother like you.. sry to say it but in that man religion the child before marriage is haram .