I feel like my death is near, and it’s really scary
Lately I've been having this feeling like the death angel is about to show up and take my soul and it's really scary. This happens everyday, and I don't like it.
I've been having chest pain and have anxiety attacks. Is this my anxiety? is it shaytan?
I've also had a dream that I was at an abandoned grave-yard and there was a monster possessed by shaytan and I killed the monster. So the shaytan that possessed the monster started running after me. I ran out of the grave-yard and the shaytan can't leave the grave-yard so I escaped. And this dream has been bothering me alongside my thoughts.
So again is this just my anxiety or shaytan or what? Does my dream mean anything or is it from the shaytan? is all this the doing of the shaytan, my anxiety, or is it a warning? It's really really really bothering me.
p.s: I was on my time of the month when I had the dream. I don't know if it makes a difference, but I thought it might.
- Tala
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Hi Tala,
I am a Psychotherapist and I can tell that this is just a dream which was a result of your daytime anxiety. You seem to be having thoughts of death which definitely makes you very anxious. Our dreams are often often made up of stuff that we either experience or mostly think about during the day.
This thought of expecting death Angel to show up is just anxiety as most definitely there is something in your life which is disturbing for you and your mind is focusing on making up thoughts which trigger anxiety. This is not the Shayatan but your own made up thoughts. I would suggest you see a therapist which will help you with your anxiety and this will have an affect on your entire wellbeing. Goodluck!
Thank you very much for your reply. Just reading this and knowing what is causing it made me relaxed. Hope you have a great day.
I’ve recently had another dream in which my dad wanted me to marry my cousin- I wasn’t told which one- and I was upset about it so I went to my room, got ready, and then before we left to go to the ceremony I ran away with my brothers and mom to my grand mothers house. In my dream I was never on my way to my groom or wedding.
I read somewhere that if a girl sees herself in a dream that she is on her way to her groom but doesn’t make it or wasn’t able to reach him, her death is near, but in my dream it’s not that I was unable to reach him, I purposely avoided my wedding my running away with my mom and siblings, so it’s different, at least I think so.
My dream is different than the interpretation I read online, right? It’s just my thoughts and anxiety trying to convince me otherwise, right?
I was, yet again, on my tome of the month when I had my dream. Does have an interpretation or is it just a dream if many others? It’s also been bothering me.
Fearful I will not see my family again
Asalamualaykum Tala,
You write that you were menstruating. That very possibly triggered these thoughts or the magnitude of them, as our period or "time of the month" often amplifies whatever it is that we are most anxious about at the time. Like it just blows everything out of proportion. Sometimes it's good because it draws attention to something we need to work on or focus on, but sometimes it's just plain creativity of the brain.
🙂
Nor
IslamicAnswers
Thank you very much for your fast reply. I just wanted to point out that the dream happened on my time of the month, but the thoughts still happens even without my menstruation. But again thank you for explaining that it’s my anxiety.
Tala,
Yup! No problem 🙂
Nor
IslamicAnswers
Hello,
I wanted to tell you that the thoughts calmed down a little, but then again I started thinking about death. Like i'll be like "why buy that shoes? I might die" and it's been make me super anxious. My family is going to install an Ice rink in the house, but I keep thinking " will I even be alive?"
Any help on how to calm these thoughts down? I keep thinking "are these thoughts really from me?" Like what if it's a warning.
any help?
Thank you.
-Tala
Hello,
A while after this post I got control over my anxiety and thoughts, but then 2 weeks ago I got the thought that I am going to die on September 2nd and I don’t know what to do about it. For the first week. I got anxiety attack almost everyday and would cry about it. Now on the third week. I’ve calmed down a little and they aren’t as intense. Before I was 100% sure I was going to die on September 2nd, but now I just worry thinking “what if it’s real, and I’m gonna die”. I’m not as convinced as before but I still worry especially because it’s really close and I’m not sure if it’s real or not. Any help with this problem? Is it real? Or do I ignore it? There is no such thing in Islam as knowing the time of death 1 month prior, right?
Asalamualaykum Tala,
You write: "Any help with this problem? Is it real? Or do I ignore it? There is no such thing in Islam as knowing the time of death 1 month prior, right?"
You are correct...no one knows the time of death one month prior because nobody can foretell the future. That knowledge is only with Allah.
You say you were diagnosed with anxiety. What was the prescription for this? Therapy? Medication? What did the doctor tell you to do? Because it sounds like you are still having extreme anxiety and are not being treated.
I was once in the hospital, and I was convinced that my parents had both been killed. I had made up an entire story in my head of how this happened by someone I knew. I thought that it was all going to come back to me and that it was my fault that my parents were dead, and I was imagining that I was in a court of law. It wasn't until a nurse showed up by my side, may Allah bless her, and assured me that my parents were still alive, that I got a little relief. Now when you read this story of mine, what are you thinking? Don't you feel like there is seriously something wrong and a reason that I am being examined by the doctors? Don't you think they are there to help me with whatever means Allah has made available to them?
Point is, you need to go back to your doctor because these thoughts of yours are not normal. It is obsessive and pathological at this point as it has been going on for several months and is causing you distress. The "distress" part is critical. If you were able to just brush aside these thoughts and not read into them, that would be different. But you are suffering. So try to put your concerns on hold until you have seen the doctor, and have explained to him or her exactly what you have been experiencing.
Inshallah this time in your life, these intense fears, will become a thing of the past with the proper treatment. Just be honest and open with your struggles to Allah in your salah and in your duas, and to the doctors during your visit, and everything will be fine.
Hugs,
Nor
IslamicAnswers
Hello,
I was diagnosed by a mental health provided in the ER because when I got my first anxiety attack, I thought I was having a heart attack and when I whet it the doctor and they examined my heart, did blood tests, and noticed that everything was normal and healthy. Except of course my mental health. She asked me questions looked into my history and ruled out that it is most likely anxiety. I was prescribed medication, but taking it made me feel worse and didn’t help at all so I was told to stop and go to a therapist, but it’s very expensive and my family can’t afford it. You also know how Arab families are towards mental health. They don’t take it seriously and thing that it’s a phase and will go away.
My thoughts usually go away once I get assurance that it’s from my anxiety and that I’m not going to die. I don’t have a problem with death, but would rather have no warning about it. That is why I’m nervous about September 2nd. But since you told me it’s fine, I’ll try not to worry.
I’m better now, I’m trying to convert myself that it’s nothing and September 2nd is going to be a normal day and it will pass, but you know, a little worry had to stay. Insha’Allah I get better.
Thank you for your reply.
Tala,
If you feel that you have a handle on it and are no longer worried that you will die September 2, then all the more power to you and I hope that continues, Inshallah. 🙂
But for future reference should you need it, if they gave you a prescription for medication and it made you feel worse, that doesn't necessarily mean that you shouldn't be taking medication...it only means that this was not the right medication for you. They don't yet have a way to scan the brain and tell exactly what chemicals are needed and will be tolerated, so it's still a trial-and-error process. If you get worse again and are not managing, please keep in mind that you may have to try several different medications before you find one that is comfortable for you.
Also, have you been saying any of the duas for healing from illness and distress? Here are a few, which you may already know:
1.Allahumma inni a'udhu bika minal-hammi wal-Huzni wal-'ajazi wal-kasli wal-bukhli wal-jubni wa dala'id-dayni wa ghalabatir rijal
Oh Allah, I take refuge in you from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.
2. Allahumma rabb an-nas, adh-hab al-ba'sa, ashfi wa anta ash- shafi, la shifa'a illa shifa'uka shifa la yughadiru saqaman
Oh Allah, Lord of Mankind, remove the illness, cure the disease, you are the one who cures. There is no cure except your cure. Grant us a cure that leaves no illness (hand should be placed on part of body that aches, in this case the head)
3. A'udhu bi'izzati Allahi wa qudratihi mimma ajidu wa uhadir
I seek refuge and protection in Allah's might and power from the pain and illness I am suffering from and I am so gravely afraid of and may he deliver me from this pain and Inshallah he will in no time, in the blink of an eye.
4. Oh Allah I seek refuge with you from cowardice and I seek refuge in you from being placed in a mentally-deficient state!
Try those, and enjoy your ice time!!
Nor
IslamicAnswers
Hello,
Thank you for your help.
It’s not that it’s gone, it better and I can ignore it and continue my day normally and not worry about it. But I’m a little scared that I am going to die and that I ignored the warning I got, but since you told me that there is no such thing. It must be my anxiety and obsessive thought so I’ll try my utmost best to relax like I do now in September 2nd and not think about it. Insha’Allah nothing is going to happen and the day will pass peacefully.
Hello again,
I had a dream about September 2nd and it made me feel bad. It was that I was waiting for 5:00 pm that day to pass so I can relax and 5 pm came it and passed safely and I was happy about it. But I know happiness in a dream means sadness and sorrow in real life and that because the day(5 pm in dream) passed safely it will be the opposite in real life. so I got anxious again and I can’t stop thinking about it now. Is it real or should I ignore these thoughts? Does the 5 pm symbolize anything? It got me anxious as I think of it as a sign that 5 pm is when I will die.
Tala,
There is no significance to September 2nd or to 5:00. I can say that with 99% certainty. If your condition is such that you are now going to focus on that 1% off-chance, that's your anxiety again. Speaking of which, just because it's anxiety or obsessive thinking causing it, it doesn't mean you should ignore it. You should address the anxiety. I want to add that what you are experiencing could be a repetitive unwanted thought (as in OCD) or even a delusion, as you are convinced of something that doesnt have basis in reality. Either way, you should visit a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis, because this is causing you distress and is recurring. I understand that your family is not understanding of mental health conditions, but you owe it to yourself and Allah to get relief and treatment so that you can function and fulfill Allah's plan for you in this life.
Hugs,
Nor
IslamicAnswers
Hello,
Thank you for your advice.
I’ll try my best to not panic when I see September 2nd approaching, and will try not to think about it.
I would lob to get help, but I can’t as I don’t have control over my life. I am still a high school student, so I don’t make money to take myself there or can drive myself. I’m not n a position where I can take control of my own life, as a result I have to listen to my parents.
As you told me, and may others did too, September 2nd has no significance or meaning and I shouldn’t worry about it, so I’ll try to do that. Insha’Allah all will be good and later on I’ll be able to look at this and laugh for believing in such nonsense.
🙂
Hello,
The 2nd of September is in 2 days for me. (I’m in the US). I am getting more anxious as it draws near and whenever something comes up that is going to happen after it for example school is in September 8th, I think/say “ hopefully I’ll be alive by then” or “I’ll probably be dead by then” It makes me anxious. It like I know I’ll be dead, but not sure. It just confusing.
These thoughts are happening because I’m worried about September 2nd, but the don’t mean that I’ll actually be dead, am I right? This is all just pure nonsense in my mind, right?
Well, not like I know I’ll be dead 100% but I just feel nervous about it. Like I might be dead and not get to go to school and do what I always do. So I don’t have a feeling that I’m going to die like before, I’m worried that I’m going to die. I’m not sure about it or sense it. Just thoughts and worrying that my past feeling that I was going to die is actually true, but I ignored it and don’t believe it anymore.
Assalamu alaykum Tala, do you still experience this fear? Or have you found a way to control it? If so minding sharing what you did.
Salaamu Alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh
Aoo'thu billahi minish shaytanir rajeem
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem
Oh, dear sister also try to ask someone of knowledge about your
dream and concern. Allah know when it's our time.
In shaa Allah increase in optional Salah,or Dhikr or reading Qur'an
and make sure you at least fast you make up days for Ramadan. Do
Astighfir'Allah and put your trust in Allah(Subhana a Ta'la)
In shaa Allah listen to good Islamic lectures, recite
Al-Fatihah, Quls, Ayatul Kursi and last 2 Ayat of Surah Al Baqarah.
Allah doesn't put on us more than we can bear.
In shaa Allah here is a lecture I would like to
share with you. May Allah bless you with Sakinah,
forgive you, have mercy on you and draw you closer to
Him. Even if it's shaytan wanting to scare you, your best protector is Allah.
Asalamualaikum so I was reading about Tala and her panic attacks what really happened after did she message bck
Hi Isha are you feeling the same? I’ve been dealing with this for 6 months eversince my friend passed away. She was 28 years old. 🙁
Hello Isha,
I am glad to tell you that I am way over this and living my life almost as normally as before. I have a stronger mindset now, with stronger control over myself. Thank you for your concern! Alhamdulilallah that I get over it.
-Tala
Salaamu Alaikum
Here's there lecture
https://youtu.be/N5nry0lyEE0
Thank you so much for being helpful to me during this time.
assalamu alaikom
i can relate to you since ive became a hypochondriac almost two years ago, it started in december 2018 andi always thought i wouldn't make it to 2019 and that id die from a heart attack, well i lived throught it and then i get anxious about another disease, i thought i had ca**er in 2019 and was sure id not make it to 2020, now i calmed down. what i want to say is that sometimes our mind trick us into believing some stuff that will not happen, what i advice you to do is pray more, have faith in allah.
Hello,
I hope you get better and better and get over this, Insha'allah.
For me, when my anxiety started and I had my first anxiety attack I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the ER to get checked. I was convinced that I will dies soon. After getting checked and all other procedures, I was diagnosed with anxiety. I was sad, but was relaxed as I knew that my thoughts were not "signs" from allah that I am going to die and were from my anxiety. After that I started controlling it and got better and managing my thoughts, until 1 day, 2 weeks ago, I was talking to a friend about 2nd of September and for some reason I got the thought that I will die on that day which made me panic as it was still a month away! I still get scared when I think of 2nd of September as I think that I will die on it, but I tell myself not to panic about it as no one knows when they will die and it's just my anxiety, but I can't help and worry as my past fears where that I will die soon, but no date was attached to it, but this one has a date with it so I don't know if it is really my anxiety or that I will die on it. Wael from this website told me it is a fear from my thoughts, my family told me it's my anxiety and shaytan and not to pay attention to it, but I still am a little scared that it is true and that these are my last days.
our mind is very powerful and yes it can trick us into believing things that aren't true and I hope that is the case with me too. Insha'allah nothing will happen and all will be good. What do you think about it?
Insha'allah me and you will get better and get over our fears slowly.
Hi is anyone still feeling the same? I’ve been going thru this for 6 months eversince my friend died. She was 28 years old.
Hello Emma,
It has been a year since I dealt with this. I have come to terms with it, and I think because of the many exposures I had with it, it became a norm in my life where I don't even pay attention to it any more, at all! My best coping methods(may not work for you, I don't know) were long dramas, mostly Chinese or Kdrama, since they have very long episodes, around an hour each, maybe even longer, and have long-running episodes, 40-100 episodes. They allowed me to dwell on them and think about the complex plots, for most of my time. I also signed up for activities outside the house since I always get them when I am in my room with nothing else to focus on, like swimming, since focusing on the activity and my movement allowed my brain to disregard the death thoughts, and go back to the swimming instructor's feedback. Little by little, my brain was trained to stop these thoughts when they come or immediately switch or sing. I still deal with them, but they way less than before and don't affect me any more. Up until December 2020, this was a huge problem of mine, however starting from January-February, I grew out of it, thankfully.
I hope you also find copping mechanisms and distractions to help you relief your stress. If you still have questions, feel free to ask me and I will help you or explain what I went through in detail to ease your anxiety.
-Tala
Hello,
To anyone reading over my experience and curious about what happened, I have thankfully got control over my fear, thoughts, and emotions. It took me around 6 months to get it under control by myself, but in the end I did. I created coping mechanisms and distractions while also avoiding triggers. The biggest helpers to me were long shows, mostly C-dramas and K-dramas, since they have many long, long episodes and very complex plots. I allowed myself to dwell on the plots, characters, actors, interactions, etc related to the show as to distract myself from the death thoughts. I also noticed that my triggers were very calm or easy activities, for example, washing the dishes or showering at home. As a result I made sure someone was with me in the kitchen when I do the dishes, so I can talk to them, or I turn on the TV there, never in silence. I also knew that these thoughts only come to me when I am home, so I started going swimming and went to school in-person just to leave the home and expose myself to other distractions outside that my mind can focus on. By December 2020, 6 months after the initial panic attack that started it all, I started to ignore the thoughts and was mentally trained to switch thoughts from death to any random subject I can think of, and as of October 2021, this has become an involuntary action that takes place on its own, so I don't even have to try to think of something else, it automatically happens. I am pleased with the progress I have made so far.
If anyone has questions, need clarifications, or just curious, etc, feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer and help.
-Tala
I've been having the exact feeling as tala for the past few months every single thing from the dreams to the sudden death thoughts.. This gives me hope that I will overcome it too inshallah... Also it brought me to realize that I need to spend less time on my devices n room.. And go out.. Read my Salah n quraan and having firm tawakkal in Allah and my duas.
In reply to Maira!!! I really hope you see this Maira.
3 years after the panic attacks started, I would like to tell you that alhamdulilallah, I got over it. I relapse sometimes like once every 2-3 months I would have a moment where these thoughts come back, but since I have built strong habits against these types of thoughts, it became 2nd nature for me to ignore them.
The first six months were the hardest, the attacks were weekly and would linger the most. The best thing is to hear reassurance from people you trust like your mother. Yes, she might say stop over-reacting, stop this nonsense, etc, but that is exactly what you need. The more you hear people telling you that what you do is "no normal", has "nothing to do with Islam", it is "just your brain", you will start to register it too!
I had to get constant reassurance that this is not something in Islam, there is no such thing as "I can predict or feel when I will die". You need to keep hearing this and telling it to yourself.
Another thing I trained myself to do is that whenever I feel that I am about to start having the death thoughts, I would snap my head like a small shake. These thoughts usually come when we are free with nothing to do, nothing else to focus on, so by training myself to snap my head whenever it happens, it breaks the negative thought cycle and pushes my attention towards the sudden movement. Yours can be a head snap too, or to raise your hand, anything you like. Make sure to do it each time the thoughts start, after a while it becomes 2nd nature and happens automatically and breaks your thoughts. It has been really, really effective for me as it alerts me, too, that the thoughts started. These thoughts will plague you when you least expect it and when you are not paying attention, the fear sets in after you realise what you are thinking about. This is why a sudden change or movement stops them. It is also good to alert people you trust like friends or family that when you make your sudden movement (whatever you choose it to be), they should know that it indicates the thoughts running wild, and they should comfort you or make a small conversation to draw your mind away.
When I felt stronger and wanted to explore death from an Islamic prospective, I realised we should not fear death. Death is scary when you are sinning, we fear death because of the pain of the grave, going to hell, not having another chance to become a better muslim, etc. We do not fear death because of death itself. The best thing to do for your own ease is to realise that if you have faith and are trying your best as a muslim, death will be the beginning of our true journey to heaven. Stop the sins you know you do, work on your faith more, and your fear will become less since you believe in your self and ability to go to heaven! Trust in Allah's forgiveness with all your heart! This took me around 1.5-2 years to become comfortable with the topic of death.
The next thing is to busy yourself! These thoughts, as I said, will come when we are free with our brains running wild to think about it. If we are preoccupied with something else, they won't plague us. I got into sports, figure skating, running, I watched TV shows are thought about them, read books, talked with others. I, most importantly, LEFT THE HOUSE!!! We may not realise it, but being home may not be the safest place mentally for us. Go out for shopping groceries, go out with friends, go somewhere fun. My dealbreaker was when I started going back to school in-person. I hated it, yes, but now it gave me something else to think about. I thought about how much I hated going to school, waking up early, doing HWs, etc, but these thoughts occupied my mind now, more than death. There was no time to think about death, I had so much going on. BY now, it is 2021 and I only think about death when I have to go to sleep and have nothing else to think about.
My last straw that ended all my problems were trips! During this time, my family was thinking about moving to a new area. We took our car and drove across the country to explore possible options. This type of exhausting and uncomfortable travel was exactly what I needed to train my brain not to think of death when I am having nothing else to do. It was the noisy stuffy car that helped me. Even if my brain had nothing to think about, my family's voices and shows they are watching, the arguments, all conditioned my brain not to think of death. Even if I was not focusing on what they are saying, I knew they were there and could see and hear them. It was enough distraction for my brain not to linger on death thoughts. When we arrive at hotels, I am exhausted beyond recognition and just 1sec on the pillow and I am off to sleep land. I had no time to think of death every time my eyes closed because I was too tired to, when they come, I would just automatically groan and say to myself "this is ridiculous, I do not have time for this" and would doze off immediately. When I wake up and realise what I did, I feel proud of myself. I have now officially conditioned myself to feel ridiculous whenever these thoughts come, they almost never come, but when they do, they do not bother me at all. I still think of death, but instead of being scared and anxious, I feel fine and just ignore them.
3 years later, I am proud of the progress, and I am thankful for every harsh word I heard. Without the harsh reality hitting me, I would not have realised how stupid this is, I am not in a "Final Destination" film.
Dear Maira, work hard on being a good muslim so even if death were to come, you are not scared of the pain. It is a test, each thought that tortures you, erases your sins, it is a reminder that Allah loves you, he wants you back on track.
With this experience, I started wearing the hijab, I did not start wearing it properly when the thoughts began, but I started nonetheless; I realised, I did not want to die without having worn one. Now after 3 years, I am wearing to the best of my abilities, and I still fear death, but not because I am scared of dying, but because I want to die as the best me; I hope I die with the good muslims.
I also started hoping to move to Mecca and work in the Kaaba, that way, even if I die, I will die in a holy place, go to heaven. If I have not been through this, I would still be the old me who danced and sang, who shamefully did not want to go to hajj since I was a sinner and sins will become 10x after hajj. I now strive to please Allah.
Remember, these is no such thing in Islam as I feel like I will die tomorrow, or soon. You won't know until your time has come. Let go of these thoughts and live life, that is how you get over them. Think of them like unwanted ads on a Google tab, you use an adblocker to not see them. The same things, living your life and filling your brain with other things to think about to the point where there is no time to think of death, you block them.
I wish you the best of luck, please comment as much as you want here; I will reply in'sha'allah when I read them. I log here once a week, but if I see more questions and comments, I will log on as needed!!!
I truly hope all who read this realise that it will pass! Reach out to me, this is a safe space. I have been through it all, and willing to share all details from A-Z about the matter and progress. No question is off limits no matter how stupid you think it is, if it bothers you, please ask me as I know how hard this is!!
-Tala
In reply to Maira!!! I really hope you see this Maira.
3 years after the panic attacks started, I would like to tell you that alhamdulilallah, I got over it. I relapse sometimes like once every 2-3 months I would have a moment where these thoughts come back, but since I have built strong habits against these types of thoughts, it became 2nd nature for me to ignore them.
The first six months were the hardest, the attacks were weekly and would linger the most. The best thing is to hear reassurance from people you trust like your mother. Yes, she might say stop over-reacting, stop this nonsense, etc, but that is exactly what you need. The more you hear people telling you that what you do is "no normal", has "nothing to do with Islam", it is "just your brain", you will start to register it too!
I had to get constant reassurance that this is not something in Islam, there is no such thing as "I can predict or feel when I will die". You need to keep hearing this and telling it to yourself.
Another thing I trained myself to do is that whenever I feel that I am about to start having the death thoughts, I would snap my head like a small shake. These thoughts usually come when we are free with nothing to do, nothing else to focus on, so by training myself to snap my head whenever it happens, it breaks the negative thought cycle and pushes my attention towards the sudden movement. Yours can be a head snap too, or to raise your hand, anything you like. Make sure to do it each time the thoughts start, after a while it becomes 2nd nature and happens automatically and breaks your thoughts. It has been really, really effective for me as it alerts me, too, that the thoughts started. These thoughts will plague you when you least expect it and when you are not paying attention, the fear sets in after you realise what you are thinking about. This is why a sudden change or movement stops them. It is also good to alert people you trust like friends or family that when you make your sudden movement (whatever you choose it to be), they should know that it indicates the thoughts running wild, and they should comfort you or make a small conversation to draw your mind away.
When I felt stronger and wanted to explore death from an Islamic prospective, I realised we should not fear death. Death is scary when you are sinning, we fear death because of the pain of the grave, going to hell, not having another chance to become a better muslim, etc. We do not fear death because of death itself. The best thing to do for your own ease is to realise that if you have faith and are trying your best as a muslim, death will be the beginning of our true journey to heaven. Stop the sins you know you do, work on your faith more, and your fear will become less since you believe in your self and ability to go to heaven! Trust in Allah's forgiveness with all your heart! This took me around 1.5-2 years to become comfortable with the topic of death.
The next thing is to busy yourself! These thoughts, as I said, will come when we are free with our brains running wild to think about it. If we are preoccupied with something else, they won't plague us. I got into sports, figure skating, running, I watched TV shows are thought about them, read books, talked with others. I, most importantly, LEFT THE HOUSE!!! We may not realise it, but being home may not be the safest place mentally for us. Go out for shopping groceries, go out with friends, go somewhere fun. My dealbreaker was when I started going back to school in-person. I hated it, yes, but now it gave me something else to think about. I thought about how much I hated going to school, waking up early, doing HWs, etc, but these thoughts occupied my mind now, more than death. There was no time to think about death, I had so much going on. BY now, it is 2021 and I only think about death when I have to go to sleep and have nothing else to think about.
My last straw that ended all my problems were trips! During this time, my family was thinking about moving to a new area. We took our car and drove across the country to explore possible options. This type of exhausting and uncomfortable travel was exactly what I needed to train my brain not to think of death when I am having nothing else to do. It was the noisy stuffy car that helped me. Even if my brain had nothing to think about, my family's voices and shows they are watching, the arguments, all conditioned my brain not to think of death. Even if I was not focusing on what they are saying, I knew they were there and could see and hear them. It was enough distraction for my brain not to linger on death thoughts. When we arrive at hotels, I am exhausted beyond recognition and just 1sec on the pillow and I am off to sleep land. I had no time to think of death every time my eyes closed because I was too tired to, when they come, I would just automatically groan and say to myself "this is ridiculous, I do not have time for this" and would doze off immediately. When I wake up and realise what I did, I feel proud of myself. I have now officially conditioned myself to feel ridiculous whenever these thoughts come, they almost never come, but when they do, they do not bother me at all. I still think of death, but instead of being scared and anxious, I feel fine and just ignore them.
3 years later, I am proud of the progress, and I am thankful for every harsh word I heard. Without the harsh reality hitting me, I would not have realised how stupid this is, I am not in a "Final Destination" film.
Dear Maira, work hard on being a good muslim so even if death were to come, you are not scared of the pain. It is a test, each thought that tortures you, erases your sins, it is a reminder that Allah loves you, he wants you back on track.
With this experience, I started wearing the hijab, I did not start wearing it properly when the thoughts began, but I started nonetheless; I realised, I did not want to die without having worn one. Now after 3 years, I am wearing to the best of my abilities, and I still fear death, but not because I am scared of dying, but because I want to die as the best me; I hope I die with the good muslims.
I also started hoping to move to Mecca and work in the Kaaba, that way, even if I die, I will die in a holy place, go to heaven. If I have not been through this, I would still be the old me who danced and sang, who shamefully did not want to go to hajj since I was a sinner and sins will become 10x after hajj. I now strive to please Allah.
Remember, these is no such thing in Islam as I feel like I will die tomorrow, or soon. You won't know until your time has come. Let go of these thoughts and live life, that is how you get over them. Think of them like unwanted ads on a Google tab, you use an adblocker to not see them. The same things, living your life and filling your brain with other things to think about to the point where there is no time to think of death, you block them.
I wish you the best of luck, please comment as much as you want here; I will reply in'sha'allah when I read them. I log here once a week, but if I see more questions and comments, I will log on as needed!!!
I truly hope all who read this realise that it will pass! Reach out to me, this is a safe space. I have been through it all, and willing to share all details from A-Z about the matter and progress. No question is off limits no matter how stupid you think it is, if it bothers you, please ask me as I know how hard this is!!
-Tala
In reply to Nour!!! Please read this Nour!
Hello Nour, I want to start by saying that I totally understand the struggle, especially being 17. My panic attacks started when I was 15, so I understand how difficult it is for your parents to not fully understand it. This could be waswas and shaytan, but mostly it is unprocessed fears and anxiety surfacing as these thoughts. Shaytan preys on our fears to drives us away from allah.
Do not be scared, what you need to do is to firmly believe that no body knows it is their time until they are actually in it. What this means is that if you are having these thoughts sporadically and unpredictably and they put you in fear, but nothing happens, then it is your anxiety.
Also, this fear comes from us no having confidence in ourselves going to jannah/heaven, we are scared of death not because of death itself, but what comes after it. You worry you did not do enough and will suffer in the grave and go to hell. If you firmly believed you can make it to jannah/heaven and in Allah's mercy, then your fear will somewhat subside. A small habit that can help is reading ayat al kursi after each fard prayer. Doing so makes the only barrier between a person and jannah/heaven death. So when you start this habit and these thoughts come, you can have comfort that you are trying to go to a better place and worked hard to achieve it.
These ideas that talking about something make it real have no basis in Islam based on my knowledge. If it does happen, it is purely coincidental, do not worry. We all fear death because we do not know what our ending is, so if that is your worry, try your best. Allah is merciful, and he knows when you try. If it is something small like 1 aya/verse a day, something small and consistent is better than grand over a short period.
Not only that, but as a person who went through this, I know that is is a product of my own fears and anxiety. Start with good mental habits, for example when the thoughts start, remind yourself of your favourite people, your name, age colour, etc; anything to distract yourself from these thoughts, after a while it becomes built-in and you will start to do it automatically.
Furthermore, always remember that a mother's love is the closest thing we know to allah's love, and his is even greater, so imagine how many times your mother forgave you, and know that allah is even more merciful. Remember that every pain, psychologically or physically, you go through, allah wipes your sins away and forgives you. He has hope in you and is forgiving your sins, he is reminding you of our last destination as well as his mercy as this pain is wiping your sins away at the same time it is working to remind you to do good, subhan'allah!
Never lose hope, you can overcome this, if you need any more tips and help, specific questions, or you are extremely scared, please reach out to me. I am more than happy to help you as much as I can. Just know that I went through this and that I am fine now, stronger than before alhamdulilallah.
-Tala
In reply to Fathima!!! I really hope you see this.
3 years after the panic attacks started, I would like to tell you that alhamdulilallah, I got over it. I relapse sometimes like once every 2-3 months I would have a moment where these thoughts come back, but since I have built strong habits against these types of thoughts, it became 2nd nature for me to ignore them.
Most attacks happen when I have nothing else going on, both day and night. Especially strong before bedtime when I try to sleep because you need to pretend to be asleep to sleep. This made sleeping a bad time for me, so I try to exhaust myself by working out, studying, enjoying time with friends etc, so when bedtime is here, I just fall asleep before the thoughts manifest.
Remember, this is you, you know yourself and you know your deen. No one knows or predicts their death, that is Islam. Panicking about death is shaytan. When you start having these thoughts, play quran, say adhkar and try your best to kick the shaytan out to stop him from whispering these things.
The first six months were the hardest, the attacks were weekly and would linger the most. The best thing is to hear reassurance from people you trust like your mother. Yes, she might say stop over-reacting, stop this nonsense, etc, but that is exactly what you need. The more you hear people telling you that what you do is "no normal", has "nothing to do with Islam", it is "just your brain", you will start to register it too!
I had to get constant reassurance that this is not something in Islam, there is no such thing as "I can predict or feel when I will die". You need to keep hearing this and telling it to yourself.
Another thing I trained myself to do is that whenever I feel that I am about to start having the death thoughts, I would snap my head like a small shake. These thoughts usually come when we are free with nothing to do, nothing else to focus on, so by training myself to snap my head whenever it happens, it breaks the negative thought cycle and pushes my attention towards the sudden movement. Yours can be a head snap too, or to raise your hand, anything you like. Make sure to do it each time the thoughts start, after a while it becomes 2nd nature and happens automatically and breaks your thoughts. It has been really, really effective for me as it alerts me, too, that the thoughts started. These thoughts will plague you when you least expect it and when you are not paying attention, the fear sets in after you realise what you are thinking about. This is why a sudden change or movement stops them. It is also good to alert people you trust like friends or family that when you make your sudden movement (whatever you choose it to be), they should know that it indicates the thoughts running wild, and they should comfort you or make a small conversation to draw your mind away.
When I felt stronger and wanted to explore death from an Islamic prospective, I realised we should not fear death. Death is scary when you are sinning, we fear death because of the pain of the grave, going to hell, not having another chance to become a better muslim, etc. We do not fear death because of death itself. The best thing to do for your own ease is to realise that if you have faith and are trying your best as a muslim, death will be the beginning of our true journey to heaven. Stop the sins you know you do, work on your faith more, and your fear will become less since you believe in your self and ability to go to heaven! Trust in Allah's forgiveness with all your heart! This took me around 1.5-2 years to become comfortable with the topic of death.
The next thing is to busy yourself! These thoughts, as I said, will come when we are free with our brains running wild to think about it. If we are preoccupied with something else, they won't plague us. I got into sports, figure skating, running, I watched TV shows are thought about them, read books, talked with others. I, most importantly, LEFT THE HOUSE!!! We may not realise it, but being home may not be the safest place mentally for us. Go out for shopping groceries, go out with friends, go somewhere fun. My dealbreaker was when I started going back to school in-person. I hated it, yes, but now it gave me something else to think about. I thought about how much I hated going to school, waking up early, doing HWs, etc, but these thoughts occupied my mind now, more than death. There was no time to think about death, I had so much going on. BY now, it is 2021 and I only think about death when I have to go to sleep and have nothing else to think about.
My last straw that ended all my problems were trips! During this time, my family was thinking about moving to a new area. We took our car and drove across the country to explore possible options. This type of exhausting and uncomfortable travel was exactly what I needed to train my brain not to think of death when I am having nothing else to do. It was the noisy stuffy car that helped me. Even if my brain had nothing to think about, my family's voices and shows they are watching, the arguments, all conditioned my brain not to think of death. Even if I was not focusing on what they are saying, I knew they were there and could see and hear them. It was enough distraction for my brain not to linger on death thoughts. When we arrive at hotels, I am exhausted beyond recognition and just 1sec on the pillow and I am off to sleep land. I had no time to think of death every time my eyes closed because I was too tired to, when they come, I would just automatically groan and say to myself "this is ridiculous, I do not have time for this" and would doze off immediately. When I wake up and realise what I did, I feel proud of myself. I have now officially conditioned myself to feel ridiculous whenever these thoughts come, they almost never come, but when they do, they do not bother me at all. I still think of death, but instead of being scared and anxious, I feel fine and just ignore them.
3 years later, I am proud of the progress, and I am thankful for every harsh word I heard. Without the harsh reality hitting me, I would not have realised how stupid this is, I am not in a "Final Destination" film.
Dear Fathima, work hard on being a good muslim so even if death were to come, you are not scared of the pain. It is a test, each thought that tortures you, erases your sins, it is a reminder that Allah loves you, he wants you back on track.
With this experience, I started wearing the hijab, I did not start wearing it properly when the thoughts began, but I started nonetheless; I realised, I did not want to die without having worn one. Now after 3 years, I am wearing to the best of my abilities, and I still fear death, but not because I am scared of dying, but because I want to die as the best me; I hope I die with the good muslims.
I also started hoping to move to Mecca and work in the Kaaba, that way, even if I die, I will die in a holy place, go to heaven. If I have not been through this, I would still be the old me who danced and sang, who shamefully did not want to go to hajj since I was a sinner and sins will become 10x after hajj. I now strive to please Allah.
Remember, these is no such thing in Islam as I feel like I will die tomorrow, or soon. You won't know until your time has come. Let go of these thoughts and live life, that is how you get over them. Think of them like unwanted ads on a Google tab, you use an adblocker to not see them. The same things, living your life and filling your brain with other things to think about to the point where there is no time to think of death, you block them.
I wish you the best of luck, please comment as much as you want here; I will reply in'sha'allah when I read them. I log here once a week, but if I see more questions and comments, I will log on as needed!!!
I truly hope all who read this realise that it will pass! Reach out to me, this is a safe space. I have been through it all, and willing to share all details from A-Z about the matter and progress. No question is off limits no matter how stupid you think it is, if it bothers you, please ask me as I know how hard this is!!
-Tala
To Maira.
Most attacks happen when I have nothing else going on, both day and night. Especially strong before bedtime when I try to sleep because you need to pretend to be asleep to sleep. This made sleeping a bad time for me, so I try to exhaust myself by working out, studying, enjoying time with friends etc, so when bedtime is here, I just fall asleep before the thoughts manifest.
My worst was when I had dreams and looked up their interpretation and found out they meant death of the dreamer(I won't give out examples as to not worsen your anxiety like me, and I strongly advise you to stay away from dream interpretation, it was the hardest thing to do, but never trust anything online or anyone online or in-person. No one can interpret your dream, and since you are in a state of mental weakness, your dreams should be taken lightly. Pay no attention to them).
When I woke up from such dreams and looked them up, I was terrified, my grades went down, I was angry all the time, couldn't sleep, etc. It kept me thinking all day and night believing I was going to die. From ages 15-17 I was at my lowest in all aspects of life, nothing was going good, I was scared all the time.
You are not crazy for feeling like this, but know that I went through it all and got out of it, others are going through it now too. It is a test from Allah, and waswas from shaytan as nothing happens without Allah's knowledge. He is protecting you and won't burden you beyond what you can handle. You are doing so well for reaching out and seeking help.
Feel free to ask anything here, I would love to help even more!
To Hulya,
First of all, I am sorry for the delay in answering. In all honesty, I am not sure what else I can add to this thread. I read it multiple times, and all my answers will be the same. Still, I would like to address you directly.
Please know that what you went through is very typical of anxiety and OCD. There is nothing in Islam to say we know when we die or have visions. If any, Islam tells us to seek refuge from satan/shaytan; no one knows when their death is and this fear is from shaytan/satan.
The first step in healing is seeking out help, which is what you did, so I am glad! Please feel free to read over this whole thread: https://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-feel-like-my-death-is-near/ (copy and paste into google, safari, etc). It has all my answers, as well as my own posts when I struggled. You will see that I went from being scared into a corner, to giving advice. You can do it too!
Always keep yourself busy and occupied, reading, watching movies, going out, cooking, etc. It does not matter if it is religious or not, just do something comforting. When I went through this phase, I watched a lot of kid's shows especially from my own childhood like barbie, monster high, etc. Adult shows have a lot of suggestive themes, and dark stories and so they were triggering for me and I found safety in my own childhood. I also made sure to never be alone, always have someone around you, a parent, sibling, friend, etc. Being alone and free will allow these thoughts to creep into your mind.
For a while, I even slept in my mother's room for her comfort since these thoughts showed up even before I went to sleep when I couldn't avoid it. My strategies were to either sleep with someone near, or to make myself so tired so by the time I went to bed, I don't have time to think and I am off to sleep.
As I said, I am not sure what else to say, so feel free to ask questions and I'll answer them!