Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to fix my broken engagement

problem marriage

Assalam o alaikum.

I am 26 years old. This person and did our graduation together from the same institute. When my parents started looking for my proposals, i told them about him. They were super angry to me because for them choosing a person for marriage myself is totally wrong and additionally if he is from the other cast it is totally prohibited. His family was ready for our marriage. Meanwhile we both got admission for higher studies in a foreign university and we went there. I kept on asking my family the same thing and the day came when they agreed and we got engaged.

There started the terrible mistakes of our lives. I used to be a stubborn person. Also my over possessive nature created so many issues.  That destroyed our relationship after engagement. And the day came when he got tired of my these habits  and ended up the engagement. Clearly i was the reason behind that. But i never told anyone about my huge mistakes instead i told everyone that he was responsible for everything. After a month he came back to me and told me that he was unable to live without me and ashamed of ending up our relation. He again persuade his family and they agreed. But this time my family forcefully set up my wedding to another guy without my consent . In the whole situation i am the one who is guilty. I broke up with that guy once but i dont have courage to leave him again. Allah knows how much painful everything it is. My family behaved badly with the guy abused him menaced him. Now my parents told everything to few relatives too. Everybody is forcing me in each possible way. None of my siblings talk to me. They asked me to get out of the house if i still want to marry him. Not a single person is there to help. That guy is a practicing Muslim he didnt force me over anything. His family is supporting me over any of my decision. My family used to tell me that i am no more a Muslim and Allah will never forgive me. Please help me i went through a lot and right now i am all broken.

We both are ashamed of our mistakes. We spent 8 years in a relationship although we were not anything like girlfriend or boyfriend but still we had witnessed most beautiful times of our lives. I know my family is concerned about me i told them about my mistakes but they no more trust me. Now it's the matter of respect and ego for them. My family thinks that he me leave again but he is ready to give any possible gaurentee of it.

There is not a single person around to help. Because of all that cursing and abusing thing, i want to go away from everything for a while. But i know this is not a way. I never wanted to get married to him without my parents permission. For this i can wait for my whole life but don't want to marry someone else. I know what mostly people will say, but moving on is no more in my control now. And i do know people can only advise me but sometimes i wish someone could help practically.


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2 Responses »

  1. Sister i wish I could help you practically really. I was training in Pakistan to be an eliet force officer but my family didnt agree. It's a kick ass job but financially it sucks. Now when I her such problems i do regret not becoming the officer. They only thing I can advice you is that you pray to ALLAH. Trust me I am going through same like problem. The only difference is that at least people are willing to marry you, me on the other hand not so lucky. But I will pray for you and that's about it very sorry. Have sabr and In Sha ALLAH ALLAH will make it right. But please if your parents are forcing you to go to Pakistan this guy lives in Pakistan then please please go to the police in England if you are in England. May ALLAH Guide you and Hel0 You....

  2. Assalam o Alikum,
    Dear sister,
    Please listen to your heart. It is your life and you should take a stand for it.
    If you guys really love each other, then do not loose him, such people are hard to find.
    I would only suggest you to do istikhara and then go for whatever your heart says.
    InshaAllah after Istikhara you will be blessed in your decision.
    I have done a major mistake in my life, i was in relation with the guy for 6 years and he waited for me. But because my family did not agree on time, so he got engaged to other girl, and trust me this was the worst feeling.
    But Allhamdullilah i did Istikhara plenty of times before all this happened and now I believe that it was for our betterment.
    So sister do Istikhara, if you guys are meant to be together then automatically things will be easy for you InshaAllah.

    Also, tell your parents about your feelings towards this guy. You should be open to them, they will not eat you.
    Try your best and leave the rest to Allah 🙂
    Good wishes are with you.

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