Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marrying cousin who goes to scholar for making decision

cousin marriages

My mother asked my opinion of marrying daughter of my mother's brother who has passed away when the girl was 4. Now she is 19. Mother asked me twice. Now and then, I refused bcoz I don't know will it work out for me, bcoz I have always seen her as a cousin. She lives with her stepdad & mom, sisters in dubai, I rarely see her, she is the only child in my uncle, (passed away). Later I came to know my dad & moms sides (relatives) all wished me to marry her, which they never told me. They all like this girl a lot which may be bcoz of sympathy for her & her good character.

This shook me. I started to think if my decision can bring happy to all my family, then I should & I know guarding an orphan has great value in islam. I feel like it's my duty to pay back the love I received from my uncle & grandfather by marrying & taking good care of her. My grandma, whom I like the most wanted this to happen very badly, bcoz my grandfather has already passed away, she wanted to secure this cousin life so that she don't have to worry about her life even if she is no more. I do love everyone of my family & it started to feel like my responsibility to repay them by giving this girl a good life & never let her down, if allah wills.

I told my mother ok i am ready for what you asked, she told to my grandma, grandma informed her mother, they were happy, but the major issue is yet about to come...

This cousin's family, ie her stepdad & her mother's side, has got a practice of going to islamic scholar which they say so, they goes to this scholar for making decision, they act according to scholars advice who says if you do so you will be so&so, kind of fortunetelling. There is even raised grave in his premise. We all are against this bcoz we know that allah alone knows the unseen, graves raised is a sin. The girls mother told my grandmother that they are ok with everything on this proposal but should allow the girl to go to that scholar even after marriage with them which we have refused in the beginning, & this proposal was washed out, but I couldn't leave it like that, I couldn't send my cousin to hell knowingly. She was strongly supporting the scholar in the beginning but in the end I was able to convince her up to an extend with the limited knowledge I have & info from your sites helped me a lot too. Since we both are now in different countries there are always limitations on convincing her through phones, the scholar even said that the kids we will be having, will have some problems. I know if she is not married to me, she will be married only to one who believes in this scholar & she cant never escape the hell, now she wanted to change but she cant refuse her parents now.

So is it right to tell her mothers side that we wont ban her going there neither we wont push her to go to that scholar? She says she won't go to that scholar nor does any such practice after the marriage, so by acting this way we are not telling them any lie but also keeping the girl safe from this practice after marriage.

Please tell me what I am doing is right or wrong... & which is the best solution... I hope you can help me with this.

Assalamu alaikkum


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5 Responses »

  1. Nobody can tell future .There are hadiths where it I mentioned fortune telling is wrong n grave sin ..These kind of scholars are wrong n mis guiding innocent people ..i know its complex task for you to convince them but keep trying..please don't agree for any wrong practises for the sake of marriage

  2. Brother would not that be a kind of deceit: saying one thing to the parents and asking the girl to practise something else. Why don't you convince the girl's parents in this matter and tell them about your understanding of the issue? If they are unwilling for their daughter to change her practise then you are the one who has to decide: girl or your beliefs? Girl will visit her parents and you will not be able to stop the influence on your future family. Do istikhara.

    • I don't think it's deceit.

      He said that he won't keep her but that he won't force her to go. He said she already is not believing in that scholar and that she doesn't want to go.

      I think leaving her to her demise is much worse. He said she has a good character, Allah swt guides those with purity in their heart.

  3. Assalamualaikum brother... Why you make life so complicated. Be smart... Just agree with the terms and condition "that might be applied". Once she marry you, she'll following your healthy lifestyle in religious matters. A woman is the reflection of her man.... If one day your cousin decide to cut the ties with the scholar because of her own belief, it's definitely not your fault. I'm also an orphan, I lost both of my parents. And I do really understand how difficult it is to find an imam who willing to take care of me and lead me to jannah. Please save one of my "sister", I wish you a very good luck inshallah....

  4. Allah!

    So complicated!
    I even can think about it..because I am having difficulties to take a design of situation,,.
    Brother, the only thing useful that I can say is:

    Abdullah bin Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said:
    The one who (regularly) says Istighfaar, that is, frequently repent to Allah Ta’aala for sins committed, Allah Azza Wa-Jal will open a path from poverty and difficulties. All sorrow and hardship will be removed, and in its place prosperity and contentment granted. One will receive sustenance from unimagined and unexpected sources.” your hopes in Allah Ta'aala!

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