Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage without witnesses, regret & will I be forgiven and get married?

Burden of sin; sinner

In a Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), a comparison is given of the believer and the unbeliever who commits a sin. For the believer, the sin towers over him like a tall building ready to collapse; whereas, for the unbeliever, the sin is like a fly that he slaps away but it keeps coming back. For the believer, the sin committed may not be a grave sin, but he ponders over the crime day and night, regretting it. For the unbeliever, it does not matter whether the sin committed was grave or not, because the sinner does not care of the consequences.

Salam,

I am a 35 years old Muslim girl. When I was 21 I had a relationship with a young man of the same age, we were in love, then we decided to get married but since we were students we did it by swearing on the holy Quran that we are husband & wife for life. We took God & the holy qoran as our witnesses.

Our friends & people around knew us as husband & wife, later on we had a complete physical relation. This lasted for 3 years, then we broke up.

I haven't seen him since that time (12 years) & unfortunately the man died a couple of months ago after he got married & had a baby girl.

I am still unmarried & I regret a lot what I have done because I really don't know if I committed zina or if it was a real marriage with no divorce.

I am confused & regretful. I'm seeking for God's forgiveness.

What shall I do to prove my regret & ask forgiveness? Will I be forgiven? Will I be able to get married in real?

Please help me in finding the answers.

thank you,

- LaRosa


Tagged as: , , ,

13 Responses »

  1. Assalamalaikum-

    The detials given by you show that you performed a movie type of marriage and the system Allah made for us muslims with witnesses etc etc .

    In reply it is just one word YOU DIDNT T GET MARRIED AND YOUR LIFE YOU SPENT WITH THE MAN WAS JSUY LIVING TOGETHER THE ENGLISH TYPE OF LIFE AND DUE TO THAT NON-NIKAH THERE WERE NO ETHICS IN THAT PERIOD OF YOUR LIFE- IN THE EYS OF ALLAH AND ISLAM
    SO THE CONSEQUENCES YOU REAPED ARE CLEAR AND DONT WORRY ALLAH WILL FORGIVE YOU AND HE IN HIS INFINITE MERCY WILL OPEN SOME WAY OUT FOR YOUR FUTURE LIFE AND YOU CAN SETTLE AGAIN IN LIFE ISLAM GIVES CHANCE TO ALL AS ALLAH IS MERCIFUL AND WANTS US TO COME BACK TO PURE ISLAM AND TAUBA IS ALLWAYS ....
    In Islamic Sacred Tradition the theme of Divine Forgiveness is again and again mentioned. In one of the sacred narration it is transmitted:
    Such is the tremendous nature of Divine Forgiveness.

    In the Qur'an it is said, “O My servants who have transgressed greatly against themselves through sins! Do not despair of the Mercy of Allah. Indeed Allah forgives all sins to those who repent. Indeed He is the Oft-Forgiving, the Most Merciful." - The Qur'an, az-Zumar (39):54

    ‘Allah, the Most High, said, ‘O children of Adam! As long as you supplicate to Me, and hope in Me, I will forgive you what you have done and I do not care. O son of Adam! If your sins were to reach the lofty regions of the sky, then you asked Me for forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam! If you were to come to Me with enough sins to fill the earth, but you met Me not associating anything with Me - I would bring you forgiveness the like of it (and more)."

    We human being who are such a complex spiritual-psychological being, for us our inner most being knows very well every mistake that we commit, every single truth that we cover up, every time we may deny someone something be it love, right over something or what is someone else's right over us. Our conscience is such a perfect mechanism built in within us that knows exactly every right from the wrong. It is our condition with which we may deny it at sometime in our life, we may commit things which we know inwardly that it is wrong, yet we go along with it. As a result, over time, our spirit gets suffocated and over-burdened with mistakes, shortcomings and hidden desire to come clean. It is turning to God and bathing in the Immense Ocean of His Unbound Forgiveness that we can clean our conscience and the burden is lifted from our shoulder, from our soul.
    HOPE YOU WILL REPENT EARNESTLY WHICH IS YOUR RIGHT ALLAH HAS GIVEN-PL LIKE MY PAGE https://www.facebook.com/BLISSOFREMARRIAGE?ref=hl MAY BE ALLAH WILL OPEN SOME WAY OUT FOR YOU MAY BE SOMONE WILL LIKE YOU AND YOU GET REAL HALAL WAY OF MARRIED LIFE IF ALLAH WILLS NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE BUT WE MUST KNOW TO WEEP AND ASK SINCERE FORGIVENESS TO HIM AND REACH OUR GOAL IN LIFE SO THAT WE LIVE AS MULSIMS IN HALAL MARRIED LIFE ORDAINED BY ALLAH-

    REGARDS
    ALI

  2. Salamualaiki sister LaRosa,

    Swearing by the Quran does not get you married, a formal Nikah is necessary, with all its conditions.

    The physical relation you had with him was Zina, which is something Allah dislikes very much. I am considering that you were not aware of it being invalid, so, perhaps you have more chances of having your sin forgives, than a person who does it after knowing it is invalid or Haraam.

    The death of this man maybe a reminder for you from Allah to seek His Forgiveness. So, make use of the chance given to you by Allah. Make use of the final week of this Ramadan by praying in its nights and crying to Him to forgive you. Certainly, there is no sin that He Subhaanah does not Forgive on true and sincere Tawbah, if He Wills so.

    May Allah Forgive you, me and all Muslims.
    Aameen

    Wassalamualaikum
    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Repent repent and more repent! You were living in sin comiting zinaa. Why didnt you get married to him properly? Enstead he got married to someone else. In my opinion and many others i dont think its fair when muslim boys and girls have premarital relationships, have sex and other disgusting haraam acts then get married or seek to get married to someone else. Unclean men should get married to unclean women and vise versa. Its just not fair!

    • I must mention that your last sentence refers to those who do not do Tawbah. And Allah Ta'ala knows Best.

      Muhammad Waseem
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Assalamualaikum brother waseem,

        Do you know that lot of people tend to do haraam things and think its ok as they will repent aftrr and all will be well.. Now days boys and girls do zinaa, have boyfriends and girlfriends; have fun do whatever they want. Then act all good and say they repented but it was planned all along... Repent or not still dirty and only get married to people same as them.

        • Wa alaikum as Salam sister,

          Yes, I am fully aware that this happens. What I said applies to those who are "sincere" in their Tawbah.
          If a person sins, then realizes that he or she sinned and repents truly, then Allah is al Ghafoor ar Raheem.

          But if they pre plan all of it, then there is no question of Tawbah. If they plan, Allah is a Better Planner, as He says in an Aayah in Surah Aal Imran.
          This is infact Nifaaq (Hypocrisy) that one says something but does something else. Similar to the Aayah of Surah Baqarah:

          And of mankind, there are some (hypocrites) who say:
          "We believe in Allah and the
          Last Day" while in fact they
          believe not.

          And one should also note that Allah says in another Aayah, that the Munafiqoon will be in the lowest level of the Fire of Hell, Subhanallah. Allah hates Nifaaq so much.

          So, if they do Tawbah, then insha Allah they do not fall under the Aayah of Surah an Nur which says that impure women are for impure men and vise versa. If a woman sins and wants to repent, then Allah Forgives. And Allah Knows Best.

          But if they were Munafiqoon, then Allah Hates them.

          And Allah is The One Who Has The Best Knowledge

          Muhammad Waseem
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Dear sister LaRosa, As-salamu alaykum,

    As others have mentioned, what you did was invalid and the physical intimacy between you was zinaa. However, it's clear that you regret what happened. Allah is Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem and Al-Ghafoor. He is Merciful and Forgiving. So turn to Allah in tawbah, and don't agonize over the past.

    In my opinion you should never mention this incident to others or to any prospective husband Insha'Allah. I'm not saying you should lie, but you should not reveal or discuss your sins and mistake of the past.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Dear Wael,
      i am thankful for you & for all the others for their replies, honestly i didn't beleive that this "marriage" was invalid, this why i accepted the fact to go in a complete physical relation. i did not live with the guy, we were just going out together (boyfriend/girlfriend).& we broke up after 3 years, for the reason that i couldn't love him & bear him anymore & coudn't bear the situation we were living in. so when he died 11 years later i was just touched from away, his death didn't affect me at all. im really deeply regretful, i asked merciful God for forgiveness, i don't know if He granted to me in a way or another (note that when i was doing a regular medical check up last year, the doctor said im an "untouchable virgin" which means that all what happened in the past was earsed & no trace left) can i consider this as a sign of forgivness from God?
      thanx a lot for your compassion & help.
      LaRosa

      • What do you mean by 'no traces left'?

        If you had a physical relation with this man, you are not virgin. If you are saying that you are saying that you repaired your hymen, it is unethical and decieving.

        But yes, you can hope that Allah Forgives you, because He Is al Ghaffaar. You should also fear His Punishment. This is Faith, which is in between Fear and Hope.

        What is done can't be undone. So, concentrate on your current duties and the preparation for the Aakhirah.

        May Allah Grant Success to us all

        Muhammad Waseem
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • no i did not do any surgery to repair anything, i was surprised like you!! but the doctor was clear, & many tests weren't done coz they considered me a virgin, plus the check-up was done last year, & the sin was committed 12 years ago. i don't know what happened, this why i thought that this might be a sign from God for forgivness. all i want and aim for right now is God's forgivness, i know that what i did was shameful, im not proud of it at all, & if i can go back in time again i would never ever let anyone approach me.
          thanks again,
          may Allah bless you for the good work you are doing
          salam

          • Allah Has the Power to do all things. He Can Forgive any sin of any person if He Wishes so. The Lord Is The Most Merciful, Whose Mercy is unimaginable. All the mercy we see in this world, ranging from a mother's care for her child to an animal's care for its child, all of it is a 100th part of Allah's Mercy.

            He Has Reserved the other 99 parts of His Mercy for the Hereafter.

            Consider what you see as a Mercy from Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala. Something that seems impossible, Allah Can make it happen, so I can beleieve it.

            Thank Allah for it, even in the middle of the night. This is something you should do, because Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam did so. On being asked why He prays so much in the night, until blood is seen flowing from his feet, he said:

            افلا اكون عبدا شكورا
            Should I not be a thankful servant?

            His past and future sins were forgiven. He still prayed to Allah more than anyone can, until the day of Judgement.

            I am telling you this, so that Shaitaan does not fool you in the name of Allah's Favor upon you.

            You should fear that Allah Will Catch Hold of you on the day of Qiyaamah. On the other hand, you should hope that He Forgives you and Has Mercy on you. He Has Written on His Throne:

            ان رحمتي تغلب غضبي
            Verily, My Mercy overpowers My Wrath

            So, continue your life in Allah's Worship and Thanking Him, ensuring He Is Pleased with you.

            I pray that we meet Allah while He Is Pleased with us.

            All the best and remember me in your Du'as.

            Muhammad Waseem
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. Assalamualaikum,

    I married over the phone as he lived abroad. my husband did not have any witness from his side. he also did not take the consent of his parents. my father himself was the kaji. can you please tell me if our marriage is valid? what should we do now?

    • Samia, I think we answered a question previously on the subject of marrying over the phone. Please search our archives.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

Leave a Response

Cancel Reply