Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Just converted to Islam, I need help!

South Korean Muslims

Korean Muslims in front of Seoul Central Mosque in Itaewon neighborhood.

Hello, I am a South Korean currently living in Hong Kong and I reverted to Islam about 10 days ago, but I'm having some difficulties.

First, my parents do not know that I became a Muslim. I was raised in a Catholic family and my mom is very religious. Growing up, I was forced to attend masses and I hated it. I had some Christian (Protestant) friends who told me how Catholicism is corrupted and I realized they were speaking the truth after I did some research on my own.

I told my mom about it and tried to explain how it's not a true religion. My mom did not listen to me and kept shouting at me. She literally dragged me to church whenever I refused to go. She also got furious and yelled at me in church when I didn't cross myself (making the cross sign with my hand).

I am going back to my country this month and I'll be living with my parents for 4 months. If I tell my mom that I converted to Islam, she would get very mad and I would be forced to attend church. I have a fear of confrontation because both of my parents are very strict and aggressive, so as for now, I don't want to tell them about my religion. Would it be okay if I to go to church with my parents as a Muslim? I know I wouldn't like it but I don't want to cause any conflict with my parents as I always lose. Would Allah(swt) forgive me if I repent?

I have to attend church every Sunday for 4 months. I also don't think I can fast during Ramadan because I always have to eat lunch with my parents after attending church. What would happen if I break the fast? I am a university student, so I don't have enough money to feed the poor. Is there any other way I can make up the fasts? Should I make it up after I come back to Hong Kong?

Another problem that I have is that I have a boyfriend who is an atheist. We've been together for over 1 year. He says he is willing to become a Muslim for me, but he's not willing to give up our intimate relationship before marriage. I told him that we cannot even shake hands anymore unless we get married, and he told me that we could sign a marriage contract and become a husband and wife by law. Does that really make us a married couple in Islam or is a ceremonial marriage required? I feel like this is wrong because we can't even afford a house to live in together.

I also have a feeling that we shouldn't be together anymore but I have a hard time breaking up with him because he has been a really good boyfriend and I don't want to hurt him.

Lastly, I am going back to my country, S. Korea this Thursday. I've seen many Muslims with hijab on in Hong Kong, but I have never seen any Muslims in my country. I am scared that if I wear a hijab people would attack me because many South Koreans are very ignorant, especially towards Muslims. I think I'll be the only South Korean wearing a hijab. Is it okay if I wear a cap instead? I'm going to fully cover myself with long sleeves and pants but I don't think I am ready to wear a hijab yet. Is it also a sin if I don't wear one?

- 2w3uvc

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6 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister. First of all I would like to say that you have been fortunate enough to find the right path which is Islam. May Allah make the rest of the journey easier for you.

    It's not a sin to not wear a hijab as it's not a requirement to be a Muslim however it was encouraged the prophet Muhammad to his daughters and wives to cover their hair soon after it was revealed in the Qur'an through God.

    Neither is it a sin to visit other places of worship as long as you know where your beliefs lie and that you firmly believe in Allah as the one true God and that he has no partners and that Moses, Jesus, Mohammed are the messengers sent by God to teach people worship none but Allah alone. You should fine. But do not try to get involved in religious practices whilst your in church if you feel you have to at least try and dislike/despise it in your mind and that is the weakest of faith but there is no sin for being involved as long as your beliefs aren't affected.

    Of course at some point you will have to tell your parents about your conversion to Islam. But that's down to you when you will feel comfortable and safe to do so.

    Also as you have reverted to Islam now all your past sins will be forgiven by Allah like a new born baby. So you will need to stay away from any relationship outside of marriage as it's a sin and even bigger sin if you committ intercourse with them. So I advise you cut all ties with your boyfriend unless he reverts to Islam and ready for marriage. Or you can marry a good practicing Muslim man but that's down to you who would want to marry.

    I hope this information provides some help and guidance sister.

  2. As Salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Dear Sister,

    We congratulate you for the blessing of Islam, and we ask Allaah to make you steadfast and to help you and strengthen your faith. It is best if you can contact some islamic scholars or islamic centres or mosjid at South Korea. They can help and guide u best in sha allah.

    For now, you can check this information: https://islamqa.info/en/65682 https://islamqa.info/en/165426

    Check this website http://www.muslimbackpackerseoul.com/2012/05/seoul-central-mosque.html , if possible visit this mosque and meet with imam or scholar and ask for guidance.

    Also check this facebook page https://www.facebook.com/islamickorea/ , contact or find more korean muslim sisters, Please try to get attached with the muslim community of Korea as it will greatly boost your motivation.

    And this also: http://koreaislam.com/

    We pray to Allah for your forgiveness and easier life.

    Fi Amanillah - May Allah protect you.

  3. As Salam O Alaikum !

    Masha ALLAH ! First post of Ramadan Kareem after Mr. Wael's wishes, reading it was like Wuzoo to the eyes. May ALLAH (SWT) bless you always. Ameen. Sum Ameen !

    Coming to your post. What i personally feel is that if your parents are adamant, orthodox and strict for some time you shouldnt reveal this to them upfront. What you can do is, try to tell them indirectly and see there gesture towards you. If its heinous then avoid it for sometime. But how long to avoid entirely depends on you. Because its not really healthy to hide things from parents be it for a MUSLIM or a Non Muslim. Since it might hold a wrong impression of you on them would they come to know about this from someone else. So you got to be very cautious. Because once a trust broken is broken.

    You cannot keep Rozas but you can pray. ALLAH (swt) knows the reality and only he knows. You arent doing that deliberately. You can keep the fasts later once your back to Hong Kong and compensate for the fasts that missed out now in Ramadan.

    About Boyfriend. That too an Atheist. A COMPLETE NO. Reason being, its not advisable rather its not healthy to have even an conversation with an Atheist. As a Human being he might be good. But one needs to have a FAITH. I am not supressing on just Islam. But yes, faith is must. Since he is an Atheist becoming a Muslim just for your sake is NOT AT ALL ACCEPTABLE. Is Islam some joke ? At first place he doesnt believe in GOD so how can he ever follow Islam and its rules and Regulations? Think Practically. Astaghafirullah, make sure you dont end up becoming an Atheist listening to his conversations tomorrow once he becomes a Muslim for your sake. So once again a COMPLETE NO for this boyfriend thing.

    Rest. ALLAH is the care taker. Stay Blessed. !

    Wa Salam !

  4. Assalamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuh my sister.

    I begin in the name of Allah, The Most Wise and the All-Knowing. I pray that Allah guides us on a straight path towards Jannah and protect us from His punishments in the Hereafter and the grave and gives us shade on the Day of Resurrection when only He can protect us. In sha Allah.

    Ma sha Allah, Allah has Willed for you reversion to Islam my sister and may He ease your time in this life for you.

    If you decide not to tell your parents about your status as a Muslimah now, it will mean that you will be required to attend church and listen to kufr and disbelief which goes against the beliefs and values you have as a Muslim and what Allah, The Only God, has instructed against. This is a very serious act and you must avoid this at all costs. You shouldn't commit a sin knowing it is a sin and expect to repent later. This is but a trial from Allah to you sister like everything in our lives and we should try our best to come out stronger and as loyal slaves to Allah. Allah reminds us again and again through the Qur'an and history that death comes to us unannounced and by Allah's Will. Therefore, you should think about if death were to come to you in that church and you would be resurrected on the Day of Judgement after being in a church, your last place. In sha Allah, we should pray that this is something we should all avoid.

    I understand that the other option would be to openly tell your mother that you are a Muslim. However, perhaps it may be easier for you simply admit that you are no longer a Christian, although telling her about your embracing of Islam would be better. I know it is scary, however we must fear Allah before we fear others. Unless you believe your life is in danger, you should not take part in disbelief and forbidden ceremonies.

    In response to your relationship with your boyfriend, this is haram. On the Day of Judgement, how nice he is as a person and how long you have spent with him will not be enough for Allah to excuse this zina (adultery). It is the worst sin and has one of the worst punishments described. On the night of ascension, when our Prophet Mohammad (may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him and may he be given the highest rank in Jannah) was given a tour of Jannah and Jahannam, he describes how he saw a large oven in the shape of a huge cone. In it were naked men and women and every so often, a fire would roar up under them and they would be thrown up to the top of the cone from which they could not escape. These people were those who committed adultery, sexual intercourse before marriage. Even if your relationship was not intimate my sister, Allah warns us to not even go near zina. Not even near. If he does not convert to Islam straight away and marry you straight away in an Islamic way, your relationship is a major sin which will be used against you on the Day of Judgement where no mother, no father, so sister, no boyfriend will want to or be able to help us. It will be you and Allah. That's it.

    Also my sister, you shouldn't pay money for not being fasting. If you are young and healthy, it is a sin on your not to fast. It is a direct disobeying of Allah's command. Allah has only excused those to are unable to fast. Your need to follow Allah's command should be greater than your fear of your parents.

    May Allah help us my sister and may Allah, The Most Merciful, The Most Kind, grant us Jannah and guide us on a straight path to it so that we are protected by The Only Protector, our Owner, our Rabb, our Lord. In sha Allah.

    Assalamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

  5. As far as i know..church is only place to pray not like muslim..mosque is Allah's place..so you can even do sholat there in church..

    • Achi, you are mistaken about doing salat in a church. There is nothing wrong with it, though of course a masjid is better. The Prophet sws said, "All the earth is a masjid pure and clean."

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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