Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Sexual abuse by my father (+zina) family issues

Assalam-e-alaikum everyone

(excuse my bad/not so good english)

And sorry for this long post but i really need advices from you my brothers and sisers i Will appreciate it alot! Thank you

So.. how should i start.. when i was 8 my parents Got legally divorced in Court but still husband and wife in islam. ,  it really affected me and my siblings very bad when they told us that they will divorce.

We still lived in the same House for 2-3 years during these years even tho they were divorced they didnt stop fighting and i remember my father beated my mother and abused her infront of us. She didnt sleep in the same bed, but my father he still wanted my mother to sleep with him. Before their divorce they also use to fight and werent happy at all but still kept being together just because of us. My mom were not happy at all she loved someone Else and in this case my parents were forced to get married ( and they are cousins) so no love no attraction towards eachother before or after marriage

my mom were depressed i could see it in her face  and that time i had a really good bonding with her and never really used to spend time with my father

when my mom didnt want to sleep with him at night she came to me when i was in my own bed and used to take me to my their room so that he Will have someone next to him it would make him “sleep”. I was just a little Girl i used to Think to myself that its not a bad thing sleeping with my father on the same bed? Cus i remember i used to sneak into my parents room and sleep with Them before the matter of divorce. So i thought if i sleep on the same bed wouldnt hurt?

I Went to my fathers room with Sleepy eyes and slept on their bed. Nothing happened in the beginning.. Many nights passed

.. and then a Night when i went there... i closed my eyes to sleep. Suddenly i felt something.. a hand touching my legs.. my stomach. My father wishpered and Said something like; dont get afraid let me do it.. n the only thing i remember after that was he pulled down my pants and and started touching my private part. I didnt know what was going on but somewhere i felt this is not normal?! ( i was 8 years old when this happend)

And then he did it.. i dont know why i didnt shout or run away or anything! I was shocked confused scared i dont know i was just a little Girl!!!! I was Lil girl Playing around in the backyard having my own bratz dolls! How should i know that this is WRONG TOTALLY WRONG!

i cant remember how did it went if i bleeded or if it hurted badly or something its like totally blank. But all i know he took my virginity my own FATHER. Something which is very importsnt to every muslim Girl!

Every Night he used to do it.. anal intercourse also. I used to cry in silent... cus then i felt and knew this is WRONG. I used to cry sitting behind their bedroom door and i didnt want to go in. It was like hell! Worse than that.

My siblings didnt really understand whats going on but they did ask why am i always being chosen to sleep with my father in the same room/bed. But they were also really Young and didnt knew much.

My mother used to say please just go sleep with him ( she didnt knew he was doing that with me) so that he Will fall asleep. I was kinda mad at my mom for doing this to me instead of letting me sleep in my own damn bed she forced me to go in there. And my dad didnt mind at all so he never stopped.

after 2-3 years my father took me with him to another apartment for living. n forced me to go to my mom and make her sign the papir that says my dad Will have the responsible for me. I was kinda used AS a prop for their own peace and desire of course i was used BADLY.

i Got seperated from my siblings and my mother.. i cried alot but what to do they didnt give me any option did they?!!! and i was a little Girl who couldnt make her own choices!.

i never told any family membrr about this  i was ashamed felt dirty used  i was a dead soul overall. Years passed away and my father didnt allow me to meet my mom at her place or mine! Sometimes she would meet me in secret. it was really tough not having my mother next to me every Day even tho i was mad at her but she didnt know anything about all that so i didnt blame her either.

Today im 22 years old and im still in the same situation. He still commits zina with me every Night. I cried and begged him. Saying father please stop all this! Its haram its sinful you are my father dont do this please! But he wont listen.. saying wait untill i find a spouse i Will stop it.

I do talk to my mom and made the decision 2 years ago that i WILL not let my father separate me from my mother i still love her i know what she has ben through so i dont want to burden my mom at all . Cus she were obviously also broken for not having me

Being forced to having sex with my father every Night from when i was a little Girl til now is something that eats my soul every bit every Day.

2 years i have been in love with a muslim guy who wanted to marry me 1 year ago but my father didnt accept it and even now he still says no. I dont know what to feel anymore what to Think what to say. I cried every time i prayed salah seeking help from ALLAH! NAsking him why i had to go through this in so many years. I dont know what to do. I want to get married live a halal life with someone i love. Leave this life where im forced to do something which is not acceptable at all i dont wish to see any other Girl like this. I could have commit suicide. Or cut my wrist like most of Them do. Or run away or leave my father alone and move in to my moms House! But im still being naive and decides to not leave my dad alone because he is my father after all!

please i need advices! Ive never opened up about this ever and i dont Think i have the courage to tell my family about t this cus its shamefull for me and i dont want to see my family or father being humiliated! I really want my father to seek forgiveness and stop all this now!

I Will forgive Him once he realise what he has done to me.


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24 Responses »

  1. What I want you to know is that from day 1 your mother knows very well what your father was doing to you no mother will send you to go and sleep with your dad because he cannot sleep and then leave the room. Your mother used you to gain her freedom and pretended to love you, she only meet you in secret because she feels guilty but she is so aware both your parents are bad people. And your father assaulting you from age 8 to 22 I can imagine the trauma you're in, right now what you're both doing is beyond zina Beyond adultery I don't know what to call it. Your dad doesn't always stay at home doesn't always stay at home. That man isn't a father anymore he is a monster run away leave that house don't go anywhere neither your mum nor dad. If you have a masjid ask for help. Go to court and present your case. Because both of you are committing the zunub you aren't that 8years old anymore. Pray to Allah seek forgiveness. If you're waiting for your father to find a spouse that will never come then you can keep waiting. May Allah see you through. May Allah protect us from evil people Subhanallah

    • Allah said help yourself and then I'll help you. Your father wouldn't stop if he would he would have a long time ago. PS he won't let you get married.

  2. I totally agree with the previous poster. Sister, you are 22. You lived through more abuse than I can even imagine. Please leave the house today. SubhanALLAH. Don't stay one more minute. Go see the imam of the closest masjid to you and fissabiliALLAH, they will help you. My heart breaks for you. Go to the masjid, tell them your case, get some help. You could not do anything against it at 8 years old, now you don't have any more excuses. Get out of there please. And come back to tell us once you take action.

    Brother Wael, I strongly suggest to you in terms of responsibility from a Muslim to another, even if you don't want share a poster's email address, take it upon you or the admins to take the sister's information and if people are willing to help financially certain cases to do it through you. Even though posting one's issues here help tremendously, sometimes, people need way more help. This case breaks my heart.

    • I agree with this sister. Brother Wael, please try to contact her.
      It is our farz as muslims to help someone out in need.
      This is appauling, what kind of a father is this.
      She definitely needs to be in therapy and needs a better environment.
      May Allah protect her/help her and all those suffering.
      Reading this really breaks my heart.
      Ameen

  3. My dear girl, get out of there! Your parents are monsters.Your mother knows exactly what you are going through.like the Blackceena put it, she used you.

    it is not possible for your mother not to see your pain.and not know what's your evil father is doing they are as bad as each other.
    You are grown up,get out seek help. Go to some shelter, I am notsure which part of world you are in.

    I'm sure there must be some place Or organisation you could get in touch, with. Allah helps those who helps themselves. Don't worry about your family & their reputations, they are sick & evil. Google for NGOs in your location.

    May Allah help & protect you.

  4. You have been living with your parents as you were not an adult, but now you are an adult, you can do things on your own. If you don't make any change you will be living in that house with your father forever. If you really want things to change you have to do something, no one will do anything as it's been so many years now. If things were to change they would have changed long ago. You are an adult, this is your life, you need to be in charge, you can certainly make decisions for yourself in this case where your father or mother are not acting as your protectors. You may be alone but your father will be so scared once you are out of this house. Because he would know his abuse has come to an end with you. It's challenging for u to leave your father's house, but gather courage, gather whatever you want to take from the house n leave . Find a safe space, masjid, friend, relative...anyone...NGOs are helpful too. But if you don't you are stuck n will be abused sexually n emotionally forever. You have to bring this change to your life.

  5. Hunny in what ever case it is wrong and your father will never let you get married and it will not stop or see wrong until he is punished .... Get out of there and go speak to someone or you will live the nightmare for the rest of your life
    ... Only you can make it stop by being strong ... Your dad is a child molester and now a rapest and deserves everything he gets .... Parents are meant to protect you not hurt you and you can not call him a father let alone s dad.
    Through this site I see a lot of girls going through same as you reach out to each other and make each other strong.
    If what you're going through was a friend , what would you're advice be to her ??
    Wish you Luck stay strong and be strong.
    Xx

  6. This is wrong he needs help call social worker cops...etc...or go see the imam at a sunni mosque for advice...make sire he is fully qaulified and is married!!

  7. Both your mother and father sound like pieces of shit. You need to report them both to the police immediately. Report your father for incest, pedophilia and rape, and report your mother for compliance in incest, pedophilia and rape. Your father has already told you that he's not going to stop raping you, and your mother is clearly more concerned about avoiding your father than protect you, so you need to PUT a stop to this filth right NOW! Don't sit passively back and wait for a husband to save you from abuse...no one is guaranteed marriage in life, so...then what? You'll tolerate your father raping you for the rest of your life?
    Even if you do find someone to marry soon, it's not fair on an unsuspecting man for you to get married to him when you have this kind of baggage that you have not had a chance to get professional help to deal with.

    • Bismillah. I'm totally heart broken my dear dear sister in Islam. Pick yourself up and for Allah's sake GET OUT right this second. Go to the police station first.. please stop being so daft and stupid. What u are allowing him to do and get away with is beyond haraam. I have no words.
      My duas are with u.
      Pls do write back and tell us how u are getting on.

  8. The whole point of your father of giving you away is that he's your guardian. And by the looks of things it doesn't seem like he has your interest at heart . And he has miserable failed at being a guard so for that reason he has no right or for for purpose to give you away. Leave that man now , and cut contacts with him . Report him to the police

  9. Which country you stay ?You need to report him to police and send him behind bars .

    Both your mother and father are the worst animals .Even animals don't behave this way .

    Now you are 22 an no more young girl so you need to act and send him to prison .
    Also as said above report your mother for compliance in incest, pedophilia and rape .

    These animals should not get Scot free ..

    Second point ,it looks really strange when some girl of 22 age tolerating this ? Is this real post or just some filth imagination by some body and posted to this site ?

    .

    • When you are going through difficult times, it is hard to seek help in the first place.

      So this sister has been very brave and decided to approach her Muslim brothers and sisters for help on such a private and personal matter.
      Please do not judge. These type of things happen. We do not have the right to judge, only Allah is Al-Hakam, Al-Adl.

      We should always think good of others and not jump to conclusions or make accusations; especially when we have no evidence to back up a claim.

      Please forgive if I have offended you, it is not my intention at all. Only to prevent you from making the Sister feel worse than her current scenario is.

      Your Sis in Islam x

  10. @blackceena told you everything you are a great person. Remember your parents aren’t ur lord . Ur parents both Used you Absolutely disgusting . Please do marry secretly somewhere else and forget about them because they will ruin your life and Future as they already did . Your mom knew what was going on. That’s the reason she said sleep with him and signed papers for him to take you . You are passed 18 and know what’s right and wrong . You should have stopped Everything from the beginning when you were 14 . Now only way is to get rid off them both . So you live with someone you love and kids

  11. Sister, I am so deeply upset reading your story. But please understand it is none of your fault with what your disgusting father did. To be honest, he is not even a father, that is the behaviour of an animal. But you have been manipulated and tricked into when you were 8 years old to be raped so many times by him.

    You are not that helpless little 8 year old anymore, you are 22 years old. Okay make a plan in your head to leave and get some independence. You can be free of being raped by this man. Yes he is your father but in Islam we have a right not to live with this type of father. He has ruined so many years of your life but you are young still. You can build a life without enduring these rapes and living with him. I hope Allah shows you a way out of every difficulty.

    I wish I could help you but all I can do is make dua. My heart is really hurting now!

  12. In the name of Allah the most beneficient the most merciful.

    I want to start off by saying wear a face veil and Leave your house that you may go unnoticed by this disgusting animal. Stay inside a Masjid for a time and wear a Niaab (Face veil) and ask for help from the Imaam, but If you are shy then ask help from the females that they may pass on this dangerous issue to the most learned imaam of the masjid, Seek refuge in Allah from this evil animal. He is not your father, he is not your dad, he is not who you thought he was! take that out of your mind! He is a filthy Shaitan that will go to the hellfire. There are shaitans in both jinn and men.

    Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind, The King of mankind, The God of mankind, From the evil of the sneaking whisperer, Who whispers in the hearts of mankind, from the jinn and of mankind. (Surah An- Naas).

    Ask the Women to help you and let you stay in the Masjid for a time. You are in a great trial and need support and Insha'Allah they will help. Tell them your whole story. You can't stay with that animal. He is following the act of disobedience. Kufr. He's not a muslim if he does things beyond evil and never repents and ever prays the salah or worships Allah. He has ruined his whole religion and he's out the scope of Islam if he doesn't realize he is doing wrong. He's not a muslim. According to the Qur'aan and Sunnah he follows the traits of sheer hypocrisy and deception and will be punished severely beyond bounds, worse than the kufar. I will provide all the refences later inshaAllaah.

    When it comes to Nikaah, your dad can't play the role as your wali. There is no way He can be your wali. If you want to get married, you must ask the Imaam because Imaams have the Qualification of a witness or a judge. Insha'Allah you will find a spouse. Be patient. And keep your duty to Allah and know Allah is with those who are patient.

    May Allaah Subhanahuwa'ataallah protect you from this evil man.

    • Take the Imaam as your wali. Don't ask that evil animal to give you permission to get you married.

      "And never will God grant to the unbelievers authority over the believers.."[4:141]

  13. There is a (Bukhari) hadith which mentions that a woman used to have a tent/small house in the masjid where she used to live at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).

    And another the hadith in (Muslim) where the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) to get him something from the masjid, she said that she was in her menses, and he told her your menses is not on your hand.

    So you can stay in the Masjid inshaAllah if because its a great necessity for you to go away from your dad as much as possible.

    Narrated ‘Aisha (RathiAllahu Anhu):

    There was a black slave girl belonging to an ‘Arab tribe and they manumitted her but she remained with them. The slave girl said, “Once one of their girls (of that tribe) came out wearing a red leather scarf decorated with precious stones. It fell from her or she placed it somewhere. A kite passed by that place, saw it Lying there and mistaking it for a piece of meat, flew away with it. Those people searched for it but they did not find it. So they accused me of stealing it and started searching me and even searched my private parts.” The slave girl further said, “By Allah! while I was standing (in that state) with those people, the same kite passed by them and dropped the red scarf and it fell amongst them. I told them, ‘This is what you accused me of and I was innocent and now this is it.’ ” ‘Aisha added: That slave girl came to Allah’s Apostle and embraced Islam. She had a tent or a small room with a low roof in the mosque. Whenever she called on me, she had a talk with me and whenever she sat with me, she would recite the following: “The day of the scarf (band) was one of the wonders of our Lord, verily He rescued me from the disbelievers’ town. ‘Aisha added: “Once I asked her, ‘What is the matter with you? Whenever you sit with me, you always recite these poetic verses.’ On that she told me the whole story. “

    Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 8, Number 430.

  14. I want to add that you HAVE TO tell the police. That is the only way you will live peacefully, sister. You have to get that evil animal out of your house. He's not going to stop ever if that's what you're waiting for. Don't wait on anything just call the police when hes not home and they'll take him into custody. Tell the police them what time he comes home and InshaAllah theyll take him away and you'll be safe.

  15. I can help legally, and socially .. REMEMBER SOMEONE BEARING THE ZULM, OPPRESSION EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE CHOICE NOT TO IS AN OPPRESSOR THEMSELVES.

    SO YOU NEED TO STOP DOING ZULM ON YOURSELF FIRST. ITS THE SHAYTAN WHICH IS NOT LETTING YOU GO AGAINST YOUR FATHER MAKING U THINK HE IS YOUR FATHER. NO HE IS SHAYTAN HIMSELF. AND MAKING YOU CONSENT TO THIS ADULTERY.

    You need to just run away . and contact the nearest citizens advice burea , im sure you are in UK!!

  16. Salaam,

    I normally do not response to posts, but this story compelled me too.

    I too have gone for a abuse by father, and it took me alot of strength to do to post my story here. But it took me a while to leave after posting, even though i was encouraged to by people here. I do not want you to repeat my mistake, I ended up trying to take my life. Alhumdullah I did not die, and it was a wakeup call for me to leave and escape.

    Please leave, and do not look back. If you want continue relationship with your parents, if reporting your dad doesn't seem like you can not do so. But protect yourself, never put yourself in the situation where its just him and you. Protect yourself sister, and leave.

    I myself left the house, and took alot of emotional abuse from my parents, it was so bad, that I had breakdowns, but I never moved back, I never gave in, even though the abuse broke me within. Its going to be hard, but you need to leave.

    I myself got married now, it has been two weeks since our marriage alhumdullah. But you need to know that, if your situation and my situation is unique, that we do not need mehram to marry us off. So if you have found someone that loves and understands you, get married. You do not need your dad permission, go to mosque and tell them the truth. Your dad does not want you to get married, because he still wants you around. He has unpure intention towards you, so hes no longer a father.

    Do not move to your mums, she has let you down. Forgive her, but you need to be around people who love you and protects you.

    Please sister, leave the house, and you will see how everything changes. If you do not changes things, how do you expect things to get better. Oh Allah, help her the way you help me, to escape such evil. Guide her so she doesn't fall.

    When you get courage, talk to someone. Talk to a friend, if you cant talk family. if you do not let it all out, it will destroy you from within. You need to talk to someone, to talk to when you are feeling down, someone who will understand you.

    I hope that I can talk to you, and help you as our story are very similar. I hope that is made possible, but till then I will pray for you.

    Lots of prayers and love for you sister, and remember I believe you, we believe you.

  17. Sister
    My heart goes out to you.This is very sad but like the others suggested you are an adult now, i don't understand why you did not speak out to someone at school, but that is past and i applaud you for your courage to speak out here... Sister this is not right, from one sister to another please i am pleading with you to seek help and stay away from your father. You are an adult , i understand he is your dad but real dads do not hurt their babies in this way. You did not state where you live but please try and seek help and stay away from him,be mindful also of who you turn to for help. Have faith and do the right thing and keep praying with full faith and please again i am pleading with you to seek help
    My Prayers are with you and all abused little girls everywhere in the world.

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