Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Confused about my relationships with my husband and a younger man

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Assalam Alikum I'm 23 n I'm married for the last 2 years. my hubby was only 13 days with me it was an arrange marriage but he told me that he loves me n he was so loving n caring in those 13 days but then he went back America. I live in Pakistan he has to apply for my visa but he doesn't fulfil job requirements to call me there n in this period of 2 years he didn't come to meet me.

actually the problem is he was too loving here but he was changed when he went back. he has no time for me. he rings me but whenever I text him or I need him he never replies me. he talk to me on a specific time sometimes he talks 3 minutes sometimes half an hour but not more than it. we used to have fights cuz of this - I wanted his time n he shouted on me - then his fb created misunderstandings among us, I was like delete all the girls n he said no I won't, so we had fights. then once I got his password n put marriage status in his profile he came to knew this. he shouted on me, removed that status n he said divorce to me two times.

I was shocked n I used to love him a lot but after that I was changed, he didn't talk to me for days then he started talking to me again but I never say or complain anything again, never ask for his time. if he rings me it's ok if not I never complain. he is doing nothing for my visa but I compromised with my life.

then on a social network I met a boy he is 14 months younger than me n he is engineer while I'm not well qualified. he started saying that he loves me n I was like I'm married, u are younger, I don't deserve you, but he was like i really love u then he showed his pic to me but later I came to know by myself that it was another boy. I shouted on him n he said I lied to u but didn't want to lose u cuz u are good looking n I'm not... I wanted him to get out of my life but he wanted a chance we were just friends I abused him insulted him but he cared for me he never abuse me back. I share everything to him. he used to say he loves me but I used to laugh but nobody treated me the way he treats me - like princess. he never said that he will marry me on any cost but he said I'll try to convince my parents.

I feel in love with him. I'm addicted to him. we did sex chat. I feel like I cheated on my hubby but on the other hand my hubby never talked to me romantically I have physical needs n I often told my hubby about them but he never tried to fulfil them. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not a bad girl, I love that guy n I like my hubby but I know that boy's parents will never accept me n I don't want to hurt his parents cuz of me. I love him, I love his parents, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm so confused. I want to leave that boy but I need him he is the only one who cares he will marry after 2 years I want to leave him on the other hand I want to live with him for that 2 years don't know I need Ur help I'm depressed.

Vaniakhan

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5 Responses »

  1. Walikumsalaam sister,

    Why are u canfused??? Theres no nees to be canfused. First of all u shold tell ur perents how ur husband is treating u if u havnt told them yet. Involve his perents as well. Ask his perents whts the problam?? Tell them to talk to their son. Ask ur husabnd if he having an affair with somone alse??? Try to solve this problm dont just sit quit and wait for time to change. Honitly sister time will not do anything for u u have to do it urself.. if hes not willing to change or not trying to take u to amirica then ask for khula and end this relitionship.

    Pray salatul istiskhara and ask allah for help. Ask him to stay with ur husband or divoce him??

    Mean while leave that boy alone sister. He is clearly cheating on u not willing to marry u. He will only hurt u and used u. If he knows his perents wont eccept u then why hes westing ur time n his time???? Bcaz he is just timepassing!! I know u wont like wht im saying about him but its true sister. If u dont listen to me now u will regret it at the end. U have to leave him wehter ur husband will divorce u or not u have to let this boy go. Cut all contact with him.. never let him come to ur life agin. He is clearly lieing n cheating. U deserve much better then thses 2 liers ( Ur husband n tht boy)

    May allah make it easy for u and help u chose the right path ameen.

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    How you're treating both these men is wrong, as is how they're treating you. But we can't change the actions of others - only our own.

    Your relationship with this younger man is not at all acceptable. You are a married woman and so shouldn't be having any romantic relationships outside of your marriage. I'd advise that you end this relationship. It's simply not possible to salvage a relationship while cheating on your spouse with some other person.

    With regards your husband, I would recommend that the two of you have some serious discussions about your relationship and what needs to change in order for you to be happy. Spending some time together would be a good first step as in many ways you are still strangers to each other. Find out about him as a person and decide whether you want to stay married to him. If I were in your situation I would want to know that there was a plan for us to live together, that he would not have inappropriate female contacts on social media or in person, and that we would have an agreement about when we would talk with each other in order to build a relationship based on respect and communication. If you are still having problems, then I would advise involving both sets of parents and discussing what can be done to address the difficulties in your relationship.

    (Also, get rid of his passwords - you shouldn't need to spy on him and it's disrespectful to do that to anyone)

    You also need to repent for your actions; you might find it helpful inshAllah to read our published articles on tawbah and repentance.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. A.O.A

    You made your life miserable yourself!!!

    1) First of all,Leave that social media guy he is just a flirt and he will never marry you,you are wasting your time.Start to pray 5 times a day and Ask for forgiveness for what you have done.I am sorry to say that its very unfair that you want your husband to be loyal to you when you are not being loyal to him,Remember that "Good men are for good women"

    2) Secondly, I think that your husband is not cheating on you.My brother is also in other country and he works there as you husband do, He ( my brother ) also hardly get time to talk to us , That doesnt mean he dont love us or dont wanna talk to us just because he is so busy there that is why,he also dont pick up when we call,Anyway Rather than understanding his (your husband) situation you started arguement with him,I know its a bit tough to live like this but it doesnt mean that he is not loyal to you,he works there all day and get stressed.Stop arguements and complaining and start encourages him and praises him.Tell him that You trust him or being away with him makes you sad,or You miss him or simply that you love him(stuff like that). No guy wants to live with a girl who dont respect him,doubts him, or who dont respect his privacy ( you said you opened his fb Account and changed the status....).Its not easy to live out there without family
    I hope you will see a change,And one other thing you said " he is doing nothing with my visa" Dear sister ,He can't do anything about your visa all he can do is Apply for visa what he did!!

    Regards

  4. You are both doing wrong HARAM
    ..MAJOR SINS SEX TALKING..

    EVERYTHING IS BEING RECORDED AND YOU WILL ANSWER WHEN YOUR TIME IS EXPIRED. ..YOU MUST BUILD YOUR IMAN AND UNDERSTAND YOUR PURPOSE OF LIFE....

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