Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I convince my family to let me marry a guy I met online?

Romantic novels

Am 17 years old muslim girl and i am in love with a guy i met online.
He's from a different city and am from different city so we never met each other he is presently working in UAE and am in India.
We confessed our parents about our love and wanted to marry each other but our parents are against it.
However, he's parents agreed and asked for time for our marriage but my family refused and separated us.
My family just closed this matter but i dont wanna give up on him.
Please help me how should i convince my dad for him.
My dad never met him nor knew anything about his family and his background and character.
Am very much pressurised to marry someone else whose almost 8-9 years elder to me. Please help me as soon as possible am fully depressed and planning to kill myself

Afra

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11 Responses »

  1. Dear AFra,
    if what you say is true, that you plan to kill yourself, then you need to see a doctor as soon as possible. No situation should jeopardize your mental health to the point that you want to commit suicide. You are also in no shape to get married to anyone, let alone your online friend whom you have never met. Please think about this, and seek help right away for your depression. Explain to your family that you are not well and ask them to get you some assistance.

  2. Afra afra,please please you don't no anything about him you only met him only line first meet him and get to no him and so he can get know you too

  3. Afra,

    You are treading on dangerous ground with this young man you met online.

    It's very easy to fall in love with someone you meet on the internet. You don't say 'where' you met this young man. Was it from a Muslim Dating Site or Skype?

    Did you both supposedly 'confess' your love to his parents 'face-to-face' or did he just tell you that? Have you actually met his parents?

    I'm sorry, but your Dad has never met him nor has he ever met his parents, and he knows nothing about his character or his family's character. What do you expect your father to do - fall over backwards for a young man he has never met and knows nothing about? I don't think so!

    To be honest - you are not in a 'clear mind' when it comes to marrying anybody at present!! Whether it be this young man or the young man who is 8-9 years older than you, chosen by your parents.

    You are too vulnerable at present to make any 'rational' decisions with regard to anything of the 'heart.'

    Please, you need to get the courage to tell your parents that you need psychological help - they are the best people to turn to for help and support. I'm sure they love you very much and will support you.

    Do you really want to put shame on your parents by committing suicide? That is Haram for a Muslim, you should know that.

    So, please do this as soon as possible, so you can move on with your life.

    I wish you all the best for the future sweetheart. You seem such a sweet, lovely girl.

    Take care

  4. Dear Afia
    You are too young to marry and this is a crush.
    You need to grow up and think what life really is, you know if you were my daughter I would probably smack you.
    Life isn't about hitting seventeen and jump at the first lad who pays interest in you
    Cant believe that your parents haven't taken away the Internet off you, young girl you are away too young to think of marriage. Educate yourself first and stand on your feet then find someone then and not threw the net. In uk you would be told off badly at school for talking to strangers on net, I don't understand why you would marry or fall in love with a stranger on net then want to commit suicide cause you cant get your way.
    Look if his there for another few years while you study and get a job then talk again to your parents about asking them to help you find more about him, this guy could just be using you to have sweet chats, young girls are vulnerable and need to stay away from the net.
    Please think about your education and how much you can achieve in life, why would you want to throw away your life and marry so young huh?
    Look after yourself honey and sort your education out, become something in life and get a job.
    You don't want to be uneducated and become a mummy at 18 honey.
    You should also listen to your parents , you are far too young to get married. If this guy's around after few years then talk again to your parents, and in the meantime stick to your education don't throw that away. All the best .

  5. Dear Sister

    You are a playing a dangerous game with yourself by forming a relation-ship with a guy whose background may never be checked by your parents. Please do not share any photos or videos with that guy. You are vulnerable for being blackmailed if he gets out of control.

    Your parents are doing the right thing to refuse to arrange marriage without checking on the background of the guy. But they are wrong in pressurizing to marry someone against your will.

    So it is my advice to wait for a suitable partner who meets following criteria, who is suitable for you and whose background can be easily checked and verified by your parents.

  6. you have never met this boy, know nothing about his parents, background or character except what he has told you. are you really surprised that your parents are not agreeing for your marriage?how can you even be sure that he is who he says? that your the only girl he is even talking to? that he has even spoke to his parents? have you personally spoken to his parents to confirm this or are you believing whatever this man tells you? marriage is a lifelong commitment and not one to be taken lightly. you don't fully know someone, until you start to live with them, their habits, personality, no two people are the same, and you may think this man id perfect and you can't live without him, but you are basing this on a few conversions online, whereas the reality could be far from what this man has portrayed.

    please think carefully. if he is as serious as you believe him to be, you say he is working, ask your parents to speak to him over Skype to see if this man is who he says he is, speak to his parents, arrange a meeting face to face, verify into his background. if your parents are not agreeing I'm afraid you have to let this go.

    your still very young. you may feel its the end of the world and your heart is broken but nothing or no one is worth spending eternity in hellfire committing suicide for. your parents do have a right to say no to a marriage proposal they think is unsuitable, but they cannot force you into marriage, if you feel the man they have chosen is not right, say no. take time to get you health back to what it was, speak to someone, a friend, a councillor, to help you through this period in your life. focus on your studies and prayers. in time you will forget this and will move on.

  7. Dear all brother n sister..... I know y r u telling afra that she should forget that boy.....she had never meet him nor his family n etc......well anyone can answer me that if afra had married according to his father or family will.... N that person she had marry is very good in world eyes n worst in his home....wht she will do.....if afra father married her to a boy who beat's her...n have lots of bad attitude....than wht she can do.....I know meeting online someone n saying to marry him is strange..... But Islam has given the power to girl she can select her spous....if she likes that boy in my view afra parents soukd visit the boy family take out info about his family n that decide what is right n worng.....n in world no one is perfect.... Every person will have a good or bad side.....

    Afra say to that boy....if he loves u..say him to come to ur house with his parents n ask ur hand for marriage.....

    • trust me all i can see on this post is people hating on her just because she met him nline . like seriously and what and you are saying she doesn't know anything about her background but what if she does, we do not know about the chats they have. he could be the best man for her but you all are just hating. its minor if she met hi online but my advice would be just have an engagement and f he is sill around after 5 years get married babes. let the haters hate

  8. I HAVE MET HIM IN A TRIP AND AFTER GETTING BACK TO COUNTRY WE MADE A GROUP WITH ALL OF THE PEOPLE WE MET AT THAT TRIP
    SO WE STARTED CHATTING AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER MORE AND MORE
    once a day he came to grandma home to have a dinner where he met my uncle and grandma for the first time...
    and they loved him so much and I met his parents and they really loved me a lot...
    but at that time my father didn't knew about him or even that I'm speaking with someone until him and I and my mom decided to tell him that there is a guy who would like to see you but DAD could not accept even the idea of meeting him and dad asked me not to speak with him ever never because I'm still young(16) and he is (27)
    dad have brought information about the guy and he got nothing on him he is just refusing because of my age not about the difference between us at the same time he told me that I have no problem if you were 20 years and you loved a man whose aged 40 but not now
    AT the same time when I told him what dad said he said I wanna wait you
    but I need a promise from your dad that you"re for me which means that I have to ask dad about if the guy waited me would you give me to him?
    please help me I want to ask my dad but I don't know in what way....

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