Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage proposal – I don’t want to marry him!

forced marriage

I really don't want to marry him.

A.a.

I have an issue about marriage. I am only 18 years old right now, but my father has asked me to marry his sisters son. In the past when he asked, I said no. He kept on asking but I said no and he left it at that. About two to three weeks ago, the subject came up again, and now its more of a problem. He was telling me that this is his favorite sister and that if there was anyone he would give up his heart for it would be this sister. So this is why he wants me to marry his sisters son.

I am only 18 right now and the last time I visited this family and saw this guy I was in fifth grade, not to mention he is also older than me by at least seven years. I do not know anything about this guy, never talked to him. And my dad wants me to say yes to this proposal, because this guy said the he loves me, although i find that rather hard to believe because he does not even know me.

My problem is that I do not want to make my dad or mom disappointed in me. I love them both and respect them. But I dont understand how I can say yes to marrying a guy who I dont know. My dad wants me to say yes now, so that I am considered "taken" and no one else can marry me. But that is what I dont understand. Im only to say yes right now and continue on with college and get married to him later in the future without knowing him.

On my side, I actually want to marry my moms sisters son. I have never thought about who I would marry, but after my dad proposed this to me, I have been thinking a lot about it now. A while ago my my cousin went to go visit her family, which is the family of the guy I want to marry. When she went there she would send pics and videos and after she came back she told me many things about him and how he would look at pictures of me. I dont know this guy, other than hes my cousin and currently studying islam and I have never met him, but based on what I know and have seen, I really feel a type of love for him and I really want him to be the one I marry. I mean I really feel head over heels over him for some reason, and I have never felt this way towards him.

When my dad asked me to marry him, I did not give him an answer but told him that I would pray Istikhara. I started praying for about a week and I started getting confused with the dreams and the no dreams. Than I started praying istikhara again for the guy I want to marry, and I was still confused. I did not understand my dreams, and the no dreams, and my feelings are all confused and I dont want to make my dad unhappy with me.

Then I had to stop praying istikhara for girl reasons, and then a couple days after my mom told me that my dad went ahead with the marriage process and told his sister that I have said yes to marry her son. When she told me that, I could not stop crying because for one, I have not said yes and two I was confused with my prayers and ive been asking allah to help me and constantly make dua. I kept crying and I was not happy. I went to work and came home at night and had dinner and went to sleep crying and ignoring my family. And the next morning was school and I was still unhappy. And I was avoiding talking to my family, because I did not want to cry in front of them or see how sad and miserable i was feeling. But my brother noticed and asked my mom whats wrong with me. and she just told him that I have a test. That same morning before I left for work, she came up to me and say are you angry about what I told you yesterday? but i did not answer her rather just listened to what she had to say. And she continued on saying that my father did not go ahead with the proposal but that he just waiting for me to give him an answer. And I tried so hard to not cry again.

After she told me that I felt a sense of relief, but I am still constantly thinking about this and its almost about to eat me alive because I do not know what to do or how to stand up to my father and mother without displeasing them. My mom keeps telling my sister she does not understand why I am not saying yes to him, because hes a good guy. But the cousin who I want to marry is also a good guy and mashallah hes a really good guy who is studying islam and I really love his personality and just him for who he is. I really like him and I do not know what to do.

I plan on praying istikhara once again and continue praying and seeking allahs help and to guide me to what is best for me. Any advice on what I should do, or deal with this and my parents would helpful please.i just do not want to marry someone who I dont know and am not interested in. Someone who said he is in love with me, but the last time he saw me i was in 5th grade. Like i feel like that is a lie cause how can he love me? I keep avoiding talking with my dad and mom because i dont know what to say to them. Please any advice and help is great.

deenonmamind

 


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2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamalykum wawarahmatullah wabarakatuh
    Sister its your right to
    Choose inshaAllah, and the best of it the spouse is the one that knows the deen, so inshaAllah tell your parents about you not been happy from this proposal and tell them islam gives me the right to choose and chooae the righteous one.
    If person loves you for himself that means its fake, until a person loves you for the sale of Allah swt.
    InshaAllah everything worksout for you.

  2. salaam, sister your in a difficult situation, ill share my story briefly i was in a similar situation, my dad asked me to marry a boy and they kept on mentioning him over and over again, i jus did not feel connected to him, nd i did dua to Allah as i thought not marrying him was better for me, anyways i said no to the boy without a valid reason, and now I regret it as no rishta is coming for me. Basically sister make sure you have a valid reason for rejecting otherwise u will like me regret it. I would do anything to go back, and also mke dua wisely as Allah listens, pray Allah only does whats best for you, I pray the nest decision is made, sister you are in my prayer, hope this helps

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