Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My pornography addiction is haunting me

Internet pornography

Salam,

Why am I still alive? I've been sinning for years and am fed up with myself. Sinning, repenting again, sinning, then repenting for years...mentally I am exhausted...I feel like not living. And I can’t think of suicide either because I want to go to heaven and be with Allah but this porn addiction is INSANE.

It’s never leaving me....always coming back...those who are not affected are blessed. This is the greatest fitnah a person can face because you become blank and lost and think "Allah doesn’t like me anymore." I think my repentance is not being accepted and that’s why I am returning to this sin over and over again. It’s Ramadan and during the last ten days, still I am sinning.

Just think how cruel my heart is. I think my heart is dead from porn addiction. Life is miserable, but why is it not disappearing from my life? You guys are blessed a thousand times, say Alhamdulilah.

This fitnah... when will it end?? I think I'll become mental.. And oh, one more thing: I am a married girl. I can’t tell or expose this disgusting sin to anyone. Please someone advise me someone who has recovered from this porn addiction.

Sister


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28 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum sister. I'm sorry for what you are going through. We have answered numerous questions on this topic, so please search our archives.

    I'm not saying you don't deserve a personal response, or that others should not reply. But you will definitely find many useful and detailed answers already written in the archives.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Dear sister this is really sin you must stop doing it and Allah is so merciful Allah will forgive you just lost your hope Allah is only who can forgive you so don't worry and stop yourself doing this again and ask forgiveness from Allah he will forgive you inshallah.
    Stay blessed.

  3. Asalamualaykum Sister,

    You are still alive because Allah has plans for you. Plans that you will be able to fulfill once you beat this seemingly-insurmountable disease. If Allah didn't have trust in you to do the right thing, He wouldn't have given you the capability to repent over and over.

    But you are repenting...you are trying. Furthermore, you are feeling in your conscience that this is wrong, which means you are far from being a lost cause.

    I think you should focus as much as possible on and during your salah. Then make sincere dua to Allah to help you overcome this habit. It is a very hard habit to break, but with Allah, everything is possible.

    Remember that Allah loves those who He tests the most. We hear that all the time, but it fits your situation perfectly. Allah is not giving up on you, so you owe it to yourself to not give up on yourself either.

    Through prayer, Allah will give you the tools you need to cease. It may not be an immediate response but expect the path to paved for you where you didn't see one before.

    A behavior like this doesn't mean that your whole life is hopeless and over! Even if it may seem like it right now. So keep focused on your goal and Allah will send His beautiful help.

    Don't stress
    Do your best
    Forget the rest

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

    • elders and scholars advise that if you recite Astaghfar a lot of times daily, around 10, 000 preferably, Allah will cleanse you and keep you away from sins and you will see a major change inshaAllah ..

      it might take a lot of time to recite so much Astaghfar but it's better to stay busy with good stuff rather then let your mind wander

    • Nor Thank you for your kind words. May Allah reward you immensely Ameen

  4. It's not difficult, you should try to divert your attention to something else.
    Clean yourself, take a good bath and say prayers,
    Do zikar Allah.
    You'll have peace of mind. Believe me.

  5. Hi Dear,

    You know what, a very honest suggestion no matter what never ever give up on repentance, its like a door of forgiveness.. and Allah accepts everytime you make Tauba, Repentance. So get rid of this thought that whats the benefit of doing Repentance if I have no control over me.

    Secondly, Just when next time you feel sexual or have desire to see porn then just do one thing, I know its bit hard, just get rid of that place and come in people or call to some one, main point is try to distract your self. Again I know its extremely hard and difficult, and just go for Marriage as soon as possible.. no matter what try find a good husband and go for it. Don't delay.. means try to do in next few weeks..
    Another point,, when this thought of seeing porn comes again just say yourself I'll do this with my husband,, say roughly and harshly on you.. that my husband has the right on me to do this to me.. not me.

    You'll okay sister..
    Make dua for me too

  6. Salam hope this is beneficial for you. May Allah make it easy for you to leave this habit. Ameen.

    Someone actually shared this in a whatsapp group I'm in today so perfect timing. Also I would recommend reading and paying attention to some of the comments on this video.

    https://youtu.be/NkfmCOD-hHU

  7. Salamualaikum

    Please read Surah Al Imran Ayah 133 to 136 and onwards. No council is better than the Quran. Never give up hope in Allah swt's forgiveness and mercy.

    Regards
    Saqib

    • elders and scholars advise that if you recite Astaghfar a lot of times daily, around 10, 000 preferably, Allah will cleanse you and keep you away from sins and you will see a major change inshaAllah ..

      it might take a lot of time to recite so much Astaghfar but it's better to stay busy with good stuff rather then let your mind wander

      • Is this authentic to do though like from the Sunnah? Because I know there is a Hadith about 70 or a hundred times daily

        • Indeed that's what the prophet Alaihi salam advised but thats just a minimum number
          you do realize how pure our prophet and the sahabas were right. And even the earlier generations.but for people like us, with the amount of heinous sins we are committing, i believe we should recite salat e tauba all the time and for myself, I believe even a million astaghfar daily wont be enough. So many of us commit sins all day, and our souls and hearts have darkened with rust and filth. how can there be something like "doing too much tauba " . It's a form of remembrance of Allah , the more the better

          Allah loves His repenting slaves and opens sustenance for them . I asked General advise from a shaykh from Saudi Arabia and this is the most practical advise I've got and Wallahi it changed my life

        • Theres no quick fix to this. The op says shes been doing this for years ,also thats shes married, which means her nafs/soul is habitual of committing sin. To get out of this very extreme addiction, she would need to take extreme measures with abundance of Astaghfar being one of them. ofcourse , to see a therapist would be of great help but there may be too much stigma and shame associated to this
          What I personally do this start off my day with reciting astaghfar , i seek help from Allah early during the day before shaytan or my nafs incites me to evil. This gives me more control of myself throughout the day and I dont sway here and there due to whispers of shaytan.
          Also the op should find out the reason shes doing all this. is this a form of escape from problems, or maybe shes warding off her mind from some painful memories of the past etc
          The op says she feels her heart is dead. She must watch lectures about "tazkiya (purification ) of the self/heart " To clean your soul off blameworthy traits is a science and theres alot of content available on YouTube. the hearts die due to constant acts of sinful disobedience .
          What I would also do is, "weigh" my sins daily in my mind. say, for example if I commit 10 sins during the day, or spend 2 hours committing any sin, I try and
          do equal amount of good acts ( which may be anything from zikr to Reciting Quran) . so I try that everyday my good acts exceed my sins. What this does is this puts a burden on you and the next day you tell yourself " if I commit 2 hours of sins today I'd have to counter it with equal amount of good deeds and thats so much hard work", and then you end up committing lesser sins each day until you see a major change in yourself. when you start seeing a change practice gratitude and say salat of shukr because Allah increases a blessing when we are thankful . Also since you're holding yourself accountable , it reminds you of the judgement day when all yours acts will be weighed on a scale . Fear Allah.

          having a genuine conversation about life with someone you love or a friend really helps. try to pick someone who's "good company" and copy their daily routine as much as you can . Try to emulate their normal routine in your life as clearly yours isnt normal

          save yourself from the smaller sins that add up and lead to bigger sins. perhaps , is there something you read that makes you end up watching haram content. is there a seemingly harmless series you're watching, perhaps one that potrays people committing haram acts as "cool heroes". This is very dangerous and you must read about Allah wrath that's promised for such people . our hearts should feel disgusted every time we see someone crossing Allah's limits and boundaries , the idea is to tell yourself how wrong all this is, and that it's not acceptable

          Try to do acts of kindness in your community, can you cook and provide food to the poor ? find a goal thats bigger than yourself, tell yourself that when you're fulfilling the desires of your flesh, there could be someone outside without a shelter and food. we could spend the same time doing a charitable act and change someones life for the better

          Excercise and meditate daily , this rewires your brain and gives immense self control . exercising also release happy hormones that may act as an alternate.

          lastly since this has gotten very long, you must be harsh on yourself. our brothers and sisters are dying and fighting for their lives in countries such as Syria. They're giving their blood In the name of Allah, can we not fight our own 'self'and its vain desires for Allah? that's the least we can do.
          I hope this helps
          Salam.

          • Thanks a lot for the advice...May Allah reward you immensely Ameen
            I would like to ask one thing....I repented sincerely but after 3 or 5 days, i again do it so that means my repentance is not accepted?

          • Salam sister, I hope you are in good health

            I've heard scholars say when Allah wants to forgive your sins, He makes you do taubah. That is to say, its He who actually inspires us to repent because He loves us so much. Allah is very merciful and He forgives our sins. you would feel your soul lighten when you repent and that's one indication of acceptance of your repentance .
            Taubah is the way out therefore dont give up on it. Theres light at the end of the tunnel, and Allah will get you out of this and a point will come in your life where you will look back and not believe what you were into

            If you are moving up a steep mountain and you have a heavy backpack that has unnecessary stuff, its hurting you and slowing you down, you would ideally want to remove things from the backpack so that your journey gets easier. you would also have good intake of food so that you're stronger and you complete your journey

            You should see life as this journey , where your soul is moving closer towards Allah. Where there is complete hapiness, satisfaction and bliss . Where there is no fear or anxiety . visualize a beautiful destination in your mind

            Your food intake is the spiritual food you need to have in order to help you in this journey. Prayers, Recitation of Quran, salawat on the prophet A.s (Durood sharif ) , Zikr, Adab of your parents and elders , charity etc will help you go up in this journey. All forms of sins are like the things in your backpack that are pulling you down . Taubah will remove those sins and reduce your burden therefore everytime you go to a sin, do your taubah . deal with this journey proactively , dont let things happen to you, rather be in attacking mode and do as much to make your soul healthy as possible

            If you go back to a sin after 4 to 5 days, try that you reduce the amount/time of sin in some way. then increase the gap gradually from 5 days to 7 and then 10 and so on. old habits die hard therefore it's not going to be easy but Allah says in the Quran that the heavens are for those who purify their souls so keep trying.

            One way to practice abstinence is reduction of food intake and depriving yourself of halal so that you build strenght to say NO to haram. try that daily, you refuse to indulge in few halal things such as your favourite food , or your coffee , or when you really want to sleep , refuse yourself some sleep. Put your favourite food infront of you and tell yourself I'm not going to have this today because I'm building my willpower. this will help you be able to say NO to Haraam things . do this daily

      • Dear sister, I know exactly how you feel. I am a Muslim woman, I am 20 years old and I am going to be engaged soon. I've been masturbating since I was 14, I've been watching porn since the last few years. I feel so guilty every time and I keep asking for forgiveness from Allah swt, but unfortunately I do it again. Nothing helps anymore, it is so addictive. And just like you, I couldn't survive until the end of Ramadan without it. I had indulged in it, I feel so bad about it. Your story showed me that luckily I'm not alone. What I want to say to you, sister, is that we should know that Allah's mercy is greater than any sin, any addiction, any weakness. Ask Allah to help you to get rid of your addiction. And it is important to keep going back to Allah swt. Please don't give up! You really can do this sweetheart. Ask Allah, ask until you can no longer. You are not alone. I myself struggle with it every day, but I'm not going to give up.

        • Thanks for the advice.....May Allah make it easy for you and heal you completely from this addiction and forgive you Ameen
          I have hope, hope that Allah is with us......I have hope that One day we will be free from this addiction and ll be good worshippers to Alllah...I have hope that Allah ll help us...I have hope that Allah ll cure us from this addiction.....Allah guided us here so I have hope in Allah.
          Don’t worry sis....Let’s not ever give up on returning to Allah....lets keep on returning to Allah until our last breath.

          • Salam Sis
            I pray that may Allah accepts your repentance as well as good deeds In Sha Allah. How’s your married life. Are you both very close and share with each other. Can you not confide in your husband. What I understand is that you can avoid this temptation though your husband only. Share with him whatever problems or fantasies you have.

          • Here i see there is no sincere effort to quit this addiction . On a day just saying Allah is with us will not help if there is no sincere effort .
            In your previous post you have mentioned that you were pregnant so have you delivered a kid ? After delivering a kid i feel yo will get enough reasons to have your mind towards kid and not towards port .At least 90-95 percent of the time .
            If you are still in last stage of pregnancy i am sure there should be lot of other ares you need to focus about delivery etc . This looks very strange to have this habit during pregnancy time .

          • Jihad anafs

            Here i see there is no sincere effort to quit this addiction . On a day just saying Allah is with us will not help if there is no sincere effort .
            In your previous post you have mentioned that you were pregnant so have you delivered a kid ? After delivering a kid i feel yo will get enough reasons to have your mind towards kid and not towards port .At least 90-95 percent of the time .
            If you are still in last stage of pregnancy i am sure there should be lot of other ares you need to focus about delivery etc . This looks very strange to have this habit during pregnancy time .

          • Cool
            Yes you are right, I am 7 months pregnant.....I am trying to stop this sin,,it’s not like I want to do this sin and please myself....this sin is very stressful as I am pregnant and I worry about this sin whether this will affect my baby...will the baby will be addicted and I pray to Allah.
            After Ramadan, I didn’t commit...yesterday I had a very bad dream of porn..but I didn’t do..after the dream I prayed 2 rakat...I am trying......you are saying I am not sincere.....whenever I committed this sin continuously and when I repent,I ask myself am I really sincere,,,,if I am sincere why am I doing this....all these thoughts come....I told my husband before getting pregnant I m addicted....he said I ll be fine after having child as I ll be busy......after that I didn’t tell him that I am addicted again......I don’t want to expose this sin again....I just want to stop and live peacefully........this addiction started when I was in college in my 2nd year.....since 2014......I think when I am stressed...this masturbation and porn thoughts coming......see even I thought after marriage my addiction will stop.....I am happy with my married life and in our intimate relationship but when I am alone this thoughts come and can’t think of anything at that time.....can’t control my bad thoughts at that time...

            Yes Allah is with us......you know sometimes when I repent, the thoughts like Allah ll hate me...Allah won’t love me anymore because I am disobeying Allah continuously....this thoughts come so I say to myself no if Allah didn’t like me then I won’t be repenting and returning to Allah...I ll be persistent in sinning right so that’s why I said Allah is with us and Allah is helping me

          • I would like to mention one more thing.....I did stop this sin for 9 months...After I completed my college...I had a firm decision and I always had a book where I crossed in a calendar when I didn’t do and I succeeded for more than 100 days.....I had a intention that I have to stop this sin completely then only I can commit towards a married life and I succeed for 9 months and after my marriage we used to talk about our past and my husband confessed that he used to do this sin in his college life and he stopped before getting married so I also told him even I had this addiction....but one day I was alone and surfing net and saw a bad pic and then again started this addiction....that 9 months where I stopped this sin completely...that was the most happiest days and I was so close to Alllah...my imaan was also good because I prayed on time no lazziness and I loved reading Quran....I was interested in learning more about Islam....I miss those days.....now i don’t know why it’s so tough to boost my imaan...I think it ll take time right.....my imaan is low now.
            Alhamdulilah for this website....I always used to read all the posts but my previous post was my first post because I was really frustrated and didn’t know what to do so I wanted advise and I posted and thank you to everyone who commented because all these comments giving me motivation to do better.

          • Jihad anafs ,

            Ok ..Good to know that you are trying to stop it sincerely .
            Which country you stay as that also might matter if there is lot of nudity in the country environment that also might matter .
            It seems its your college habit which continued . In case if you have any college group which still sends sexual messages/texts then you need to get rid of them .

            In today's world these videos are available by just click of a button and you might end up watching automatically without real intention too ..

            There are many anti porn software which can block hardcore porn from your device ,please install it as that will help you to block ..

            If you have habit of reading romantic material or movies you need to stop it as most of porn watchers thinks about perfect romance and sex . Also they got addicted as they show perfect bodies and private parts which in real life you cant find .

            You need to start increasing frequency of Sex with husband more .The more you will have it will be better for you .

  8. The reason you keep giving into pornography is because you are mentally weak . Your desires always win, it's bit similar to those who have these cravings of unhealthy food and eventually give in. You should be able to tell yourself in your mind that no, this is not good for me or, no this is not acceptable in my religion. I could tell you take yourself away from the situation of how you end up watching porn but eventually it will creep up from the back of your mind to the point you find yourself doing it again.

    You need to understand if you want to overcome anything in life you should be ready to give blood sweat and tears for it. Nothing in life is supposed to be butter smooth and that's what you need to install into your head. God had bigger plans for you in this life but you limited yourself and now you find yourself stuck on the first hurdle . And is that how you want for the rest of your life? Stuck on the first hurdle?

    This is my advice if you wanna overcome your problem. Your problem is not simple to overcome hence why you find yourself pray for forgiveness and still end up doing it again. We need to change how you think so you make better choices and one way to do that is by having regular scheduled exercise program for you. Sign up for gym. I say this because gym will teach yourself a lot of things and also makes you mentally stronger, you will learn that it requires effort to gain results, it will teach you to be patient for your result, you will learn to make better choices (diet etc) and also most important benefit you will be healthy which puts you in a better position in life for you to succeed. And whatever you learn to apply it to other aspects of life.

    If you're a true believer as you say you are then the last thing you would say is "why am i alive" especially when you have mountains of sin behind you. You do realise if you die in this state you will be going to hell. You need to reconnect with your religion by re studying it and asking yourself why you follow this religion. If you don't pray 5x a day make sure you do from now and onward. Maybe you need spiritual cleansing . Pause everything in your life and take a trip to Medina and then come back telling yourself you wont life your old life again.

    • Dear sister

      One thing you need to understand is that what does every surah starts with, it starts with "IN THE NAME OF ALLAH, THE MOST GRACIOUS THE MOST MERCIFUL" now understands the meaning of these word even though they are translated.
      Allah said those who doesn't have hope in me is like as if they are disbelieveing in me, Allah will forgive every sins apart from shirk so repent while your alive and inshaAllah it will go back to you being an 'abida(worshipper), and I will pray for you as well inshaAllah

      Also try fasting even after ramadan and eat less for this will be your shield against your nafs.

      You can try giving charity and if you see an orphan make sure you swipe the head this will break the lock or chain in your heart and trust me inshaAllah it will make your heart(not physical heart but the heart of your ruuh) soft inshaAllah.

      I can also tell you this that everyday try reading surah mulk and yaseen twice daily it's gonna help you inshaAllah

      I can also tell you this, I heard this from one of the sheikh, now imagine you downloading something in your laptop and it's unknown to its hardware or memory etc, it will say "WARNING! ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DOWNLOAD THIS APP, IT COULD DESTROY YOU LAPTOP. Now imagine the same thing is happening to you except here you are the laptop and the pornopgrapy is the application now you need to install within yourself an app called Allah is watching and death is near, once you have installed it make sure you use these app against porn and also keep on playing these app over and over again until you take your last breath, now these apps are free to download so install it right now because it's only limited addition so it will go away in about 70 to 80 years or so but inshaAllah that should help you

      Jazakallah and asalamualikum

    • excellent advice. thankyou for this

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